Chapter 36 - Lonely
Saturday
It was crazy how easily one could get addicted to the presence of another person. Senn hadn't felt lonely in a few weeks, not really, because Elio seemed to be some sort of constant factor in his life. Even in the days he had avoided Elio because he was seeing Joyce, Elio had still been right there, waiting for Senn to come to him and talk.
But ever since he stormed off at the party the night before, Elio had blocked Senn's number after he had sent numerous texts with explanations about what happened. Without response, Elio had simply ignored his following calls, and eventually whenever Senn called, he was sent straight to voicemail. Neither had he been active on any Social Media. Senn doubted if he should just grab his bike and pay him a visit, but something was stopping him from doing so.
Senn understood why Elio was pissed. He himself would be pissed if Elio would kiss Joyce at a party. Or really anyone else. There was no denying; there was something between them which they both felt. Before, Senn was doubtful if Elio had the same strong feelings. Maybe he was just a fling to Elio and it would pass in a few weeks.
But Elio's reaction yesterday was real, and full of emotions that Senn himself would feel too if the roles would be reversed.
Still, Senn felt like he had the right to explain what happened. He felt like Elio needed to at least trust him enough to clear the air and stop this stupid fight. Which was really only caused by a misunderstanding.
That fact in itself made Senn feel angry too.
He wasn't a cheater, and he didn't deserve to be outed the way Elio had outed him to the school. And Senn knew the entire school would be aware, since he had already received a few warnings from Lucas and Avan.
The cheerleaders had picked up on the fact Elio and Senn had what they were now calling a 'couples fight' and they were the biggest gossipers in school.
It was terrible to Senn to feel as conflicted about the whole ordeal as he did. On one hand he wanted to argue with Elio for his blown up reaction, on the other hand he just wanted to stop the fight and be with him again.
He groaned, falling backwards on the bed as his phone started buzzing. He shot back upright in the hopes of finding Elio's name on screen, but when he noticed it was Lucas who was video calling, he answered with a sigh, staring at Lucas with desperation probably seeping from every pore of his body.
"I was calling to see how you were doing but..." Lucas awkwardly smiled, ruffling up his damp hair. "Still feeling shit?"
"Yeah, and I'm not even sure what's worse to me; the fact Elio is pissed at me, or the fact Elio outed me."
"And thus you're probably angry at him."
"Not even," Senn muttered tiredly, "I don't think I'm angry, more so hurt. But he's hurt too so what the fact am I supposed to do now?"
Lucas bit his lip, shrugging a shoulder, before he turned away from the screen and answered someone who was nearby.
"Where even are you?"
"Soccer. We just had a match. But back to the main issue here. One of you two just needs to be the first to push aside the fact they're hurt, and talk to the other. Since you're not angry, and he probably is, my guess is that he won't come over to talk any day soon, so you should be the one."
Senn groaned, again laying down on his bed, closing his eyes. He wanted to talk to Elio. In the least to tell him what had happened with Julian to take away the hurt and anger on his side. But he wasn't sure if he should just head over to Elio and force him to talk.
"Luc? He blocked me. I can't call, I can't text. I'm not sure if it's a smart thing to go over and talk face to face—"
"Why not try?"
"Something is stopping me. What if he throws the door in my face and gets even more angry because I didn't give him space?"
"Jeez, I thought guys were the easier option to date." Lucas rolled his eyes, shifting out and back in the screen with a cigarette between his lips. "Have you asked the miracle?"
"Miracle?"
"That ball, the magic-8-ball you always use for decisions. Have you asked it if you should visit Elio?"
Senn frowned for a few seconds, wondering why he himself hadn't thought of that. But then he shrugged, rolled over and searched for the ball in his backpack. He held it in hand, turning back to face Lucas.
"Lemme ask right now,"
Lucas chuckled in response, and waited in silence while Senn turned back to the magic-8-ball. He pressed it against his lips, closed his eyes and whispered the question; should I visit Elio today?
It remained silent for a few seconds while he shook and waited for an answer with his eyes closed, until Lucas' patience was gone.
"And?"
Senn opened his eyes, first to send him a cold look for being impatient, second to see what the ball had told him to do;
Cannot predict now
"Great," Senn whined, "it's just as indecisive as I am." Senn showed the answer to Lucas, who sighed and shook his head.
"Maybe it's the universe, telling you that you need to give him some space right now, and talk later? We all know Elio for a while now, and he's a reasonable person. He just needs time to clear his mind and decide how to feel about all of this. Maybe he's scared too, because with the fact he outed you, he also outed himself."
"I hadn't even considered that part," Senn admitted in a sad whisper. "Maybe he needs space because he realized what he did."
"Exactly." Lucas nodded, smiling half a smile. "Give it some time, like, the weekend. On Monday, you'll see him in class, and you can see how he responds to you and then we'll see how you need to go at this."
"Thanks."
"What for? The magic-8-ball gave you your advice."
"For checking on me. To see how I'm doing."
Lucas' smile went slightly wider, and he sat up straight. "We're best friends, Senn. I'm here for you no matter what."
"Well, in that case..." Senn muttered, fiddling with his hoodie nervously. He wasn't used to ask for things.
"Hmm?"
"I could use some distraction."
"Got it. Let me call and pick up Avan and we'll play videogames or whatever. Maybe a sleep-over like before?"
"Honestly, that's exactly what I think I need."
Lucas nodded again, gave him a thumbs up and the promise that he was coming over as soon as possible before they hung up.
Senn was grateful for Lucas and Avan, who had accepted a lot from him in the past few weeks, or even months. Even now that he had something other than the accident and its consequences on his mind, they were there to listen and help.
He couldn't have wished for better friends.
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Love, June
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