FORGIVENESS WAS SOMETHING SHE had become so accustomed to that she almost choked on all the anger she never showed. It was why even now, when Nathan had shot a bullet straight through Dante's head, she couldn't bring herself to hate him. At the same time, she also was unable to evade her gaze from Dante, or at least, what had used to be him. Most importantly of all, she couldn't allow herself the mercy of forgetting his name. Remembering him was the least she could do when she hadn't even been able to save him. Would she ever do anything but bring misery and death to the people in her life?

It was no wonder she was destined for doom. When she closed her eyes, she could almost feel her body shutting down to the point of rigor mortis already. If she would dream again, it would be of this forgiveness of hers rotting in her body, until she couldn't breathe anymore.

Still, she couldn't help but feel the vomit rising in her throat as she watched the blood puddle deepen and the victims around her increased. How many had it been now who had died because of her? Until what point was she allowed to close her eyes to it? Had she ever been allowed to do so at all?

"Helene," Nathan said.

He looked almost feverish as he stood in front of her, graveyard eyes a sheen to them she hadn't seen before. His hair was a mess, his black clothes clinging to his body in the rain, droplets catching in his long eyelashes. Blood had splattered everywhere on him; his face, his hands, his clothes. Somehow he didn't seem to mind, his gaze instead fixated on her. Even the storm couldn't wash him clean, even the thunder hadn't been able to deafen the sound of a gunshot. It was like even nature herself didn't want to interfere anymore in a scene this cruel.

"Why are you silent?" Nathan said," I did this for you, for us. He would have taken you from me."

She didn't speak, but it didn't matter. Nothing she could say would make this all less gruesome, her conscience less smeared. All she had wanted was to be loved. Why did she have to leave a trail of corpses behind just to achieve that? When she was younger she had dreamed of running away until no one knew her name to a small cottage in the hills, but nowhere would be far enough. How could she ever let go of this grief she was carrying, of this mourning for the girl she could have been?

He started walking towards her, the storm raging around them still. In the puddles below his face was reflected eerily, the night coloring him navy blue. The rain even darkened the roses, droplets so heavy they seemed to wither. When he reached her, he gently placed his blood-stained hand on her cheek, the gun held loosely in his other hand. Her gaze flicked to the body on the floor, sick to her stomach.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you too," she replied, unsure whether the truth was a curse or her salvation.

She leaned in to hug him, hands going past his face down to his beating heart. For a moment she lingered there, wondering what it would be like to hold it in her hands. He would give it to her if asked, would rip it straight out of his chest, and she didn't know whether that scared or enamored her. The answer didn't matter. In the end, nothing did, that was what she had come to realize.

When she grabbed his gun and held it up to his head, he didn't even flinch. Instead, he watched her curiously as she took a couple of steps back, her finger hovering above the trigger.

"Walk away from me," she said," please, Nathan."

"What are you talking about?" he said," we both know I can't do so."

She breathed out, grip tightening on the gun. "Walk away or I'll shoot."

He bridged the distance between them without any hesitation, leaning forward to place his forehead against the gun. When he spoke, his voice was steady, eyes clear.

"Shoot," he said.

"You think I won't do it," she whispered.

"I don't care if you do," he said," if you're the one to kill me, I wouldn't mind any way you choose. I'd haunt you forever once you pull the trigger, my sweet Helene. That too, is love."

"What kind of love?" she asked.

"The only one that matters," he said," the one that will make you remember me."

She started laughing, because the absurdity of it all was becoming too much. A serial killer was professing his obsession over her with a dead body behind him. The worst of all was that she still loved him, so much so that the thought of leaving him made all the air disappear from her lungs.

"You're not going to let me leave," she said softly.

"Never," he smiled.

"Alright," she said," then there's only one choice left."

She turned the gun towards her own head, causing him to freeze in place. Every step she took backwards he kept watching her, like even blinking would be too much of a gamble. In the beginning he would have reached out to take the gun from her, but now the risk of her shooting before he could had become too big for him. It seemed he genuinely cared more for her than she had thought. She had to stop herself from smiling.

"Drop the gun, Helene," he said warmly, opening his arms as if to welcome her in a hug," come back to me, my love. This is all unnecessary."

"Unnecessary?" she asked, voice rising in volume.

His hands clenched, arms closing as he started gesturing at her, voice loud over the rain.

"Of course," he said," why are you hurting yourself like this? Over someone like him? What does it matter if he lives or dies? Didn't you say it was just us in this world?"

"It was supposed to be!" she shouted," but what world will there be left if we kill everyone?"

"I thought you hated this world?" he said.

"I don't," she said," I do. I hate myself. I want to be happy. I want to be angry. When I close my eyes, I'm nothing at all."

"You are someone to me," he said.

She shook her head, the gentleness of his words so soft amidst her screaming thoughts that she had trouble processing it. For some reason, she felt like she wanted to cry. Perhaps it was time to start loving herself. Perhaps it was time to disappear.

"I'm leaving, Nathan," she said, inching closer to the backyard door with each step.

"Where are you going, Helene?" he said," do you really think you can outrun me?"

Of course she couldn't. She could only keep him at bay with the gun against her head for so long. As soon as she turned her back towards him, he'd grab it out of her hands and she'd be trapped again. Fine, if he was going to play games with her, then she could lie to him. Breaking promises meant nothing on their thrones of broken bones.

"Let's find out," she smiled," a game of hide-and-seek. Give me a head start, my darling, an hour is enough. We're truly meant to be, so you'll find me anyway, right?"

"A game," he said, eyes sparking," I thought you said we couldn't play those anymore."

"I was foolish to believe we couldn't," she said," we have been playing ever since we were born, you and I, and we'll continue to until we lay our heads on the ground. Nothing can stop that, not even a silly wish of mine."

"Still, my love," he said," why should I agree to anything which will let me lose you?"

"Because if you don't," she replied," I'll shoot myself through the head right here."

"Then I'll burn this whole world to the ground," he said," all of it."

"Perhaps it's time it was set to flames," she said.

He paused then, surprised by her refusal to back down. When was the last time she had stuck by her thoughts instead of compromising at once to make others feel more at ease? Sure, she was talking about an ultimatum right now which wouldn't benefit anyone, but there never had been a positive outcome to this whole situation anyway. A kiss with death had left her without a soul and now all she could do was leave to search for it, hoping that somewhere along the way she could return to being human.

"Fine," he said," one hour it is."

"Perhaps until never, darling," she said as she turned her back towards him, having nothing to lose anymore.

"Until soon, you mean," he called out after her," you can't escape from me, Helene! No matter how much you run away, I'll be right behind you. We are meant to be, you and I."

His words echoed through the house as she started running, immediately knowing where she had to go. When she reached the car, she wasn't surprised to find it unlocked, immediately jumping in to start it. With how quickly Nathan had come over, she hadn't thought he would've locked it and thankfully, luck was on her side today. She wasn't about to try to find out for how long though, quickly pressing on the gas before he realized his mistake.

Her memory always had been a curse, but it helped her as she started driving, all the roads they had traveled on etched in her mind. She kept going faster and faster, until she was out of the miles and miles of forest around his mansion and back in civilization. Even when the cars started honking at her she kept driving so fast that she became dizzy, jumping red light after red light.

"Are you insane?" someone yelled at her as she whizzed past, but she didn't stop to listen.

Only when she heard the police sirens behind her did she smile, hitting the brake at once. When the cops stepped out of their cars to walk to her window, she slowly rolled it down.

"With the speed you were going," the man at her window said," you'd almost think you'd want to go to jail."

She answered him with a bright smile, so dazzling that he stared at her in wonder.

"Yes, please."