Day One Hundred and Thirty Six

Stephen was right.

It was a sentence Ada herself would never say out loud. Even in her darkest moments, when she lay awake at night in her hammock, believing it, she refused to even entertain the idea of saying it out loud. Because that would make it real, and she couldn't handle that.

But it didn't seem to stop the other gladers. She didn't know exactly what Stephen was saying to them when she and Alby were in the maze during the day, but in the two months since they had let him out of the box she had seen the shift in the way the gladers were looking at her.

Connor barely spoke to her anymore, spending the time he wasn't in the medical hut speaking in low voices with Isaac and Stephen. James seemed to be torn, looking at her with sympathy instead of anger. The only ones who didn't seem to be holding a grudge were Alby, Avin, and Newt. Even Nick seemed to be slightly pissed off more than usual.

Because Stephen was right.

The week was spent scouring the maze for other doors, and apart from the discovery of more blades in every section of the maze, creating a giant circle they dubbed the 'outer ring', the time spent running had been fruitless. Because there were no other doors, ajar or otherwise, and every wall and crevice remained smooth and untouched. They had split off, mapping more of the maze in the process, and by the time one week had passed they gathered in the council hall to discuss their next steps.

They had decided that Ada and Alby would go alone, much to Stephen's protests, and would return for the others once they had figured out how to open the door.

But when they had reached section five, wandered amongst the blades until they found the way out, their hope crumbled around them, taking their freedom with it.

Because the door was closed.

No, not closed, sealed off.

Whereas before the slab of stone had clearly been left ajar, giving them just enough room to make out the shadows behind it, now the wall looked untouched, the frame of the door barely even noticeable where it blended in perfectly.

Alby had let out a yell of frustration, pounding against the slab, praying for it to move, scratching at the edges until his nails ripped and his fingers bled, but the door remained unmoving, as if it had never existed in the first place.

Their return to the glade had been met with hopeful grins and excited eyes, and the pit in Ada's stomach grew bigger and bigger as watched that joy vanish, replaced over time with blame and anger.

"It's not your fault." Alby told her countless times. "Everyone agreed that going into the maze at night was a bad idea. The door wouldn't even open then, and it wasn't just your call. They know that, even if they're being idiots right now."

But Ada couldn't shake the guilt that seemed to swallow her whole. She knew logically that going into the maze after dark, trapping them all in there with no way out, for a lead that left a lot to be desired was an awful move, one that could have – would have – gone wrong in so many ways. But the other part of her, the part that saw the sideways glares and stunted responses, knew that maybe if she had listened to Stephen and taken the chance then they could have been out of the maze months ago, home to their families or whatever comforts awaited them beyond the stone walls.

Now, four and a half months in, the joyful attitude that had existed was all but gone. Two new sets of gladers had come up, each as scared and confused as the last, and what had initially been friendly smiles and open laughter quickly turned to steel-faced suspicion after one conversation with Stephen.

Ada watched them as she sharpened her dagger, leaning against a tree at the edge of the forest. It was her day off, something they had started doing once a week. Five out of seven days, her and Alby would go into the maze together, searching for a way out. On day six, Alby would take his break, Ada going in alone. Day seven was the reverse, a break which she should have looked forward to but instead dreaded.

The tense atmosphere in the glade was stifling on a good day, let alone when she didn't have Alby as a buffer to stop her from wallowing away and feeling sorry for herself. The majority of her time was either spent in the cemetary with Luke, Carson, and George, or helping out Newt and Avin on the farm.

The bark of the tree was rough against her back. Ada welcomed the sting as she stared at where the farmers were digging up the soil. It would be time to harvest the plants soon, so preparation was being made to plant new ones. There were seven people working on the farm now, and the gardens had expanded considerably, filled with fresh tomatoes and carrots, green beans and potatoes.

She continued to idly sharpen her knife as she watched an argument break out about the placement of a row of carrots. Her eyes landed on Newt, who was sitting off to the side by himself. He had been given the job earlier of separating the seeds, but it didn't look like he was getting very far. In fact, it didn't look like he was doing anything, instead just sat with his back to a boulder watching the others work with a blank expression.

Ada frowned. She hadn't put much thought into Newt in the past few months besides the relief that he wasn't looking at her with disgust or anger. She hadn't stopped to think that he hadn't actually looked at her all that much at all.

Avin, who was walking past with a pile of wood in his hands, gave her a halfhearted 'hello' as he walked past. Ada's hand shot out, grabbing the back of Avin's trouser leg to stop him, not taking her eyes off Newt. "Hey, Avin, is he alright?"

Avin shrugged. "Dunno. Hasn't been himself for a few weeks now. Don't really talk to him, though."

Ada rose an eyebrow in suprise. Last time she had checked Avin and Newt were quite close, forming a sort of sibling bond. She let out a hum of acknowledgement, getting to her feet. She crossed the Glade silently, ignoring the glares and unwanted attention she recieved, carelessly plonking herself down next to Newt. He looked at her with a raised eyebrow for a moment before returning his attention to the shoelace on his wrist.

"What's got you being all mopey?" She asked, busying herself by sorting the seeds into piles. When she got one wrong, Newt would correct her, and it would have been annoying if Ada wasn't successfully forcing him to get involved.

"I'm not mopey."

"Yes I can see that."

"I'm not." He snapped.

Newt's fingers were trembling as he plucked one of the seeds from the wrong pile. Ada watched them, frowning. His entire body was shaking, actually, a fine tremor that rattled his thin frame. The bones on his wrists were more pronounced than usual, the shoelace looser than it had been when she had properly seen him last. She moved her eyes up to his face, noting how much his cheekbones seemed to jut out. In the harsh midday sun, his skin was an ashy grey, and small droplets of sweat glinted at his hairline.

"Newt, are you alright?"

He blinked, his eyes nothing but shadows in his gaunt face. "M' fine."

"You don't look too good."

"Now who's the charming one." His voice was angry, and for a moment Ada was thrown by his reference to that night. She looked closer, watching annoyance flash through his eyes. Was he still upset with her? He might not have blamed her for what happened, but that didn't stop him from being pissed about her all but dismissing him when he had opened up to her that night.

"Newt, I wanted to apologise-"

Newt stood up quickly, swaying slightly as he did. "Just piss off, okay Ada?"

She watched him walk away, his body moving strangely sluggishly. He definitely was thinner.

When Alby returned to the glade that night she wasted no time in grabbing him by the sleeve, leading him towards a secluded corner of the Homestead, ignoring his half hearted protests about just wanting to sit down. "We need to talk."

"Well hello to you too, Ada. Yeah, my day in the maze was delightful, thank you for asking. Would I like to sit down and have a goddamn rest? You're too kind."

Ada rose an amused eyebrow. "Glad you had such a great time. We have a problem."

"If this is about Stephen being a dick I thought we already talked about that. You just gotta ignore him, if the others can't see that you did the right thing then it's their loss."

"Well thank you, dad, for the vote of confidence. However, that wasn't the problem I was referring to." She nodded her head in Newt's direction, noticing that he didn't even have a plate in front of him. "Something's wrong with Newt."

Any trace of humour left Alby's face. "What do you mean?"

"He's irritable, standoffish, he's lost weight."

"Yeah well none of our diets are exactly what they should be, Ada."

"No, but look at him." She lowered her voice as one of the new gladers walked past, staring at them weirdly. "He's too thin, he's shaking, he can barely stand. When was the last time you saw him eat anything? Or get a good night's sleep?"

Alby looked sceptical, but Ada still saw the worried glance she shot in Newt's direction. The boy had his head in his arms, resting on the table, but she could tell by the tense set of his shoulders that he wasn't sleeping. "Yeah alright, something's wrong."

"What do we do?"

"Should we talk to him?" Alby asked. Ada bit her lip and looked away.

"I don't think he's very interested in speaking to me at the minute."

Alby shot her a disapproving look. "I honestly don't think he can be trusted to look after himself. We need someone to keep an eye on him."

"Who, exactly? Nick and Gally are busy, Avin is a literal child, and everyone else here isn't exactly buddy buddy with us at the moment." Ada ran a hand through her hair. It was getting greasy again. She hated showering there though. No matter how long she had been in the glade, the freezing water wasn't something she could get used to. "What do you think is making him so depressed? He was fine before."

"If sulking around the deadheads is your definition of fine then yeah he was having a grand time." Alby leant back against the wall.

"What if we just took him with us?"

"What, bring him into the maze? Are you absolutely bonkers?"

"Yes." Ada nodded. "That should have been one of the first things you learnt about me. Keep up."

"He's not a dog, Ada, we can't just put him on a leash and bring him with us just so we can keep an eye on him. He'll be a liability."

"He definitely reminds me of a dog." She shrugged. "But I think it could be good for him." She paused, sadness stirring in her eyes as she stared at where Newt had deliberately distanced himself from the other boys, his head still nestled in his arms. "He asked me if I really thought we'd found a way out that day. He asked me not to lie to him."

"Did you?"

She hesitated. "No. But I didn't tell him the truth either. I all but dismissed him when all he needed was for someone to be honest with him for once. You didn't see the way he looked at me, Alby. You didn't see how desperate he was to find a way out. Going into the maze, helping to look for one... I think it might help."

Alby ran a hand down his face, sighing deeply. "This is gonna piss Stephen off so bad."

"Good." Ada muttered. "So we'll make Newt a runner, it's settled. I'll let you deliver that news to him, yeah?"

Alby spluttered, standing upright again, but she was gone before he could protest, vanishing into the Homestead.

Alby let out a groan as he turned back to the others. "One day, this woman will be the death of me."

–

Ada didn't quite know what to expect when Newt found out they were promoting (demoting? Farm work was exhausting, sure, but running for eight hours a day was arguably worse) him to being a runner. Perhaps excitement, anticipation, or dread and anger.

What she hadn't been expecting was the emotionless nod that greeted her the next morning.

"That's it?" She asked, looking up at him sceptically. "No jumping for joy? No words of anger? Nothing? Nada?" She turned to Alby. "I'm actually disappointed."

"Stephen would kill for this, you know." Alby rose an eyebrow at Newt, as if that would drag up some semblance of a response from him.

It didn't.

Ada glanced to the right, where Stephen was glaring at them furiously from across the glade. He looked away for a second, speaking angrily with Gally, who looked as if he were shrugging and trying to calm him down. Isaac stood next to him, one hand on his shoulder, looking as if he didn't know what to think.

"Maybe you should stay behind, Alby." She said quietly. "Talk to them and explain things. I don't trust Stephen by himself when he's like this."

Newt tensed suddenly, as if something was clicking in his mind, and anger sparked in his eyes. His jaw clenched, making his gaunt cheekbones even more pronounced. Ada frowned, about to open her mouth to ask him what was wrong, when Alby spoke up.

"Alright, you two had better head in. Section four is open today, and it's a distance from here."

Ada turned to look at Newt, shooting him a grin to try and mask the nervousness she felt. "You ready?"

He nodded stiffly, deliberately ignoring her.

The first few hours in the maze were spent in silence, punctuated occasionally only by Newt's panting and the clang of the water bottle where it was passed between them. They only had two, and they had forgotten to take Alby's off him. Ada had tried to make conversation a grand total of three times before she had given in. By their third hour in the maze, Ada's anger had grown to the boiling point.

Newt stumbled, face glistening with sweat, and Ada declared that they were taking a break despite his violent protests. They sat on opposite walls, Newt's body angled almost completely away from her. Although she was glad for the space, his silence was pissing her off.

With Alby conversation came easy, and the hours seemed to fly by. With Newt, each silent second crawled along agonisingly slow.

They were ten minutes into their break when she finally snapped. "Okay, spit it out already."

"What?" He responded, voice cracking slightly from disuse.

"You're clearly pissed off with me, and it's getting seriously annoying."

Newt scowled. "Oh so you're annoyed that I'm pissed at you?"

"I'm annoyed that you're being an absolute dick about it and won't even look me in the eye. I tried to apologise, you wouldn't let me. That's your fault," she said. "You're being a right twat."

"Oh I'm the twat, is that so?" Newt's voice was growing louder the more furious he got. "You're the one who doesn't trust me enough to leave me on my own, who apparently thinks I need to be shucking babysat. Do you really think I'm that useless, huh? Is that what it is? Decided I'm a lost cause already, have you?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" She stood up now, and he was quick to follow, stepping closer until he was staring down at her and she could see every furious fleck in his blazing eyes.

"That little crack you made about not trusting Stephen? You think I don't know what that meant?"

"That he's an absolute dick who would toss us all to the Greivers if he had the chance? That if Alby wasn't there watching him like a hawk we'd probably have a rebellion on our hands? That he's a slimy little shank who-"

"Stop it!" Newt yelled, taking a step forward. Ada refused to back away, but she angled her head backwards so that his nose didn't brush against hers as he spoke.

"You don't agree?" She demanded.

"Of course I agree, he's all of those things and more!" Newt's hands clenched at his sides. "He treats you horribly and acts like you're poison and the only reason you have anyone other than Alby in your corner is because I've defended you like it's my goddamn job and now you're treating me the exact same way you're treating him? Like I'm some bloody nuisance you can't trust, like you have to keep me in your eyeline at all times otherwise who knows what kind of trouble I'll cause, right? You said it yourself, Ada, all we have is our trust in one another, and if we don't have that then what?"

Ada's cheeks flushed. "I never asked you to defend me! That was a choice you made!"

"Stop avoiding the fact that you don't trust me!"

"Stop giving me reasons not to!" The words were out before she could stop them.

Newt's nostrils flared, his eyes burning into her, branding the hurt in them onto her soul. "Fuck you, Ada.

"I didn't mean- That's not what I-"

"Fuck you."

He turned away from her, and the silence that followed was so loud and so oppressive it rang in her ears, making the walls feel like they were closing in on her. Tears burned in her throat. "Newt-"

"Ada I swear to god, stop talking." Something in his tone had her slamming her mouth shut.

Newt snatched the bottle up from the floor, his fingers gripping it so tight they turned white. He didn't say a word as he marched down the corridor, leaving her with no choice but to follow.

The journey back to the glade was silent, but if she thought the quiet before had been uncomfortable then the silence stretching thin between them now was downright hostile. The entire way back Ada kept sneaking glances at Newt's tense frame, at the glisten of sweat covering his entire body, at the sagging of his shoulders and the heaviness of his steps. His jaw was clenched so hard she was honestly surprised he didn't crack a tooth.

When the doors appeared before them, the Glade just beyond, Ada didn't feel relief. Instead, she felt dread.

The second they went through those doors, any chance at an actual conversation with Newt would vanish. She gulped, hands twitching at her sides. "Newt would you please just let me-"

He shouldered past her, walking with quick strides she couldn't keep up with in the direction of the Homestead, right as Alby appeared from the map room, coming up beside her with a curious smile.

"How'd it go?"

Ada forced herself to swallow back her guilt, hating herself for the tears that burned in her eyes, for the feeling that she had just destroyed something she didn't even know she had.

Alby's smile dropped. "That bad, huh?"

"Fuck." Ada's voice cracked around the word. She could feel eyes on her, likely Stephen and the other gladers wondering what had happened, and Alby must have sensed them too, because he grabbed her by the sleeve, careful to avoid her skin, and led her towards the map room. She had never been more grateful for the privacy of it.

"Sit down." Alby said gently, pointing to a chair and grabbing his water bottle. It was still full. He held it out to her, watching her with his dark penetrating gaze. "Tell me what happened."

"I fucked up."

"What happened, Ada?"

"I told him I don't trust him. He didn't take it well."

Alby let out a low whistle, his eyes closing. "But you do trust him. Just not to take care of himself."

"I know that, and you know that, but I don't think he knows that." Ada started biting at the skin around her fingernails, leg bouncing.

Alby slapped her hand away from her mouth with the water bottle. "So tell him that, tonight. At dinner. I'm sure he'll understand. Newt's a smart guy."

"What the hell gave you that impression?"

–

Ada had severely underestimated Newt's ability to avoid her like the plague.

You would think that considering the two of them were trapped inside what was effectively a giant square, surrounded by only twenty other people, that him avoiding her completely wasn't in the realm of possibility. Especially since they were all eating together, crammed into the same dining space, no matter how awkward the atmosphere may be. But Newt didn't sit with them at dinner, choosing instead to sit on the very outskirts of the kitchen area, strategically seating himself at the edge of Stephen's table.

Maybe he knew that Ada wouldn't dare go near it, or maybe their argument had led to a change in mindset – neither scenario being particularly appealing to her – but his cold and standoffish attitude all but made speaking to him, let alone apologising, impossible. Ada watched him, not touching her own food, concerned about the greyish pallor his skin had taken on. She couldn't tell if it was the heat from the torches that were making him flush, but his cheeks had taken on a strange red colour. He was shivering.

Nick sat down next to her, grinning with excitement. "Charles made steak!" He held up his plate excitedly. "You want some?"

"I'm okay, thanks." She didn't take her eyes off Newt. Instead of fiddling with the shoelace around his wrist like he usually did, his slender fingers were playing with something around his neck. It wasn't like any necklace Ada had ever seen before, the opposite to Luke's chain, which was still wrapped around her own neck. It looked like a small cylinder on a thin length of leather.

She watched curiously as his fingers removed the top over and over again, revealing something that looked suspiciously like paper inside.

Newt frowned, a crinkle forming between his eyebrows. He tipped the paper into the palm of his hand, unfolding it. She could see the outline of black ink on the paper from where she sat, but couldn't make out the words, but when an angry expression broke out on Newt's face she wished more than anything that she could.

A commotion from the other side of the homestead drew her attention for a moment, and she watched as Gally stormed out of the outhouse, covered in water. "WHAT THE HELL?"

There was a giggle from somewhere behind him, Avin's tiny head appearing from behind the wood. Gally hadn't spotted him yet.

"Who shook the outhouse?" He demanded.

Ada slapped a hand over her mouth to muffle her snort. Nick didn't bother, pointing at Alby and letting out a bark of laughter. Gally, dripping from head to toe, looked furious. "You."

Nick raised his hands in surrender, grinning and shaking his head. "Not me, but I applaud whichever genius came up with this."

Ada locked eyes with Avin and winked.

Gally let out a furious growl, lunging for Nick, who yelped and scrambled away. As the two chased each other around the glade, the sounds of laughter and violent cursing following them, the tense atmosphere that smothered them broke. Half of the gladers jumped up to follow, laughing excitedly and hollering encouragement. Ada watched them go, basking in the warmth she felt for what seemed to be the first time in months now.

Her eyes landed on Newt, who was watching with the closest thing to a smile that she had ever seen from him. The lopsided quirk of his lips made her own smile grow.

Deciding that now was the perfect time, she stood and made her way over to him, ignoring the sinking of her heart as his smile dropped immediately into a frown the second he saw her. "Can we talk?" She asked quietly.

"Oh I think you said everything you need to."

Ada followed him as he stood up and started walking. "What's that?" She gestured to the note in his hand.

Newt crumpled it up and jammed it back into his necklace, securing the top. The only way she would see it now was if she somehow got ahold of the necklace, and as much as Ada wanted to wrap her hands around his throat sometimes she figured it probably wouldn't do much to help her apology.

"It doesn't concern you." He scowled.

"Just like what's going on with you doesn't concern me either?"

"Now you're getting it." His steps faltered slightly as he staggered against the wall, his hand slamming out to catch himself.

"Damnit Newt, would you just talk to me?" Her hand hovered above his shoulder. "Are you sick or something? Do you need a medjack?"

"Just piss off, Ada. I mean it."

"You look like you're gonna drop like a stone any second now!" She protested. "Let Connor look at you, please. I really think you need to be checked out, just trust me on this-"

Newt scoffed. "Trust you? Oh that's rich."

Ada sighed. "I didn't come over here to start an argument, okay? Now can you just get over yourself for one second and actually take care of yourself for once?"

"I'm not taking advice from someone who refuses to trust me despite everything I've done for her. Now leave me the hell alone."

"Well how can you ask me to trust you?" She asked, gesturing at his frame, at the shaky way he was holding himself. "Look at you! You're wasting away, you're keeping things from us, you're not-"

"That is not your concern." He snapped.

"How can you ask me to trust you implicitly when you won't do the same for me? You need to tell me what the hell is going on with you-"

"Why? Why do you suddenly seem to care so much, huh? What will it do other than give you another thing to blame yourself for?"

Something heavy settled in Ada's stomach. "Should I blame myself?" She studied the look on his face. "Do you blame me?"

Newt's stony features faltered for a second. He spun around to face her, Ada's breath hitching at their closeness as he stopped them in their tracks. He was taller than her, considerably so, so his entire body seemed to curl around hers as he stared her down. "I don-'' Newt's words broke off with a shudder, his eyes going glassy.

"Newt?"

But Newt didn't respond, slumping instead against the wall, breaths coming in ragged pants. His legs were shaking. "Ada I don't feel so good."

Her hands reached out to support him right as his body seemed to give out, crashing to the floor.

"Newt – ALBY, ALBY HELP!"

Frantic voices and shocked exclamations split the air as footsteps thundered towards her, but Ada could hardly hear them over the pounding of her own heart, battering against her ribs. Her hands hovered frantically over Newt's chest, shaking, but she didn't know what to do with herself, didn't know if she should apply pressure or shake him or put him in the recovery position because what the hell was wrong with him?

She didn't know, and she didn't know why the urgency that rose up inside her was as frantic as it was.

Her breathing was coming fast and hard, even as two figures sank to their knees beside her. "It's okay, Ada." Alby was saying. "Connor's got him."

But it wasn't okay, Ada knew. Because she had caught a fleeting glimpse of Newt's face before Connor and Nick had hauled him up to the medical room.

And he wasn't breathing.