Day Six Hundred and Eight

The medjacks flitted around the medical hut, fussing over Newt where he perched on the edge of that damned uncomfortable bed, flexing his leg and moving his knee this way and that. Ada could see by the growing annoyance on his face that he was one step away from rolling his eyes, and she didn't know about Jeff, the new medjack who had come up the month prior, but she knew Clint wouldn't take kindly to the action.

"Are we almost done?" She asked from her position in the chair by the window. "I mean, it's been, like, eight months since the... accident. He's been walking on it for five of those. Surely his leg is fine by now."

Clint stiffened and shot her an unimpressed look. "I don't think you understand just how badly he messed this thing up." He said. "It's a miracle we didn't have to amputate."

"You think amputation is the solution for everything." Minho didn't hold back and did roll his eyes, looking the picture of boredom as he leant against the doorway. "I cut my hand on a steak knife last week and you told me we'd have to cut it off."

"You're lucky you didn't bleed out." Clint sniffed.

Jeff patted Newt's leg before moving to put away the splint, nodding his head in satisfaction. "Looks fine to me. You can walk and run on it no problem, but you'll probably have a few issues with running if you do it for too long. And the limp is gonna be permanent, I'm afraid, nothing we can do about that."

Ada grimaced. She knew that although Newt was healing emotionally, and was in a far better place than he had been when he made the attempt on his own life, the physical reminder of what he had done would be with him forever now, following him wherever he went, inescapable.

"So being a runner again is out of the question?" Newt asked, his face carefully neutral so that Ada couldn't make out what he wanted the answer to be.

"I'd say so." Jeff nodded.

Ada studied him briefly as he packed away the supplies – she hadn't had much chance to interact with him since he came up in the box. Alby was the one who showed him around and helped him out during the job trials. She knew that he had terrible stamina, so being a runner was off the table, and he actually fainted when Winston tried to show him the ropes of the slaughterhouse. Gardening seemed to suit him well, until Zart got a particularly nasty cut and Jeff treated it with an ease that surprised even himself.

Connor had been all too happy to step down, instead transitioning over to work with the builders, who needed all the help they could get with the construction of the homestead expansion. Jeff seemed to work well in this environment, the brown skinned boy moving around the space as if he was born to be there.

"Yeah," Clint nodded, glancing down at Newt with a stern expression, "you'd be putting strain on it that you can't afford. Your leg may be healed but it's still weak, probably always will be, and you can snap it again very easily if you aren't careful. If you re-injure yourself I can't guarantee it will heal again at all."

"And then we will have to amputate." Jeff said teasingly.

Newt gulped, standing up tentatively and shrugging on his white jacket, covering up the muddy burnt orange vest underneath. His arms had more definition now, Ada couldn't help but notice – his work on the farm was clearly doing wonders for his physique. "Right. Trackhoe it is."

"I'm sorry, Newt." She smiled sadly, waving goodbye to the medjacks as the three of them descended the stairs into the glade. "I know you were hoping to go back to running."

"Doesn't matter." Newt shrugged, and if it weren't for the faint lines on his forehead Ada would almost be inclined to believe him. "Just temporary anyway, isn't it? Soon as you and Minho find a way out of here it won't matter much anyway. Besides, I've been a trackhoe for, what, six, seven months now? It grows on you after a while."

Ada and Minho shared a tense look that Newt spotted instantly.

"What?" He asked. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Minho shrugged. She had to get him credit, he was a far better liar than she was.

"Ada?" Newt asked, looking down at her with a furrowed brow.

"Doesn't matter." She responded, stomach twisting. She reached forward, twining her fingers with his and giving them a gentle squeeze. In the three months since he had started helping her grow used to human touch, her tolerance towards it had skyrocketed. Reaching across and taking his hand in hers was no longer a challenge. In fact, it was something she had begun to consider as easy as breathing.

But no matter how many times they met in the council hall, no matter how many times he removed her gloves and took his hands in hers and just talked, he refused to push her further, regardless of whether or not she felt ready for it. He didn't want to push her, she knew, didn't want to spook her. It would be sweet if it wasn't so damn annoying.

"You'd tell me if it did?" Newt's voice was strong but there was something deeply vulnerable in his hopeful eyes, a reassurance he needed that she couldn't give.

Minho stepped in before she could panic and give everything away, clamping a hand down on her shoulder. "We gotta go, Ada. Maze won't run itself. If we wanna hit mid section four we gotta get a move on."

"Mid section four?" Newt asked, brow furrowed. He took a step towards them when they attempted to move away. "Why are you covering midsection four? You did that months ago."

"Just double checking." Minho shrugged. "Wanted to make sure we didn't miss anything."

"But wouldn't it be better to cover a section you haven't done yet?"

"Newt, we really gotta go." Minho shot him a placating smile, tugging Ada along by the arm. "Go plant your seeds or whatever and we'll talk later, alright?"

"But-"

"We'll see you later."

Ada looked over her shoulder as Minho led her towards the maze, catching Newt's eye where he stood exactly where they left him, looking like a lost puppy waiting for them to come back. She shot him a small wave in hopes that would improve his mood. Judging by the small smile he gave her as he returned the wave hesitantly, she was half successful.

"I feel bad." She said to Minho as they reached the maze doors, only putting half her energy into the stretches she was meant to be doing.

"You were the one who told us we shouldn't tell him." Minho pointed out as he strapped on his runner's vest. Ada reached for her own, attaching it to her torso with ease.

"Yeah, but... now I feel bad about it."

"Walk it off, you soft shank." Minho chuckled. "Now come on, I'm itching to stretch my legs."

—

Section four was, as predicted, uneventful.

They spent a lot longer in each section now per Alby's orders, combing each hallway and corridor for trap doors or hidden walls or anything out of the ordinary that could hint at a way out.

Also as predicted, they didn't find any such thing.

By the time they had reached the end of their circuit and were getting ready to head back, Ada was close to tears and took refuge leaning against the wall claiming she needed a break. Minho didn't argue, likely sensing her frustration, busying himself with drinking from the water canteen as she rested her head on her knees.

After five minutes of tense silence, Minho sighed and offered her the water canteen. "Ada... are you okay?"

She let out a dry laugh, looking up at him, vision hazy with frustrated tears. "We're horrible people."

"No we're not."

"We are." She nodded. "We know the truth, that this place doesn't lead anywhere, that we're trapped here, forever, and none of them have even the slightest clue. They just go on, living their lives, laughing and joking and farming and building and looking at us for hope of a way out that we can't give them anymore. And they have no idea."

"Ada..." Minho gulped, lowering himself to the ground opposite her. "That doesn't make us bad people. That doesn't make you a bad person. I see what it's doing to you, knowing that there's no way out. I know it's tearing you apart. Taking on that burden by yourself, if anything, makes you a pretty damn good leader in my opinion."

"How do you do it?" She asked. "You seem so unbothered by it all. You just go on with your life running the same paths every day and lying to everyone we know without even flinching. I don't understand how it's not killing you."

"It is." He shook his head, and just for a moment she could see the tired cracks in his facade. "I just hide it better than you."

Ada leant her head back against the wall, staring at the stone and ivy opposite her, the same stone and ivy that she had been staring at for years. The familiarity should have comforted her. Instead, it made her feel like she was drowning.

"I don't want to run the maze for the rest of my life." She said after a moment. "It was different when I knew we had a reason. When I knew we had a reason to fight. Hell, the only way I managed to keep Newt from trying to kill himself again was by telling him that we wouldn't stop fighting to get out of here. How can I make him believe that if I don't even believe it myself anymore?"

Minho, for once in his life, seemed speechless. Slowly, he shuffled over to sit beside her, leaning forward to place his hand on top of hers, looking surprised when she twisted it so that their fingers were intertwined.

"That's a neat trick." He grinned, looking down at their hands.

Ada let out a wet laugh. "Newt's been helping me."

Minho bumped his shoulder with hers and wiggled his eyebrows teasingly. "I bet he has."

Ada reached up to slap his shoulder, laughing as the tears finally receded from her eyes, no longer in danger of falling.

There was a beat of comfortable silence as they sat in the maze with their hands intertwined, backs against the wall. Minho turned his head after a moment, his thin lips quirked up into a half smile.

"We'll figure it out, Ada. I don't know when, I don't know how, but we'll figure it all out." He said. "You just gotta remind yourself what it is you're fighting for."

Ada looked up, not sure what that even was anymore. She told Newt to fight for the family they had lost, the one they were trying to get back to. For the life that they would have when they got out, and whoever may be waiting for them on the other side.

But the possibility of that life was dwindling, slipping away from her faster the more she reached out for it, grains of sand slipping through her desperate fingers. The truth was, she didn't know who would be waiting on the other side for her, if anyone at all. They could escape and find nothing there for them, no one there for them, any family that they dreamt of nothing more than mere figments of their imagination.

So maybe fighting for that family wasn't the solution after all.

But fighting for the family she already had? The gladers, her friends, the community they had built? Fighting for them was something she knew she could do.

"Come on." She said, climbing to her feet and tugging Minho up by their interlocked hands. "Sun's setting. I may not know a lot right now, but I know damn well that we don't want to get trapped here overnight."

—

Minho placed the final stick down, stepping back to give his work an appraising once over.

"I've found my true calling," he said after a moment, "modelling."

"And by modelling do you mean being a model? Or making models." Ada asked, abandoning the maps to join him by the table. "Because, and I really hate to be the one to inform you of this, but they are vastly different things."

"Makes no difference to me," Minho shrugged in return, "I'd be fabulous at both. I'm clearly the most good looking person in this entire place, my hair is the stuff of legends. Would have all the ladies swooning."

"I'm a lady and I am not swooning."

"Lying isn't nice, Ada." Minho tutted. "As for making models, one look at the masterpiece before you will tell you that I'm perfectly adept at that as well."

The model of the maze and glade had come together incredibly well, even Ada had to admit, but she refused to tell him so out of spite. The last thing she wanted was to inflate Minho's ego even further. If his head got much bigger, he wouldn't be able to fit through the door.

"It's done, then?" Alby asked, moving away from the map wall to stare down at the model with a frown. "No more to add?"

"Nope," Minho shook his head, "that's it. The entire maze."

Ada stared down at the model, head tilted, not quite sure what to make of it. The entire maze, mapped out and completed, looking so small from their birds-eye view. The place that seemed so massive, their elaborate prison reduced to something so simple as she stared down at it. It was hard to imagine that she had ran every inch of those corridors, explored every crevice it had to offer.

"So... now what?"

Alby's question never received an answer as the door swung open and a familiar head of blonde hair appeared.

"Hey, guys, I was thinking I could maybe help out with..." Newt trailed off and raised a confused eyebrow when Alby turned to the map wall, snatching down the few final maps, at the same time as Minho turned his back to the model of the maze, trying to cover as much of it as possible.

Ada sprang forwards, one hand clamping on the door to stop him from opening it any further. "Hey, Newt," she smiled nervously, positioning her body so that it covered the gap, "everything okay?"

"Uh, yeah." Newt cocked his head, that adorable crinkle back between his eyebrows. Ada did her best not to be too distracted by it as he craned his head to try and look past her. "I was gonna ask if you needed any help with the maps, but why am I getting the feeling that my presence here is unwanted?"

"You could never be unwanted." She said without thinking, glancing over her shoulder to see Minho gesturing frantically at her to get him to leave. That familiar feeling of guilt swarmed hard and fast.

"Ada," Newt said sternly, crossing his arms over his chest. "What's going on?"

She looked back up at him, seeing the genuine hurt and worry in his eyes, and sighed as she stepped forwards and out of the map room, closing the door behind her. "Nothing." She said after a moment, shaking her head when he opened his mouth to protest. "You know what Alby's like, he gets very protective of the map room. It's just a little chaotic in there."

"Which is why I thought I could help."

She wanted so badly to give in to him, so badly to just open the door and tell him everything, but she knew she couldn't. Knew what would happen if she did. He can hate me, she thought for the millionth time, but at least he'll be alive. "It's quite cramped in there."

"Ada, you let me help out with the maps when I was in my damn hospital bed, for god's sake." Newt shook his head in bewilderment, a spark of frustration igniting in his eyes. "What is this really about? Why don't you want me helping anymore?"

"Newt-"

It took a moment for something akin to realisation to cross his face, but Ada's stomach dropped when it did. "Is this because of my leg?"

"What? Newt, no."

"Because of this morning, when they said I'd never be a runner again. What, you heard that and now I'm not important enough to help out with all the big tasks?"

"Stop it." She spat, standing straighter. "That's ridiculous, Newt."

"Is it?" He asked, gesturing to the door. "Because before now I spent more time in that place than outside it, I was the one you trusted to help map the maze, I was the person you came to when you needed help figuring it out. Damnit, Ada, you sat by my bedside every single day after I jumped with those maps."

"I know." Ada said, harsher than she should have, and then softer when she realised her tone. "I know. It's not that, Newt."

"...Do you not trust me anymore?" He asked quietly after a moment. "Is that it? Did I do something?"

Ada took a step towards him, hand shooting out to rest gently on his forearm, fingers fisting in the fabric of his shirt. "Of course I trust you." She shook her head. "If you believe anything, then believe that."

"I just don't understand what's going on."

"I know. I know, but..." She glanced back at the door to the map room, where Alby and Minho were no doubt eavesdropping intently. "I need you to trust me on this. I know it's a lot to ask, and I know it's annoying and frustrating, but please just trust me when I say that we're doing this for a reason. And we will tell you, eventually. I will tell you, but later, okay? Later."

Newt waited for a moment before sighing, running a hand over his face. "It's not."

"Not what?"

"A lot to ask." He shook his head, smiling down at her, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "I trust you. You don't need to ask me to do that, I do it anyway. Just..." He sighed, shoulders sinking. "I'll see you later, then."

Ada swallowed heavily but nodded, watching with a furrowed brow as he smiled tightly at her and turned to walk away, limping back in the direction of the homestead.

When she re-entered the map room, Ada was met with Minho and Alby stood shoulder to shoulder, arms crossed and identical smug expressions on their faces. "Oh god, what?" She asked.

"Oh, Ada," Minho sighed dramatically, his voice high pitched as he placed a hand on Alby's shoulder, a disgustingly dopey expression on his face, "I trust you."

"Oh, Newt," Alby countered in a similar tone, "I trust you too!"

"I am going to murder the both of you," Ada said simply, "slowly and painfully."

"Testy." Minho tutted. "We were simply remarking on the close friendship you two seem to have."

"Yes," Alby nodded with a smirk, "so friendly."

"He sure doesn't talk to me like that." Minho sighed sadly, wiping away a fake tear. "I think it's rude, honestly. Don't you just wish Newt would look at you that way too Alby?"

"Not particularly."

"Minho, you have three seconds before I take a blade to your hair whilst you sleep tonight." Ada reached for her dagger.

Minho's eyes narrowed dangerously. "You wouldn't."

"One."

"The hair is sacred."

"Two."

"Ada, c'mon, we can talk about this."

Her fingers closed around the handle. "I'd run."

Minho listened, darting out of the map room as if it were on the fire.

"Effective." Alby snorted. "I'm gonna remember that one."

"You are not off the hook here." Ada hissed, jabbing his chest with her finger.

"Oh spare me, I beg." He rolled his eyes fondly and gestured to his hairless head. "Not the hair, anything but the hair."

"You're insufferable."

"And you're deflecting." Alby jerked his chin towards the door. "You need to tell him."

"I can't."

"You need to." Alby took a few steps towards where she was leaning against the table, propping his hip against the wood to stare down at her with a small smile. "If not for him, then for you. You've never been good at keeping secrets, Ada, and this has gone on long enough."

Ada sank further back against the table, not knowing what to do with herself all of a sudden. "If I tell him that there's no way out, he might lose hope again. Alby we just got him back. I can't do that to him."

"He deserves to know." Alby said solemnly. "I know you think you're protecting him. I know what you're afraid is going to happen. But we can't keep going on like this."

"I know." She said after a beat of silence.

Alby's hand came up as if he were going to rest it on her shoulder, but stopped before they could touch. "You'll figure it out Ada. We'll deal with the fallout together. Just... at least think about telling him soon, okay?"

"Okay." She said numbly.

Alby gave her a supportive smile before leaving the room, leaving Ada alone, surrounded by the maps she had so carefully made, that now did nothing but mock her.

—

Ada got to the council hall well before Newt did – unusual, considering he was normally waiting for her with the torches lit and a patient smile on his face.

But the sunset brought with it a darkness that was untouched in the domed wooden building, so as she watched the shadows with a tentative sort of curiosity she took comfort in the menial task of lighting torches and closing the shutters on the windows, turning the pitch blackness into a cosy sort of den, a protective bubble where they could be locked away from the rest of the glade. The quiet intimacy of it all wasn't lost on her.

But after ten minutes had passed and there was still no sign of Newt, Ada's agitation had begun to grow tenfold, and pacing was all she could do not to go insane.

Had he forgotten? Surely not, this was his idea.

Maybe he doesn't want to see you.

Maybe he's still angry.

Maybe he hates you.

But they had left things on a good if not awkward note, she was sure, so where was he?

Just as she was considering snuffing out the lights and leaving, disheartened at his apparent dismissal, a figure appeared in the doorway, in the slither of shadow untouched by the light. A sigh of relief left her unbidden, the disturbed patch of sand kicking up against her shoes when she abruptly stopped pacing.

"Finally." Ada said, her voice only marginally wobbly. "Thought you weren't gonna show."

Newt shot her a strained smile as he stepped into the room, swinging the door closed behind him – it felt as if he were cutting off all the oxygen in the room as well. That intimate and friendly atmosphere that had dominated their previous 'sessions' was gone now, replaced with a thick tension that she couldn't quite identify. All she knew was that she was nearly choking on it.

"I wasn't going to." He admitted, turning his eyes to the floor as he shrugged out of his jacket, leaving him in just his vest. She hadn't felt the heat of the room before, but now it was almost suffocating. "But all I could think about was you just sat there in the dark waiting for me. Didn't feel right not to show up."

"This was your idea." She crossed her arms over her chest defensively, trying to ignore how much his words hurt. "You were the one who said you wanted to help me."

"And I do." Newt took a step forward into the light, looking as if he had aged ten years since their last conversation. It reminded her of how he had looked at her before, the almost cold detachment something she hadn't seen from him in a long time.

She didn't, for the life of her, know what to do with it.

"Is this about earlier?" She asked, brow furrowing. "About what happened at the map room?"

"The map room, the med hut, the past few months in general, really."

"Newt-"

"I've tried to ignore it, how distant you've gotten. How distant all of you have gotten: you, Alby, and Minho." He looked away. "It's like you've all formed some little club that I'm not part of."

"Newt," she sighed tiredly, "I told you, you just have to trust me on this one, please."

"I do." He shook his head. "I do trust you."

"But?"

"But trusting you is exhausting, Ada." He looked exhausted, like the only thing holding him up were the threads of their friendship, and she could all but see them growing thinner with each passing second. "I'm trying, because I know you mean well, but you're keeping something from me and you haven't done that in a long time. And I know it's something big because of the way you're looking at me right now. What am I supposed to do with that, Ada?"

"You're supposed to just..."

Just leave it alone.

Just walk away.

Just trust me.

"I don't know." She said instead. The warmth in the room was gone, or she couldn't feel it anymore, she wasn't sure – but coldness pressed down on her now, and the torches seemed dimmer.

Who was she to ask him to do any of those? Trust was a fickle thing, fragile and delicate. To fracture it would reveal the deeper cracks beneath, and risk it shattering in your hands. She could almost feel the weight of it, as if it were a tangible thing in her palm, pulsing and waiting for her to say something to bring it back to life.

"I think we should take a break." Newt said quietly. "From this." He gestured around the council hall, but Ada felt that he may as well just have gestured at her for all the sting his words possessed. "Just for now."

"What?" Ada asked, lowering her arms and taking a step forward. "Why?"

"I've been trying all day to act normally," he said, "but it's very clear that you're keeping something big from me and I get that it may be personal, I'm not saying in any way that I'm entitled to know what it is you're feeling at any given point, but honestly? The fact that you'll happily keep such a big thing from me hurts, and I'm not going to pretend that it doesn't."

"Happily keep this from you?" She spat. "Happily? You think I don't want to tell you? We went over this earlier, Newt, I want to tell you-"

"Then why don't you?"

"I'm doing this for you!" Ada took another step towards him, until they were close enough for her to reach out and touch him she wanted to. So she did, and lifted her gloveless hand to his arm until it pressed against his bicep, fingers pressing into his skin. Newt's throat bobbed as he looked down at her. "I'm doing this to keep you safe!"

"Safe from what?"

"From yourself!" Ada lowered her hand, smoothing it down his arm until it rested against his forearm, her breath catching in her throat at the contact. "I've nearly lost you so many times now. I already told you, I won't let it happen again."

Newt looked away, jaw clenched. "You mean a lot to me, Ada," he said eventually, "but being around you hurts right now. I want to respect the fact that you don't want to tell me, but I don't want to keep feeling like I'm stuck on the sidelines again. So for now I think we should just... stop this."

Ada withdrew her hand, swallowing heavily. The thought of not sitting with him, week after week in the torchlight, talking and touching and healing together, was almost enough for her to spill everything to him on the spot. He was looking at her that way again, with those guarded walls so carefully built back up, the heart he wore on his sleeve tucked away and protected out of sight.

"If that's what you want." She said quietly.

Newt nodded with a relieved smile, and who was she to argue with him when he looked as if he was just waiting for her to agree, as if he needed it. "Okay. I'm gonna head to bed, try and get an early night." He took a step backwards towards the door, the physical distance between them hurting just as much as the emotional distance. "You should do the same, you look knackered. But I know that Nick and Mickey are throwing punches in the sand pits if you wanna go place bets with Avin and Minho."

Despite the light-heartedness of his words and the easy smile on his face, she could see the strain in his eyes and the tenseness of his shoulders as he walked away from her.

The prospect of sitting with her friends around a warm fire, smiling and laughing as the night crept in, should have been a welcome one, a relaxing end to a trying day.

It wasn't.

"I'm gonna stay, I think." She said, moving back towards the torch in the middle. "You go get some sleep."

Newt hesitated, clearly warring with her decision, before nodding curtly and taking his leave. The door closed with a thud behind him, closing her in, and Ada was left alone with only the light from the torch and her secrets to keep her company.