❛ chapter twenty nine! ❜

twenty nine|conscious—broods

       Suddenly, I'm standing in front of two tall and lonely pillars that resemble those from the ancient Greece. I observe my surroundings with a mask of confusion and drink in the feedback of all my senses. I don't know when I stopped feeling everything. I don't know when I stopped feeling the blood pouring out of me, nor I know when the quiet and weak fluttering in my chest stopped, leaving my chest consumed by total silence.

       I don't know if this is product of my dying brain or if I'm already dead. I look around myself once again but, aside from the pillars and my own body, there's nothing to see, nothing but white mist and that has invoked the uneasiness that eats me from inside. I touch my torso, feeling at it, searching for any wounds or blood but there's none. I'm not even wearing my suit, but a pale wavy dress and my bangle is gone, I don't have time to ponder on it, let alone look for it, for a humming and whirring sound, one I know too well, invades the quiet place.

       "No. No!" I blurt when I see my father stepping out of the portal with a look of immense sorrow plastered on his face. I shake my head frantically, taking several steps back, putting as much distance between the two as I can, trying to calm myself down when I come to the conclusion that this is not heaven, nor hell, it's just the Speed Force. I'm back into the Speed Force. The realization starts an onslaught of emotions within my chest, "What am I doing back in here? I'm supposed to be dead!" I bellow, angry yet upset.

      "And you are," he tells me calmly and I frown confused at him, "you are here, but you are not here at the same time; you see, this is just your soul and you cannot move on to what follows, not until you have faced your punishment."

       "Punishment? I decided to die!" My hands curl into fists, "You said it was my decision, mine only and that you'd honour it, clearly you're not!"

      "Things have changed," he continues calm, while I am the total opposite. I turn around and see another portal opening, right behind me, whirring and cracking with electricity, the Speed Force inside it raging wildly like a storm; the echo of my father's voice causes me to return my attention to him, "We warned you, we asked you to take wise decisions and you did not. You let your judgement be clouded by the people you had to deal with, you became attached to them," he explains and a gasp escapes my lips when two tentacles of raw Speed Force that come from the portal behind me wrap around my wrists with extreme speed and precision, "and with time, you became attached to the doppelganger in a different way, did you not?" He raises his eyebrows when I don't answer, "Tell us the truth girl."

       "Yes," I utter and I have to suppose that the strange sensation in my chest would be my heart leaping wildly against my ribcage if it had a drop of life in it as I prepare to confess, not afraid of saying it, "I fell in love with him."

       "You were incautious," he tells me as if to correct me, "you have broken our rules, bent them at will and continued to create your own, that is not something a Guardian does. Following our rules is imperative, breaking them is unforgivable and that sentimentalism for that people, especially the doppelganger, is preposterous. All you did was unwise, Violett."

       "I saved them!" I berate, trying to break free from my chains.

       "Not all of them," he replies grimly, my sullen demeanour vanishing and now flaring with guilt, "your arrogance led to one casualty, you were that man's last hope and you failed him. You could not save him."

       "I tried!" I exclaim with a wobbly voice, "I really tried, you have to believe me, I swear. . .I did try," I close my eyes, feeling my chest burn.

       "And did it work?"

       "No," my voice barely a whisper, hot tears pool in my eyes and start to spill down my face, "it did not."

       "We figure you understand the magnitude of the problem you are in, what you have done in this mission cannot go unnoticed and that is why you cannot move on to what follows after death, that is part of your punishment," I lower my head, feeling how my nails dig into my palms, I'm angry at myself for not saving the man that counted on me; he'd be alive if it weren't for me, I was scared and he paid with his life for my mistake.

       "I understand," I say quietly.

       "Good," his voice matter of factly, "because you must face what is next now."

       As soon as he says the last word, an earsplitting scream that soon morphs into a whimper comes from the depths of my soul, echoing throughout the white mist that surrounds me, ripping my throat in two when a fist of energy pierces through my chest and slowly and painfully lifts my frame. I can't even think straight with the unfathomable agony my body has been submerged into, nor can I control—let alone stop—the pained and harrowing noises that come from me. I can only feel how my energy is drawn from my body while my father stands there as I crumble into pieces. They won't let me die and I hate them for that, but I deserve this, I deserve the pain, every little bit of it. I failed. Someone ended up dying and that was what I had to prevent.

       When I barely have the strength to raise my head is the only moment where my crying quietens down. Hushed and weak whimpers still heave on my lips, though. My vision is blurry due to the constant and numb stream of both exasperated and disconsolate tears; the humming of the tentacle that sticks our from my chest is almost deafening and it twists my insides mercilessly. I think I know where this punishment is going, they want me to live with the painful remainder that I couldn't save my friend and that makes this punishment rather interesting for them.

       "Please," I whisper, hating myself for begging, I just want it to end, then again they might be right, I don't even deserve to die. Tears are dribbling down to my chin and my abject gaze falls upon my father, who slowly approaches; just seeing the stone cold expression on his face, the lack of emotion in his eyes and the outpour of indifference sends a painful sob racking me to the core. I know it's not my father, but it hurts seeing him doing all this; I feel broken, defeated and my dead heart is once again swathed by the hollowness I thought I wouldn't never have to feel again.

       "You are reckless, insubordinate and defiant, you cannot follow simple commands," I order myself to look him in the eyes, but I can't; 'don't let them think you're weak', that's all you've wanted to prove all this time, that you're not weak, now look at you!—I hear my own voice reverberate into my skull and yet my gaze remains glued to the ground.

       My father tells me I must change for the better, that I should take this as a second chance. I don't want a second chance, I've lived a rough life, gladly helped people, but I can't do this anymore, I just want to leave it all behind and finally have some rest. I remain quiet, listening to what he's got to say about me, agreeing with all the flaws he's listing down.

       "We have put up with this attitude for years, we cannot do that anymore, you shall remain in exile from now on," his hazel eyes glare at me with unnerving thoroughness "you will have to lead a normal life on the earth you perished, your powers have been drawn from you and so has any sort of connection to the Speed Force," a whimper bubbles in my throat when the chains of raw energy tighten and crawl up to my arms, "both will be restored when we decide it, or, when you are fit, worthy enough to wield them again. Do you understand?" I nod slightly.

       "I understand," I don't know what he wants me to say. I failed. He says banishment is part of my punishment, he says say no powers, then so be it, there is nothing I can do, they've taken a decision and it's obvious that nothing I say will change that.

       "Violett Hale, the last daughter of Warworld, the last female warrior, for your actions, your rebellious behavior and the irreparable alterations you have caused, we derogate you from your title as Guardian and from the privileges that tie you to the Speed Force," the corners of my mouth twitch downwards as I try not to cry as I listen to my sentence, enraged by the fact that they won't even let me die and yet I don't retaliate, for I deserve this punishment. The portal whirs with the tempest inside, about to swallow me whole and I look at my father in the eyes one last time, "Violett Hale, your race is over."

       And I vanish. Inevitably and completely ignorant of what I would find back on Earth-1.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

we've reached the end of this book! if you paid attention you'll notice there are many unanswered questions, which brings me to the part of telling you that a sequel might happen. actually i have it on my drafts but who knows when or if it'll be published.

that open ending was originally followed by violett finding out that barry went into the speedforce just like we saw at the end of season three; i might publish that part later on, but not as an official ending, just to like continue with the season three mood, since i have some other plans for violett's story.

thanks for sticking with me throughout this journey! i'm so happy to know that someone liked this crazy story, remember to stay tuned for more because this ain't over!

love, elizabeth.