Being with Max started to over take my life- and not in a bad way. I was falling for her, more and more each day- and especially after each time I saw her.

However, keeping it from my parents was becoming a bit of a stressor. I would tell them I was with McKinley most of the time, or occasionally Katie or Priyanka- or even co workers.

I had this pit in my stomach every single day that my parents would find out about Max.

Just keep your secret until college. Then you can figure it out.

That's what I kept telling myself. Less than a year now of keeping this secret from them.

It was also a challenge at work to keep it a secret. Max and I really tried. But it pained me inside to not be able to tell people she was my girlfriend.

Yes, girlfriend.

At the end of September we made it official. I asked her- and she said she assumed we were already "official."

It felt so surreal that I actually had a girlfriend.

My parents wanted me to focus on where I was going to college- but all I could focus on was Max. And I now knew for sure that I did not want to go far away from her.

I used to tell my parents I wanted to possibly go to New York for college. But that changed. I wanted to stay in the Philadelphia area. And when my mom asked me what changed my mind- I used the excuse of wanting to be near family, especially my niece.

Halloween rolled around- and the same co-worker who had the party where Max and I first kissed at, Rashad, was having a bonfire,

I asked him if I could bring McKinley as well, and he said of course.

McKinley still hadn't met Max yet- my best friend and my girlfriend.

McKinley and I wore costumes that went together- she was a devil, and I was an angel. I had told Max that I was dressing up as an angel. She said that was fitting- and that she was planning a costume herself.

McKinley picked me up from my parents house, and then we were going to go pick up Max- the step I left out to my parents.

Tonight was going to be special too- because it was going to be the first time Max and I were spending the night together.

I had been too nervous to lie to my parents about sleeping over Max's. I didn't want to take that step yet- but tonight it was planned that both Max and I would sleep at McKinley's house.

"I'm excited to meet Max." McKinley said to me as we pulled up to her house.

"She's excited to meet you as well. I know you'll get along." I said, and texted Max that we were out front.

My breath hitched when I saw Max walk out.

She was dressed as an angel too- but a dark angel. She had black wings and a black halo. Her hair was in two small high ponytails, and she wore deep, dark makeup. She had on a small black dress with a tulle skirt- I never thought I would see her in a dress.

But she looked amazing.

"You weren't lying when you said she was gorgeous." McKinley said.

"I have to tell her." I said, getting out of the car.

I got out, and walked up to Max as she was walking toward the car.

"Max!" I said, "You look amazing."

We finally met, and she pulled me in for a kiss.

"Sorry if I got my lipstick on you." she said, "But you look amazing too. White fits you."

She was referring to my all white ensemble.

"It makes me look innocent, huh?" I said, looked at Max and fluttering my lashes at her, jokingly.

"But it makes me want to do very non-innocent things to you." Max said back.

"Your dark angel outfit makes me want to do very non-innocent things to you as well." I said back, and Max smiled at me and pulled me in for a hug.

We then walked up to the car, and I hadn't realized that I left the passenger side door open.

"Sorry!" I said to McKinley, "I forgot to shut the door."

"That's okay." she said, pulling out her phone, "It actually worked because I was able to get this really cute picture of the two of you. I turned my flash on, since it's dark."

McKinley held up her phone for Max and I to see.

It was taken as Max was pulling me in for a hug. You could somewhat make out her outfit, but mine was illuminated in the photo. We were smiling at each other.

And the way I was looking at Max in the photo explained it all.

"Great shot! Be sure to send me that." Max said to McKinley, "It's nice to meet you as well."

"It's super nice to meet you as well, Max." McKinley said, and then we drove to Rashad's.

Max and McKinley got along well. Max seemed very interested in hearing stories about McKinley and I when we were younger.

"You two have such a great friendship." she said, as the three of us stood by the bonfire.

"Hey! Max, Bella. Did you plan on matching?"

Behind us, my co-worker, Madeline, was asking us that question.

"No." Max said back, "But it's fitting, right? Me as a dark angel, Bella as an actual angel."

"It is." Madeline nodded, then her eyes slightly narrowed, "If I didn't know better I would say you two look adorable together. But Bella's straight, so I won't say that."

I felt myself tense up.

"Well, thanks Madeline." Max said back, and then Madeline gave us a thumbs up and ran over to my other co workers.

"That was weird." I said, "I feel like I should have said something."

"I understand why you didn't." Max said, "It's okay. You're all good."

She gave me a reassuring smile, which was all I needed.

By around 11:30, we were ready to leave the party. We got back to McKinley's, and in her bedroom she had set up an air mattress for Max and I.

After we got changed into our pajamas, McKinley said, "You two can sleep in my bed if you want and I'll take the air mattress."

"No way." I shook my head, "We will be fine on the air mattress."

"Definitely. Thank you though." Max nodded. She wore a black tank top and plaid pajama pants. Her hair was now out of the ponytails, and shaggy around her face.

When we all laid down, McKinley asked from her bed, "Max, have you worn cool costumes every year for Halloween? Yours was awesome tonight."

Max was silent for a moment, and then she said, "This was actually my first time doing anything for Halloween."

"Really?" I looked at Max.

"Yeah. My mom never took my sister and I trick or treating as kids. And I just never really had a group of friends to go to a party with or anything. There was a party from work last year, but I was still so new working there." Max explained, "So...yeah. This was my first year really doing anything for Halloween."

Everytime Max spoke about aspects of her childhood, or not really having friends, my heart ached for her.

"Well, this is the first of many Halloweens you will be doing something." I kissed Max on the cheek.

There was something that was bothering me- I still didn't know exactly why Max was out of work for almost three weeks when I first started.

She never brought it up- and I didn't want to get into her business.

One thing I knew was that she took medicine for depression and anxiety every night. Nights when I was at her house, I would see her take the two pills. I never judged her for it- I knew how much she had been through.

Does this have something to do with why she was out? Or was it a physical illness?

The night before Thanksgiving, I was at her house. I had met Max's mom, Emma, a few times now- she was nice to me- she didn't say a whole lot, and always seemed to be in a rush. Charlotte, her sister, was warming up to me and would now say "hi" when I came over.

Emma was at work this particular night, and Charlotte was sleeping over a friends house- so it was just Max and I.

We had ordered a pizza from Domino's, and were eating it while watching a show that had just come out on Netflix the past summer- Orange is the New Black. It had quite a lot of lesbian sex in it.

Max grabbed her pill bottles off her nightstand, and drank them down with some Sprite.

"Hey, when did you start taking the pills?" I asked her, casually.

"When I was 14 I started taking medicine for my mental health." she said, "But I had my medications adjusted this past summer."

"Did something happen?" I asked. I was leaning on my side, looking up at Max, who was sitting up next to me.

She looked down at me with her blue eyes. "Yeah. I started having night terrors about my dad and my childhood. I found myself barely sleeping, and having tons of anxiety to sleep. It was like all of these things from my past were just coming up. That's why I didn't go to work for close to three weeks- I was seeing my therapist constantly, getting my medicine changed, and because I was barely eating or sleeping, I did have to go to the hospital for fluids and everything."

"I'm so sorry, Max." I said, "I was wondering why you were gone those weeks, but I didn't want to ask."

"You could have asked- I would have told you." Max gave me a small smile.

"Do you still get night terrors?"

"I will say, it has basically stopped since starting new medicine. That's been very helpful."

"Good." I said, giving Max a kiss on the cheek, "You can tell me if it happens again. You can call me whenever- I don't care if it's in the middle of the night."

Max smiled at me, and then said, "I love you, Bella."

I felt my heart start to race. "I love you too, Max."

"Damn, I've been wanting to tell you that for a while." Max laughed nervously.

"I honestly think I started feeling it that night on the playground in the park." I said, "But we were so new...I didn't want to freak you out."

"It wouldn't have." Max said, "I just really love you, Bella."

The next day, Thanksgiving, was my 18th birthday. Some of my family came over to our house for Thanksgiving- my dad's brother- my Uncle Eric, Aunt Kim, and their two kids- my cousins, Bailey and Kristen. My moms mother, my Grandmom Anne, also came over.

My Grandmom Anne has never really been that kind, loving, grandparent that I always wanted. First of all- she's very racist and homophobic, and I find it hard to be around. Sure, she's in her 80's, but I still can't stand it.

She was giving Peyton disapproving glances throughout Thanksgiving dinner- because she is a single mom.

Imagine when she finds out about me.

My mom baked me a cake, and my whole family sang "Happy Birthday" to me after dinner. I just couldn't help but feel an emptiness as their voices chanted "Happy Birthday."

The one person that mattered the most to me, Max, couldn't be there. But if Max was a boy, then of course he would be welcomed.

How the hell am I going to navigate this?