❛ chapter eighteen! ❜

eighteen | mercy—shawn mendes

       Going to the small room where they keep the mops, vacuums, decrepit artifacts in the dusty shelves along with more stuff to clean the slick flooring at the labs was not a good idea. I had gone to get a new bulb for the reading lamp in Cisco's workshop, since it got knocked into a wall when he tried to teach me how to fix some random piece of technology that I made explode. Hell, finding a bulb wasn't the only thing I did, for I had a small encounter with a strange-looking and disgusting little being that squirmed its way through boxes and things while I yelped and felt a type of fear I had never felt before. I pace around the Cortex with nervous and cold hands pressed against my cheeks and sudden shudders that rack my body every now and then, followed by feeling sick when I remember that H.R. offered himself to go to that room and try to catch it.

       Caitlin—yet again—tries and fails to make Cisco stop laughing at me, for is all he's been doing in the past ten minutes as well as pointing out how loud my scream was—considering the fact that the room with the various supplies is pretty far from the Cortex. The brown eyed boy rises from his chair and grabs the bag of potato chips from his desk.

       "I can't believe it. You—the badass killer queen, the super soldier that could kill someone with her bare hands—are scared of a tiny mouse?" It still gives me the chills when I remember the way it ran between and over my feet several times.

       "I didn't know what a mouse was until today! What's the big deal?" The explanation on how I've never seen one of those rodents, since they did not exist back on my earth, doesn't seem to make him understand how little pleasant the situation was to me, "You yourself said you're scared of them as well, why is it so amusing then?"

       "Because without my powers I'm just a regular person and you're a super soldier with enhanced senses and strength and stuff!" He exclaims and I look at him confused as hell and totally missing his point on how that has to do with the mouse.

       "I thought we agreed not to call her that, Cisco," Caitlin pipes in, sliding her chair away from the desk, "from where she comes from that's not called a super soldier."

       "Yeah, I get that. But, from where we come from—this little world of us—that is called a super soldier, no matter what," he says, wildly gesticulating with his hands and I look at Barry who is biting back a laugh, "you were genetically engineered and trained to kick other super soldier's asses!"

       "That's not what we were called. Were called warriors, no super soldiers, Cisco," I say for the tenth time today.

       "I agree with Violett, Cisco," Barry says, "I don't think that's the right term."

       "I'm calling her that and nothing's gonna change my mind," he blurts, munching on a chip and making me chuckle for the first time since the mouse incident.

       I don't stay to see H.R. coming back with the mouse in its small cage, I go to the speed lab instead and set everything up for a training session and decide to suit up and wait for Wally to show up at the labs like he always does at this hour, yet he never does since we all agreed that, after what he lived and went through in the Speed Force, he'd take a break—I guess the mouse, incident made me forget about it. For the first time in a while, I find myself with nothing to do. Even metahumans have been behaving in the last couple of days.

       With a huff, I sink into a chair and rise my feet onto the desk while toying with my wrist computer, just scrolling down some random information about this earth; I have been studying their culture and history and I've learnt quite a lot, like the fact that the world is not divided by alliances like it was on my earth and that 1940's Germany spread fear like a plague in most countries with one of the worst wars until now, now that sounds like my earth. Russia isn't as big as it was on my earth and the New U.R.S.S. isn't a thing here. Kings and Queens are still a thing here, in some countries at least, like England and Spain.

       "You know I can feel you standing there, don't you?" I tease, still scrolling down and the hologram on my wrist disappears as I command it. I rise from my seat and waltz towards the speedster in the red suit, his cowl pulled back, "Why are you suited up? Weren't you leaving for work?"

       "Ouch," he says, faking the fact of being hurt by my words, "Julian is covering for me, but I'll leave if you don't want me around."

       "I never said that," he smiles and I find myself doing the same.

       "Wanna go for a spin? A little race?" I shoot him a pensive look.

       "Last time I beat you by a second that could have been ages," he chuckles a little, "as long as I'm back on time, Iris is going to show me what shopping clothes is like on this earth after her shift," he rises his eyebrows; I realize I'm staring deeply into the black of his pupils, for there's just a thin rim of green around it, "Alright, Барри Аллен. I'll give you a headstart. One second."

       "I don't need a headstart," he states, yet I convince him. He speeds off from the speed lab and to Central City's tallest building—our finish line. I take off just one second later and follow the fresh trail of his connection with the Speed Force that he leaves behind. I feel the way my feet push me forward and my body turns into nothing but pure energy, sparks bouncing over my skin and tickling my face as I approach to the red blur in the distance. A grin touches my lips when I reach him and we run side to side once again. A bewildered look briefly taking over his face before a grin appears over his own lips as soon as his eyes fall on me.

       We turn the corner and I can see the tall building rising to the sky, the thick clouds that adorn it reflecting over the mirror-like surface, announcing the upcoming storm about to fall from above. I find myself leaving the speedster behind as soon as I step onto the building's wall and run upwards and—just like the last time I pushed myself to the limit—I see the lightning that bounces over my body turn white, coalescing with the golden trail behind me. I can even see it reflected over the glass that my feet cling onto. The white lightning disappears as fast and as suddenly as it appeared, leaving me to answer the hundreds of questions that have popped in my head. I feel The Flash getting closer from behind and in a blink he's next to me with a quizzical look plastered on his eyes, I guess he noticed the white lightning engulfing my frame as well. The two of us reach the top of the building at the same time and instead of witty remarks and cocky statements we just look at each other, our breathing heavy as short and warm breaths escape through our lips with flushed cheeks at the dying light of the sun behind a storm cloud. I know he's waiting for an explanation for what he saw, however, I can just speculate.

       "It's happened twice," I begin, "white lightning; I wish I could give you a solid answer, but I can't. I don't know what that means; maybe my connection with the Speed Force is becoming stronger and I'm becoming faster," maybe this earth's atmosphere is affecting me in a good way; the confusion on my face vanishes to give hope a home. I find myself walking up to the man in red, "I think I can save Iris, Barry, let's not put Wally in danger, I could do it," I tell him quietly, "I could push myself to the limit and do it," there's a ghost of a smile on his lips.

       "I bet you could, but. . .it's my responsibility and mine only."

       "What are you talking about?" I question, scrutinizing his face. The green eyed hero takes a few steps closer to the edge of the building, looking out at the city. The storm cloud slowly and relentlessly covering it and showering it down.

       "We haven't talked much about what happened into the Speed Force. We haven't talked that much at all this past couple of days either," no we haven't, not like we used to, at least; the fact that I saw him fight a fake version of Bart, the thing I did at the fair, then I pretty much killed him after almost kissing him in that twisted dream, all of that has made things a little strange for me and by the way he's telling me this I know the distance I've tried to put between the two has been noticed, "You won't save Iris, not because you're not able to, but because I don't want you to. The Speed Force said that it was me, that I am the one supposed to save Iris. I should've never asked Wally to do it, saving her has been my responsibility all the time, and I won't ask you to do it."

       "But, that's why I'm here, to help you. The only reason I'm here is because I have to thwart Savitar's plan and stop him from killing Iris or any of you," I take a step forward, "I promised you Iris wouldn't die, no one will die."

       "I know, but what about you?" He looks at me through squinted eyes, "You say it like you're not including yourself in that 'no one will die'. The Speed Force is right, it's time for people stop sacrificing themselves for me, stop giving up their lives and everything they love and know for me."

       "It's not like you can change their minds anyway," I mumble with a shrug and I step closer to him, "Barry, I have nothing, I have no one. That's why being a Guardian is so easy. That's why I've been shot at, beaten up, tortured, stabbed to the point of being at the edge of death several times over in the past few years and I would do it again, for all of you. This is what I do, this is what other Guardians do," I say quietly, "I was given that task, it's my duty to protect you. No matter what my destiny is, to live, to die. All I have to do is fight until the end, making sure everyone is safe. Let me save Iris," I cock my head to see his face, yet he continues looking straight ahead for a couple of seconds, "Almost four years, Barry, and I'm still here. . ."

       "You're not a pawn to be sacrificed," he turns to face me at last, "not to me at least," I know he can be stubborn when he wants to, so I don't say a word, for I know that if I try to justify my actions he'll try to push me away from helping anyway. I remain in place and close my eyes instead, feeling the raindrops make contact with my face. A part of me is mad at him for not letting me do my job: protecting all of them. He wouldn't let me boost my speed with the VX3 to beat Savitar, nor save his best friend from the same psycho with my now supposedly increasing speed. Another part of me is moved by the fact that finally someone I've been sent to help values my life, which is a little unfair considering how many people I've killed in the past.

       I can feel him standing there, still as a statue. The god from this earth only knows what he's thinking. I open my eyes and meet the now cloudy and stormy sky of Central City. His eyes fall on me for a second, and that's where the phrase 'a second is like ages for a speedster' enters. Time has stopped around us and even though he's a speedster, I'm the only one who notices, for I'm the one provoking all this. The brunette is frozen in time just like the raindrops around us—which float in the air, falling in slow motion, almost imperceptibly. I see the storm itself brewing in his eyes, the speckles of uncertainty, worry and even fear floating in the vast green ocean he's got trapped behind those dark lashes. He doesn't want my help at all and that somehow breaks my heart. I have to bite the inside of my cheek not to show it, because if he knew the way my heart constricts when he says no to me I'd be doomed.

       My eyes wander to the sky, where lightning has slowly started to illuminate the growing dark sky. I breathe deeply into the smell of the rain, letting go of the pause I've conjured us in. Time continues its normal course, the raindrops falling quickly around us and the brunette blinks when the flash of light rushes above us and the sound of thunder cracks throughout the city, my eyes still gazing into his. As if on cue, rain becomes thicker. My hair sticks to my suit, dripping wet and the temperature in my suit increases, keeping me warm. I'm the first one to look away and take in a deep breath; he doesn't want me to interfere, then I won't. I won't be the one saving Iris West, like he's told me to. I'll just stand by, ready to act if things get out of hand—which is probably going to happen. But I will do anything to keep him alive. No matter what he says, no matter what he thinks, I will do everything and anything to keep him safe. I can't lose him.

       Not again.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

she's getting even more attached to everyone, especially to our barry boy - which is good for us, bad for her tho - how are you liking the slow burn? sorrynotsorry.

one chapter left for us to reach part three! who's excited?