❛ chapter eleven! ❜

eleven | two ghosts—harry styles

       The brumal night air plays with my hair, tickling my neck and face. My chin is nested in my had as I take in the night scenario of National City from a rooftop. Ward stands beside me, propped on his elbows while tracing his fingers across the brick ledge. It's been only a few days since I got my best friend back and now I'm losing him again. It's as if everything I have loved is still trying to slip right through my fingers and I wonder if this is permanent, because it feels like it.

       "Are you sure you'll be fine here?" I ask not averting my eyes from the skyline which remains dotted with millions of lights. My question floats in the air for a moment.

       "You know I will," he replies and I'm dam sure he's right, "it's really different from home, and earth one's Central City is quite the mirror to our city—without wars every five years or so, though," he cracks a small laugh and I allow myself to do it too.

       "Yeah, it is," I rub my arm in an attempt to get warm, "I really like it there."

       "Me too. But, I don't think I can stay there without causing pain," I cup my cheek in my hand when I turn to see him, Iris West's face blurs into my mind, "I guess me leaving is for the better."

       "But to a whole different earth? What about another city, another state perhaps?" I question, hoping wholeheartedly that he would just stay on Earth-1. He's right, though. When we came back from my earth and we stepped out of that breach in S.T.A.R. Labs, everyone's faces flashed sorrow, especially Iris's. This moving to another earth things was all Ward's idea and I wasn't the only one to suggest more alternatives, the team did too.

       "Vee, I've lived in the wrecks of what used to be our home for four years," he tells me and I see the pain flashing in his eyes, "I need a new start. You need one too and don't say you don't," I shoot him a confused look.

       "I had my new start when I became a Guardian," I say, averting my eyes from him, "I had it when I killed Zoom."

       "When I say a new start, I mean moving forward, not keeping your mind busy by running across the multiverse," I can feel his eyes on me and how he's waiting for me to look at him, "It's been four years, you have to get out of this funk already."

       "Funk? What funk?" I ask hastily, "I'm not in a funk, Edward."

       "Of course you are! I'm your best friend, you can fool anyone else but you don't fool me," I breathe deeply and I can feel my body tensing, "you're just pretending to be happy when you're definitely not."

       "How do you want me to be happy if the man I loved died in my arms by the hand of a psycho I helped creating?" I blurt out, my voice faltering every so often, "Do you have any idea of how I feel knowing that I trained him, that I made everything possible for him by teaching the very same tricks he used against us? I feel like shit, it's like I killed every single person on my earth, including everyone I loved! Pretending to be happy is the least I can do."

       He keeps quiet, returning his gaze to the skyline and sliding his hand into his jacket inner pocket, retrieving a perfectly folded handkerchief and starts unfolding it carefully.

       "If that's what you think, he would be very disappointed," he says, revealing the last thing I thought I would ever see: the necklace I tucked into Bart's suit the day he died. I take it in my hands and caress the small pendant with my thumb, "When radiation levels went down, I went to the last place his and your tracer gave signal. I found it twenty metres from that position. I kept looking, hoping I would find your bodies. I guessed the temperature had been high enough to vaporize you when I didn't. All that was left was your necklace, that's when I thought you were gone, too."

       "Why didn't you mention that before?" I ask softly, looking up at him and seeing the unshed tears in his eyes.

       "I wanted to find the right moment. I wanted us to be alone," he explains, stepping closer and taking the necklace made of the strongest metal there was on my earth from my hands, "I saw when Barry gave this to you. I saw your eyes glimmer when he helped put it on. That's the Violett he was in love with. The kind of girl he died knowing, the kind of girl he wants you to be and the kind of girl I haven't seen in these past couple of days; I've barely seen you smile, Vee."

       My chest hurts when I think of how I haven't kept my promise. I promised I'd be strong and wouldn't get stuck on this. I promised I'd be happy and I'm doing the exact opposite, believing I'm actually keeping my word when I'm not. I got so caught on being a Guardian that I never really stopped to think and heal the wounds in my soul. I never stopped to really think about what he'd want me to be like or feel like before an specific situation, I only thought of me losing everything, all I ever did was wallow on self pity, which is ridiculous now that I know I wasn't the only survivor that thought was alone. Ward spent four long years living from scrapes among destruction and in a world where just going to the backyard had become dangerous, he lost his world that day too, his friends and family, but somehow he's managed to stay the same. After four years of living in a hell hole, he still manages to see the silver lining of things. As for me, I've lost most of my optimism and rarely enjoy life as I should. I'm disgusting.

       "He'd be so pissed at me," I say, rubbing my nose and earning an acknowledgment nod from Ward along with a low chuckle. He continues to place the necklace around my neck.

       "Then change that," he states when he's finished. I pull him into a hug and he rubs my back, "You've cried, you've suffered, you've been depressed and found comfort in saving others and that's alright but stop losing yourself in the process. It's time you find yourself again, live again, smile again. Go out, obsess over a tv show or planes—like you used to—do new things, meet new people, meet someone new," he says.

       "I don't think I want to fall in love again," he breaks the hug and I see the frown working on his face, "isn't it a little too soon?"

       "Vee, it's been four years. Don't you think Barry would be happy if you found someone that loved you as much as he did?" His blue eyes shimmering with the city lights.

       "Ward, I don't think I can date someone, anyone, just yet," I drop my arms on my sides, "Barry's the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I can't date someone else, nobody's given me the jitters like him."

       "Not even his doppelganger?" He asks, cocking a suspicious eyebrow while I hold my gaze on him and let out a small laugh.

       "You mean that Barry?" I shake my head and the blonde crosses his arms over his chest, "Well, he did at the beginning, of course. I was shocked to see that familiar. . .everything again. But I'm over it now. He's not my Barry Allen. He's different; same face, same green eyes, same damn smile and that killer smirk he does every now and then. It's like being haunted by a ghost. . .a really good looking one," I pause, knowing I'm entering a dangerous territory, "but he's different," I finish.

       "I could tell," Ward simply replies, the two of us keeping quiet for a moment. The doppelganger, he's like the soft version of my Barry, like those cute evolutions of that Pokemon thing Cisco showed me. I feel a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth.

       "He's like Eevee and Bart's Jolteon," I mumble.

       "Jolteon—what? Violett, what's an Eevee?" My head snaps up at Ward, who eyes me confused.

       "It is this cute fluffy little thingy that—uhm, never mind, it's nothing, just Earth-1 stuff," I wave my hand in dismissal, for he won't understand even if I explain. Four years without dating, that should be a record. Under another circumstances, I would have asked out the first guy I found in my way, but this feels right and the way I should stay for now. A breach opens behind us and I feel my heart leaping in my chest, for that's my cue to leave.

       "This is it," I hear Ward whisper, our eyes meeting each other's.

       "Are you sure you'll be alright?" I ask once again and he dedicates me a smile as he walks up to me and wraps me into a bear hug, I feel tears threatening to roll down my face now, before the possibility of not seeing my best friend again.

       "I'm gonna miss you, Vee."

       "I just got you back two days ago. Eddie, I don't want to lose you again," I say against his chest and I hear his laugh reverberate within his ribcage.

       "You hadn't called me that since we met when we were ten and you decided that Ward fit me better," he says, cupping my face in his hands before whispering, "you're not losing me this time," he kisses my forehead, "you're the only family I've got left, Vee. I'm so grateful to know you're still around," I give him a watery smile.

       "I'm grateful you're still around, too," I tell him. I know I'm no one to talk, since I can be the softest person when I want, but I have to tease him before I go, "Awe, look at you, you big softy."

       "Takes one to know one," he replies, cockily lifting an eyebrow while I wipe the tears from his face and I place my hands over his broad shoulders and they find their way down to his chest. If I could only stay either here or on Earth-1 forever. For the first time, I hate being a Guardian and knowing that I belong to nowhere in particular, I'm just a pawn to be sacrificed. Barry's words echo in my head; you're not a piece put in this game to be sacrificed, you're here to help. Well, I've always been a piece in someone's game, a weapon.

       "I'm going to miss you so much," I hug him one last time and pray that I will get to see him again, "okay, gotta go," I sniffle, smiling at him as I tap my hand on his chest and turn around, making my way to the breach that will take me to Earth-1. I'm halfway there when I hear him call my name in a somewhat brittle voice and my head automatically snaps back at him.

       "Please, be careful," he pauses, "I don't want to lose you like I lost my sister," flashbacks of a graceful girl with golden locks invade my mind, Roman Thawne, her laugh and sweet voice fluttering in my ears soon turns into a cry of pain and the image of her in a pool of her own blood overlays, "I don't want to have to bury you too," his voice snaps me from my reverie. My throat feels tight when I nod.

       The two of us turn our attention at the portal when we acknowledge someone's coming through. I'm hoping to see Cisco or Barry stepping out of it to check why I'm taking so long, but it's none of them. It's Iris. She looks at me and then at Ward, a tiny smile on her lips. I see I'm not the only one shedding a tear by the fact that Ward's leaving tonight, then again, the reason behind her watery eyes might not be Ward perse. She walks up to him and I stay in my spot.

       "This is for you," she says, holding out a small device in her hand and placing it in Ward's, "Cisco made it, so that you can come visit us whenever you want. We'll be more than glad to have you," she says, followed by Ward thanking her.

       By the look on her face, I can tell she wasn't expecting a hug from him. They say their goodbyes and Iris walks up to me, ready to leave. She takes my hand and I see the tears in her eyes. Iris guides me to the portal and I can hear the soft humming coming from it. I look over my shoulder at Ward, each step I take, taking me away from him in colossal measures. He nods his head at me with a little wink, just like he always did to encourage me to do something. I keep walking, holding onto Iris's hand for dear life, not averting my eyes from the man we leave behind. My only family. Him waving his hand at me is the last thing I see before the wormhole swallows me entirely and my chin wobbles with tears as I remain with my hand still reaching for him.

⚪⚪⚪

       I can't sleep that night, so I sit at the kitchen counter, stacking small pretzels that I would have devoured already if I wasn't feeling so overwhelmed with my own thoughts and with the memories of the man I gave my heart to. A number of years ago I wouldn't have cared about the annoying rich boy I met at the Air Force Academy. I had been assigned to a group of ten, all men and I had to sleep in the same quarters than them and put up with their idiotic behaviour 24/7.

       All of them would mess up with me, not for being a girl but for being the serious one. A that time, I still appeared to be quiet and reserved, hiding all my emotions, just like I used to do since my mother was executed. The only person I would laugh and talk for hours was the blond boy I met the day I arrived at the Prime Academy: Ward. However, he enrolled himself with the Navy, so I had no one to be myself with. So, in the training camp, there was one particular guy that managed to get on my nerves every single time: Bartholomew Henry Allen. Even hearing him laugh made me want to jab a knife in my ears, I hated him. He had this annoying way to poke my sides when I was distracted, he used to hide my stuff, undo my bed and even put insects in my hair. So childish.

       The last prank he pulled on me was hiding my t-shirts, meaning I either had to train topless that day or go begging Captain Queen for a new one, I did the first one and I have to say that running around in a sports bra never felt so good. The next day the prankster had to train in only in his boxers, for I hid all his stuff, including his so beloved journal where he kept all stuff science. The two of us were severely scolded and forced to do a hundred push ups under the rain as a punishment, but I had shown him not to mess with me. I never thought I would ever feel something apart from hate towards him. I had to see him get wounded in one of our first field missions to realize that I cared for him, that I loved him. The bastard had found a way to squeeze his way into my heart and to stay there.

       As I sit here, with an idiot-like smile as I remember and re-do my stack of pretzels, I realize that thinking of him has become less painful and now I dare to bring those memories next to him at will without fearing to break down or get all moody. I guess that's the beginning of my 'moving forward'. While my stack of pretzels threatens to collapse again, I thank whatever god is listening for Ward and his very especial way to put things. I needed to see a familiar face, one that wasn't a doppelganger's for the sake of my sanity.

       "Violett?" Caitlin startles me, her voice heavy with sleep and her eyes narrowed as they adapt themselves to the light in the kitchen, "It's almost three in the morning! What are you doing?" She exclaims softly.

       "Stacking pretzels," I tell her in an attempt to justify myself. She walks over and takes a bottle of water from the fridge and then she stops to take in her surroundings.

       "Did you clean the kitchen?"

       "The slow way," I say, finally taking a bite from a pretzel, "I'm secretly a cleaning freak," the girl with the messy bun lets out a somnolent chuckle.

       "I was going to do it tomorrow, you didn't have to, Vee," she leans on the fridge and I put another pretzel in my mouth.

       "Hey, it's the least I can do. You let me live here and eat your food—which I still regret afterwards—you even let me use some of your clothes and well, you're too good to me, Cait," I reason, feeling a bit guilty nonetheless.

       "That's what friends are for," I paralyze, feeling my chest fluttering with warmth. For the first time in a number of years someone has told me those five words. I'm not gonna lie, her words truly move me and I'm happy to know she considers me her friend. I give her a smile.

        "I'll clean the bathroom tomorrow, then," I tell her, putting the last pretzel in my mouth and getting on my feet while she laughs softly, "I'm not kidding, it's the bathroom or the living room," I add, the two of us making our way out the kitchen and to her bedroom.

       I go to bed thinking that I can do it, I can be the girl I used to be, so that everyone can see her. I can have my new start here.

       The girl he fell in love with.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

i didn't include ward meeting the gang because that would've been an emotional rollercoaster that i won't survive. i give you this instead, sorry, and i hope you liked it. we gotta talk folks, so my boy cisco has told our girl about pokemon, idk, that sounds like something he'd actually do 😅 oh, and what about that irisxward bit? should we continue with that? let me know in the comments!

also, thank you so much for the support on this story, i really appreciate it! i'm so happy you're liking the story, by the way, next chapter is going to be packed with some slowburn barriolett stuff because i feel like this story needs a little bit more of that, so get ready! thanks once again and till the next time!