❛ chapter one! ❜

one | can you hold me—NF

       Mother had always said that no matter what, we will always get hurt, hurt by people, events or even ourselves and in any possible way there is, so being strong and hold your head high before any bad situation is what one has to do. That's what I've been trying to do my entire life, since tragedy used and still is something that knocks at my door quite often; pain and loss, I should be used to them by now and yet I'm not. I don't think I'll ever be.

       It had felt as if just yesterday I was holding my mother's hand as we stood before my father's casket. Now, just a year later, I stood before a cold steel table with the frigid and lifeless body of the woman I adored. The image of her hair flowing in the wind and that smile of hers contrasting with the gory image my eyes took in in that moment. My father died in one of the many wars my earth was doomed to, a year later, mother was accused of being a spy during her youth—something she quit doing when she met my father. I knew about her past and the things she had done and deep down, I knew something like this would happen, my father did too. She knew they would come for her one day and she told me so to be prepared.

       "Независимо от того, что вы видите, будьте сильными, Виолетта," she had told me; no matter what you see, be strong, Violetta. And so I repeated those words like a mantra every day. At the age of ten, I was recruited to the Prime Academy where they'd train me to become the warrior I had been born to be and just weeks later I was taken to an execution room, when I saw my mother standing there, I knew the time had come. The executioner read her faults and then a few minutes to say goodbye were granted to us, which without a doubt were not enough, "Everything is going to be alright," was the last thing she said.

       One bullet. That's all it took.

      Her warm blood had stained my face, for I was forced to watch the execution just a couple feet from her. Mother had shown me her ways to remain emotionless and strong when that moment came and remain emotionless I did. I would not let them see me break and think I was weak, even if I was crumbling inside. Even if she was just a widowed housewife by then, in her past, she had been a deadly fighter and tactician for none other than the KBG. Me watching her being executed had been a punishment for her and a threat for me, to remind me that even if my father had been an outstanding and respected man, one even considered a war hero and that I was welcomed and accepted in their country, they had control over me and if I dared to disobey or rebel in a similar way, it would be my skull being cracked open by a bullet and my blood staining the pristine white floor the next time.

       I was left alone with my mother's cold corpse in another room for barely ten minutes and in that moment I was happy my father was dead, for he wouldn't stand to see the woman he loved lay still and lifeless on a steel table. I wondered what would have happened if they had decided to flee to any other place but to North America when the rumours of another war was spread throughout Russia. I was just months old by then. A feeling of helplessness obtruded upon my body as I took in the macabre scene before me and held back my emotions. Something changed inside of me that day. I became distant and threw myself into the trainings, becoming the best. Feared by the other in training warriors, ironically, a rebel that would break the rules for fun not caring of the punishment that followed, I had nothing left to lose, they couldn't truly hurt me anymore. I was a rock, unbendable steel that nobody would break.

       Regardless of my past and my determination, being strong is something that doesn't come easy as it once did, it's something I'm not very good at lately, not since his heart stopped.

       It's been exactly four years since my earth was destroyed and three since I killed Zoom. Every since I've done my best to keep my chin up, be strong like my mother would instruct me to and keep my promise of moving forward and be happy. But it's not easy. I have good days in which I enjoy my life and actually let myself fall in love with it; other days, the bad days, I just want to curl into a ball in my bed, hide under the covers and block everything around me because if I don't, I know that at the end of the day I'll end up running back in time to get my world back, running back to him.

       However, when you're a speedster you have to learn to deal with a series of factors that can hurt people and yourself. Time travelling, for instance. Who knows what could happen if I decided to go back to what's left of my earth to then run back in time and change its faith. Change everything. Tempting, I know, but it's the kind of thing that's not always what you expect it to be. This new life could spin out of control, some of these new things could be bad, some could be good, and only if you're brave enough, you'll learn how to live with these changes and move forward and I'm not brave enough to live like that, living in a paradox.

       I rest my chin on my knees and I stare to the pond before me as I toy with the golden bangle around my wrist, something I hold onto everyday. This pond is one of my favourite places here in the Speed Force and I think I spend most of my time sitting here with the green grass underneath me and the stars above me rather than in any other place. Being a Guardian is not that bad, it's fun actually, except from the fact that you have to wait until the Speed Force decides to provide with help to those who need it. It might take months, even years for that to happen, luckily this time it only took a few months—which might as well feel like centuries in here, good thing you get used to it.

       "It's time," the disembodied voice reaches my ears and I get on my feet and make my way to the place they have assigned to me as my 'house', which is just a short walk from the pond and where I'll gear up to leave. I would just dash to my place but my powers don't work here, not until they are required; let's say it's a way to absorb as much Speed Force within me to open the breach that will get me out of here. There's a neatly folded red and golden suit on the table when I cross the door and I get changed into it, feeling the material stick to my naked skin.

        I step outside again and start now to feel the jitters that accompany me in this moment every single time, I know it's just excitement. I can't help but think that someone in an unknown earth will jump out of their skin when an alarm starts to blare the moment their security systems detect my arrival, supposing they have one, and that they will either give me a warm welcome or will try to kill me—which kind of scares me, since opening a breach to get out of the Speed Force is not that simple when you don't have a lightning rod. I haven't had one in a long time. When this happens, it requires a lot more of energy from my part and it leaves me exhausted, meaning that I'm an easy target in that moment. But that's alright I guess, for I always open that breach and serves as a display that I'm strong and that if I'm able to open it despite not having a lightning rod, well, I guess that's something.

        I take my place in the middle of the street and I turn my head at the small house with a speck of sadness in my chest for having to leave, but this is what I do, I have a mission to accomplish. I adopt the position a sprinter would right before bolting away; I close my eyes for a moment, focusing on my breathing and on each beat of my heart.

       "Less ruthless, more friendly," I mumble to myself, for I've never been much of a people person, I'm still working on that, "be good, be strong, be brave, fear isn't weakness," my eyes snap open when a lightning strikes right next to me, bringing back my powers with its boisterous crack. I feel the Speed Force cursing through my body again, electricity bolts spark off of my skin and tickle my face, wildly wrapping my body and making my lips curl into a smirk as I state straight ahead. In less than I second, I'm gone.

       I run in a straight line; the city becomes just a blur to me as I try to open the breach that will take me to a new earth. The red and golden provisional suit starts to rip by pieces, for I'm rocketing unbelievably fast, leaving behind the cracking sound of one or two sonic booms; the city is gone and now I run through the edge to the Speed Force, a storm like space filled with lightning and thunder. There goes another piece of my suit and I'm scared to arrive completely naked to an unknown earth, it happened once so I wouldn't be surprised either. I see the wobbly, irregular and burnished edge of the breach as it opens wider and wider. I run into it and I'm not into the Speed Force anymore; that scenery vanishes to give way to the rainy and humid weather of a forest. Lightheadedness compels me to stop, the moment I do so, the forest begins to whirl and I find myself struggling to stay on my feet. I catch a glimpse of my naked arm and become aware of how my suit is barely covering and clinging to my body and how my long hair is dripping wet by the rain, at least I'm not completely naked.

       I mumble out a bunch of cuss words as I start to feel numb and lost. My mouth feels dry, my fists are closed tightly against my head and everything around me seems to have stopped. This is what happens when I stay into the Speed Force for long periods of time, which sucks, on top of that I've used nearly all my energy to open a portal to get out, so it sucks a lot more. Now comes the part I hate the most: the sleep—in which I spend a few days just asleep to recover my strength and to let my body acclimate to the frequency and atmosphere of this new earth.

       Next thing I know is that I'm propping my weight on one knee and that my fingers are embroiled into the long locks of hair that fall over my shoulders, winded, sucking in breaths that don't seem enough and with trembling limbs, I attempt to distinguish what's real and what is not. I keep on diving into memories related to forests and fuse them with reality, however, my brain doesn't seem to know the difference between the two. I hear a man's voice somewhere, muffled, to the point of not understanding what he's said. Now that I think this is reality and not my mind playing tricks, I look up at the silhouette that stands just a few feet away from me.

       A pair of boots take a step forward on the wet soil and the moonlight shines on the rain droplets that make their way down his suit. The drizzle has become into a thick rain, making harder for me to see the man's face. Everything is hazy, like fog had started to fill my vision and now I can only see my own memories and I fight to see past them and focus on my reality and on what the silhouette is trying to tell me.

        "Who are you?" The man demands and at the sound of it, I slowly get on my feet and try to make my way towards him and tell him the purpose of my arrival. He keeps on asking questions but my mind is too clouded to even pay attention or formulate a sentence myself. When I get close enough, I can see the lightning bolt on his chest: the emblem of the speedsters. One of them found me. I think I can pass out now, my body is already giving up when something clicks in my head: his voice.

       He must have stopped me from falling because my chest is pressed against him. I catch a glimpse of the pair of sea green eyes behind the mask, they reflect the confusion taking over them and mine probably. His lips are moving and I have my gaze upon them, trying to make out his words, but his voice sounds as if we were underwater. He touches his ear and looks at our surroundings and I conclude he must have an earpiece with him and that probably he wasn't talking to me all this time.

       "Who are you?" That's what I think he says, there seems to be a moment of lucidity storming within my mazed and hazed mind, moment in which I notice that the silhouette rising before me is way too familiar and it tickles the black hole in the back of my mind where I keep those memories of a lost life, memories I hardly ever gather the courage to bring to the light.

       "Barry?" I slur, and I can't tell if he's surprised or confused. No, it can't be, it's impossible, this is just product of my confused mind, an illusion. He blinks repeatedly and stares at me with those green eyes. I register the rush of home washing over me as he holds me and I look into those kind eyes. I'm tired of trying to decipher if this is real or not so I tell to myself to enjoy it, I don't know, nor care, if I'm already dreaming, after all I love these kinds of dreams; the only way I get to see his face again. I feel myself smiling, not caring what this person might think. I want to reach out and touch the skin that peeks from behind his mask, but I'm too busy passing out in the stranger's arms.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

a sneak peak of what was violett's life back on her earth and the academy, it's really brief and it revolves mostly on the loss of both her parents but don't worry, we'll have a complete and more detailed explanation of what life on warworld was like in chapter ten (which is the start of part two of this book) so we'll cover that soon.

as for now we'll center on her arrival and her introduction to the team, some things will get complicated that's for sure.

i plan to update twice a week, probably mondays and fridays, i'm not sure yet but expect two updates per week. thank you for the amazing support, what are your thoughts so far?