❛ chapter twenty two! ❜

twenty two | here with me—susie suh

       It downs on me that this is actually Bart, my Barry. That little nervous laugh permanently recorded makes one bubble out of my throat too. The bitter tears I've been crying tonight turn into happy ones that wash the others away along with the dark emotions that drowned me. Still, I'm so appalled by it all that I'm waiting for someone to swing that door open and tell me this is some sort of joke. Strangely and luckily enough that doesn't happen and I'm more than grateful for it. I stare at the the way the line rhythmically moves, going up and down with every word he pronounces. I can only cradle the piece of amusing technology in my hands with the biggest watery smile on my face; the words it's you spilling from my mouth over and over again without acknowledging it until they echo in the corner.

       "I accidentally travelled to the future and saw what Zoom would do to our world. . .I saw him kill me," his statement makes me cold to the core and feel myself filling with the stream of emotions he could've experienced in that moment and I'm overwhelmed by them.

       He tells me that he figured it happened a couple of months before the actual events took place, we were already trying to stop Zoom from causing what I had thought would be a temporary chaos, however, Bart had already seen that this wouldn't be temporary at all. He helps me remember the day after and the memory of us sitting at the dining table on a Sunday morning comes to my mind. He'd been so lost in thought and not himself at all; he had replied he was fine, that he had gotten into another argument with his mother and I believed him, for it happened quite a lot and wasn't strange to me anymore.

       "I couldn't stop thinking that I had just seen my future, our future. I couldn't accept, couldn't believe everything would be taken from us...stolen from us. I know, you might be mad at me for not telling you before, it's just, I couldn't bear the idea of you knowing about it, I didn't want you to carry such a burden or worry about it. I'm so sorry for leaving you like this. I'm really sorry Vee—" he pauses, "—but if I'm going to die I'll make sure you make it out alive."

       He ends in a whisper, before a poignant pause takes over the recording and it is barely interrupted by faint sounds of him taking a deep breath and clearing his throat several times. I then realize that's him trying to stop himself from crying and that breaks me. My mind starts to run, trying to guess where was he when he recorded this, where was I. I wish I could have just five minutes with him and tell him that I'm not that mad at him for not telling me, if he had just told me we could have done something about it and maybe we'd still be together; I could have given him the comfort he needed. I remember how he'd turn and toss in bed, not able to sleep and those nightmares I had to shake him awake from almost twice in a week, he'd come up with terrible excuses. I tried so hard to make him talk about those nightmares, but he wouldn't say a single word. Never.

       "I'm not scared of dying, alright? I've accepted my faith and I want to clear that out, it's okay, I'm okay with it happening. I'm just scared of not being there in the future, be there physically when you feel like talking to someone, or when you just need company. I'm scared of the future changing and not being me the one who dies but you and the idea of not being able to save you when the time comes terrifies me," he sounds more collected now, and that certainly eases my mind and racing heart. There's another pause, followed by a low chuckle, "Not that you need saving, because you're very good at saving your cute little ass every time. I know that, everyone knows that you're your own hero, Vee. But. . .I don't know what I'd do without you, who I'd become. . .hell, I wish I could kiss you right now," he's got no idea of how many times I've wished that in the past four years, "I love you—"

        "I love you too," I say quietly, feeling how he tugs at every one of my heartstrings.

       "—I wish I could spend the rest of my life by your side, but we can't anymore. Future's not set in stone, but it doesn't mean things can't go wrong. Please don't run back in time to save me, time is a wicked and tricky thing and it could surprise you with not just a small change, the possibilities are endless. Do keep that in mind. Please, don't risk it all just for being with me. You can have a beautiful life without me too. I'll ask you to be strong and move forward, maybe it'll be hard, still I want you to try. I want you to be happy, whatever happens and I don't want to be the reason you won't be happy."

       If he only knew the life I've led all these years, the unforgivable thoughts I've had and the things I've done throughout all this time. I'm not proud of them. I can say that coming to this earth has made me happy, I'm surrounded by l people that accept me for the very first time. I'm happy here. Even if I can't stay here forever, I will cherish every moment and look back at them with the same happiness I lived them, I will use them to fuel my will to continue feeling like that, happy.

       "I want you to know that you made my life better, you helped me find balance, I was so lucky to have you. Whatever earth you're listening, I want you to be happy. I want you to be the woman I fell in love with; make new friends, because everyone needs friends; I know you're not a very open person and that you decided to have a fortress as a heart due to everything you've gone through, but please fall in love, Violett, please do fall in love. Find a person that loves you as much as I did—don't think for a second I wouldn't want this—let them in and I mean completely, let them know that under that strong exterior lies the sweetest woman. Marry them, have kids with them, grow old with them. Please, have the life I know you deserve. Don't forget that I love you and I always will."
      
       And the symphony stops, the sounds of the world around me taking over once again. I sink back in the corner, the bangle nested in my hands while I secretly wait to hear more. His last words still fluttering in my head. There's no trace of the sad tears I was crying a moment ago, there's only happy ones slowly rolling down my cheeks and even a soft laughter bubbling in my throat. It's been months since the last time I felt so down in the dumps, ever since I proposed it to myself, I've been happy and the company of people as nice and good as the team has helped to keep up. Now that I've heard Bart's voice—so clear and full of those little things that make it unique, all those things that makes it his and completely different from any doppelganger there is—I'm undoubtedly happier. For the first time ever, the hole in my chest seems to forget what its home has been for four long years. I can't describe that feeling.

⚪⚪⚪

       I rushed back to my small room in the West household around two in the morning last night and I replayed the recording a couple of times before falling asleep. The universe conspired against me—positively this time—and I got to dream with the owner of the voice in the recording. I cannot describe how listening to that voice was, knowing that it was actually him made me feel something out of this world. It all felt so surreal. However, I've left that surrealism in the back for a moment and focused in the very real situation were in.

       Currently, the team is gathered in the Cortex. We listen at Joe West, who tells us that Cecile has been kidnapped by no other than Killer Frost and she's only letting her go if we turn in Tracy Brand—the woman that is going to help us build the trap for Savitar and who we went looking for this very morning; we turn her in, otherwise, Cecile Horton dies. We're in a difficult position here, for Tracy could—is, most likely —the key to defeating Savitar, so handing her over isn't the answer, but we cannot let Killer Frost finally live up to her name and kill someone either. As much as I would have liked to go out and find the dynamic and evil super duo instead of waiting until the message with the address to Cecile's location pops into Joe's phone, I can't, it could only make things worse and get Cecile killed.

       As if on cue, Joe's phone goes off and he immediately reads it out loud, "They're at the old Dressler factory."

       "That's something. So, what do we do now?" Cisco questions and I see the struggle on everyone's faces.

       "Anybody got a plan?" I ask, already thinking of a plan myself just in case, but Barry has already taken care of that, he's got a plan.

       He explains everything to us and five minutes later we're all getting ready to head to the old factory. The plan is a bit risky, just like any other plan, but it's a plan. After all, if the plan goes to hell at some point, we can always improvise, it's worked for me plenty of times.

       We arrive to the factory and I walk up close Tracy all the time. As we walk into a maze of corridors and warehouses with old and rusty shelves I can feel my body going on flight or fight mode, adrenaline starting to run through my veins. The thought of this being a trap crosses my mind and yet I don't fret too much about it, most of times these things end up always being a big fat trap, so all I do is keep Tracy near, to the point of grabbing her arm. I look over my shoulder and spot Barry behind me, he looks as tense as everyone in this room. We cross a large archway, finally finding the dark haired woman tied down to a chair; Joe immediately hurries to her aid.

       "I'm okay, she didn't hurt me," the attorney gushes as we approach, however, Killer Frost walks our way, stopping us from taking one more step.

       "That's because killing you does nothing for me," she purrs with a wicked grin across her pretty face, "killing you, Tracy, that's everything. Hand her over," she orders and instinctively my hand curls tighter around the blonde's arm.

       "You don't have to do this," says Barry, stepping closer.

       "Yes, I do," she replies. I stare in a concoction of confusion and astonishment when Killer Frost choruses the same exact words that come out of The Flash's mouth, her voice joined to his through the silence around us as the entire scene eerily plays out, leaving us in state of proper and utter what the fuck. She enjoys seeing the confusion playing on our faces and she laughs mockingly at us. She tell us that Savitar told her everything we'd do and say. This is too precise for a prediction, though. It's almost as if Savitar had been with us in this same room, but he's not, I would have sensed him already, "You two are more alike than you realize. You see, that's how Savitar knows every move you're going to make. He's always one step ahead of you, because this is all history for him. That's how I know that Cisco is in the rafters right now."

       As soon as she presses the button on the device she holds in her hand, there's an explosion up in the rafters right where Cisco was hiding. I see him open a breach and disappear through it. I take this as my cue to run Tracy to a safe spot, quickly reassuring her that nothing's going to happen to her, for she's noticeably panicking. When I return, Barry is shielding Joe from the cold blast Killer Frost sends his way. I see the speedster fall to the ground and being blasted once again in the chest and before I realize it, I'm charging at her and in less than a second my hands are curling around her wrists, gripping hard to the point of stopping her from sending the freezing stream to its target, rage filled eyes glaring back at her. My jaw has clenched as I resist the urge to squeeze harder and snap her fragile wrists, but I remember who is under the pale skin and steely eyes, so I just push her down to the ground before I lose my temper completely. A laugh leaves her throat as she gets on her feet, rubbing some life into her soon to be swollen wrists.

       "I'd put some ice on that," I tell her, words dripping with irony.

       "If it's an apology for what I did to you the other day what you want, I get it," she says while my eyes remain trained on her, "too bad I don't do apologies," she cocks her head, raising her hand at me, "now get out of my way if you don't want me to freeze you again."

       "I'm not going anywhere, Frosty," I shake my head as a warning and I feel my lips curling into a smile.

       "Do you want to fight, Guardian?" She hisses and I curl my hands into fists.

       "The real question is: do you?" I retaliate. Then my body is washed over a feeling of déjà vu. Images of my vision from months ago invade my mind and I see myself fighting Killer Frost again; maybe this is it, this is the fight I've seen. Then again, this isn't the place I saw us fighting in and Savitar is nowhere to be seen. I look over the woman's shoulder and spot Cisco with a full loaded gauntlet aimed at her, the blue blast hitting her back and propelling her body forward. She turns her attention to Cisco and Joe and I hurry to Cecile and Barry's aid respectively as their fight ensues.

       "You okay?" I ask Barry and he nods before starting to vibrate his body so that the ice that covers it shatters. I decide it's taking too long so I bash at it with my fist a couple of times to speed up the process. I see the ice fall to the ground as an explosion echoing behind us grabs my attention, said explosion announcing that the fight between Vibe and Killer Frost has ended, quite fast. When Barry rises to his feet, we take in the scene before us; Killer Frost knocked out as Cisco kneels beside her. I'm thinking that we could even take her back an put her in the pipeline and that we saved Cecile and Tracy, thankfully nobody died tonight. That thought is interrupted when a flash of white lightning crosses the room and topples Cisco to the ground. There, with Killer Frost's body at his feet, stands Savitar.

       "My ascension is nearly at hand, Flash and as I rise, you will fall," he says, his gaze wanders over to me and he stretches his hand to me after his little speech. I hold my own gaze on him, trying to anticipate what he's going to do next, my first guess is he'll take Tracy with him and so I'm ready to follow him to the end of earth if necessary, but he does something I didn't expect, "Rise with me, Violett. It's time you stop playing hero, stop pretending you have a moral compass to follow. Stop fooling yourself and accept your greatness. We can be unstoppable together," he says and I find myself stepping forward with that last sentence.

       Unstoppable.

       That word brings back future Barry's voice to my head; she searched for Savitar, she went back and forth in the timeline until she found him, that's how they became an unstoppable team. Maybe he still thinks you're his Violett, at least your intentions. If that's the case—no matter how different things are this time—you're one step ahead of him. My hair goes flying in all directions when the god of speed bolts away. Nobody says a word about what he's told me, for they're used to him trying to convince me to join his club of evil metahumans and they probably think it's just because my powers and my ability to track people connected to the Speed Force along with my, as he said, lack of moral compass—like I had thought at the beginning—but this goes deeper than that, he still thinks I'm pretending to be someone I'm not, he thinks this is part of the act.

       "Violett?" My head snaps at Cisco—who observes me with his shimmering brown eyes, "Are you okay?"

       "Yeah, I was—I think I zoned out for a moment there," I tell him, trying to conceal my lack of attention, for there's million of questions, theories, hypothesis—call them what you want—being put together and swirling into my brain. I see everyone's heading out the room and Cisco places his gloved hand on my back, indicating me to start walking, for I'm too focused on my own thoughts that I don't bother to follow them myself. Judging by Cisco's face I'm not being subtle at all so I decide to put off my brainstorming, but I don't seem to be able to, my mind grows cloudy instead.

       "We're going to figure this out," he says, more to himself than to me, but I reply anyway.

       "Yeah, we better figure it out fast, though. He knows everything about us, everything were gonna do—Killer Frost said it, it's just history to him..." I fade, coming to a stop and getting lost in my own head again. Everything revolves on who is he and how does he know us so well and the path my thoughts are driving me to isn't the one I would like, "it's as if he not only knew but remembered things. . ." my eyes wander from the people walking in front of me to my surroundings, "as if, he had lived them," I whisper, scared to be right when my eyes fall on the group of people again and realize that I think I know who is Savitar, "fuck me. . ."

       "Are you really okay?" I hear Cisco question, and I have to suppose I don't look quite alright, for he's shuffling towards me with utter worry on his face, his hand has set over my shoulder. I stare at his face, trying to push away the awful thought that stormed into my head but I can't, "Violett!" He whisper shouts, shaking me slightly and only then I'm out of my reverie, "What's wrong? Are you alright?"

       "I don't know."

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

accidental time travel, that's a complication. the bit with vee joining the dots to find out who's savitar reminded me of how the fandom would do the same when this episode aired and theories flooded the internet. good times. what do you think of this chapter? yay or nay?

and tysm for the support on this story! we've reaches over 9k reads! ilysm!