THAT NIGHT SHE WOKE up with his screams. They haunted her, no matter how many sweet nothings Nathan had whispered in her ear when she cut in his flesh. When she had started, all she could do was continue, with Nathan's hand guiding her straight through the skin. His blood was hot around her fingers, making her nauseous to the point of vomiting, but she kept it in. She could feel his panicked eyes burn straight through her, but she refused to look at him. Even when driven to the point of killing, she was a coward.

Still, had it even been real? She pretended it wasn't, simply to keep her sanity somewhat, but she couldn't get his anguished voice out of her head. Was she a murderer? Nathan had said she wasn't, that everything she was doing was justified. What had happened to her that she was listening to the words of a serial killer? What was going to happen to her if she wasn't? After all, that would make her a heartless killer, wouldn't it? Could she live with that on her conscience?

When she closed her eyes, she could see his dissected body in front of her, but at one point, it had ceased to be him. Autopsies always had been that way, a bit chilling at first, but as soon as you cut through the first layers, it wasn't a human anymore to her, simply organs surrounded with dried up blood. This hadn't been an autopsy however, not when he still had been alive. That didn't matter in the end. She knew she would keep pretending it was, just like she had when she kept on cutting into him.

When she had finished, she had stared numbly at her blood-stained hands, Nathan happily interlacing their fingers.

"My lovely Helene," he had beamed, so warmly that she couldn't look away from him, from what they had done together," you did so well."

"I -" she began," Zion -"

"Who's Zion?" he smiled, pulling her along upstairs," we simply finished dissecting terrible scum together. You didn't do anything wrong."

He had gently tucked her in bed, proudly placing a kiss on her forehead. Afterwards he had lied down beside her, sleeping soundly within seconds. When she had glanced at him, he had looked so innocent in the moonlight. Her eyes had turned to his neck, Zion's carotid arteries pulsating still vivid in front of her eyes as she cut through them, and for a second she imagined cutting through Nathan's. She didn't though, because she was a criminal now, and who else would accept her except for him? No one would forgive these sins of her. She had realized everything she had done yesterday, the world would know that the moment they laid their eyes on her. If she got out of here, she would just end up from one prison in the next. At least in this one, she had someone on her side.

No, she shouldn't think like that. She was cleverer than this, wasn't she? Everything he was saying was to make her believe he was the only one on her side, so she'd start to trust him completely. But wasn't he the only one on her side? Why else had she felt so lonely, all these years? When she had woken up with a jolt from her nightmares, all these thoughts had started racing through her head so fast that she had gotten nauseous. Her skin was feverishly hot, but still she couldn't help but shiver from the cold. She glanced over at Nathan nervously, praying she hadn't woken him up. If he saw her like this, he'd be disappointed. Who did she have left if he abandoned her too?

Ever so quietly she got out of bed, making her way to the bathroom with her heart beating out of her chest. She washed off the blood on her hands almost in a trance, staring numbly in front of her as the water turned red. Her eyes slowly trailed up to the mirror above the sink, but only a ghost looked back at her. Gaunt, that was all she could think of to describe herself, if she even was still looking at herself.

"Who knew you'd grow up to be even worse than me?" her father whispered behind her, his face as cruel as she remembered it to be. As if hearing her, he leaned forward, hands heavy on her shoulders. "I think that's your own cruelty you're thinking of, my daughter. I have never murdered anyone."

"I haven't either," she said, unsure why she was so frantic to convince someone who was probably not even real, but unable to stop herself from talking anyway," that wasn't murder."

"No, but it was," he said," you can try to tell yourself whatever you want, but your conscience is burning. Why else am I here?"

"Leave me alone," she whispered.

"No, I don't think I can do that, unfortunately," he smiled," not until you say his name. Come on, Helene, you killed him, the least you can do is say you did."

"I -" she stammered.

"Come on!" her father shouted, his voice so loud she could feel her eardrums pop," say his name!"

"Zi -" she started, before her tongue twisted around itself. Blankly she stared at her reflection in the mirror, her father gone. "I - What was his name again?"

"Whose name?"

Nathan's voice was sweet as it curled itself around her, his crimson hands holding hers up.

"You washed your hands," he stated and she froze, afraid of his reaction. He didn't show any hint of dissatisfaction however, simply offering her his own hands. "Wash mine too."

For a moment she stared at him, before slowly taking his hands underneath the water, carefully soaping them in. He watched her every move, his charming smile almost eery in the shadows.

"Normally I would immediately want to get that filth off me," he said," but I saw it as proof of your love for me."

She parted her lips to talk herself out of the situation, but he spoke before she could.

"It's fine, my sweet Helene," he said," I'm not angry. I should've realized how uncomfortable that must have been, to be drenched in another man's blood. I'm glad you got it off you."

"I don't want any blood on my hands," she whispered," no matter whose."

He chuckled, his hands cold from the water as they closed around her neck.

"Don't you want to strangle me?" he said," I'd be fine with dying if it's you killing me. That's why you shouldn't feel guilty, Helene. It was an honor for him that you were the one to end his life."

She swallowed, having difficulty breathing as she spoke again. "I don't," she said sincerely," I don't want to kill you."

"Really?" he smiled, though he could easily see that she wasn't lying," how lovely you are. Still, I think I'm a bit more jealous than I thought I was. The thought of his blood having stained you the whole night is making me sick."

"Nathan, I -" she said, gaze growing hazy through her tears," I don't remember his name."

"You don't need to," he said warmly, hands becoming gentle as he raised them towards her face," the only one you should look at is me."

"I'm beginning to forget everything," she said, panic filling her voice as it grew louder, her hands tangling in her hair," who am I? What did I do? I -"

He pushed her against the wall, kissing her before she could pull her hair out. Her eyes widened in surprise as she looked at him and he deepened the kiss, before biting through his lip, blood beginning to fill her mouth. She coughed, choking on it, and he pulled back, smile wide and teeth stained red, blood dribbling down his chin.

"There," he said fondly," now you only have my blood on you."

She stared at him in disbelief, the taste of iron sharp on her tongue, but before she could spit it out, he placed his hand on her lips, voice warm but eyes cold.

"Swallow it," he said.

Her hesitation was only for a brief second before she complied, having to keep herself back from vomiting it all back up again. When she opened her mouth to speak, he brushed the blood off her bottom lip, so gentle that she almost forgot who he was.

"You're making it complicated for yourself, Helene," he said," what does it matter what you did? I will love you no matter what you do. You're mine and I am yours, that's the only thing you should remember. Everything else can be forgotten."

"What if I've become unforgivable?" she whispered.

"You won't be," he said," with your hands around my throat, I'd still forgive you. To love someone is to kill for them, even if that person is themselves."

"I won't kill you," she said.

With a chuckle he took a step back, the heat of his hands on her cheeks still lingering even when he pulled them back. He was still bleeding.

"Let's hope it won't come to that."