Chapter 2:  Self Sabotage 
Dave

Self-sabotaging in relationships involves engaging in behaviors, either consciously or unconsciously, that lead to the end of a relationship. This might involve pushing the other person away or finding reasons to get out of the relationship. Such behavior often stems from trust issues, past experiences, and poor relationship skills.
People self-sabotage love for various reasons, like fear, poor self-esteem, trust issues, high expectations, and inadequate relationship skills.
[Psychology Today]

3 Months Ago

Vacation had finally come to an end and what was supposed to be an epic first family vacation full of fun was a total bust for both Dave and April. They had tried to be cordial for the family's sake but it only worked but so much. April had even left and took her belongings next door to her parent's villa for the remainder of the trip. She couldn't stand to be that close to Dave let alone share a room or a bed with him especially after how everything ended. Sure the family took notice but no one said a word. They all knew when the time came that both April and Dave would open up about the situation so until then they let them be.

Home life wasn't even the same for April and Dave. Then again why would it be? They were sleeping in separate bedrooms until they figured out their next move. It had been two weeks since the trip and shit was just up in the air. They were moving around each other like they were roommates. When one walked into a room the other left well when Dave walked into a room April left. Something had to give though because neither one of them liked the living arrangements or the situation period. It was awkward, stressful, and they were both walking around in their own heads beating themselves up wondering when the hell did everything go wrong.

For Dave he had to see April walking around fake smiling once again so the kids wouldn't see just how sad and hurt she really felt and that shit hurt because he was the blame. He had never meant to hurt her but in the end he did. On the other-hand April didn't want to see Dave or even be around him so seeing him at home irritated her. He wanted to leave so bad yet at the moment he was forced to stay and April just wanted him out of her space. To her it was why be here if you don't really want to be here. Go run back to the bitch who promises you can't seem to let go of because all of the ones you promised me have already been broken.

Today instead of tiptoeing around the house and beating himself up Dave was at April's old crib chilling and drowning his sorrows in liquor with his bothers Errol, Shooter, and Bully. They all knew something was wrong they just didn't know what or how serious it was but what they did know is that it involved April.

"So are we gonna watch you drink all day or are you gonna open ya mouth" Shooter asked breaking the silence. Dave had called them up and told them he needed to talk and for the past thirty minutes he hadn't said a word besides greeting them. The first thing he did was spark up a fat ass pre rolled blunt and poured himself a drink. He was happy as hell that April kept the bar fully stocked because he damn sure needed a drink or two possibly even three.

"I fucked up bad" he said and placed his glass on the bar table. They were in the basement out of ear shot. The girls weren't there so they were free to talk without prying eyes and wondering ears. That eased Dave's mind just a little because he knew they would be on his ass because they of course knew something was going on between him and April they just didn't know what.

"What did you do" Errol asked concerned and worried because it looked as if Dave hadn't slept in days and honestly he hadn't had a good night sleep in weeks.

Dave reached inside of his jean pocket, fiddled around in search of what he was looking for, and once he had it he pulled it out of his pocket and held it in the palm of his hand as if it was the most sacred thing in the world. He then opened his hand and placed it on the table.

"I know that's not what the fuck I think it is" Bully asked looking at the object sparkling under the lights and then back at Dave confused as fuck and seconds away from walking out if he thought it was what he thought it was.

"That's ma's engagement ring. She gave it back and told me to give it back to her when I was 100% ready for her" Dave somberly replied as he kept his eyes on his glass somewhat scared to even look at the ring himself. He had been carrying it around in his pocket since the day she gave it back. He couldn't stand to see the look on his brother's faces. Honestly he was disappointed in himself. He had showed his whole entire ass and then some during the shit show with April because that's exactly what it was a fuckin shit show.

"What did you do" Errol asked wondering how bad did he fuck up for April to actually give him back the ring because she never took that shit off.

"Sis wouldn't have given that shit back unless it was something serious and I know this nigga ain't foolish enough to fuck up his home for a random bitch. Let alone sis ain't with the fucks so you know she ain't fuckin up home. So if this is bout what and who I think it is then I might have to walk out on ya dumb ass" Shooter said straight the fuck up. They had been in this position way too many times to count now.

"He ain't that damn dumb bruh" Bully said just hoping it wasn't so.

Dave put his head down and held it in his hands. Since the day their argument went down he hadn't been right. His emotions were still all over the place and all he could think about is how he fucked up his happy home and what should've been his happy ending.

"Big bro tell me Agnes ain't have shit to do with this" Errol asked just hoping it wasn't so. Yet Dave stayed silent giving him an answer without actually opening his mouth.

"Yo I'm out! Call me when this nigga gets his brain cells back. It's always the same shit with him" Shooter said getting up from his bar stool pissed as hell. He couldn't believe how stupid Dave was. Sure the first time he was pissed at him but he somewhat understood why it happened but now nope he couldn't understand it all. Let alone before Dave even got with April it was always the same shit with Dave and Millie. They got back together, she would fuck up, they would break up, rinse and repeat.

"Shooter" Bully said and gave him a stern look even though he wanted to walk away himself but unfortunately their brother needed them. No matter how they felt about the situation they would never walk out on him.

"Mannnnn" he dragged and sat back down like a kid at a store asking his mother for something when she already told his ass don't ask for shit when they got into the store.

"I fucked up my home bad this time" Dave started. Things had been rough. "She doesn't even look at me the same anymore. She wants me gone and I can't fault her. We're not sleeping in the same room. We've been in separate rooms since that night in Barbados. If I walk into a room she walks out unless the kids are there. She's been wearing a fake smile for weeks now and this time I can't even point the finger at Chris because I know it's because of me. Whatever she can do to avoid me she will do it. You know we eat breakfast and dinner together as a family and those shits are awkward as fuck to deal with. Whatever she does now is strictly for the girls. I can't even count on one hand how many times we've held a conversation because she won't talk to me. It's always basic shit when the girls are around" Dave admitted. Home life sucked ass at the moment. April wasn't fuckin with him at all. She was way past off him. He had showed and proved one too many times that Millie would always come before her so she was letting him be. There was no point in wasting her time, energy, and feelings on him any longer and he felt that shit every day.

"Is this bout the call you got in Barbados" Errol asked before Shooter and Bully had a chance to. They all knew about the call because one he had told them about it and two they watched him get drunk off his ass that night. He had been a mess.

"If it's bout that call then its bout Agnes and I ain't bout to sit here for that shit again" Shooter said as his leg bounced up and down. He was irritated as fuck.

"What happened" Bully questioned and slid his glass to the side. He wanted to be sober for this. "I know sis was upset with you when she called me to come get you but damn I didn't think it was enough to stop a wedding" he said talking about the night in Barbados when April had called him to come collect Dave.

Dave got up from his stool and took a seat on the couch. "It's gonna be a long night" he sighed and leaned back into the couch. The boys followed suit and got comfortable. He was honestly tired of having this same conversation with his brothers but he knew they would be the ones who would actually listen to him even when they were tired of hearing it themselves. "Like I told y'all Millie"

"Nah B, act like you know. Her name is Agnes" Shooter said cutting him off but this time he wasn't even trying to be funny. To him there was no more Millie. It was strictly Agnes just like April had changed her name to. With the shit she had done she didn't deserve to be called by her name. She was lucky they weren't calling her a bitch or anything else that wasn't her name.

"Whatever but like I said Agnes called asking to speak to Kairi and as you know shit went left between me and ma that night. The day she sent y'all on that excursion we had a long talk that led to a huge argument which led me to break up with her" he said and scratched his head awkwardly as he filled them in on everything that had gone down between him and April that day. He told them every single thing and didn't sugarcoat shit for himself or them. He told it all. By the time he was done filling them in everyone was speechless and looking at him like he was a damn fool and the way he was feeling he had to be. He damn sure felt like one. He had honestly sabotaged himself.

Shooter looked at Dave and burst out laughing but everyone could tell what was about to come. Between Shooter, Bully, and Errol Shooter was the most rawest one out of the bunch so he always came the hardest. "Let me get this straight. You just self-sabotaged ya self, broke up ya home, and ended ya relationship with the woman you know is ya person because you can't deal with ya feelings for Agnes" he shook his head in disbelief. "You shouldn't even have feelings for her to begin with. What was the point of even getting back with lil sis or breaking up with Agnes for the hundredth time in the first place? You really fucked up ya home for a bitch that wouldn't even piss on you if you were on fire. She'd check ya pockets first before helping ya ass out" he said pissed the fuck off at Dave and his whole feelings towards Millie. With everything she had done those feelings he had should've been obliterated. He thought things were finally done when Dave went on his whole operation get little sis back but here they were once again.

"Real talk this shit is worse than the first time bruh. The first time y'all had absolutely no fuckin ties. It was nothing. Kairi was there but they hadn't even met. You just broke her heart for the second time and y'all can't even escape each other. I know she doesn't want to see you. Shit I wouldn't want to see you. Y'all moved from Jersey to LA, bout a fuckin mansion, and mind you both of y'all names are on the deed. You gave her a fuckin ring. You proposed to her not once but twice and y'all are raising y'all kids together. This shit ain't just bout y'all no more. Y'all got two lil girls to think bout and Kairi is attached to sis just like Charlie is attached to you. You a whole ass clown. That lil girl calls that woman momma and Charlie calls you pa" Shooter went all the way off. "What was the point of getting back with her if ya still thinking bout Agnes. You did all that shit to get her back for what" Shooter was beyond pissed. He couldn't see Dave's logic for fuckin himself over yet again.

"Don't forget if that was lil sis harping over Breezy or any other nigga it would be a whole ass problem. Ain't no telling how you would've came at her or what would've came out of ya mouth if she did the same shit to you" Bully added fed up with Dave's whole Millie issue as well. This shit had been going on for years and at this point he figured it would never change. Dave ass was stuck on stupid and a glutton for punishment. "You got lil sis in a house that she can't even walk away from. Yea she can go purchase another one but she's attached this one because it's the house y'all purchased together, made memories in, and supposed to be raising y'all family in"

"Wait ain't this the same nigga tryna knock her up now" Shooter said shaking his head in disbelief. The only person who hadn't said a word after Dave filled them in was Errol. He really couldn't believe the shit. To him it was the same shit just a new fuckin day just like Bully and Shooter thought.

"Look lil sis ain't here so I'm a ask you straight up and I want an honest answer" Bully said looking dead at Dave. "Do you still love Agnes" he questioned. He just had to know because he couldn't understand Dave's constant need to sabotage himself over her.

Dave mugged the shit out of him. He felt like they should've already known the answer to that. Then again with the way his actions were he could understand why he asked. "Hell nah and I haven't loved her in years. Do I have love for her? Absolutely she's Kairi's mother but nah I'm not in love with her" he answered straight up and honestly. "It's not bout love. Like I told ma it's bout the time we shared and the promises we made. Granted I know now that the whole shit was fake to her but I fell in love with her. Yea we had plenty of bad days but we also had good days. It wasn't real to her but it was real to me. I promised I'd always protect her and be there for her and no matter how bad I want to stop I can't. Trust me I've tried plenty of times. Every time I push her away I think bout the nights we spent up laughing, the jokes, struggling, making it together, the day she told me she was pregnant with Kairi, and just kicking it and making promises. She can say it was fake all day long but something had to be real. I can't accept that" he said expressing himself. He just knew that Millie had to be lying. Somewhere along the line shit had to be real for her.

Errol shook his head and leaned forward in his seat. "Fuck all that do you realize ya protecting and stuck on the very same chick who Birdie needs protection from? Birdie is even protecting her and losing everything at the same damn time. She's losing you to Agnes for the second time and her peace of mind and sanity on top of that. Agnes will be ya downfall" he said and scoffed. "Shit she is ya downfall. What else does she have to do before you wake the fuck up? What do you have to lose before you get it because it looks like ya bout to lose everything and that's if you haven't already. Look I love you but we all know this shit is getting old. You just went through all this shit to get Birdie back and now it's the same shit over again" Errol said finally speaking up. He was tired of this shit.

"It's not like I meant for this to happen" Dave said chiming in. "I didn't want this shit"

"You must do because look at you now" Errol quipped. "It's the same shit with y'all rinse and repeat. Nothing changes with y'all and this time y'all dragged Birdie into y'all mess. You should've left her alone until you knew for sure that you were done with Agnes. When she gave you the option the first time you should've handled ya business"

Dave kept quiet as he listened and started rolling up another blunt. He knew they were all pissed at him. He could see the looks on their faces and the tension in the air was getting thick. He knew this was only the beginning though. They weren't done by a long shot.

"Facts and Agnes is far from alone when it comes to the price tag on lil sis head. You got Cream Cheese, No Knees, and dusty ass Hood bitch ass all sitting on bullshit charges when they should be serving real time. You got lil sis protecting them all. Where's her justice? No wonder her ass can't go to sleep at night" Shooter said and threw his drink back then got up and grabbed the bottle of Henny pouring his self another glass. "I wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing four people who want my head are sitting on bullshit charges and not knowing how long they'll actually be serving time. Shit they could be out in a blink of an eye"

Dave nodded yet he didn't speak. It was true what Shooter had said and it only made him wonder how long were they actually going to be sitting in jail.

"What does she have to do before you actually open ya eyes? She can't be a mother to her own child. She uses you and my niece as cash cows and she put out a hit on my fuckin sister the same woman you so-call love. Do you really know how her and her family feel bout that shit. At some point they're gonna start giving you the side eye. She should be dead or at least serving real time and you're protecting her" Errol said frustrated as fuck with Dave. He had really thought that Dave was done with Millie but here they were once again same shit new day and no lessons learned. Sure he understood why they kept Millie alive but the least Dave could do was make sure she served proper time.

"She's been out for self since day one. From the moment her eyes laid on you it was part of their plan" Bully added.

"This shit is ridiculous. Y'all wedding is what four and a half months away. You should've heard her talking to the girls all excited bout her dress. They were all excited bout what they were wearing, how they were gonna style their hair, nails, and all that girly shit woman do during that time. Her eyes lit up when she was talking bout the venue and all she kept cheesing bout was walking down the aisle to you. They've been planning her bachelorette party and all" Shooter added. The girls had all been in cahoots with them trying to make sure shit was epic for April. They wanted her to have everything that she didn't have the first time around and just like that it was all over and for what...because Dave wasn't ready to let go of Millie. Both the men and women had been working together on a shared bachelor and bachelorette party for both Dave and April. They had been plotting on combining them because they all knew that's what they would've wanted. Now that too had to be canceled.

"You did it again. You let Agnes fuck up ya happiness. Sis went and talked to Breezy, got the closure she needed, and even though she was pregnant with that man's baby she was still all you. Its' crazy the day me and bro found out she was pregnant she had all the important men in her life and her baby daddy sitting at the same table and what did she do?! Her lil ass walked straight to you, hopped between ya legs, and kissed you in front of everybody. She let everyone know what was what that day and you can't do that shit for her. She chose you that day" Bully said shaking his head. That day had confirmed just how important Dave was to April and she had let all of them know what was what. She had made it absolutely clear that there was nothing going on with her and Chris besides them having a baby. She let them all know that she was team Dave.

Dave rubbed his hands down his face remembering how he felt that day. That day had done something to him. That day he had realized exactly where he wanted to be. Even talking to Chris that day had solidified it all for him. No one was standing in his way but him. He knew his brothers would come at him and give him the real and not sugar coat shit for him and he couldn't do shit but respect it. At the end of the day his brothers didn't give a fuck about his money or his fame. They were never yes men and that's why they were tight like they were so if he wanted the real that's what they were going to give him each and every time and honestly that's what he needed right now. "I don't know what to do. I feel like pushing her away is the best thing to do right now" he confessed. He felt like he was at a loss.

"Nigga get ya shit together before you fuck around and lose it all over a bitch that ain't and was never for you" Errol said just like April had pretty much said then slumped back in his seat disappointed. He loved and admired what Dave had in a family so to fuck it up over someone who wasn't worth it pissed him off. This is why he backed off before. Nothing from Millie was ever good and in the end Dave always ended up paying the price. This time it was going to cost him the woman of his dreams, real love, and his family.

"And while we on it what you did was some bitch shit when you walked out the room on her while she was telling us somebody put a price tag on her head" Shooter said. He didn't say anything that night because of how heavy the shit was but he had felt like Dave had did some fuck shit. "I understand that it was gonna fuck with you and it would bother most people. It had to be a hard pill to swallow that ya baby moms had sent one of ya boys to murder ya woman but you don't walk out on ya woman like that. If that was her you'd expect her to be right by ya side but look at what you did. Lil sis ain't lie to you at all. Everything she said was straight facts. You stay with the double standards mentality when it comes to her" Shooter said and paused.

"You expect a lot from her but you ain't meeting her half way. Let that have been Chris who put a hit out on you. Do you know what she would have to do to get you off his heels? You would most likely brush her off and still do some shit behind her back and sure it would be hard to get rid of bruh because of who he is but I bet ya ass would've made sure his face was plastered all over the media and serving actual time. Sis can't do any of that. I get it y'all are protecting Kairi as parents should protect their children. But she will eventually get older and start looking and asking questions. She's gonna figure out that her mother is a piece of shit and that might be before she comes up with the conclusion herself because it's not like she's been there for her" Shooter continued. They had to have this conversation way too many times by now because he was repeating some of the same shit he did from the first time Dave and April broke up.

"True shit" Errol and Bully said both agreeing. They didn't like that shit either. They knew if the shoe was on the other foot Dave would be on a rampage and it would take April hell and back to get him to do what she's been doing for him from the start when it came to Millie period. From day one April had been taking it easy on Millie when she should've been giving her the same energy.

"Can you imagine how she actually felt to get that news that somebody was actually out to murder her and then find out it was Agnes coming for her. Not only did she have to think bout her life being taken away or how she had just had a baby who would be motherless if Agnes got her way but she had to think bout you and Kairi before she could do anything. She had to protect y'all first before protecting herself and lets face it Agnes wouldn't have spared April the expense if that was her" Bully added.

"I was still by her side that night though and Chris wouldn't even put her in a position like that" Dave finally chimed back in. That day had every intention to stick by her side when she was informing them on what was going on. Hearing her even mention someone put out a hit on her had his blood boiling. He was ready to paint the city red about his woman but when he heard that Millie was behind it that shit rocked his world. One he was pissed that they were even discussing and hit but then hearing Millie's name he felt like he was stuck between a rock and a hard place. He couldn't let shit happen to April but he also felt like he couldn't let shit happen to Millie.

"Whatever yea you were by her side till you heard that hammer click then you used your favorite line" Errol said. He had heard about the fight between the girls and Millie but to actually see April hold her own and man handle Millie like a nigga had been a sight to see. To even see her skillfully holding her gun, the mug on her face, and the sense that she knew she could handle herself had been a sight to see as well. There was no doubt in his mind that she could handle herself and protect his nieces if need be.

"Think bout Kairi" Shooter and Bully said in unison. He used that shit for everything. It didn't matter what Millie did wrong it would always lead back to think about Kairi even if she was the one putting Kairi in danger.

"Yup" Errol said. "That's the first thing you do each and every time Agnes is in some shit. That excuse is getting old now too. Just tell the truth already. It may have been bout Kairi but we all know it was bout you too. God forbid something happens to Agnes. Just remember you can't save her from everybody. Everybody isn't Birdie and she's fucked over a lot of people and just because Birdie didn't get a hold of her doesn't mean someone else won't"

"Exactly she's fucked over a lot of niggas who's to say they won't come for her. Then what" Shooter said and asked. "You can't save her from everybody"

Dave remained quiet he had totally forgotten about the other people who didn't give two shits about him or Kairi. They would do whatever they needed to do before even thinking about the both of them and honestly he knew he couldn't protect her from everybody. Let alone there was no telling how many people she had actually fucked over or what she had done to them.

"I honestly don't know what you can do to fix this shit. Sis might get to a point where she doesn't want to fix it and I wouldn't even blame her. Like she told you, you got her in a race with someone who ain't even qualified to be in the race. If she was doing everything you're doing you been would've called it a wrap and called her out on it but she's supposed to wait on you to figure it out. That shit ain't right or fair. She gave you time to figure it out the first time and you didn't. All you did was hop into another relationship with Agnes at that. We know she told you to go and work on ya family but what you should've did is made peace with that fact that ya family would never be whole with Agnes. You should've used that time to get the closure you needed before jumping right back to lil sis like you had everything figured out"

"Since you didn't answer lil sis maybe you can answer me. If lil sis had been killed and you found out Agnes was behind it what would you have done? Don't worry take ya time I'll wait like lil sis said I got time today" Shooter said and asked then leaned back into his seat wondering what would come out of Dave's mouth this time.

"I DON'T KNOW" Dave shouted frustrated. He didn't know what he'd do.

_________________________________
-Hey boos happy reading I hope y'all enjoyed. Stay tuned for part 2 😊
-I did post up the ring because I did change it in part 2 so if you missed the new one there ya go 😂
-So I did a lil rewind to let y'all see the aftermath of what's going on with Dave and April. April isn't fuckin with Dave at all at this point and Dave is still at a lost. I feel bad for him to some extent but it's also time for him to get himself together if he's looking for his happy ending.
-Some of you may think the boys are coming at him a lil hard but to them it's the same shit just a new day with a bonus player being April. They've been going through this shit with Dave for years. Every time they think he's over it he falls right back into the same place he was before.
-I know Dave isn't saying much at the moment and they're coming back to back at him but like I said stay tuned for part 2 to see how he's really feeling.
-Any, who sharing is caring so tell a friend to tell a friend. Don't forget to comment, vote, & add to your libraries 🥰
-If you are reading and not commenting no problem just make sure you color the ⭐️ please & thank you 🥰