51. Eyeing and Admiring
Fenrys' throat bobbed as he held her gaze. Nascha waited expectantly, her thoughts spinning with questions and answers. Mates. They were mates. Of course. Everything made sense now. Her instincts and emotions. His instincts and emotions. Their desire for each other. Their need to care for and protect one another. They were mates.
Fenrys opened his mouth as if to speak, then closed it again. He turned away, raking his fingers through his hair and planting one hand on his hip as he thought. "How long have you known?" Nascha repeated.
He didn't look at her as he replied, "I began to suspect when we were in the refugee village with Elide and Lorcan after the Revolutionist's first attack. I don't know when I realized it. I've known for...a while. I think I knew what we were before the Midsummer's Eve ball. If I didn't know before, I knew after." Fenrys looked back over his shoulder, swallowing hard. "That night was the first time I felt this."
Nascha tensed as a short tug came across the tether in her chest. No, not tether. It was a Bond. A Mating Bond. "Me too," she said, and returned the gesture. "Why didn't you tell Aelin, or the others?"
"I couldn't tell them. I didn't want them to know because I was afraid that if they did, they would use our Bond against you somehow." Sincerity shone in Fenrys' onyx eyes. "I was afraid they might use me to force you into becoming Lady of Arcelia."
"I don't think your friends would do something like that."
"I don't either, but my fear remains and I can't get rid of it. I have been used against my loved ones and had them used against me for...almost my entire life. I will not be used again. Especially not against you."
Nascha stepped closer to him. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want you to feel trapped in Terrasen, or trapped with me."
Nascha tilted her head and her braid fell over her shoulder. "Why would I feel trapped with you?"
"You did at first," he said with a wry smile.
"At first, I hated you and wanted nothing to do with you. Now, I know you. I love you. All I want is to be with you and help you. I do not feel trapped with you."
"Do you feel trapped in Terrasen?"
Nascha swiped hair out of her face with a sigh. "I'd be lying if I said no. I've felt trapped in Terrasen since I was brought here. Despite your efforts to give me space, I still have no freedom. I'm watched everywhere I go. I'm not allowed to leave the kingdom. I'm not allowed to carry my weapons anywhere besides the Bane's camp unless we're coming here to train."
"I'm not allowed to leave places alone when we visit. I couldn't even go outside and walk around the garden without Aelin, Elide, Lysandra, or a guard with me for the past few days I've been awake. I'm surprised they left me alone in here for as long as they did." Nascha sat on the edge of the bed and Fenrys followed suit.
She laced her fingers with his and Fenrys lifted her knuckles to his lips. "What I said before is still true," Nascha said. "I would stay in Terrasen with you, but not without my freedom. I want to be able to come and go as I please. I want to be treated as a regular person, not a valuable captive. I want your Court to see me as you do."
She looked away, half closing her eyes. Fenrys continued to kiss her knuckles as he listened. "But I don't see how that's possible. I can't become Lady of Arcelia. No matter how many times I say it, no one seems to understand. They're relying on me, even though I've told them they'll be disappointed. When that happens, they will never see me as anything more than that. A disappointment. A failed investment. A misplaced pawn."
"I will still see you for what you are," Fenrys murmured. "A survivor. A warrior. A grieving daughter and sister. My mate." He cupped her cheek in his palm and brushed his thumb across it. "I don't have all of the answers you need, Nascha, as much as I wish I did. All I can do is assure you that regardless of what happens, I will be with you. We'll face challenges as they come and work through them together. I promise."
Nascha smiled as Fenrys kissed her. When he drew back, there was an embarrassed flush in his cheeks. "You're not mad at me for keeping this from you?" He asked.
Nascha laughed. "No, but I wish you'd told me sooner. It would've helped me make sense of a few things much faster."
"My apologies, Stardust."
"You're not sorry?"
"No, I gave you my reasons for keeping it a secret."
"Hm." Nascha twisted onto Fenrys' lap, resting her hands on his shoulders. "Well, now that we have this knowledge, how should we use it?"
"I'm going to use it to make sure those novices in the Bane know to keep their eyes where they belong," Fenrys chuckled. There was a hint of a growl in his voice, and it filled Nascha's stomach with excited flutters.
"Aedion will be upset if you scare away his soldiers," she snickered.
"I'll be upset if Aedion's soldiers eye my mate." She grinned at the word. Fenrys flipped her braid over her shoulder and turned her around so that her back was pressed against his golden brown chest. His breath skimmed over her earlobe as he touched a soft kiss to the hollow beneath it. "Now, I don't care if they admire you. You were made to be admired. I'll be proud to see people admire you, and know that you are mine."
He kissed her neck. "But eyeing someone is different than admiring them. Eyeing is when they're looking at you in parts, not as a whole. Eyeing is when their gaze lingers in places it shouldn't." Fenrys' canines scraped against her skin. "Like here." He dragged his hands over her hips. Nascha swallowed. "Or here." His hands slid up her waist and paused at her breasts. "I hate when people eye you here."
Nascha loosed a shaking breath. "You do it all the time."
His hair was soft against her chin as he bent down and kissed her collarbone. "That's because I'm your mate. I have the right to admire and eye you." He hesitated, then added, "Unless it makes you uncomfortable."
"It doesn't."
"I didn't think so." His palms curved over her breasts, and she arched into his touch. Fenrys chuckled, kissing her neck again. He began unbuttoning her shirt.
"Someone might come in. I'm sure Vaughan or Rowan will be coming to check on you," Nascha whispered. "Or healers."
"I don't care. Do you?" Heat pooled in her stomach and her skin tingled at the touch of Fenrys' fingers. He tugged her shirt off and kissed her shoulder.
"No," Nascha admitted. "I just don't want to be interrupted."
"I don't think we'll have to worry about that. You'll be moaning loud enough that people will know to stay away," Fenrys replied. "I also hate when people eye you here."
His hand touched her stomach, then reached the waistband of her pants. Nascha's breath caught as he lowered his hand further. She whimpered when his fingers found the sensitive spot between her legs. Fenrys lifted his other hand to her throat and angled her head sideways. He watched her intently, working his fingers against her. Nascha bit back a moan, her eyes rolling back and lashes fluttering against her cheeks.
"I love how easy it is to excite you," Fenrys smirked. He kissed the corner of her mouth. "You are so beautiful. Did you know that your eyes have this...smoky look? They're like a fire, glowing amber around your pupils with hickory smoke everywhere else. Do you know how many times I've had to sit in very strange positions to hide what your gaze does to me?"
"How many times?" Nascha breathed.
"More than I ever counted. Do you know what your gaze does to me, Sweetheart?"
Nascha faced him and gasped with pleasure as Fenrys applied more pressure with his fingers. Her chest heaved with ragged breaths and she fought the urge to grind against his hand. More. She wanted more. She didn't want any of his cruel teasing. She wanted him to claim her. She wanted him.
Nascha hauled her lips to his with a moan. Fenrys kissed her hungrily, nudging her lips apart and letting his tongue sweep in. His teeth caught her lower lip with a firm nip that made her heart skip a beat. Two of his fingers slipped inside her. Nascha moaned once more, rolling her hips against his hand.
Fenrys let out a strangled grunt and she felt him, hard against her backside. She broke off the kiss with a laugh. "Is that what my gaze does to you?" She asked.
"Yes," Fenrys answered. "That is what you do to me." He pressed his hand against her stomach, holding her in place as he ground into her.
Nascha clenched her jaw, fighting back another moan. She couldn't stop herself from panting though. His fingers were still working between her legs, strengthening the growing heat in the pit of her stomach. "Fenrys!" She groaned.
He was nimbly unlacing her pants. "Yes, Sweetheart?"
She caught his eye. "You know exactly what I want."
"Do I?"
Her pants fell to the floor and her undergarments soon joined them. Fenrys lifted one calloused hand to her breast. Nascha held his gaze, even as she pressed his hand more firmly against herself. His gaze traveled over her.
Fenrys inhaled deeply, drinking in her scent. "You're right. I do know what you want." He spread her legs wider with a pleased grunt. Nascha swallowed hard as he began unlacing his own pants. "You want me to fuck you until you don't know where I end and you begin. You want it hard and rough and passionate. You want me to claim you until no one can deny what we are. What are we, Nascha? Answer me, and I'll give you what you want."
Nascha reached beneath her own legs and pulled his pants down until they joined hers on the floor. She dragged her nails against him and Fenrys shuddered. "Answer me," he growled.
Nascha gripped him and gave a firm stroke. "What are we, Fenrys?" She echoed. He groaned in her ear. Her next pass was harder.
"Fuck." He kissed her neck. "I love you." Fenrys moaned through gritted teeth. "But I've already told you what we are. I have yet to hear you say it." Nascha's chest tightened as he tugged on the Mating Bond. "It's only fair, Stardust. What are we?"
"Mates," Nascha whispered, and Fenrys thrust into her.
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