9th February

Nathan and I were on the beach for hours. He read to me until dusk turned into dark and he could no longer see the pages.

His words scrawled along my skin, his voice hummed new life into my heartbeat. I'd wanted him to read to me from the moment I moved in with him and when I saw the chance, I took it. I'd never been afraid to vocalise what I want from a man, but I hadn't always received what I wanted either.

With Nathan, he'd proven he'd do what he could to see me smile.

I'd never felt safer than I did on that beach, caged between his arms and legs, his heartbeat beating against my back, in time with the frantic pounding of my own.

It all felt so right, it felt like he could have set those stars above us, placed the grains of sand beneath our feet, created the waves in the ocean with the breath of his own lungs.

The orchestration was too beautiful, too enchanting, it bewildered me that such serenity could happen on chance.

Moments like that are written on twin hearts, to exist at just the right moment.

As we creep back into Dallas and Drayton's house, I'm not sure what to make of the afternoon he planned for us. Or didn't plan. It seemed like we just went with the flow and I can't remember the last time I had that much fun, or felt that content.

Nathan holds his phone light out in front of him and I keep close to his back as we tiptoe through the dark house.

Dallas text me earlier and said she'd fed Lydia dinner and put her to bed. I'm sure she had an amazing time with her aunt and uncle.

Without looking behind him, Nathan reaches back and slips his fingers into mine as we go up the staircase.

I think I might be falling in love with this man.

Dallas and Drayton are on the opposite end of the hall, there's no light coming from under their door, nor a single sound. As usual, I peep inside Lydia's bedroom and check on her. Nathan follows me. He doesn't let go of my hand as I tuck her in and kiss her head.

And then before I know it, we're standing outside of my bedroom door.

"Thanks for this afternoon," I whisper, so as not to wake anyone up. "I can't remember the last time I had that much fun."

Nathan tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear, his fingertips leaving a trail of ignited nerves down the column of my throat as his lingering hand slips away.

"What was your favourite part?" I ask, desperate to make the night last longer.

His jaw flutters, his thick lashed gaze getting heavier as he leans a shoulder against the wall and folds his arms. "There was this moment on the beach," he whispers. "When the setting sun made your eyes glow like fire and you smiled at the sea and I thought, damn, this women looks like an angel, too beautiful for a world like this."

There's something surreal about Nathan and how he talks to me, the confidence in which he expresses how he feels. Sometimes he can be so poetic and I don't think it's intentional.

Leaning forward isn't really a choice, it's a pull, a current that goes against the wind.

Nathan's eyes move from mine, to my mouth and back up again.

"I told myself I wouldn't kiss you again," I whisper so quietly that it's barely a sound in the dead quiet hall. "Unless you could prove it would mean something."

He leans in, his nose grazes mine and I buckle. "You think it wouldn't mean something?"

His hand slides up my nape and into my hair, foreheads pressed together as his mouth brushes mine, barely touching.

"You think it wouldn't unravel me?"

His tongue laps out, licking my lip, our bodies are flush now, the contact agonising, his breath mixing with mine as we keep just a hair width apart.

There's so much moving, teasing, close but not close enough. Both of his hands cup either side of my nape now, his thumb grazing the edge of my lip.

His mouth continues to move over mine, both of us are on the brink of panting, I practically whimper every time his lips tease me, he's holding my face and I'm desperate to kiss him, desperate to feel his lips firm against mine.

"It wouldn't just mean something to me, Gabrielle," he whispers into me. "It would mean everything."

He crashes down over me, kissing me hard, his tongue finding mine. It's frantic and desperate, the same sort of frantic and desperate my nerves become whenever Nathan comes close. I'm ablaze with trembling and want, practically pulsating as our mouths move fast.

With his hand cradling my jaw, he uses his thumb to tip my chin up toward the ceiling as he drags his tongue down my throat. A gasp leaves my lips as he slams me back into the wall and crushes me with his strong frame.

"Mmm, fuck," he groans, his tongue swirling over the ridges of my throat. "You smell so damn good all the time, it drives me fucking wild."

My hands slide into his hair, tugging. His hands move fast down my sides, caressing every curve before gripping my thighs and hoisting me up. My legs tighten around his waist, my breathing uneven on every expel as he grinds his hard length into my core.

I can't think straight, I can't think about the fact that I'm giving into him, again. How we could end up back in this same dance we've stepped a time or two. The conversations we have of wanting and craving but resisting for the sake of what's right.

He kisses my chest, one hand cradling my ass, the other skimming along my breast, his thumb flicking my nipple.

"Nathan," I breathe, my voice a soft gasp.

He palms my breast and slams our mouths together again, grinding his cock into my core. The friction sets a fire, heat travelling right through me, causing a white hot heat to sear the most sensitive parts of me. Our tongues clash, it's messy and hot and without a lot of sense but Nathan makes sense.

Nathan is the most sense I've felt in a long time and as much sense as he makes, he's confusion and he's all the unanswered questions, a riddle with no answer, an end with no beginning. I could dive and I have no idea where I'd land, but I want to leap and let the fall decide my fate.

Nathan and I kiss hard, I don't know where he ends and I begin but we're pressed hard against each other, the wall against my back and his mouth moving furiously with mine.

The light switches on.

Nathan and I break apart but he keeps me up against the wall and we both look at Drayton standing at the end of the hall. His hand is on the light switch while he stands there in his boxer shorts staring at us.

It's silent apart from my laboured breathing. Nathan has his arms on the wall either side of me and he swallows hard.

The silence stretches on and I wish Drayton would just say something. I wouldn't even care if it was something stupid at this point.

"There's six bedrooms in this house," he finally comments. "And two living rooms. A kitchen. A dining room. An office. A four car garage. A whole fucking beach just outside. You're about to fuck on my hall wall? Of all places?"

Nathan lowers his head between us and sighs.

"Balls to the wall. Balls to my wall?" Drayton wanders towards us, briefly peering inside Lydia's bedroom as he does. "And so close to a child, no less. You're disturbed."

I'm about to unhook my legs and slide down from Nathan but before I can, he slips both hands under my thighs and taps the bedroom door open with his foot.

"Fine then," he winks at his brother in law. "We'll get a room."

He walks us just inside and kicks the door shut in Drayton's face.

There's something arousing about Nathan not giving a fuck about being modest and basically admitting to Drayton that we're about to do. . . whatever we're about to do.

It's bold to assume we're going to have sex but it's not out of the question, especially when Nathan drops me back onto the bed and crawls over me.

The room is dark, only the moonlight coming in through the window gives a soft blue glow, just enough to see the desire on Nathan's face as he cages me beneath him.

"You want me to leave?" He murmurs, kissing the tip of my nose.

Hand stroking his jaw, I shake my head. "Why would I want that?"

"You have boundaries, Gabrielle," he kisses me on the throat this time. "I want to respect that."

My back arches up off the bed as his tongue on my neck goes slow and purposeful, pressing harder in some spots and featherlight in others. My knees lift and I wrap my legs around his waist, hooking at the ankles and dragging him into me.

"Gabrielle," he groans as he thrusts hard against me. "I didn't spend the day with you in the hopes this was how it would end."

"I know."

He lifts his head and looks at me. "Do you?"

"I know you like making me happy," I palm his jaw, caress it slow and look into the most beautiful sincere gaze I've ever seen looking back at me. "You're always doing what you can to make me comfortable, with no strings attached."

His lips part, relief flooding his features. He's never made me feel like I owe him for all of the beautiful things he does for me. Sometimes I don't know what to do with that kindness, it feels too good to be true. But I know I could ask Nathan to spend the night just cuddling me and he would.

"I want this," I lean up and kiss his mouth and he kisses me back, hard, pushing me down into the pillow.

We kiss for so long and so passionately, our breathing is rapid, frantic, a mess of tongue, teeth and saliva. He sucks on my tongue and I bite his lip and I whimper when his hand slides down my body and slips under my shirt.

Skin on skin, he explores my torso and grazes the curve of my breast, teasing, getting close and disappearing. Over and over until I'm practically scratching his back in desperation.

"Nathan," I plead, voice broken. "Touch me."

He takes instruction well, sitting up on his knees and pulling my shirt off, throwing it over his shoulder. My bra is next, disappearing fast. Nathan rips his shirt off his head and we both end up on our knees, kissing, our naked torsos flush. I love the way he feels holding me, nothing between our bodies.

His big warm hands travel up and down my spine and shoulder blades.

"Gabrielle," he murmurs against my mouth. "I want you. I want whatever you're willing to give. If we go slow, or if we keep it a secret or whatever. I just don't want to keep pretending it's casual. It's not casual."

My heart beats so hard I wonder if he can feel it against his own chest. I lean back and look at a man coming undone right before me and the emotion is overwhelming. His confession unravels a thread I was holding onto.

"It's not casual for me either," I whisper.

The words feel different this time. We've had this conversation, we confessed things could get too deep but now we're accepting there's no fighting it and I'm scared, but I'm safe.

I know he wouldn't give in if he planned on letting go again.

Our mouths meet again and we collapse against the sheets. Nathan kisses down the length of my throat, chest and then he sucks my nipple into his mouth and my back arches as a gasp leaves me. He's so attentive, the perfect mix of pleasure and pain. Biting, licking, sucking, flicking.

I used to feel self conscience of my body, my breasts that have fed a baby, my stomach, striped from pregnancy. I'm marred but Nathan has seen me and he's never looked at me with anything but longing, want and desire.

He licks back up my chest and neck, positioning himself beside me as he takes both of my wrists and puts them above my head.

"You are unreal," he groans, his free hand slipping into the band of my pants and underwear. "I think about this all the time. You. What I feel. What I want to make you feel."

He slides a finger over my clit and I gasp, the nerves firing off. He watches my face, keeping me pinned as he continues teasing me.

"I love that little O your mouth makes," he breathes hard, licking my lips as he strokes again. His tongue dips inside my mouth and I suck on it, eliciting a deep groan from him.

He gets me to the edge, to the brink of letting go and then searing pleasure takes over and I'm tingling from head to toe with waves of release crashing into me, over and over again. I'm a panting breathless mess as Nathan slips my pants down my legs and removes his own.

"You still want this?" He asks, straddling me, his naked thighs bridging mine. I feel his hardness between us, it rubs my slick centre and I push up into him.

"Yes, Nathan, please."

He holds his weight above me with one arm, his other hand grips the sides of my throat as he leans in close. "No need to beg," his voice is animalistic. "I'm more than willing."

He reaches down, fisting his shaft and lining it up. The swell of his head teases my clit as he drags his cock up and down my slit. Then, he pushes inside of me and groans, long and low, hissing as he fills me. The harsh thrust of his hips pushes me close to the head board, my legs hook at his lower back and my nails scratch his broad shoulder blades.

"Switch with me," I push my legs to the side, panting. "I want to go on top."

He looks at me, his hair a mess and his eyes heavy with sex. "You want to go on top?"

"Yes, I love it."

He holds my ass and keeps himself inside of me as we swap positions. I straddle him, hands on the head board and start rolling my hips.

"Ooh, fuck," he hisses, clapping his hands down on my ass. "Baby, that feels too good."

I get lower so our chests are almost touching. I bounce my ass, up, down, up, down, riding him hard and fast and his breathing gets harder and frantic.

"Shit, baby," his laugh is breathy and disbelieving. "How are you doing that? I'm about to come. Slow down."

My hair drapes us like a curtain and he squeezes me so hard, like he's trying to stop me from bouncing on him. Going even lower, I bury my face into his nape and kiss. He slaps my ass and I moan, right into his ear.

"Fuuuuck," he grunts. "It's too good."

Suddenly, he wraps his hand around my throat, pushes me up right and then throws me down into the mattress.

He doesn't waste a second, sliding back inside of me and pounding hard while he squeezes my throat.

"I was about to come and I'm not wearing a condom," he pants, slamming into me.

We probably should've talked about that earlier but, heat of the moment. I'm on the rod. I'm not a complete idiot.

Nathan looks down at where he slides in and out of me, watching. It's so hot. The choking, his body, his attention to where we meet.

He goes harder, faster, slamming kisses against my mouth in between watching his cock pumping into me.

The pressure builds, the frantic thrusting, the panting, whimpering, the guttural groans from Nathan and then he slides out of me and finishes on my lower stomach, warm spurts coating my skin.

My giggle is breathless.

"I'll help clean that up," he collapses beside me and grins.

"Shower?"

He looks around the room. "You got a bathroom in here?"

I nod and he sits up, offering me his hand. "Come on then, beautiful. Let me get you clean."