Monday

To Senn, the only good thing that came forth from the whole situation with Elio and Joyce, was the fact he was mostly occupied by jealousy nowadays. Sure, whenever he laid down in bed at night he thought about his parents and what he missed most about them. Or Liam, and the fact he missed his baby brother's cries in the middle of the night.

It had been frustrating whenever Liam kept them all up at night—especially on a school night—but he'd do anything to have Liam scream for their mother in the middle of the night. He wouldn't mind stepping on Lego again and again because Liam wasn't the best at cleaning up after himself since he had been only three years old.

Senn even missed changing his diapers when he was still a baby, or vomit, or whatever substance baby Liam produced and threw out one way or another.

He still thought about them whenever he woke up in the morning and realized he wasn't in his own room. He missed them at breakfast, he missed them at dinner. He even missed them invading his privacy for stupid little things.

But when he walked into the lunchroom on Monday, Lucas in his company, his feelings of jealousy and longing were bigger than the feelings that came with losing most of his family. It felt both liberating as it felt as if he betrayed them by caring more about Elio's presence by his side than theirs.

Though, it felt mostly sickening how badly he wanted to be the one kissing Elio on the cheek in the middle of the lunchroom; not Joyce.

It wasn't fair.

He had spent a great night with Julian, and still he was jealous over Joyce placing a simple kiss on Elio's cheek. If only they knew what he had been doing on Friday.

Would Elio be jealous?

More importantly, would he even care in the slightest? He had called their kiss a stupid mistake, made because they were drunk. It had been Elio's words; it didn't mean anything. So, probably he wouldn't care.

The kiss on his cheek in itself, however, meant a lot to Senn, and it made him pivot on his heels and walk in the complete opposite direction without telling Lucas why.

"Senn?" Lucas sounded confused, but the proximity of his voice told Senn he decided to follow him without an explanation from Senn. "Dude..."

"Just drop it, okay?"

"Drop what?" Lucas asked when Senn sat down at an empty table. "You said you didn't care about them..."

"I don't want to talk about it, okay?"

"Yeah, dude? I know you explained something to Avan, because he's suddenly on your side and defending you for disappearing."

"So?" Senn avoided eye contact, unwilling to talk about things with Lucas while at least a dozen students could overhear their conversation. Besides, with all due respect to his friendship with Avan; Lucas was more important to him. He had no idea how he'd react to the truth about his disappearance on Friday, or the real reason why he was sick and tired of seeing Joyce and Elio melt together most of the day.

"So? Why not tell me?"

"Can you please just drop it? It's nothing personal. I just needed to vent and Avan was the one texting on Saturday. I didn't decide to just tell him instead of you. He was just there in the right moment."

Lucas wanted to argue, but something about looking at Senn made him decide against it. Senn just didn't know exactly what had caused him to change his mind and remain silent for a few minutes while grabbing the sandwiches his mother made for him. Senn—not knowing what else to do—took out the lunch aunt Tessa packed for him. While Lucas seemed to overthink his words while chewing on his BLT sandwich, Senn glanced to the other side of the lunchroom where the rest of their friends were seated.

Joyce was telling a story to which Samantha and Avan listened. Elio, however, was staring directly at him with his eyes full of sadness. When he caught Senn staring back, the look changed to a questioning one. As if Elio was daring him to tell him why he decided to sit at a different table. As if he was asking Senn why he was avoiding him like the plague—not just during lunch but during and in between classes as well.

Senn replied with a deadly glare before he focused on the sandwich in front of him.

"Is it really not about Joyce? Because if it's not, then why?" Lucas eventually asked while he looked at their friends in the distance. "Did you and Elio have a fight?"

"No," was Senn's simple reply. It wasn't even a lie. Neither was right; he didn't exactly fight with Elio, nor was this about Joyce.

Well, maybe it was about Joyce. R more so, the fact he wanted to grab her hair and pull her away from Elio as far as he possibly could. What did she even like about Elio? He was nothing like him; not physically and not mentally. Elio was reserved, calm, wise and his looks where pretty much the exact opposite of his. Whereas Senn had brown hair, Elio's hair was blond and bright. Their eyes—brown vs. blue—couldn't be much further apart either.

"Then why are we sitting here?" Lucas sounded tired, as if he was about to give up. And Senn needed him to give up on getting answers, as he wasn't planning on giving him any in that moment.

"Because I don't want to sit with them."

"But why—"

"Because, Lucas. I don't need a clear fucking reason, okay? Do you want me to just leave and go home? I never even asked you to sit with me."

"Senn, I'm not gonna let you sit here all by yourself, okay?" Lucas shook his head slightly. "I just like to understand what's going on."

"I'll tell you, someday. Just not now."

"Promise?"

"Yeah, idiot, I promise," Senn grumbled, causing Lucas to awkwardly chuckle. "Why is it such a big deal all of the sudden?"

"Because I feel like I'm losing you as my best friend and it makes me feel so powerless." Lucas shrugged his shoulder while ditching his sandwich. "You always used to tell me everything, and now? Nothing."

"Would it be comforting to know that this is something that I kept from all of you for years already?" Senn offered, knowing it didn't sound good that he had a secret that he had been keeping for years already. But maybe if Lucas knew he had that secret while they were still best friends without struggles between them, he'd know it wouldn't get in between their friendship.

Not unless Lucas would dump his sorry ass once he actually worked up the courage to come out to him.

"Really?" Lucas frowned while he sounded surprised. "Years? And that's supposed to make me feel better?"

"Because it never ruined our friendship, and I won't let it ruin our friendship now, or ever." Even if it meant he had to keep it a secret for the rest of his life.

"If you look at it like that..." Lucas sighed. "Just... know that you can tell me anything, okay? I'll be there for you no matter what."

"Okay, I'll keep that in mind." Senn nudged him, sending him a small smile. "I appreciate it, really."

* * * Chapter 25 and chapter 25.2 are now available on Patreon. Chapter 25.2 is a Patreon only chapter! More exclusive content is already available. It only takes a minimum pledge of $1,- and gives you multiple advantages like bonus content and early access * * *

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Love, June