NESSA

The party was in full swing by the time we arrived, and walking through the crush of people to try to get to the kitchen was like weaving to the front of a crowd at a concert. Except it kind of felt like we were the main event that everyone was here to see.

The football team had been overly kind to me since I started dating Grayson, proving all my conceptions about them to be wrong. But tonight, it was different.

Hollers and shouts as soon as we entered through the front door. Pats on Grayson's back. Smiles at me. It seemed like maybe everyone was going over the top to make sure we still felt welcome despite Gray's midseason exit from the team.

God, I really was wrong about all of them.

Julian was leaning against the back door in the kitchen when he caught sight of us. He waved and then kicked open the cooler at his feet, pointing to it in an offering. With a firm grip on my hand, Grayson towed me through the crowd until we reached Julian's side, shaking his head at the cooler full of beer.

Grayson didn't drink, and he knew I didn't drink beer. He glanced at me instead, forcing a ghost of a smile onto his face.

"Do you want me to mix you a drink, or do you want to wait until Beau is here and let him do the honors?"

I couldn't help but perk up a bit at the mention of Beau. He always made everything...easier. Lighter. "Beau's coming?"

He nodded. "Yeah, and Madie and Bren."

"You invited them all?" Something warm and fuzzy was happening inside me.

"I shot Bren a text earlier." He sighed. "Might need him tonight."

I raised a brow, shocked that Grayson would ever admit to needing Bren.

"Don't look at me like that." Grayson rolled his eyes at my questioning glance. "When it comes to protecting you, he's the best backup I've got."

"You know...it was actually Beau that kept both Madie and me safe and sane all last spring. Give him some credit, too. I owe him."

Grayson made a face. And I knew it had nothing to do with Beau and everything to do with the fact that there was a large chunk of time where my friends had taken care of me because he couldn't. I bit down on my tongue, wishing I hadn't said anything. His absence wasn't his fault, and I would never forgive myself for thinking at one point that it had been.

With an eventual smile, Grayson leaned back against the countertops, trying to find a place to put his hands that wasn't covered in cups or empty beer cans. "Yeah, but Beau acts like he wouldn't hurt a fly."

"Maybe he doesn't act that way, but have you seen him without a shirt on?" I teased. "Dude is actually ripped."

A flash of possession whipped through Grayson's eyes. Raising one arm, he curled it around my back, pulling me tight to his side. Bending down, he brushed a kiss right below my ear. "Don't make me regret being cool about you living with another guy," he said.

Throwing my head back, I laughed. And then I changed the subject.

Grayson and I both knew there was nothing to be concerned about when it came to Beau Martin.

"To answer your question, I'd love it if you made me a drink," I said, already feeling lighter than I had on my way here. Talking to Grayson had always seemed so easy, so perfectly distracting in the best of ways, and tonight was no different. Being with him didn't get old, even though we spent every night talking until we fell asleep. Or until it led to other things.

With an exasperated shake of head and a small smile, Grayson kissed my cheek and then went about mixing me a drink that I was sure had whiskey in it. As he handed me the glass, the back door whooshed open, a stiff autumn breeze coming with it. I froze, hoping to God that whoever came through that door didn't have an icy blue gaze.

But brown eyes met mine, and I relaxed.

Bren's expression was apprehensive, his jaw set as he quickly scanned the kitchen before looking back at Grayson and me. He nodded before reaching behind him, wrapping an arm around Madie's waist as he tugged her protectively into the kitchen. Beau's face popped up behind them.

After giving Madie a quick hug, I turned to Beau. "No Collins?"

He frowned. "I—" His frown deepened. "I didn't think she'd want to come."

"You didn't ask her?"

He shook his head. "She was in her room. I didn't want to bother her."

That was the most ridiculous excuse I had ever heard. Beau bothered everyone all the time. "I don't know how many times you've burst into my room without asking. Where's my consideration, huh?"

Beau shook his head with a little roll of his eyes, but it wasn't done playfully, and I realized he was genuinely irritated by my teasing. I didn't get a chance to figure out why that might be, though, because then I saw him.

Light brown hair, square jaw, that flawless set of teeth that should make him more attractive when he smiled, but to me, it only gave a reminder that he was a false picture of perfection. I stilled, waiting to see what he would do, a sweep of anxiety shooting from my head to my toes, curling in my shoes.

"He better not fucking come over here," Grayson muttered, watching with an equally stiff body as Jasper sauntered into the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the cooler.

Julian narrowed his eyes at Jasper's back as he leaned down to snatch up a beer that Beau would never approve of and then shot a purposefully fake smile at him when he stood up again.

My ex was unphased, though. He settled into the corner by the fridge, pulling out his phone to check something as he took a swig of beer.

The last time I saw Jasper Monroe was when he took my virginity, and tonight he looked...the same. That same ease, that same nonchalance. That same expression. Same face. Same body. He looked the same.

"Is that him?"

Bren's voice brought me out of my daze. He leaned in to one of my sides while Grayson's hand firmly snaked around my back and gripped my side.

"He looks like someone I would love to punch, so I hope so," he added.

"You don't need to punch him," I muttered, even though I wouldn't mind seeing that.

Bren snorted. "Based on what Grayson told me, I think I do. He can't just say that shit about you like that, Nessa."

I whipped my head around to Grayson while my mouth replied to Bren.

"Wait, what exactly did he say?"

Earlier, I had been too worked up about the fact that Jasper was talking about me at all. The specifics hadn't been important. But now...

Grayson was too busy glaring at Bren to answer me, though.

"I'll tell you later," Grayson said beneath his breath after he must have decided that he'd given Bren enough of a stink eye.

Glancing back at Bren, I noted the guilt on his face, which told me he knew he fucked up a bit. At least where Grayson was concerned.

"You know," I said thoughtfully, "the more I get to know you, the more I think it's amazing that you didn't beat the shit out of Quinton the first chance you got."

Bren's expression shuttered at the mention of Madie's ex. His hold on her visibly tightened, and I saw her step into him even as she continued a conversation with Beau about the sociology class they shared this semester.

Bren dropped his voice. "I didn't kick Quinton's ass sooner because I knew he would have taken it out on Madie. Plus, Quinton was a linebacker. He was like three times my size. This guy..." He nodded at Jasper and cocked his head to the side, a smirk slipping into place. "I think I could take him."

I followed his gaze to my ex and jumped a little when I realized Jasper was watching me.

Icy blue eyes.

God, he was such a jerk, and I hated what he did to me so much. He made me believe I was unlovable. He made me believe in the worst in people instead of looking for that little bit of good. He made me think that sex was a transaction and that I hadn't delivered enough of it to be loved. Or even enough to keep him around.

And I never had the chance to tell him that.

Until now.

Fueled by whiskey and fire and everything that I'd hated about myself, all those things I'd learned were lies, I took a step forward. Only to get reeled back in by Grayson's powerful arm around my waist. 

"Adler..."

His lips nipped the back of my ear, making it really hard not to want to just melt into him. Give into him.

I didn't turn around, but I did whisper beneath my breath.

"I need to do this."

Grayson exhaled slowly, his breath hitting the back of my neck, causing a shiver to run through me.

"Okay. We will be here."

We will be here.

How crazy was that? I didn't just have Grayson standing behind me. I had Madie and Beau and Bren. Julian. And now that I looked around the room, Reggie and Noah watched closely from the corner, drinking silently. Jonah walked across the kitchen, his eyes flicking from me to Jasper as he opened the fridge.

We will be here.

I couldn't describe how that made me feel. Couldn't pinpoint the reaction of my heart when I realized that people seemed to simply...care. Whatever it was, it swelled up in my throat as I crossed the room, tugging down on my skirt and wishing I had worn a different one tonight. This outfit was skimpy and tight, and I didn't want Jasper to think that I'd dressed up for his benefit.

There wasn't a single bone in my body that felt like I needed to prove something beyond that I didn't give a shit about Jasper Monroe besides needing to tell him off.

"Hey, beautiful."

His eyes grazed my body as I approached, that smooth voice washing over me and bringing me back to high school. I gritted my teeth together, trying to ignore the flood of nostalgia. Of all the good memories.

That was the thing about Jasper. Every memory was a good one, tainted though they were now, except for the last one.

Good.

But not great.

Not Grayson.

"You don't look surprised to see me," he said after giving me that appreciative once over that spread uneasiness through my bones.

"I could say the same to you, Jasper."

He chuckled lowly, almost beneath his breath. "Well, I wouldn't necessarily say I'm not surprised, Nessa. I definitely didn't expect to find you with the entire football team wrapped around your finger."

Rolling my eyes, I took a sip of the drink Grayson had made me, and there was a burn in my throat that matched the burn in my voice. "That's an exaggeration."

Jasper's eyes flicked around the room behind me before returning to my face.

"No, it's not," he muttered into his own drink. "Trust me. Learned that the hard way."

Served him right.

"That includes me, you know," he added with a lift of one brow.

My brows furrowed. "What?"

"The entire football team...wrapped around your finger. That includes me."

Irritation bubbled up within me, my grip on my glass tightening. "Jasper, would you knock it the fuck off? I don't know why you're here, but—"

Raising his hand to silence me, he took a step forward.

"Let me tell you, then."

"Tell me what?"

"Why I'm here. It's for you, Nessa."

I shook my head. I shook my head so hard that I had to drag a hand over my face to clear my hair out of my eyes. "No, Jasper, that's ridiculous. You dumped me without a second thought. You don't get to...do this."

I waved a hand between us, and a long sigh fell from Jasper's lips. I could hear what was coming. I could have heard it even if I were a mile away. One hundred miles away.

"I fucked up, okay?" he said softly, making sure I knew it was only for our ears. But little did he know that the more he lowered his voice, the more likely that he'd be interrupted by a pissed-off Grayson. "We were both young, and we made mistakes. I didn't think I could have a long-distance relationship in college. I would have hated it. But that's why I'm here. I never stopped wanting you, even after I left, even after I tried to move on. So now I'm here."

It was a good speech; I could give him that. And if I hadn't spent the last year realizing exactly how I deserved to be treated, I might have fallen for it. It might have tugged something in my heart that wanted to stay connected to my first love.

Only that wasn't him. He wasn't any kind of love.

I took a careful step toward him, narrowing my eyes. "You didn't just fuck up; you fucked me up. And my only mistake was letting you make me believe anything you said or did."

Frustrated, he ran a hand over his face. "I meant everything I said, Nessa. Everything I did."

His voice was trying so hard to reach out to me. To reel me in again. But I was immune to it.

"Including when you dumped me over a text message three days after I finally gave you the only thing you actually wanted from me?"

"Not that," he uttered through gritted teeth. Not—"

A shake of my head. "Just give it up, Jasper. It's not going to happen."

But Jasper wasn't going to give it up. He took a pleading step toward me, making every muscle in my body tense up. "Come on. We were great together. Amazing, even. Why not?" He glanced over my shoulder to where I was sure Grayson was watching us. "Because of him? I can wait, then, Nessa."

I almost wanted to laugh. "Don't bother. You'll be waiting for a hell of a long time."

Jasper inched even closer, muttering beneath his breath in a way that made me lean toward him just so I could hear him. "I'm replacing him on the field. I can replace him in other areas, too. I heard he left because his skills were slipping. Weak heart, right?" His lips tilted in a smirk. "Nothing weak about me, sweetheart. You know that."

I didn't think twice before slapping Jasper in the face, loud enough that it bounced off at least two walls in the kitchen.

I also didn't think twice before I kneed him in the balls.

Just for good measure.

Doubling over in pain, I heard Jasper's muffled, pained voice. "What the hell?"

Smirking, I enjoyed watching a bit of his suffering. But it wasn't long before he whipped back up, taking a quick step forward with a dangerous glint in his eyes.

Jasper didn't get far, though. A fist grabbed a handful of his shirt, stopping him, just as a different hand splayed across my stomach, pulling me back into a rock-hard body I knew well.

Bren shoved Jasper back into the kitchen cabinets before dropping his hand and stepping back.

"Wednesday, baby." Grayson's satisfied voice filled my ear. "Everything okay? Or does Jasper here need some ice?"

At that, Jasper's eyes flashed. His face was still contorted in pain and fury, but there was also determination there.

"Fuck off," he grunted. "She doesn't even like being called Wednesday."

The haughty look in his eyes told me that he thought that comment would get him somewhere.

But I just looked back at Grayson, at those smiling eyes, and I smiled, too.

"I do when he does it."

****

Grayson slammed the door to his bedroom, and the next second, I was up against it, being kissed into a fiery frenzy as the party roared on downstairs.

"Oh my god," he groaned. "That was so fucking hot."

His fingers dug into my hips, holding them still while he rocked into me in a way that pushed my skirt up, leaving my thin underwear as the only barrier between him and my needy clit. I could feel all of him, and god, I wanted it. Him. He knew it, too. His lips curved against mine when I gasped loudly from another thrust of his hips.

Grayson's lips trailed to my ear as he spoke, quiet but rough. "Every single thing you do turns me on...but that was something else, darling."

Circling my arms around his neck to keep him close, I admitted, "I wasn't planning on hitting him."

Kisses pressed against my jawline. "I'm glad you did."

He nipped at the corner of my mouth, and I sucked in. "He tried to say shit about you."

"God, Nessa." His grip on me tightened as that low, gravelly voice sent me reeling. "Never thought I'd go so crazy for a girl being wildly protective of me."

"Not a girl, Grayson," I argued, teasing his mouth by breathing lightly over it. "Me."

One of Grayson's hands wound into my hair and gave it a tug, tipping my head back so I could look up into his eyes. They were mesmerizing, and when I took a desperate breath, I watched him trace my parted lips with his gaze.

There was a hushed fuck beneath his breath.

"You're absolutely right," he said finally. "Of all the wild ones, you're my favorite one. You're the only one. The only one for me."

"Good." Love and desire swelled in equal measure within me. I needed him. I needed him now. I needed him forever. "Now give it to me like you're just as wild, Grayson."

"With pleasure," he groaned, and then with a flurry of movements, he had my tight skirt tugged up, my legs wrapped around his waist with his erection nudging between my legs. The weight of his body pressing into mine against this door felt so...reassuring, so perfect.

"This one," Grayson muttered as his fingers dug into the fabric bunched around my hips. "This skirt is my favorite."

I smiled. "Glad you like it."

A husky chuckle turned into dark, amused, lustful words. "Like has never been a word I've used to describe how I feel about you," he said before thrusting into me.

Heat ripped through my body, a sensuous, sweet filling that I had accustomed to being one with Grayson. He stilled, breathing heavily in a way that I knew was him trying to get a grip on himself. But I wanted everything he could give me, and I wanted it as hard as he wanted to give it.

"I love you, Nessa." His lips brushed my temple. "Don't you forget it."

"Show me," I breathed.

After gazing into my eyes for a long, heated moment, Grayson seemed to understand. And then he showed me, pulling out and rocking into me again. First, slowly. And then harder. Deeper. Faster. So fast and so hard that I needed to dig my heels into his back and my fingers into his hair. But it was everything—everything I had been too scared to want that first time he'd pushed me up against the door in his bedroom in Ackley Hall.

"Grayson," I moaned. I wasn't scared anymore. "I love you."

He smiled wolfishly. "I hope he's still downstairs, and I hope he hears you scream my name when you come."

God, his cockiness was a turn-on. That was the truth, plain and simple. I loved every little thing about Grayson Everett, and I gave him exactly what he wanted, crying out his name when that explosion went off inside me.

Afterward, Grayson carried me to his bed with a soft grin. "Now I want to savor it. Savor you. Okay?"

"Okay."

Only okay had never been a word I'd used to describe Grayson.

Great. Amazing. Ridiculous, but only because he was perfect. Annoying, but only because of how goddamn handsome he was. Loveable. Smart. Caring. Kind. Great. Just great.

Everything was great.

At least until I woke up the next morning and Madie called me.

💗

Couldn't end the book without one last cliffhanger!

thoughts on the chapter?

just to be clear since a few people commented on it: despite that little note about Julian, Beau's book is definitely next on the agenda. The book is on my profile to be added to libraries now!

so thankful for all of you!!

xoxo amelie