❛ chapter fifteen! ❜

fifteen | house of memories—panic! at the disco

       Cisco's eyes shift from me to Barry, both of us nod at him, yet the brown eyed boy hesitates for a moment before actually letting go of us and he does it only because Barry has encouraged him to. The three of us stand in the middle of what seems like a raging storm with lightning dancing around us: the Speed Force. After wishing us luck, Cisco disappears and Barry and I stand into the storm for a moment, just taking in our surroundings. Today, we're getting Wally West out of this place. I see the green eyed man stretching out his hand at me and mine is about to take it when my surroundings start to change, morphing into something completely different. Next thing I know is that I'm standing in the middle of an empty house and that Barry is not with me.

       "Great," I mumble to myself. Now, we have to find each other too. I pace around for a moment and notice how rain is pelting outside and thunder roars every now and then. The light that filters through the large windows illuminate the furniture around me. I know this place, I used to live here before my father died.

       "Violett, we need to talk," I feel the hair of my neck stand at the orotund voice coming from behind me. I turn around and I see my father standing there, his hazelnut eyes on me. I can't help but feel the urge to run at him so that he can pull me into one of those bear hugs he used to pull me into when I was a mere child—but that's not him, it's just the Speed Force and that makes the urge die almost immediately.

       "I see you finally decided not to manifest to me as myself; that's an improvement," I say, keeping a close watch on him, it's the first time I see him since he died, "okay then, talk about what?" I ask, slightly confused, my hands on my hips.

       "About how bad you're handling things this time," he says and I frown, taking a few steps closer, "you're breaking the rules, Violett. You know we don't like the rules to be broken."

       "What are you talking about?" I ask, my arms folding over my chest defensively.

       "There's no need to pretend, Violett. You've become too close, dangerously close to these people; do not get attached—the golden rule for a Guardian," I rub my forehead with my hand, failing in my attempt to veil the evident.

       "I know. I've become attached a little."

       "A little?" His head tilted

       "Fine, more than I should," I admit, "but, how can't I? I mean, this earth is very similar to mine. It's like I'm living in my own perfect world, it's like my personal Flashpoint Paradox. I just couldn't help it, okay?" I shrug, "Besides you wanted me to change, I've done it, you wanted a less ruthless, more friendly Violett Hale, I thought the friendly part meant making friends! And it is hard not to become close with these people, they're so kind and friendly to me," I look down at my feet, feeling melancholic, "nobody had offered me their friendship before, nobody. . ." he nods in acknowledgement, followed by silence.

       "What about the doppelganger?" He asks after a moment and I take in a deep breath. I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes.

       "What do you want me to say about that?"

       "You've become attached to him as well."

       "I see my dead boyfriend everyday, how am I supposed not to become attached to the doppelganger? I'm trying, I'm really trying but he's too nice and kind—" I feel a smile tugging at my lips and force it into a thin line, continuing with a heartbroken voice, "and I wish I could just push him away but I cant! You should've known it was too much to handle this time, seeing his face reminds me of a whole life I could've had, a life that is long gone!"

       "We know that. We shouldn't have sent you to this mission. We thought you could handle the emotional factor, we can see you're struggling," he gushes and I feel myself getting angry.

       "I am, but I am doing my job well, I'm doing what I'm supposed to do, I'm protecting these people and we're going to defeat Savitar. I'll kill him with my bare hands if I have to," my voice rising gradually, "I took an oath to protect them, that's exactly what I'm doing."

       "We know, Violett," he utters, "we believe in you and we know you always keep your word, that's why you may take this as a warning," I look into his eyes, "it's too late to tell you not to become close to these people, you have befriended them and friends is how it should stay. Enjoy your time with them, but make sure this the first and only time you get attached to the people you have to deal with, you might not like what the penance is," fair enough, "be careful with the decisions you take from now on, not all of us are turning a blind eye on this matter," I nod and feel the pressure crushing my chest decreasing, I thought they'd make me stay and they'd leave the team on their own devices. A loud thunder crosses the sky, I instinctively look up and when my gaze is back to my father, he's gone.

       I squeeze my eyes shut and rub my temples. Not getting attached, well that's their fault for sending me here. I see the basement door across from me creaking open, my feet are carrying me there already. I better hurry up, I need to find Barry and Wally. I cross the door and instead of walking down the steps to a basement, I find myself walking into a even gloomier version of the Prime Academy, where I lived in since I was ten, the place I was turned into a weapon.

       I walk through a long corridor, heading to the large door at the end—thunder-like gunshots coming from behind it. I've never seen the Speed Force like this, I have never seen it so dark and gloomy before, it even feels lonelier that it usually is. Perhaps it has something to do with the reason why we're here and my 'misbehavior'. I have to cover my ears with my hands because the gunshots have become painfully louder. I open the ajar door and what I find behind it takes me to a memory I didn't know I still had.

       In the white room stands a broad shouldered man with eyes as cold as ice, brown hair buzzed close to his scalp on the sides and back while longer locks bush his forehead teasingly. His arms are crossed over his chest, the black of his combat uniform causing his pale eyes glow in contrast, while the grin plastered on his lips makes his cheekbones and chiselled jawline stand out as he observes the black haired girl with the gun in her hand perform a deadly dance. The look on his face is the same they'd wear when they saw raw talent and knew they had to exploit that raw talent, that savagery.

      There's a frown between the girl's eyebrows that screams concentration and determination as the bullets hit the several holographic attackers that pounce at her with all kinds of weapons. She reaches for the set of knives around her hips and throws them one by one to the holograms, which crumble to the ground when the knives and the gunshots find their home into their hearts. She skillfully reloads the gun, aims and pulls the trigger, never missing a shot. When the training session is over, she stands tall, with a layer of sweat on her face as she stares blankly ahead, the gun nested in its holster.

       "Well done," the man voices and the girl's face remains unexpressive, her eyes staring forward and not flinching when the man places his strong hand upon her shoulder, "you will reign on the battlefield Nightingale," her face displays innocence, yet she has not a drop of that. Nightingale—the first alias that was given to me, the alias of the ruthless, cutthroat warrior Violetta Volkova used to be; someone I haven't seen in ages yet she still lurks during battle. I close the door, not really interested in remembering more of that life. When I turn around the corridor is no longer there. I find myself in what seems to be Jupiter Laboratories—where Bart's mother used to work and, well, own. I see the logo of the labs plastered in every screen there is and notice how they glitch and how the lights flicker, both stopping when I'm thrown into another memory.

       "Are you sure we can be here?" I hear my own voice coming from the next room and I follow it. I see myself standing in the middle of a room with a bunch of shelves with high tech devices and holographic computers, "We're technically breaking in."

       "We hacked the security system, nobody will know we were here, and—technically—it's not breaking in if you're the owner's son," Bart replies with a smug smile, "she might hate me for not becoming a scientist like her, but I'm still her son—whether she likes it or not," he adds and I see myself walking up to him while he observes something into a microscope. I'm wrapping an arm around his shoulders and planting a kiss on his temple making an obnoxious sound, he turns his attention to me.

       "Your mother doesn't hate you Bar," I tell him, cupping his face in my hands. Nora Allen could never hate her son; she was only worried about him and it was understandable. Spending the day in a lab was safer than being a fighter pilot. She had already lost her husband and one of her sons at this point, she didn't want to lose anyone else, "She loves you, you're everything she's got left, and she's everything you've got left."

       "That's not completely true," he says with a smile on his lips as he pulls me closer and places his hand around the back of my neck as he kisses me. I see the two people slowly vanishing into thin air, a smile creeping on my lips and I close my eyes. I don't need another Speed Force hallucination to remember what happens next, I remember every single detail—including how a man from the cleaning staff walked in on us making out.

       When I open my eyes again, I find myself in S.T.A.R. Lab's Cortex. Lights flickering and screens glitching. If I'm at the labs it means I'm probably getting close to either Wally or Barry. As I make my way out of it, my mind tries to wrap around the fact that we can't take Wally out of the Speed Force Prison that easily; it needs another speedster to stay in his place. I wouldn't let Barry stay there, not in a million years—so the obvious option is me. I'll stay and will try to come to an agreement with the Speed Force. I don't know how I'll do that but Barry and Wally are going home today.

       "Barry?" I call as I make my way through the corridor to the elevator, "Wally?" Before I get into the elevator, I look at my surroundings and call out their names again and still I have no response. The doors close and when they open again my eyes meet another corridor. There's a frown working on my face as I step out of the elevator, for I've never been in this place. When I go round the corner I spot Barry, there's someone with him. I can only see the man's back from where I stand.

       "We know, and that's exactly the problem, Barry," he says and rises the gun in his hand, aiming it at Barry, "you're done fighting," he adds.

       "Wait!" I scream, running as fast as my legs can go without my speed and that's when I remember I forgot to mention this little detail to everyone—I don't have my speed while in the Speed Force. I stand between him and Barry with my hands up in surrender, my attention drawn by the sight of Wally on the other side of a door, surrounded by medical stuff, I come to the conclusion that we're in a hospital, which looks nothing like the hospitals I know, this one looks ancient. I turn my attention to the man before me, the gun still aimed at Barry as he glares at me and I gulp hard at his icy stare—I know I shouldn't be doing this.

       "You know you can't interfere with this, Violett," he says hastily and I nod my head, "you've come for the kid, too; you want to sacrifice yourself for him, too, take his place; we can't allow that," he says, sounding slightly annoyed, the fur in his blue jacket catching my eye.

       "Please, let us leave this time and once everything's over, once we defeat Savitar, I will return and face any penance you say, we need him to—"

       "We can't allow that either," he cuts me off in a gruff voice and turns his attention to Barry, "Barry wants out, then he's out," a cold blast coming from his gun brushes past me, hitting Barry in the chest and throwing him against the wall behind, "you think seeing Iris's death is hell? You have seen nothing yet," the man looks at me for a brief moment, "try losing your earth, like the woman in front of you did—still she manages to keep fighting," I grit my teeth and look away before I do something stupid; the man instructs me to turn around and look at Barry, "it's funny how this man has made you lose control of everything. . ." he whispers into my ear, fading off. I stride towards Barry, stretching my hand to help him stand up. I didn't come here for this.

       "Let's get Wally out of here," I tell him in a low voice thick with rising anger. The ice that covers his chest shatters as soon as he gets on his feet and I see the expression on his face change from confusion to pure shock in split a second as he looks over my shoulder.

       "It's sad how Bart and you had to play star-crossed lovers," my eyes widen when I hear that voice, slightly similar to the man I came here with. I turn around, only to find out that my Barry is standing there; same penetrating yet kind eyes, his factions illuminated by the light of lightning that strikes in the distance and filters through the windows behind me. He's dressed like a warrior sent to combat would: all in black and with those combat boots he hated with a conviction, he's wearing the fingerless gloves he called 'lucky gloves'. He looks dangerous with not a drop of bright colours in his attire; double the black, double the stealth—he would say with a small laugh. I know that there's at least seven knives hidden in strategic parts of his body and that the gun holstered over his shoulder blades used to be his father's. His green eyes are fixed on me and there's that half smile creeping on his lips—no, that's not him, it's just another Speed Force Test.

       "Как ты смеешь," I grumble, stabbing my finger at him, "how dare you use him as one of your stupid tests!"

       "Maybe this is the only way you will listen to us," he replies and I feel my hands balling into fists—the only thing they'll get is the old me; I'm a melting pot of emotions right now and I wish I could just crumble them like paper in my hand; for the first time, I wish I still was the merciless and cold person I was before. The Speed Force with the face of the man I love takes a step further and I step back.

       "Don't come any closer. Just don't," I bark.

       "You're strong, Vee," he calls with that raspy voice that made my knees weak; he comes closer, completely ignoring my warning of staying away from me, "you think you're not, but you are; we want to help this people, but we still have rules to follow; you cannot take Wally West's place in the Prison. That's a hell of his own which he's accepted to live since the very moment he opened that breach," he's standing just inches away from me and I avoid to look into those eyes, he's caressing my cheek with his thumb and have to hold back the tears that pool my eyes and struggle to stop my chin from wobble, "you must remain strong; your strength and determination are the reason why we granted you with these powers, because we saw in you and Bart what others didn't have: hope."

       He's caressing an astray lock of hair that falls over my shoulder and I can't stand it anymore.

       "I don't want you to bring him back like this again, ever again, you heard me?" I hiss, my voice low and reflecting each emotion that invades my body, rising gradually, "Don't you dare to do it again or I swear to god you won't get anything good from me if you do."

       "We'll do it if it's necessary, you know that," he tells me, his fingers making their way to my chin. I feel my face flushing red when he lifts my chin up exactly how Bart would—using him to convince me to leave, makes me sick to my stomach. It would have worked if it was really him, "Chin up, милая," I slap his hand away from me and the nuke goes off.

       "Достаточно!" I slam my hands against his broad chest, pushing him away, "He's gone! He's dead because of you! He'd still be alive if it wasn't for you, we never asked for powers! We were planning to escape, to live away from the wars and spend the rest of our lives together trying to be normal people, we were close, so close and you, you took that away from us. It wasn't Zoom, it was you who killed him, you led him to his death, you pulled us apart! The least you can do is let him rest in peace!" I yell, tears streaming down my face. I throw my fists at him and he dodges each blow and kick effortlessly, which only makes me angrier. My breath itches in my throat and I aim my boot to his face, he dodges it again. The corridor echoes with my grunts along with choked sobs and whimpers that escape my throat, "Fight me!" I scream, my chest feels tight and my whole body is shaking, there's no way I can perform well in a fight like this, but I need it, "I said, fight me!"

       "Violett," Barry—who stands a couple feet behind me—utters from behind me in an attempt to stop me from continuing. His own voice filled with sorrow.

       "Fight me!" Maybe it's just an act of pity, but the man in the dark clothes does as I say, he doesn't dodge the next punch I throw at him, it hits him square in the face, his hair falling over his forehead with the impact. I aim for his jaw this time, yet he stops my fist and twists my arm behind my back, smashing my body against a wall. I let out a terribly loud cry and I'm not sure if it's because of pain of because of how broken I feel inside. My arm feels numb and black dots to start to fill my vision while hot tears leave silver trails down my cheeks.

       I hear Barry's voice boom into the corridor, worry dripping from it as he demands his doppelganger to release me. I let the pain crush my body, each and every single memory with Bart flashing before my red eyes. Next thing I know is that I'm collapsing to the floor and that my whole body is shaking like a leaf. The tight grip around my arm has vanished and my anger has burnt so quick that I'm left on the floor with trembling limbs and a weak heart as I take in the scene of two Barrys fighting each other, the one in the black attire looking taller, buffer and deadlier than the one in the red suit, the predator and the prey.

       I'm hypnotized by the sight of them and I fight a silent battle with my own body as I try to get it to move, to get up and get out of this reverie that threatens to swallow me whole. I see how Bart drives his boot in Barry's ribs, making him fly backwards to a wall and at my feet, he's already bruised and bleeding from his nose from when Bart elbowed him there. There's something in the way the man in red glances at me and something in his voice when he says my name that brings me back.

       "Look at that," I hear Bart say, pacing slowly and dangerously towards us, "pathetic!" He shouts and I feel my insides burning with rage once again.

       I order myself to get on my feet one more time and face him again, there's a dark grin on his lips, the only thing that gives away the fact that he's nothing but an illusion, a test—and I anchor to that when I decide to charge at him again. Each of the rage filled blows aimed at him strike him bluntly and the cracking of his ribs crushing under my boot feels oddly satisfying. I have him pinned to the wall, my arm crushing his throat while my free hand searches for the knife hidden on his hip and press it to his throat.

       "Violett, please. . ." he utters in an innocent voice that makes me hesitate. I feel my blood growing cold when I notice he's dressed in the suit he died in. His skin has turned ashen gray, his lips pale and he's covered by a thin layer of sweat that makes the hair that falls over his forehead stick to it. There's blood coming from both his nose and mouth. I spot the lethal wound in his torso and more blood oozes from it, "Help me, Vee."

        "This isn't real," I say to him, my grip tightening around the knife. That grin appears on his lips again and I hate the Speed Force more than ever for using him to squeeze their way into my head.

       "You have to stop thinking that that is the man that loved you until his last breath. Violett, wake up!" He snarls, glaring at Barry—who still lays on the floor, quiet cries of pain coming from him, "Something as foolish as thinking so will only compromise your mission, that man is not your Barry Allen!" He stresses, pointing his finger at Barry.

       "Neither are you," I tell him, pointing the knife to his face, burying it into the pit of his stomach with a swift move, a grunt escaping his throat, "I didn't come here to get yelled at, I came here to get Wally West home."

       "You can't take him out of the Prison," he says, revealing his bloody teeth as he smiles.

       "Watch me."

       "We knew this would happen and still, we decided to take you in and name you a Guardian," he says, bloody  droplets of spit staining my face, "we knew your rebellious nature would take a toll on us; this will not have the happy ending you expect it to have, Violett."

       "You should've thought about it before taking in a broken girl from an obliterated earth that trained her to be an assassin," I gush out, "you made a mistake on choosing me, still you need me."

       "Why would you think we need you?"

       "Because you haven't done anything to stop me—maybe you need me, or maybe you're just scared that I will put up a fight and not even your Time Wraiths or all your other mighty Guardians will be able to stop me," he stares at me with rage flashing in his eyes. I release him and he slides down to the floor. I make my way towards Barry and help him stand—this is my reality right now, this is part of my mission and it doesn't matter if I have to break all the rules to continue with it.

       "There will be consequences," the shell of the man that died in my arms warns.

       "Good," I utter. How bad can it be? I've already lived in hell for four long years. I turn my attention to Barry, who has walked into the room where Wally is, I spot Jay Garrick there as well—I didn't hear him arrive. With a last look at the man with the knife sticking out of his stomach, I turn around. My respect for the Speed Force entities drying up and wilting inevitably.

▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

did you see that coming? earth-1 barry and earth-48 barry (speed force version) fighting is what I live for at the moment. now things will get a little tense for violett and the speed force after this little encounter. everything that happened here will have repercussions in her future and maybe the team's future as well.

also, we saw a glimpse of young violett at the academy - something i'd loved to lengthen out but the chapter would have ended with over 5,000 words and i don't think any of you are up for chapters that long. i hope you liked it tho, this was a fun chapter to write!

what do you think? yay, or nay? also, i'm having a knee surgery tomorrow so i don't really know when i'll update. i'm lowkey scared of this surgery tbh 😅

thanks for reading! and ghost readers come from fucking nowhere and spam me with your votes and comments damn it!!