Endgame

NESSA

"Madie?"

I didn't know why the hell Madie would be calling me at 8am on a Saturday, but alarm bells immediately started ringing in my head.

"Oh, thank god." Her frantic voice sounded muted in my ears. I yawned, trying to pop them. "I woke you up."

I rolled over, intending to get out of bed, not wanting to bother Grayson, but his arm flew around me, tugging me back beneath the covers.

"Why is it a good thing that you woke me up?"

It seemed like a very bad thing to me.

"Because that means that you haven't checked your phone yet."

That also did not seem like a good thing.

"Haven't checked my phone? What?"

Pulling the screen away from my ear, I went to minimize the call so I could investigate, but Madie's voice screamed through the speaker, stopping me.

"Don't, Nessa! Just turn it off. I'll be there in ten minutes."

It was 8am on a Saturday, and this didn't compute with me.

"You're coming over?"

"Yes." She sounded exasperated. Worried. "Put some clothes on. And don't let Grayson distract you."

Grayson must have heard that because his finger began to trace around the edges of my nipple, causing me to shiver. He tilted his hips up, letting me know that he was very much ready to distract me.

"Wednesday."

Right. Right, Madie was coming over.

"Okay, Madie. Okay."

****

The first thing that Madie said when she walked in the front door of Grayson's house was, "You looked, didn't you?"

I could barely stomach a reply. I hadn't moved from the couch in Grayson's living room since I opened my Twitter account. "You had far too much faith in my self-control."

"Oh, Nessa," Madie cooed, coming over to envelope me in a warm hug. Tears leaked from my eyes, and I didn't care enough to hold them back. I didn't care about anything right now. Except for maybe how Grayson was staring out the window, unspeaking, with his back to me.

Bren walked over to him, and my boyfriend turned his head. They exchanged a glance. Bren leaned in, mumbling something I couldn't hear. And then Grayson, with his tense jaw, and even tighter back muscles, nodded and went back to staring out the window. "Thank you," he mumbled.

It was the first thing he'd said since he saw what was on my phone.

Bren tipped his head in response to Grayson and then faced me. "Beau is back at your place. He's working on reporting it, and if that fails, hacking the internet."

Madie scoffed. "No, Collins is working on hacking the internet. Beau is just staring at her like an idiot."

Bren nodded after a short consideration. "Okay, that's probably more accurate. We stopped by on the way here to fill them in."

"Yeah, they called me," I choked out.

"They—" Madie tried to jump in, mad as hell. It was clear she had been trying to shelter me for as long as possible. But as much as I appreciated it, it was a useless effort.

"I gave them permission to watch it to see how bad it was," I explained. "So I wouldn't have to."

I closed my eyes. I knew I should be grateful to my friends for helping me. And I was. But I was so lost in everything else to feel thankful right now. I didn't know how to show them how much I loved them because love seemed like such a faraway emotion at the moment.

Last night I felt like maybe I had gained something back. After over a year of feeling robbed by Jasper, I'd finally reclaimed a bit of myself. And now he'd come back to pillage, plunder, and steal again.

I didn't hate the night I lost my virginity to Jasper Monroe. It had happened almost exactly like I'd imagined it would. He was gentle and kind. I didn't love the sex, but I thought I loved him, so it still seemed...good. Special.

I didn't hate that night until I realized there wouldn't be another one like it. And that it wasn't anything special to him.

If someone told me that Jasper had that night on replay, I never would have believed them. But apparently, he did.

And now, so did the entire campus.

The entire campus now had film evidence of the night I lost my virginity to the OSU football team's newest player.

There wasn't a caption. Just the video. And that made it worse, honestly. It lacked any point beyond careless revenge.

In life, there were no winners or losers. But that didn't stop Jasper Monroe from trying to make a revenge play and get one step ahead.

"I think I'm going to be sick."

Pushing up from the couch, I fought to watch my feet through blurry eyesight as I searched for the bathroom. Inside, the air was still humid from someone taking a shower earlier, and it swirled around me like a hug. My fingers were cold. I felt sweaty. Shaky.

Resting my head over the cool toilet, I thanked the heavens that Julian was a neat freak, and the bathroom smelled like fresh linens and not ass. Taking deep breaths, I tried to control the urge to throw up every little thing in my stomach. All of that whiskey from last night suddenly seemed like a bad idea.

The door creaked behind me, and I felt the soft presence that I knew was Madie. She didn't say anything. She just sat down on the edge of the bathtub next to me.

"I didn't watch it," I muttered. "I can't—"

I had to pause to keep from choking on whatever was coming up in my throat.

I changed topics.

"Grayson's mad."

"Of course he's mad," Madie said quietly. "He loves you, and you're hurting."

"He won't even look at me."

"He'll barely look at anyone." Madie sighed. "Nessa, I think he's trying really hard not to completely freak out."

"Well, the way he's doing it is freaking me out."

"I know, but—"

A knock interrupted any more of Madie's thoughts. She slipped over to the door, and I heard her quietly tell whoever it was to come in.

"Nessa."

I was surprised to hear Julian's voice. It was a little scratchy—like he just woke up. But it was also business-like.

"Did he have permission to record you that night?"

Wiping at my eyes, I shook my head. "I had no idea that video existed."

A hand rubbed at my back. It was too big to be Madie's. Actually, I was pretty sure that Madie had left the room. I was pretty sure I heard her hissing at Grayson in the living room.

"California has stringent laws on that. We'll get it taken down quickly and get his ass charged with defamation for posting it like that. He might not have shared it from his own account, but we can easily prove it's him."

"Sometimes I forget you're smart."

Grayson. That voice was Grayson's, and I needed to hear more of it.

Julian chuckled. "You forget that I'm pre-law, Gray? What a good friend you are."

Footsteps shuffled around. Grayson's voice dropped. "I need it gone, Jules. I need him gone."

"I'm on it. And I've been texting with Beau and Collins." Julian's hand disappeared from my back. "Although..."

"There's no although, Julian."

"We'll get rid of it. I promise. But all I'm going to say is that the response on social media has been overwhelmingly bad...for him."

Even though I was glad to hear that, just the idea that there was a response on social media at all meant that there were a whole number of people who had just invaded something of mine that was so insanely private. And that was so insanely hurtful to imagine.

"The video..." Julian started, but Grayson cut him off angrily. He sounded like he was barely keeping his shit together. Which I understood because I was barely keeping my shit together.

"Did you seriously watch my girlfriend—"

"No," Julian muttered, and then his voice got softer. I could tell he'd pushed Grayson just beyond the bathroom door. But I could still hear them. "Just listen. I didn't. I asked Beau and Collins. But that's the thing. You can't see anything, Grayson. Just a lot of blankets, a jersey in the corner with Monroe on it, and Jasper proving that he doesn't know shit about what to do in bed. That's the only thing people are talking about."

Feet shuffled, and one of the guys sighed.

"The audio is quiet. But Beau said you can clearly hear her say his name at least once. And people are absolutely tearing him down."

I closed my eyes, my forehead still resting against the toilet seat. Relief and pain lingered.

"He did it to shame you, Nessa." Julian's voice was louder now. Directed at me. "To tie you to him even though you rejected him."

My mouth opened and closed, and then thick, hateful words poured out.

"Well, it worked. The shaming part."

I didn't want to hate myself again. And I didn't. I hated him. But I also felt that burning shame. Why had I ever believed he loved me?

Julian was quiet for a moment before softly replying. "But the only one who should be ashamed is him. And based on what people are saying, they agree. Not a single person is shaming you. I promise." I heard his deep exhale. "I'll give you both space, but when you're ready, I think you should hear some of the comments."

"Thanks, man," Grayson said quietly. And then Julian's footsteps grew softer and a door shut. The lights turned off. The room grew dark except for the little nightlight plugged in near the sink that I always thought was adorable for a group of college guys. An arm wrapped around my midsection and tugged me away from the toilet. Grayson was on the floor behind me, and he enveloped my body with his.

"I'm sorry," I cried, burying my face in my hands.

Maybe I was never going to be sick. I'd just wanted to hide my face in a toilet bowl, so I wouldn't have to look anyone in the eye.

He froze.

"For what?"

"For putting you through this," I choked out.

Fingers slipped through my hands to find my chin and grip it, but I wouldn't budge.

"Nessa, open your eyes."

I did, thankful that it was dark. Grateful that all I saw were shadows, and all I felt was Grayson.

"Now look at me," Grayson murmured.

Giving in, I turned my head around and tried to find his face amongst the hues of gray in my eyesight. Blinking, the shape of his mouth, his nose, his eyes started forming. And then I saw him.

Tears fell faster down my cheeks.

"Grayson," I sobbed.

He was here.

"Baby." He cupped my face. "It isn't your fault."

"You're mad, though. And why wouldn't you be? The entire internet is watching me have sex with someone else."

His forehead knocked against mine. "Please don't spell it out like that for me. You know I don't handle that well."

He was right; I did know that. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Shit, no—goddamnit." A growly noise came up from his throat. "Nessa, you don't have to apologize. Yeah, I'm fucking pissed at Jasper. I don't think I've ever felt anger like this before in my entire life. And I'm very much fighting the need to punch something." A ragged sigh. "But more importantly, I'm just concerned about you. I'm sorry if you didn't realize that."

Nodding, I leaned into his chest. I knew. Of course I knew he wasn't mad at me, but admittedly, I'd needed to hear it.

Grayson held me for a long time, muttering how much he loved me. How much he cared about me. How much one lame-ass sex tape would never change that. How much he adored me, end of story.

He held me, and while he did that, the rest of our friends tried to fix the problem.

But the problem wasn't the video existing or Jasper being at OSU.

The problem was that he thought he was entitled to parts of me that no longer belonged to him. That had never belonged to him. I thought he'd used me for a quick fuck back in high school, but it was more than that. He saved that quick fuck to use again.

He didn't care about me, and I'd never felt less like a human being than I did when I opened my phone this morning and saw the stilled image of his high school bedroom and my blurry face.

But then I remembered last night. I remembered the people who stood beside me. And this morning, the people who were here next to me. The person who was hugging me from behind. And that made me feel a little more alive again.

"Do you think you're ready to hear what people are saying?" Grayson asked after a long time had passed. "Maybe it will help."

Maybe it would.

After pushing up out of Grayson's lap, I walked with him back to the living room. And I was surprised to find Julian, Bren, Madie, and Reggie smiling at a phone. When Julian looked up, he covered his grin with a cough.

"I'm sorry; it's just that some of these are pretty funny."

Madie tried to train her lips into a frown again and failed. "Nessa...he's being roasted alive."

Bren snatched the phone of out Julian's hands and read, "Is this the guy we're counting on to score this season? Thank you, next OSU."

Then he read another one. "Let's hope he's better with his hands on the field."

And even more.

"I thought wide receivers were supposed to perform well under pressure."

"That poor girl will never get those five minutes back. She deserves a re-do with someone who knows what they're doing."

Thankfully, I had that.

"It's gotta be small."

It kinda was.

"He who fumbles must be humble."

I laughed. I couldn't help it. Grayson didn't quite laugh, but he did give an appreciative pinch to my side, which told me he was grateful that at least I wasn't crying.

And I did—I did feel better.

Guys like Jasper had a lot of fucking audacity. But at least the world was starting to recognize it. And specifically, the OSU campus had recognized it. They were all but screaming in my defense and tearing down his. Jasper had made his play. And it had failed.

Jokes aside, there were also posts detailing how appalling behavior like Jasper's shouldn't be tolerated on campus. How his spot on the team should be revoked. How serious the issue of revenge porn was.

Not that I'd categorize that video as porn, because when I finally got the courage to watch it, I realized it wasn't very explicit. At all. But still. The problem stood.

I would never forgive Jasper and how he'd made me feel like I didn't matter. But I'd also never forgive myself for thinking that other people didn't care about me. And about people like me. Seemingly normal people.

Because they did.

In the last year, I'd done some things I wasn't proud of—like judge football players too harshly, push away the love of my life when he'd needed me the most, and now, star in sex tapes. And I'd also done a few things I was proud of—like taking a chance on music courses and an annoying man named Grayson Everett.

What I realized, though, was that the things I'd done or accomplished had nothing to do with the way that people cared.

They just...did.

And there was definitely something amazing about that.

Madie and Bren liked to talk about being lucky. That after all the shit they'd gone through, all they wanted was to be together and be some of those people who didn't just survive...but really got to live.

I'd never thought about it before, but I was pretty sure I was going to be one of those people, too.

****

After crying and laughing and crying some more, I'd grown exhausted.

It'd hit hard. Like a train ran me over and left a trail of grime and grease across my heart.

When I'd announced that I needed to shower, to wash away the dirt of the day, rinse Jasper down the drain, Grayson had whisked me upstairs to his ensuite bathroom. At first, he gave me privacy. He let me sit in the shower for god knows how long as hot water beat down around me. I scrubbed and scrubbed. I just wanted to feel clean again.

But eventually, Grayson tiptoed through the cracked door and asked if he could join me. With water streaming around my face, I nodded.

"Let me take over," he said softly, taking the wet washcloth from my hand.

He rubbed my skin in slow, soothing circles, his hard, hot body pressed against me. So comforting. So warm. So Grayson. I could have fallen asleep.

"Do you feel safe with me?" he asked suddenly, and I frowned.

"Grayson..."

I didn't know what to say at first. I was about ready to fall asleep in his arms while standing in the shower. To me, the answer was clear.

"I want you to know that I'd never do something like what he did. Even if you somehow hurt me. Never, Nessa."

Turning around, I placed a hand on his chest. Over his heart.

"After we just met, I got in a car with you and let you drive me across the state," I said. "Even though I tried to deny it, I've felt safe with you since the moment you walked up to me right outside this house and pretended to be my boyfriend so Jack would get off my ass."

Grayson chuckled. "I like being your real boyfriend better than your fake one. Although that was one hell of a kiss you gave me that night."

Turning around, I folded myself into his arms, letting our bodies slip and slide together. I felt squeaky. Still tired, but less like a train had hit me and more like I was wrapped in a soft, weighted blanket.

Reaching up, I flung my arms around Grayson's neck and pressed a kiss to his lips. He immediately opened for me, and I slipped my tongue inside his mouth. Grayson moaned, hands finding my air as he twisted to an angle where he could coax a moan out of me, too. It worked.

God, it worked. He kissed me like it had been days since our last one, and I had to work to regain control of the situation.

When our lips finally broke apart, I asked, "How was that one?"

"That one?" he repeated, dazed. He tried to capture my mouth again, but I cut in.

"That kiss? How does that one compare?"

He shook his head with a tiny smile that I felt on my skin. "Each kiss is better than the last." Then he pulled back to look down at me. "Speaking of driving you across the state, I was hoping...I know you have your new car now, but what are the chances I could still drive you home for Thanksgiving break?"

My stomach flipped. It was ridiculous, but it did. "Pretty good. Although...maybe I could drive you home."

"You'd like that, huh?"

I bit down on my lip, trying like crazy not to let my giddiness take over. "Yeah."

He chuckled. "Are you gonna buy me coffee?"

"You don't like coffee."

"Maybe I want a caramel macchiato to give to my girlfriend. She really likes them."

He winked, and I knew there was no way in hell he wasn't going to buy me that coffee himself.

"Sounds perfect," I said, barely containing a wild smile.

Grayson grinned. "Now I have a question for you."

"What?"

"I want to show you what it feels like to have a guy who cherishes every single last bit of you, Nessa. And one who will keep all of that to himself. Can I do that?"

There was a pause. Water splashed against our feet. My breath mingled with the steam in the air. Grayson's fingers traced my lower back.

"You want me?"

I tried not to cry when I said it. I hadn't realized until that moment that I wanted so badly for him to do everything he just said. A part of me needed to know that we hadn't been damaged by Jasper.

"Wednesday, darling," Grayson breathed, pressing a slow kiss to my lips. "I've never wanted you more."

"Really?"

He nodded. "And I will keep wanting you over and over and over again. But I want all of you. You got that? Not just one part, Nessa. All of you."

I sucked in a breath. "All of me?"

"All of you. We're endgame, baby."

It might be true that life didn't have winners or losers.

But being with Grayson made me feel like I was scoring every day.

💗

there's one more chapter and then the epilogue.
thanks so much for reading!
xoxo amelie

Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: AzTruyen.Top