Day Six Hundred and Thirty Nine

Ada was pretty sure Nick knew she had stopped paying attention to his words a while ago, judging by the amused smirk on his face and the fleeting knowing glances he kept shooting Minho.

Alby had all but shoved her in their direction when she had come out of the Council Hall, rolling his eyes and telling her to stay put whilst he went to go find someone. What that was about she had no idea, but nonetheless she stayed perched on the edge of the dinner bench, cradling a jar of Gally's recipe and nodding politely along to whatever it was Nick was saying.

She cast her eyes across the bonfire for what felt like the millionth time in the last half hour, watching as the flames climbed higher and higher and then began to burn themselves out as the gladers danced and chatted around them. She wasn't sure where Dave was anymore, nor did she care, the only thing she hoped was that he was staying away from Newt.

Her eyes cut across the gladers, searching for that familiar head of golden hair, bright in the low light, but she couldn't spot him.

"Looking for someone in particular?" Nick asked teasingly, taking a swig of his own drink.

"No." Ada said, far too quickly to be believable.

Nick and Minho shared another amused glance, and Ada rolled her eyes as she turned to face them fully.

"What is wrong with you two?" She asked. "You're acting like a bunch of giggling schoolgirls."

"Did I or did I not see you drag Newt into the council hall?" Minho asked, leaning forward conspiratorially.

"And did I or did I not see you two emerge ten minutes later looking awfully dishevelled?" Nick continued, a joyful glint in his eye.

Ada swallowed, leaning back and narrowing her eyes. "You'd know a little something about looking dishevelled, wouldn't you, Minho? Is your hair supposed to look like that, or is today an off day for you?"

Minho let out a great gasp, hands flying to his head. "Nick, reassure me." He demanded.

Nick studied him carefully before wincing dramatically. Minho gasped again, frantically combing back the already perfect strands to fix them. Nick shot Ada a teasing wink, and she tapped the side of her nose with a grin.

"Ada," Alby's voice came from behind her, and when she turned it was to find him with a burly looking blonde boy with a strong jaw and deep set brown eyes. She recognised him as one of the builders immediately. "Ada, you remember Ben?"

"Of course." She nodded politely, sending him a smile.

"Ben wants to take over my place as a runner. I told him you'd take him into the maze for a runners trial and see how things go."

"Runner's trial?" She asked dubiously.

"You said it yourself, we're getting short on runners. With me and Newt retiring and Ennis... uh, yeah, we could use another runner. I mentioned it in passing and Ben volunteered. That alright?"

"Sure thing." She nodded, leaning back to size him up. "You fast?"

"We'll find out." Ben chuckled nervously.

"You'll be fine." Alby clapped him on the shoulder, smiling reassuringly. "Don't worry, Ada's been running the maze since this place first started. She knows the maze better than anyone, she'll take good care of you."

Ada shot him a grin that she hoped was reassuring, but by the fleeting look of alarm that shot over Ben's face she wasn't sure she was successful.

Alby snorted, nudging Ben and jerking his head in the direction of the map room. "C'mon, lemme show you the map room. We'll explain everything properly tomorrow, but it'll be a good idea to show you the rough layout now."

Ada's hand shot out, closing around Alby's forearm as she glanced at Ben nervously. "Alby, are you sure that's-"

"I covered the model." Alby said quietly, leaning in close so Ben and Nick wouldn't hear. "I'll just show him the maps, and the journals. But Ada, I seriously think we should consider telling people soon."

Ada looked away, her stomach souring. "Soon," she promised, glancing around at the happy gladers, grinning and laughing together. "But not tonight."

Alby sighed, nodding, and led Ben away, leaving her alone with Minho and Nick. Suddenly not feeling up for conversation, she climbed to her feet and downed the contents of her jar, depositing it on the table as she nodded at them with a tight smile.

The grass crunched pleasantly beneath her boots as she crossed to the other side of the fire, watching the flames but steering clear of the gladers gathered around them. Drunken and giddy, she watched them stumble and dance, laughing without a care in the world. It was what she loved about the monthly bonfires – every day they battled with themselves to remain hopeful as people kept dying, as the walls caged them in, freedom in sight but forever out of reach. The bonfires were their one opportunity to escape that, to feel free for a few blessed hours, no matter how fleeting that freedom was.

It was a blessing she refused to take away from them, no matter how true Alby's warnings were or how the weight of it all weighed down on her shoulders.

For the peace of her friends, her family, the weight of her secrets was one she was willing to bear.

A small figure crashed into her, almost knocking her over. "Ah – Jeez, Avin, slow down buddy."

Avin grinned up at her, cheeks rosy from the firelight, a bright gleam in his eyes that she hadn't seen from him in a long time. "Ada! There you are! I was looking for you."

"Yeah?" She smiled down at him, his giddiness infectious. "What for?"

"C'mere!" Waving her over to one of the logs, he sat down against it and patted the ground beside him. "I have something for you."

Ada raised an intrigued eyebrow and sat down, brushing the hair out of her eyes. "For me?" She asked. "It's not another jar of Gally's drink, is it? I enjoy it as much as the next person, but I don't think I can handle another glass of that stuff right now."

Avin puffed out his cheeks in a displeased frown. "No, Alby wouldn't let me have any."

Ada was thankful that at least someone in the glade had their head on straight that night. "Probably for the best, you're a tad too young for that I'd say."

"Alby said once I'm taller than you then maybe I can have some." Avin grinned, and considering there was only an inch or two separating them now, she wasn't that ecstatic about the news.

"I'm gonna have to talk to him about that one." She frowned. "Anyway, what's this you wanted to give me?"

"Oh!" Avin's eyes lit up again in excitement as he frantically reached into the pockets of his jacket, hand closing around something she couldn't see. "Well, you know how I like to make those little wooden things?"

"The toys?" She asked, and then regretted it when Avin's smile dropped.

"They're not toys, they're figures." He corrected sternly.

Ada nodded placatingly and smiled, hoping to return that excited gleam to his eye. "Right, of course. They're very good."

"I made you one!" Avin grinned as he held out his hand, dirt-smudged fist uncurling to reveal something small and wooden perched on the palm of his hand. The wood was clearly from the same trees they used for building, shabbily stripped of its bark with little bits remaining that poked into her hands and deformed the shape slightly. Small lines were cut into what were clearly wings, criss crosses and missing sections made to look like feathers. The small beak was pointed and poked into her hand, and the slope of the head was slightly wonky, but it was quite possibly the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

"A bird." Ada breathed out in awe, running one finger over the smooth curve of the head. The small eyes carved into it were nothing more than holes, but gave the carving a feel of liveliness that she was bewitched by. "Avin, this is... this is incredible. You made this for me?"

"You like watching the birds." He shrugged simply. "I've seen you on the watchtower in the evenings. You always watch them as they fly over, every night." He glanced down at the ground, a self conscious smile curving his lips. "I thought it would be nice for you to have a bird of your own."

Tears sprang to Ada's eyes as she let out a choked laugh, curling her first around the wooden figurine to hold it tightly against her chest. "Avin, it's amazing. Thank you."

"You really like it?" He asked, smile stretching so wide it crinkled the corners of his eyes. "I know it's not perfect, but-"

"It is," Ada shook her head, "it is perfect. I love it." She ran her finger over the small head once more before tucking it safely into her pocket, zipping it up for safekeeping. As she looked at Avin's wide smile and delighted eyes, she made a vow to never part with the trinket, no matter what. It would remain by her side always, she swore, a token of good luck to carry her through whatever was to come.

Avin let out a relieved smile, and she couldn't resist hugging him at that moment. Breathing in deeply she wrapped her arms tight around his back, laughing at the bewildered noise he made. Barely a moment later he held her back just as tightly, hands wrapping in the material of her shirt as she buried her face in his dirt-streaked hair.

He was so much bigger now than he was nearly two years ago, growing into his gangly limbs, a fierce glint in his eye he never had before. But there was the same head of unruly blonde curls, same wide blue eyes, same rosy cheeks and crooked smile. The wooden bird burned a hole in her jacket as it pressed against her stomach.

"Thanks, Ada." He mumbled into her jacket, and she knew what he meant without saying it.

"Anytime kiddo." She smiled softly. "Any time."

—

Newt sat with his back to the fire, letting it warm the back of his neck and shoulders as he looked out at the treeline of the forest. From here the name wall was barely visible, just a myriad of white pinpricks against grey, stretching as high as they were able to reach. The noise of the bonfire was almost overwhelming, but the quiet of the view in front of him was almost eerie, still and undisturbed.

Alby had whisked Ada away after they left the Council Hall – he wasn't sure where she was now, but didn't try to look for her either. The sight of her at that moment would do nothing but make him want, make his palms itch with the urge to touch, his heart swell with something he was, quite frankly, too terrified to put a name to.

The memory of her pressed against him, clinging to him in a way he hadn't known she was capable of, his lips pressed against his own, was still so fresh and alive inside his mind. The pounding of his own heart and the fog in his head as he held her clung to his senses, making his body feel alive with adrenaline he didn't know what to do with.

Obnoxious laughter met his ears from the sandpits to his left, and he could recognise the new Greenie's arrogant voice amidst the crowd. Newt's hands clenched of their own volition on his lap. The thought of his hands on Ada, of her terrified face as she looked up at him, the steely determination in her eyes despite the fear, the memory of it all had his stomach clenching as the need to leave rose rapidly inside him.

His head was full of memories of his kiss with Ada, he didn't want those to fade in the face of such a pointless emotion as petty jealousy.

Newt picked at a strand of grass in his hand as he turned his face away, eyes falling on the darkened map room.

The door was cracked open.

What the hell? The map room was strictly off limits to non-runners, everyone knew that. Him better than anyone, he thought bitterly. Ada had likely hoped he wouldn't notice that she had been keeping him out of the map room for weeks now, but he had. It was all he thought about as he lay there at night, itching with the urge to find out what exactly was so important that he couldn't go in there.

He was under no illusions when it came to his role in the glade. After what happened in the maze he knew things would hardly be the same when he finally got released from the med hut, but he hadn't expected to be frozen out completely when it came to the important stuff.

The sting of it all was enough to remind him of why he had taken a step back from Ada and her lies.

But the door was cracked open, and it was a miracle none of the other gladers had noticed.

A lamp flickered on inside, a barely there twinge of light that had Newt pausing about ten steps away from the door. Hushed voices met his ears, but he couldn't make them out from where he was sitting. Indecision warred inside of him – he knew it was wrong, to sit there and eavesdrop on his friends, his family, but curiosity was rising up inside him like a storm. If he got closer, if he tried to see who was inside, then he had no doubt that Alby and Ada would appear out of nowhere to keep him from entering.

So he sat and waited, eyes fixed intently on the shadows flickering under the doorway, until at long last the door creaked open again and Alby emerged. Newt's shoulders slumped, relieved, until someone he didn't recognise followed him out, shutting the door behind him.

Newt tensed up without realising, cocking his head in effort to place the face that seemed vaguely familiar. He could have sworn he'd seen him talking to Gally and Nick at some point, so maybe a builder. He wasn't sure – he had missed a great deal of the new greenie's arrivals when he was confined to the hospital bed in the med hut, and before that he simply hadn't cared enough to bother to learn their names or faces, too caught up in his own sorrows and self pity to process anything outside the thoughts warring in his head.

But why would they have let some random person into the map room, when Newt himself was now barred from it even after his friends had promised he wouldn't be excluded from the important decisions. Weeks of frustration and resentment rose inside him so swift and hard it had him standing before he realised what he was doing, and was halfway to the map room before he stopped to consider Ada's words.

"Please just trust me when I say that we're doing this for a reason. And we will tell you, eventually."

'Eventually' wasn't good enough for him anymore.

Casting a careful glance over his shoulder, Newt shouldered open the door, closing it quickly behind him and praying no one had noticed. It was pitch black in there now, the maps on the wall nothing more than dark shadows he couldn't make out. The door shutting behind him cut off the sounds of the glade entirely, leaving him stranded in the pitch black and silence. The sound of his heartbeat pounded away in his eardrums.

Fumbling to his left, he searched blindly for the runners' flashlights he knew were stored there. Hands closing around metal, he flicked the switch and bathed the room in a pale light, the harsh glare making him squint for a moment as his eyes scanned the room he had spent so much time in all those months ago.

It was almost unrecognisable to him now.

The maps on the wall were nothing more than harsh lines he could barely read, making up vague shapes and patterns that took a minute to decipher as he stared at them blankly. The sections were separated, running one through eight, the series of interconnecting lines creating a myriad of corridors and hallways he could remember like the back of his hand.

But something wasn't right.

Newt's pulse sped up as he took a step forward, wide eyes studying the charts laid out before him. It was incomplete the last time he was in here, with sections three, eight, and two almost completely unexplored. But now? The maps to those sections were proudly displayed, staring down at him mockingly.

That can't be right...

If those sections had now been mapped out, the red ink at the corners symbolising that they were fully explored, then that meant that the entire maze was stretched across the wall before him, with no possible exit in sight.

Newt's hand went slack with shock, the flashlight slipping so that the beam of light fell from the walls and landed on the gigantic table in the middle.

The model, Newt realised with a sickening feeling of dread curling in his stomach. That long forgotten emotion, waiting to greet him like an old friend in the cracks of his mind, the same cracks he had been fighting to claw his way out of for months.

A large white sheet was tossed over the model, concealing it from his worried stare, but he had a feeling he knew what he would find if he removed it.

Don't, some small part of his brain begged. Deep inside, the voice in his head knew that if he confirmed what his worst fears were telling him, those cracks would grow into crevasses that would drag him down whether he liked it or not.

Newt's hand closed around the corner of the sheet.

Ada's face flashed before his eyes, desperate and pleading for him to let her tell him in her own time. But surely this couldn't be what she was keeping from him. Surely she wouldn't be this cruel.

Taking a deep breath, he pulled the sheet away from the model, letting it pool in a discarded heap on the floor. Something cold settled in Newt's chest.

The final sections of the maze had been filled in, a bird's eye view of the complicated drawings on the walls. With the maps he could almost pretend he was misreading things, that he wasn't understanding something, but the physical proof in front of him nearly had his knees giving way.

The door burst open behind him and Ada skidded into the room, panic written over every inch of her face.

Newt turned to look at her, eyes as cold as the ice running through his veins. For months now she had promised him that they would escape together, had looked him in the eyes and swore there was a way out.

He had laid himself bare to her, every fear and every dark twisted thought offered up for her to see, and she had looked at the most vulnerable parts of him and lied straight to his face.

Ada halted, eyes tracking over the exposed model and his ashen face, and froze.

"Oh God, Newt... I can explain."

—

Ada's heart was pounding against her ribs with a vengeance so violent she could barely hear herself speak. The flashlight dangled loosely in Newt's hand, the light doing little to illuminate the room, but it lit up the furious gleam in his eyes in a way that had her breath catching in her throat.

When Ada had looked up from the fire and noticed the light flickering on in the map room she had searched instinctively for Newt, wanting to make sure she knew where he was and that he wouldn't get too close. Guilt swarmed her as she did, but that guilt quickly steamrolled into a raging panic when she couldn't spot him. A quick glance over at the kitchens confirmed that Alby and Ben were in a spirited conversation with Minho, and she knew without a doubt who had found their way into that room. She was scrambling to reach the door before she knew what she was doing.

Now, standing in front of him with her heart in her throat, she wanted nothing more than to crawl back into her hammock and hide away from the world, seeking shelter behind walls of lies and regret. Her eyes cut to the maps and the model behind him.

"Oh God, Newt... I can explain."

"Is it true?" He asked simply, his voice nothing more than a desolate whisper.

"Newt-"

"Is it true?" He asked again, stronger this time.

Ada swallowed heavily and wrapped her arms around herself, shifting uncomfortably. Surely the room couldn't be this warm, this stifling. But she was suffocating, she was sure, and all she could do was nod jerkily.

Newt let out a breath of disbelief, that hardened expression in his eyes cracking into fractures of pain and desperation. "There's nothing left?" His voice was a cracked whisper, so loud in the quiet of the room. It was hard to believe that merely behind the closed door their friends were laughing and joking, that barely more than an hour ago they were wrapped around each other in the council hall, putting all fears and doubts aside. "You've mapped it all?"

Ada nodded again. "Yes."

"How long?"

"Newt-"

"How long have you known?" He took a step forwards, desperate fury lighting in his eyes. She knew what he wanted her to say, knew he wanted her to tell him that she had only just found out, that she hadn't chosen to keep this from him for so long.

It felt as if cotton had lined the insides of her throat, soaking up her words. Or barbed wire, choking them off before she could explain. Ada cleared her throat. "Just over three months."

"Three months?" Newt asked incredulously. "You've known about this for three months and didn't tell me?"

"Newt, please-"

"This is what you were keeping from me? All this time, when you kept finding excuses to keep me away from this place, every time you looked me in the eyes and lied to me, it was because of this?" He gestured behind him towards the model.

"I wanted to tell you, I swear I did."

"So why didn't you?" He ran an agitated hand through his hair, ruffling the golden strands. "All those times..." He trailed off, voice breaking. "All those times you told me we were getting out, that you promised me a future, you were lying." It wasn't a question.

"No," Ada shook her head adamantly, "No, Newt, there still might be a way out, we're still looking-"

"You knew it was hopeless and yet you looked right at me and lied straight to my face when I was..." He looked at her as if she were a stranger. "I needed you to be honest, and you lied to me."

"I had to," Ada took a step forward, unfolding her arms. "You needed hope, you needed to believe there was a way out."

"What I needed was for you to tell me the truth."

"Why, so you could go and-" She cut herself as reproach flashed through his eyes, and took a deep breath to stave off the tears she could feel building. "I didn't tell you because I was terrified that you would try to - that you would-"

"You thought I'd jump again." He said, and the bleakness in his voice was terrifying.

"Yes." She admitted. "You don't understand, every time I can't see you, or don't know where you are, I panic. Every time I see even the tiniest bit of sadness on your face, I get scared again."

"So you cut me off?" Newt scoffed angrily. "What did you think that was going to achieve, Ada? You made me feel more isolated and alone than I did before I jumped, you made me feel unimportant again, all because you were, what, too cowardly to talk to me like a normal human being? I'm not some broken little thing you need to take care of."

"I know that. I know, but I had just gotten through to you, truly connected with you, I didn't want to lose that."

"And what, you didn't think this was something I deserved to know? There's no way out of this bloody place, that's a pretty big fucking deal, Ada. You didn't think you should have maybe, I don't know, clued me in?"

""Don't." She said, her voice cracking. "Don't do this. Please, you have to understand, I didn't want to lose you, not again."

"You just did." Newt discarded the torch carelessly on the table, not caring as the light flickered and went out, dissolving them into near blackness.

When he crossed by her to get to the door, she tried to reach out for him, but he moved around her like she was nothing more than an insignificant obstacle in his path, nothing more than an annoyance.

The door opened and slammed shut behind him, enclosing her in the dark and the quiet. Ada stood there, waiting, silently begging for him to turn around.

But the door didn't open again, and she knew without a doubt that whatever it was she and Newt shared was gone. The ashes of their friendship crumbled to dust around her, and no matter how hard she tried to cling onto them they slipped through her fingers like grains of sand, leaving her alone with nothing but her regret.