Jamie's avoiding him.

Luca knows this because he hasn't seen his friend in nearly a week, and Jamie hasn't been answering his texts. Well, he gets responses, but they are unusual in the fact that they are only one or two words. Very unlike Jamie.

He has spent the last few days raking over his memories, trying to figure out why the other man is avoiding him. But he can't find anything. Maybe Jamie is mad that he didn't pick someone for his to go on a date with. That could be it, but he can't work up any guilt for that one. It seemed wrong, and it still seems wrong.

Noelle cries from the backseat, bringing him out of his thoughts. He hasn't been the only one missing Jamie lately. Without his cuddles, Noelle has decided to protest by crying and not sleeping.

Now, they are headed to the family practice where he works in order for her to get her well-child checkup. She turned two months about a week ago, and he can't believe how fast the time has flown. It has already been a month since Becca left them. And while the pain is still there, it is more like a numbness when he thinks of the woman. The pain, even the aching, is gone.

When they get to the clinic, Noelle's cries have picked up to a loud cry. Luca mentally curses. She hasn't even gotten her shots yet and she is already crying. He can't imagine it getting worse.

His anxiety only grows as they make it to the front door. The snow from last week had melted away, but the weatherwoman this morning said that it would start again tonight, and it would continue for a few days.

"Dr. Flowers!" the receptionist, Camila, says. She is wearing a, frankly, quite atrocious Christmas sweater. But her enthusiasm still causes his lips to turn up in a tight smile.

"Hi, Camila. How are the kids? Excited for Christmas?"

She smiles, waving her hand to have him follow her. "Oh yes. We got the tree last weekend, and they have already been snooping, trying to figure out what the presents are. Arlando had to 'talk to Santa' about it, and they got an early letter from him, reminding them to be patient. It has helped some, but just his morning I came down to see Valentina creeping out from behind the Christmas tree!"

She shakes her head in exasperation, but the smile on her face belies her love for her family.

"Well, give them my love."

She nods. "Will do." She leads him back to an exam room. "Will you be coming to the Christmas party? We would love to have you, and Jamie of course. Haven't seen that young man in forever!"

Her mention of Jamie has Luca's heart squeezing. "We'll try to be there."

"Great!" She opens the exam room door, ushering Luca in. "I'll see you there then."

With that, she closes the door behind her, leaving Luca and a whimpering Noelle alone. The motion of being carried in her car seat seems to have calmed the baby down, so Luca keeps standing, swaying the car seat slightly to keep her calm.

By the time that Chanel joins them, his arm feels like it is about to fall off. "Luca, how good to see you." Her teeth are bright, contrasting against her dark skin. Her lips are bright red today, matching her tight sweater. "How is your little girl doing?"

She sits down in the little rolling chair, and Luca sits down in the one opposite her. Noelle is almost asleep, begrudgingly quiet with a pout on her face.

"Still crying a lot, but nothing too concerning."

"Well, let's get her measurements, and then we'll finish the rest of the checkup."

"Ten pounds even, good girl," Chanel murmurs, typing the numbers into the computer, before stretching out the baby's leg to get her length. "And twenty-two and a half inches."

She then takes out her stethoscope and works through the rest of the appointment. Luca knows his baby is healthy, having done his own check-ups at home, once a day. But, it still eases some of his anxiety to hear Chanel tell him that she is perfectly healthy.

"Are we doing shots today?" she asks.

"Yes," Luca tells her, already tensing as he thinks of the crying that's about to ensue.

"Alright, well, I'll send Henri in and then you'll be ready to do. Do you have any questions for me?"

"No, but thank you, Chanel."

"I didn't think so, but I'd thought I'd ask. And no problem." She stands up. "I'll see you after New Years?"

"Yes. I'll be back on the third."

"Okay, well Happy Holidays, and I hope to see you at the party."

She walks out then, and Henri, one of the nurses, wheels in a tray with tiny needles on it.

"Do you want to hold her while I give her the shots?" he asks, washing his hands in the sink before slipping on a pair of fresh, sterile gloves.

"Yes," Luca says, pulling down the small pants that he had bundled her in and exposing her thighs.

Henri is quick and efficient as he sterilizes her legs and gives her the shots. It isn't until he is pressing the band-aids on that Noelle starts to cry.

And cry.

She wails as Luca bundles her and straps her back into the car seat. She cries as he drives back to the house. Her crying doesn't even let up when they reach the house and Luca pulls her into his arms.

It's enough to set him on edge. All he wants is to stop the pain, but he knows he can't.

Noelle squirms against him, no matter how he tries to hold her. She even refuses the bottle and doesn't like it when he sets her down. But her crying doesn't lessen when he picks her back up. He feels like he is at his wit's end. So, he does the only thing he thinks will help.

He calls Jamie.

The phone rings for what seems like forever, convincing Luca that Jamie won't pick up. Just when he is about to hang up and try again, he hears the line pick up.

"Hello?"

Noelle's screams making it hard to talk, but Luca tries anyway. "I need your help."

"Oh, this really must be serious if you're asking for help," Jamie says. "What happened? What's wrong?"

"I took Noelle in for her well-child checkup and they gave her some shots. She hasn't stopped crying, and no matter what I do she won't stop. Can you... Can you just come over here and, I don't know, cuddle her, work your magic? Whatever it is you do to get her to calm down."

There's a pause over the line. "I'm on my way. I'll be there in ten minutes." The phone goes quiet, and Luca knows that Jamie has hung up.

Noelle squirms as Luca bounces her, and once again refuses the bottle. His ears are absolutely ringing from all the crying, and he feels as if she is never going to stop crying. He is a horrible dad, who can't even comfort his daughter, and he somehow drove away the only person who is able to comfort her.

He sets her down on the play mat, the little baby not being disturbed or comforted by the move. Her cries continue, and Luca stumbles over to the couch. Sitting down, he rests his head in his hands, closing his eyes.

It's a never-ending cycle. With every cry from his daughter comes the thought that he isn't a good dad. Maybe he should have done what Becca had suggested when they first found out she was pregnant. Perhaps she would be better off if he put her up for adoption. If she had someone who knew what they were doing when taking care of her.

Because he felt like he was scrambling. With every nuance he learned about her, he had to take two steps back. Nothing he did was right.

Sniffling, his fingers brush along his face and come away wet. Surprise runs through him at the tears. He couldn't remember the last time he cried. He hadn't even cried when Becca had left him.

This was different though. His daughter needed him, and he felt like he was failing. Becca never needed him.

But he isn't good enough for either of them, can't make anyone happy. His girlfriend left, his best friend is avoiding him, and he can't comfort his daughter.

The tears come quicker, the ringing in his head constant as his daughter continues to cry.

When suddenly, the crying stops.

Startled, Luca looks up. Jamie is standing in front of him, Noelle nestled against his chest as he rubs her back.

"Jesus, Luca," he murmurs, eyes roaming over Luca's face. Jamie pauses, face softening significantly. "Oh no. What is going on in that head of yours?"

His voice is scratchy, and even when he clears his throat, his voice doesn't change. "I'm not good enough, Jamie."

The other man's eyebrows scrunched in confusion. "What?"

Luca shakes his head. "I don't know if I can do this. It-it's too much. God, this is the first time she has stopped crying all day! And the last week she has been so agitated. The only time she isn't crying is when she is sleeping, and that's rare enough. I'm obviously failing at this, Jamie. I-"

"Now wait a minute." Jamie sits on the couch, resting his hand on Luca's thigh and giving it a tight squeeze "You are not a failure. Parenthood is hard, and you're experiencing it first hand. Peanut is just a little girl with attitude, that does not mean you're a bad father."

"I am," Luca nods. "I can't make anyone happy."

"Why in the hell do you say that?" Jamie looks even more confused than before.

Luca looks up at his with an equally confused look. "Becca left, you're avoiding me, and Noelle is just obvious."

A complicated series of emotions pass over Jamie's face, too quick for Luca to catch. His friend scoots closer. "None of that is your fault."

Luca opens his mouth to protest, but Jamie cuts him off. "None, you hear me? Becca left because that's just what she does. Noelle's a baby, and crying is what they do most of the time. And I," he falters, "I'm sorry. I didn't even think you would notice, really."

Luca looks up at him then, a few strands of his hair falling across one eye. "Of course I would notice. It's weird when you aren't here. Empty. I'm sorry, Jamie."

"For what?" Jamie says, raising a questioning brow.

"Whatever I did! God, I feel like I am constantly making you upset and you've been pulling away. What am I doing? Please, tell me! Because I'm drowning here, Jamie, and I need you."

Jamie swallows, Adam's apple bobbing. "You don't need to apologize for anything. I'm the one who's sorry. I've been trying to work some personal things out, and I thought I needed some distance."

"Why? Do you not want to be here? I would understand," Luca says.

Jamie's hand gives his thigh another squeeze cutting off his words. "No, I want nothing more than to be here, Luca." He takes a deep breath, seeming to collect himself. "It just hurts sometimes, seeing you here, in front of me, and not able to- to have you."

His words cause Luca to still. "What do you mean?"

Jamie looks up at him, his brown eyes looking wide. "You know what I mean." His words are a whisper, yet they sound so loud in the sudden quiet of the house. "But I know that this isn't the right time, it never seems to be." He looks back down at Noelle. "And you guys are both suffering. I'll try not to pull away anymore, Luca. But I can't make any promises."

He shifts over a sleeping Noelle, placing her in a still completely shocked Luca's arms. "Here, she's sleeping now, and so should you. I have to get back to work, but I'll bring over some Thai for dinner, alright?"

And with that, he stands up, leaving the once chaotically loud house in astonishing silence.

Merry Christmas everyone! Just thought I would mention on here that updates will be moved to just Tuesdays, because I have another story that is going be published on Friday.

Also, I wanted to let you know that I have a Patreon now! Chapters for all my stories will be published on there two days before they are published on Wattpad. So, if you feel like you can't wait for the next chapter, go ahead and swing by there. However, if you don't feel like signing up for a tier, please don't feel like you have to! All chapters will be posted here. However, there is a third tier where smut/explicit chapters for my stories will be posted, and they will not be posted on here. The first of these chapters will be posted on Friday, and people can make special requests for these chapters as well.

Link is here: https://www.patreon.com/malena_stark

Okay, that was really long-winded and sorry for that! Happy holidays everyone and thanks so much for all of your support!