Ash examined and reexamined Zach's remark about dads and by the end of the day she was convinced it had been aimed at her. But she didn't understand why their casual analysis of Jason had suddenly turned hostile.

She planned to ask him in their psychology class the next day but he wasn't in class. She waited for a chance to ask him but suddenly Zach was like a ghost.

When he finally reappeared four days later, it was in line at the Busy Bean during their lunch rush. She looked up, ready to take the next order, and came face to face with him.

"Can I get a medium latte? And can I get that with a 3D foam cat on top?" he added with a smile.

"We're fresh out of foam cats, but I can offer you a nondescript blob," she quipped back.

"Sounds cutting edge."

"No, it's rounded," she corrected him dryly.

"I'll take it," he chuckled.

The sound was surprising and it made Ash smile for a moment until it snagged on something in her brain. Something about Zach chuckling felt incongruent, but the next moment he was walking away. The next customer placed their order and she didn't have time to think about it again.

Her whole shift, she kept a vigilant eye on the back table he was sitting at, prepared at any moment to find he had disappeared again. But he stayed through the lunch rush and into the quiet of the afternoon.

She was checking the back table for the hundredth time when something one of her co-workers said caught her attention.

"It's the most fun I have had in forever," Sonia said.

"What's so fun?" Ash said, butting into Sonia and Riley's conversation.

"This new exercise class I took!" Sonia said, aiming her enthusiasm fully on Ash as Riley quietly escaped to the back room.

"It's so fun," Sonia repeated. "And it's free. You should try it Ash. The teacher is amazing and I walked away feeling like I could take on the world!"

"What is the class?" Ash asked.

"It's like a combo of Pilates and Yoga," Sonia said. "The atmosphere is amazing and the teacher is world-renowned. They are holding free classes on the Main Green every day this week at three. You should try it out. I'm going back tomorrow."

Ash watched as Sonia talked and could see the enraptured feeling on her face.

"Sounds interesting," Ash said. "It's at the Main Green?"

"At three," Sonia nodded. "I would go with you today but I have class."

"Maybe, I'll check it out," Ash said.

"You should! You'll love the..." but Sonia got called into the back by their boss and never got to say what Ash would love. But she didn't need to. Ash was sold. She had her next attempt at fun.

She was suspicious that an exercise class could produce such a strong reaction, and that suspicion was what made her want to check the class out. It would be a bonus if she ended up having fun and she had something to report back to Dr Ellerson.

Her eyes moved to Zach's back table as she thought about Dr. Ellerson. She shouldn't keep this opportunity to have fun all to herself she thought as she walked over to his table.

"My co-worker just told me about a fun event happening this afternoon. Wanna check it out?"

"A fun event?" he asked.

She nodded. "It's some sort of exercise class. She said she walked away feeling, and I quote, 'like she could take on the world'." She guessed Zach would also find that reaction curious. But he only looked at her blankly. "Doesn't it sound cultish?" she added when he didn't give her a good response.

"Do you have a lot of experiences with cults?" he questioned.

"Not personally. I listened to some lectures, and workout classes can definitely be cult-like. What do you say? Want to see if this one is a cult?"

"Okay."

Ash smiled. "It's at three on the Main Green. Oh, and bring a yoga mat."

***

Ash made sure to arrive early for the class in order to get a spot close to the front. Cults usually revolved around a charismatic leader and she wanted to be close enough to be able to judge whoever was running the class.

She unrolled the yoga mat she had secretly borrowed from the school's gym and looked around at the other attendees of the class. Some were lone attendees like herself, but most were gathered in groups of three or four. The females outnumbered the males five-to-one.

Ash guessed this was probably typical for most workout classes, but then an extremely fit, tan, good-looking guy stepped up onto the small platform at the front of the class and she guessed his looks also contributed to the high female attendance. She also guessed she had found her cult leader.

She studied him as the people closest to his platform started talking to him. His look was intense and focused on whoever was speaking and he nodded along. His smile was quick and he didn't shy away from physical touch. He kept his chin lowered, which was probably meant to make him seem humble and lowly to the people around him, but it felt like an act when his button-down shirt was completely open to reveal his perfectly bronzed abs.

"I thought we were here to see if this was a cult, not drool over the hot instructor," Zach said from beside her.

"You're drooling?" she asked, looking at him like she truly believed that's what he meant.

He gave her a sideways look before he unrolled his yoga mat next to hers. She smiled. He had also borrowed one from the school gym.

"I'm not drooling," she said, looking back to the teacher. "I was studying his body language. I wouldn't be a very good social psychologist if I didn't use all of the tools at my disposal."

Zach sat down on his mat, crossed his legs, and stretched his arms over his head as he watched the instructor. Ash watched as Zach observed the teacher. His eyes were the only thing that betrayed how focused he was. From a casual observer, it would seem like Zach was merely taking in his surroundings as he warmed up for the class. His body was relaxed and his head movement made it seem like he never focused on one thing for too long, but his eyes barely left the teacher.

After a few minutes, he stopped stretching and leaned back against his hands. There was something settled in his gaze that made her think he had reached a solid analysis of who the teacher was.

"So...?" she prodded him. When he gave her nothing, she tried again. "Is he a cult leader? Does he have some hidden childhood trauma? What's his favorite food?"

Zach shook his head. "I wouldn't be a very good social psychologist if I just gave you all the answers," he said.

The first time Zach had quoted her own words back to her, she had been amazed. The second time, she had taken it as another piece of information about him. Now, she didn't care what it said about him and his smart mouth, she just wanted to throw it back at his face.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she said. "Just tell me what you figured out about Brad over there?"

"I didn't know his name was Brad," he admitted.

"Alright, everyone! Welcome to Shavasana. Namaste," the so-called Brad said with a bow. "My name is Daniel, and I will be your instructor today. Please take a seat."

"He looks like a Brad," Ash grumbled under her breath as she took a seat on her mat.

"Thank you for joining me today," Daniel said in a hypnotically calm voice. "I am honored you have chosen to spend your time with me. Today, we are going to work on stretching out our bodies, breathing out the stress, anxiety, pain, and breathing in light, peace, and joy. Today, we begin with breathing."

Ash could feel everyone around her collectively relax as they began to follow Daniel's breathing instructions. Everything inside of her revolted against falling under any spell, but for the sake of trying, she quickly breathed in and out. It did nothing for her.

"Slow your breathing. Close your eyes," Daniel said slowly and rhythmically. Ash didn't close her eyes.

"Let go of your stress. That thing you are worrying about, let it go, that friend you aren't getting along with, let them go. That decision you have to make, let it go." Daniel continued to instruct the class to let go of the most basic stresses and worries.

Ash kept waiting for him to tell her to let go of 'not knowing how to have fun because your childhood was so traumatic you never got the chance to figure it out', but he never got to that specific one.

While the group continued to breathe with their eyes closed, Ash looked around. She watched as the people around her settled into the rhythmic breathing and peaceful looks slipped onto their faces. She wondered what it must be like to so easily accept what a stranger was saying and follow along. It sounded idiotic and irresponsible to Ash.

She liked to question every micro detail and even when she had fully analyzed a situation, she still didn't participate. She preferred to remain on the sidelines where she had a good view of everyone and access to a quick exit. Maybe that was why she didn't have fun or friends.

"Now, breathe in light. Breathe in hope. Breathe in peace," Daniel said, letting his voice rise with rapture. "Meet the universe with open arms, because the universe wants to bless you. The universe is full of wonderful things and it is up to you to be open to receiving them."

Ash stopped watching the crowd and turned her attention to Daniel. He was walking back and forth along the edge of the stage, his feet slow and rhythmic. His steps precisely fell with the downbeat of his words, which broke the calm and natural facade he was exuding. There was nothing natural about matching your steps to emphasize your words. That was planned.

"Stop getting in the way of the gifts the universe has for you. The universe has blessings for you," he continued.

Ash couldn't hold back her eye-roll. What was this 'universe' he kept talking about? The world Ash lived in had only knocked her down again and again until she had finally learned it was better to just stay on the ground.

"Let go of your self-doubt," Daniel proclaimed.

Now there was one thing Ash didn't have. Learning you were the only one who was going to take care of you at the ripe age of four really knocked the self-doubt right out of you. She was the only person she didn't doubt.

"Let go of your fears."

At this one, Ash let out a quiet scoff. How could you let go of something that wouldn't let you go? She had managed to escape from her father, but she hadn't been so lucky with her nightmares. And it wasn't like she wanted them.

If Daniel was willing to take them, she would happily hand them over. She felt like raising her hand and asking for further instruction on letting go of your fears, just to watch Daniel stumble over his words.

Daniel continued to list personal traits that he seemed to think were hindering the crowd from receiving "love from the universe". As he continued to talk, his voice rose in enthusiasm and Ash could feel the crowd around her rising to meet his energy.

But Daniel's words of wisdom only drove her further into disgust.

She would like to know Daniel's credentials. What type of training had he received? What made him feel like he had the right to tell other people what they needed to do? Maybe Ash didn't want the so-called 'love of the universe'.

So far, she was doing pretty good on her own without the help of the universe. Besides, where was the 'love of the universe' when her mom left? Where was the 'love of the universe' when her dad was beating her? Where was 'the universe' all of her childhood as she fought to stay alive?

She stood, a fire brewing in her chest. Who was this person who had the audacity to tell this crowd of people it was their fault they weren't receiving the love the universe had to offer?

Daniel noticed her and began to move towards her. Ash was preparing her ammunition, ready to cut his nonsense words of wisdom into fish food so she could shove them down his throat when she felt a hand gently wrap around her wrist.

She looked down. It was Zach.

He gave her a quick look and even though there was no expression for her to read, she understood. He was warning her.

"Do you have a question?" Daniel asked.

Ash looked back at the instructor as Zach's hand fell away. Daniel looked at Ash with an open expression, and as she stood face-to-face with him she could clearly read his expression. Zach was right. Daniel's face was open and curious with a warm smile. He waited patiently for Ash to say something and there was kindness in his gaze.

There was no ill-intent or devious plotting. Ash might think what he was saying was idiotic, but the only damage he was doing was making people believe they deserved more love.

"Did you need something?" Daniel asked again.

"No," Ash said, shaking off the anger she had felt. It had nothing to do with Daniel or his words. She put on a bright smile as she bent down and rolled up her mat. "I just remembered I left my oven on."

She gave a small bow and walked away but paused when Daniel said, "And you?"

She turned around to find Zach standing with his mat rolled up under his arm.

"Namaste," Zach said with a deep bow to Daniel. "I didn't realize today was just Shavasana. I only do Padmasana."

At the strange word, a surprised look crossed Daniel's face and he dropped into a deep bow. "I understand. Namaste."

Zach returned the bow, then followed after Ash.

"What was that nonsense you just said?" she asked once they were far enough away from the crowd.

Zach waved it off like it was nothing. "Just fancy Yoga words."

"You're an expert at Yoga too?"

"No," he said. He paused for a beat before he added, "And what about your excuse? You don't own an oven."

"Yoga's not for me," she said, trying her best to sound casual even though the way he asked the question put her on edge.

He had reacted instantly when she had stood up and it felt like he had been following her train of thought. It was unsettling to think he might understand so much about her.

"The breathing, the thinking, the clothes. I can't stand the spandex. Although, some people wear the clothes even though they aren't even doing Yoga. Do know that the term athleisure came about in the 1960s?"

She let her stream-of-thought fill the space to avoid any more of Zach's pointed questions. "Adidas had a big hand in popularizing tracksuits for casual wear. By the 1980s, the popularity grew when the style started getting featured in hip-hop music videos."

"You know a lot about athleisure," he said.

"In my freshman year, I did a study on athleisure wear and surveyed the girls at this school on their wearing habits. It turns out more than 65% of the girls I surveyed had no plans of going to the gym or working out that day even though they were wearing workout clothes.

"I expanded my range of subjects to the local mall and surveyed the women there. Only 38% of those subjects had no plans to workout that day, but interestingly enough, 4.5% of the women I surveyed admitted that they bought the athleisure clothes with no intention of using them for working out.

"From there I took that data and researched the rise in athleisure clothing production and brands like Lululemon, where their whole business is selling athleisure wear. It was fascinating to trace the rise of a new market and its social and economic effects."

They reached the quad and came to a stop. Ash felt winded from talking so fast while walking.

"I probably still have the report if you want to read it," she offered.

"I had no idea you had such a long history with athleisure wear," he said. "No wonder you reacted so strongly."

His tone was light like they were trading jokes, but there was something deeper in the look he was giving her. It made Ash feel like he had seen right through her defensive move.

She tried to force out a laugh, but when it came out all wrong she abandoned it and the conversation.

"Bye," she said and walked away.

**********************************************************************

Oh you dear broken pieces of a person.

I feel like Ash needs a group hug. I feel like it would go better than a group hug with Zach, though probably not great.

I'm curious what's on your mind right now. Doesn't even have to be about the chapter but that would be surprising with how fast your brain moves on. 🗯💭💬

I think triggers are such an interesting thing.  Triggers are things (topics, memories, people) that spark intense negative emotions. Triggers are usually set off by something that doesn't seem to logically create such a reaction. And so sometimes you never know what a trigger will be for a certain person.

Honestly, I think that's why it's best to air on the side of compassion for someone because who knows what they go through or face. We see a tip of their life but not the iceberg beneath the water. Anyways, the wild fascinating world of psychology.

I love this book because it's nothing grand or dramatic, it's the small inner works of a relationship between people who are extremely damaged. To me, that is a wonderful and curious thing.

Vote, comment, follow and eat a cupcake! But only if you have a cupcake available, I don't want you feel burdened with the task of getting a cupcake if you don't have one.