Chapter 28.1: Triggered cont...
Hazel

"Ok mommy I just pulled up" Hazel said as she talked to Ananda over her car's Bluetooth. Today was a big day for her and Ananda had been by her side every step of the way. Ananda knew that she not only needed her but she needed this day and she was happy that she was finally having it. Step one was admitting that she had a problem which she did and here she was knocking on step two's doorstep going to get help for said problems.

"Ok baby make sure you take a deep breath and go in there with clear thoughts and positive vibes. You know why you're there and what your goal is" Ananda said. Ananda knew Hazel needed all the positives vibes she could get today. Where she was going she was going to need them. She was really doing this and it was a huge step for her.

Hazel took a deep breath and stared ahead. "Thank you mommy, well I better get inside I don't want to be late" she said feeling her hands starting to clam up against the steering wheel. She was nervous, a little scared, and didn't know what to really expect. From what she had read online today shouldn't be too difficult to manage but she figured it would be different from the first time she went decades ago. It was just a starting point but even with doing some minor research she was still just as nervous as she was when she finally admitted to herself that she had a problem or two. She realized that some of these problems she had she never really gotten over them instead she just buried them under lock and key.

"Ok I love you and call me when you're done"

"I will and I love you too"

"I love you too lil girl" Ian spoke up. He had been in the background alongside Ananda the whole time listening to what was going on. It had been a little over a year since the whole April and Hazel situation and although he was still disappointed in Hazel he just couldn't let her go just like Ananda couldn't. Many would say that they were wrong  and possibly stupid for choosing to still be in her life but no matter how wrong she was Hazel was still their child and if they walked away from her she would literally have no one.

Of course their relationship had changed some and he was a bit strict with her but he was still present in her life. He just moved a little differently when it came to her and always had his eyes on her. Both Ian and Ananda felt like Hazel's biological parents had already thrown her away once and they refused to do the same. If they did then how different would they be. They would be no different. For 17 years and counting they had been loving and caring for her like she was their own flesh and blood and to them she was theirs and even with their daughters not seeing eye to eye and beefing the three of them knew that no matter what they were still sisters. They just weren't fuckin with each other just like Ian and Ananda couldn't expect or force April and Alaina to willingly accept Hazel back into their lives. It was their decision and their decision alone. They understood very well why they chose to stop fucking with her. If Hazel had just been a friend it would've been easier to walk away but she was family and she had lost her way. They knew she had problems. She had come to them with problems but they didn't think that she was still harping on them since they had been in her life for so long. They thought they had helped her rid herself from all of the problems she had but clearly they were mistaken.

Hazel smiled from ear to ear hearing her father's voice. Her mother was still motherly to her but she had also taken a few steps back from her but she knew if she called she would always pickup and be there. With her father he was there too but she felt that strain so every time she heard him say that he loved her it made her feel like things would be ok one day because although he was disappointed in her he was still there. "I love you too daddy but I gotta go"

"Ok we'll talk to you later" Ananda said.

"Ok" Hazel said and hung up. She took another deep breath, turned the car off, grabbed her purse, and hopped out the car making sure to lock it up behind herself. She tried to walk with her head held high but at this point the roles were reversed she felt like April...a shell of her former self. But she was tired of the way she was feeling and something had to give. Honestly something had to give a long time ago and she was mad at herself for taking so long to do something about it. If she had done something sooner she probably wouldn't have fucked up so bad and just maybe she would still be in her sisters lives. Maybe she could've gone to April like a grown woman and expressed herself maturely. She had options she was just too blind to see all of the options she had in front of her. Hazel made her way to the building's entrance and opened the glass door then made her way to the receptionist desk.

"Good morning I have a 10:30 appointment with Dr. Henry" Hazel said looking at the receptionist.

"Good morning can I have your name and birthday" the receptionist asked with a warm smile that made Hazel feel just a tiny bit better.

"Hazel Daniels" she replied and gave her the rest of her information.

"Ok before Dr. Henry sees you I need your ID and insurance card I also need you to feel out this form front and back to the best of your ability"

"Ok" Hazel nodded. She passed her both her ID and insurance card, then grabbed the clipboard and made her way to an empty seat. Besides Hazel being there, there was only one other person in the waiting room. She read over the paperwork and filled it out as best as she could. She hated filling out paperwork when it had to do with her health because when it came to those questions about family background and mental illnesses she knew nothing about it or her parents. All she knew is everything up to ten years old and that was it meaning she didn't know anything about her family's health history at all. She didn't know if there were any types of illnesses or mental health issues in her family. For all she knew she could have underlying mental issues waiting to surface. When she was done filling out the paperwork she got up and walked back to the receptionist desk.

"Here you go" the receptionist passed her back her ID and insurance card then took the clipboard from her. "You have a twenty dollar copay charge"

"Ok" Hazel nodded as she placed her purse on the counter, opened it, grabbed her wallet, opened it, and took out twenty dollar bill and passed it to her then placed her ID and insurance card back inside of it.

"Thank you"

"No problem" she said and gave her a small smile as the receptionist passed her back a receipt.

"Have a seat Dr. Henry will be with you shortly"

"Ok" Hazel did as she was told and took a seat. To pass the time she took out her phone and opened up Instagram and started scrolling and liking posts. She didn't stay up there too long though. These days Instagram was a little depressing for her. If anything she used her work account more than her personal account. She was missing out on what her sisters and their friends were up to because now they didn't follow each other. Of course she asked her parents how they were doing from time to time and they would let her know that they were good but never went into detail about anything and she couldn't fault them for that. Why expect them to give her details when she was the same person who basically aired April's personal business out in the streets for the world to see.

Hazel had recently found out over the New Year that April was engaged to Dave and that her little girl was actually Chris's child instead of Dave's. She had just known better yet assumed that the baby was Dave's but nope. She had also heard a few other things recently and the only reason why she knew was because of TMZ. They were coming at April hard as well as people who didn't even know shit about her. Seeing the TMZ clips made shit extra real for Hazel and made her realize that she and April really weren't in each other's lives anymore. She had a whole ass niece that she only got a glimpse of on Thanksgiving and if none of the blogs had screenshot the pictures April, Dave, and Chris had posted up of Charlie on New Years she wouldn't have seen just how adorable Charlie really was. Now her sister was getting married let alone she was missing out on all of that when she was supposed to be there. She was supposed to be there spoiling her niece better yet nieces now that April and Dave were pretty serious. She was supposed to be by April's side talking wedding talk and now she was like everyone else sipping tea from the sidelines. When she had come up with her plan it was all based on emotions. She didn't think things would pan out the way they did. She honestly didn't know what she was thinking. Cleary she wasn't.

"Hazel Daniels" she heard her name being called.

"That's me" she said as she rose from the chair, silenced and put her phone away, and met up with the person who called her at the door.

"Follow me" the woman said and Hazel followed alongside her until they got to an empty office in the back. "You can place your belongings over there and once you're done you can have a seat. Dr. Henry will be with you momentarily" she said with her hand out motioning to the coat rack and emerald green chaise.

"Ok" Hazel said and did as she said then anxiously waited for Dr. Henry. Her legs bounced up and down as her nerves kicked in and her palms began to sweat. She felt like getting up and walking right out the door but she didn't. She was tired of running and putting things on hold and acting like nothing was wrong or bothering her when in fact she was truly bothered. She had issues.

"Hello and good morning Ms. Daniels I'm Dr. Henry" the therapist walked into the room with a bright smile. She closed the door behind her then made her way to Hazel and put her hand out for her to shake. She was an older black woman who looked to be around her mid-thirties. She was probably even older but with the way she looked Hazel knew she kept up with her health and body. She looked like the picture definition of black don't crack meaning she looked good for her age.

Hazel wiped her hands against her jeans then put her hand out and shook Dr. Henry's hand. "Good morning" Hazel said in a shaky breath.

"Relax and take a deep breath there's no need to be nervous dear" Dr. Henry said and smiled at her as she made her way behind her desk and took a seat. "Today will be an easy day. We're just going to go over the basics and talk about what brought you here today amongst a few other things"

"Ok" Hazel nodded and took another deep breath trying to prepare herself for what was to come next.

"If you see me writing I'm just taking notes and this session will be recorded but will NOT leave this room" Dr. Henry said letting her know what would be going on during her session.

"Ok" she nodded again.

"Before we start I'm going to give you a little information about myself" Dr. Henry spoke calmly and soothingly and proceeded to give Hazel the necessary run down about herself and of course Hazel listened. She had heard good things about her and thought that she was the way to go and the fact that she was a black woman was a plus. She figured she would be someone that could understand her on a different and better level...like she could relate to her. "Ok Hazel I want you to sit back, relax, and try to get as comfortable as possible" she said and turned on the recorder and pulled out a fresh notebook that would be dedicated to Hazel only.

"Ok" Hazel spoke softly as she got situated in the chaise and laid back with her eyes focused on the ceiling with her hands rubbing up and down her legs nervously.

"So, Hazel what brings you here today? What made you feel like you needed to seek out therapy" Dr. Henry asked. She wanted to know what major event happened in her life that made her feel like she needed therapy so she could understand the nature of her problem or problems. She wanted to know what Hazel wanted to work on and how could she help her with said problem or problems.

Hazel sighed and kept her eyes on the ceiling. "Excuse my language but it's a cluster fuck of things. I've had a falling out with my sister and best friend which is 100% my fault. I did something that I shouldn't have done and it's messed up our whole relationship. I guess I'm jealous, possibly bitter, and I feel like I'm in a competition with her yet there's no race. So not only did that cause me to lose one sister but both of them don't want anything to do with me. Not only that but it's put a strain on my relationship with our parents as well. I've hurt the people I love and care about the most. My parents are disappointed in me" She said and paused giving her a run down on what happened this past year.

"I'm adopted and I've been adopted by a loving family. They've been in my life for almost 18 years. I come from a broken home where my biological parents cared more about themselves than me. To them I was more of an afterthought. Their street life and vices always came before me. So I know I still have issues with that. Let alone the man I was dating for years I pretty much broke his heart. It wasn't intentional and I wish I could say it just happened but it didn't" she replied pouring everything out on the table. If she was seeking help she felt like she needed to let it all out. She had issues and that's why she was there and she knew that the root of her issues stemmed from her biological parents.

"That's a lot to deal with even without explaining what happened in those relationships. I can tell that's a heavy load. I can see it weighs on you physically and mentally" Dr. Henry said as she jotted down a few key notes.

"Tss, tell me something I don't know" Hazel said and wiped her eyes. She could feel her eyes watering and nose burning but she didn't want to cry. Since her life had damn near fallen apart and turned upside down she felt like all she did was cry. She just wanted to make things right, mend her relationships, and get on with her life. She wanted to do and be better and this was a start.

"How have you been coping with the problems that brought you here today" Dr. Henry questioned. She wanted to know if Hazel had been engaging in any unhealthy coping mechanisms that could cause more harm than good. She wanted to know if she was a danger to herself and the people around her.

"I've been trying to take things a day at time. Some days are harder than others. If I'm not at home crying I'm drowning myself with work. When everything first happened I started drinking heavily. First it started off with one drink then one drink turned into two and before I knew it I was drinking bottles of liquor by myself in one sitting. I just wanted to forget about everything I did and how it went down but after the liquor wares off I'm back to square one with a terrible hangover. I'm back to being in my head so I stopped drinking because it wasn't worth it. It was a temporary fix. Sure I reach out to my parents when I need to talk but I feel like I've created problems for them as well. It's like they have to choose between me and my sisters and walk around on egg shells to appease all of us. I'm at my wits end at this point. I just want things to go back to normal even though I know they won't" Hazel admitted. Boy how the roles had reversed.

"Hmm have you done therapy before" she questioned keeping her eyes focused on Hazel. She wanted to make sure that she was paying attention to not only what she was saying but also her body language. "If yes was it a positive experience or a negative experience"

"Yes" Hazel nodded. "I went to a few sessions when I was younger. I believe I was around twelve and it seemed to help so I stopped going. Thinking bout it now I should've stuck with it" she replied. "I don't think it was a negative experience though. I mean it worked at the time. Sure I hated talking about what was on my mind but it was something my parents said I needed to do. My parents had sat me down and told me that it was my chance to tell my story so that's what I did. I sat down and told my story" Hazel said and wiped her eyes thinking about how Ian and Ananda had been by her side every step of the way since the day she had walked into their lives. They were the best parents she could ever ask for and if she had to handpick her parents she would choose them each and every time.

"Ok so you know how this goes" Dr. Henry said and jotted some more notes down making a note to find out who her old therapist was to see if she could get a better understanding of Hazel. "You said you were adopted. At what age were you adopted and do you remember anything about your biological parents" she questioned then pushed up her glasses.

"Yes I'm adopted. I was adopted at ten by my best friend's parents. As far as life with my donors because that's what they are donors yes I remember a lot and wish that I could forget. I can remember from the age of maybe for four or five up until the age I was taken from them" Hazel answered. She hated that she remembered her biological parents and the shit they had put her through. The sad part was she wasn't even properly adopted by Ian and Ananda till a few years after they had taken her. They had pretty much stormed to her house and taken her point blank period and her parents didn't even put up an ounce of a fight. She didn't care though. She was just glad that somebody had finally heard her cry and came for her.

"How was your life with your biological parents" she asked.

Hazel sighed as a tear slid down the side of her face traveling down to her ear. She didn't even bother to wipe it away. "You know what bothers me the most about them? I can actually remember the good times we had. It wasn't always bad. My donors are the product of their environment. You know the whole crack epidemic that hit in the eighties. Once drugs popped up that was it for most of the black families. Either one of your parents got hooked or both. My father was a bus driver and my mother used to work at a department store. Like most people they liked to go out, party, and have a good time. Like many they tried crack. First it was my father and then he got my mother to try it. They tried to keep up with their usual lives but something that was supposed to be recreational fun turned into an addiction" she said and paused. Sure her parents had gotten hooked on drugs in the nineties but it was still due to drugs being brought to the black communities in the eighties. Her life hadn't always been fucked up until drugs came into the community. It hit hard. Her parents use to love and care for her. They doted on her. Dr. Henry didn't interrupt she paid attention and took notes when she felt she needed too.

"I can remember when I was five and things started to change. I don't know how I knew but kids know. They feel when things are off. By the time the addiction kicked in I was basically kicked to the curb. Drugs came first, my parents came second, and lil ole me came last. Like I said I was an afterthought. There was no more laughing and smiling and my parents telling me they loved me, no playing with me. There was nothing. They didn't care about anything but their next high. I'd go days without food, being washed, and cared for. I'd have to eat scraps of scraps of food because food was hard to come by. While I grew my clothes never did but still I had no choice but to put them on since I had nothing else. They'd rip and run the streets for days at a time just leaving me behind in an empty ass house. Mice, roaches, no lights, nothing just me in my thoughts as my stomach ached from being starved. No family member cared enough to come and get me they all had their own problems to deal with and couldn't be bothered with another one" she continued and closed her eyes tight seeing images of her past flash right before her eyes. Still Dr. Henry let her talk while she continued jotting down notes.

"I took care of my damn self for years. I was a child. I didn't know what I was doing but I made it work as best as I could. I used to think that I was alone until I met a girl named April and she made me feel like somebody. She saw me. Seeing her was the best part of my lil days. I don't know how a lil girl the same age as me could lift me up and fight my battles but she did. She helped me a lot. Food and clothes she snuck and gave to me because she knew something at home was wrong" Hazel said and smiled. April had really been looking out for her since the day they first met and now when she looked at how their relationship was she couldn't help but be mad at herself for fucking it up because she knew friendships like that were hard and rare to come by.

"As the years passed things got worse at home. My parents got worse. Their addiction was full blown and I was just there to be there. My sperm donor had my egg donor working the streets. My egg donor use to be so beautiful and always done up even with the lil we had but she eventually turned into the walking dead along with my sperm donor. Even my sperm donor was handsome but he was just the same. They forgot about me but eventually I was taken away and never did I look back or did they come and find me. I'd see them in passing and they wouldn't even look my way" Hazel continued while Dr. Henry continued to take notes like she had been. She just let her talk. She let her vent. She wanted her to express herself freely and let her in willingly. Dr. Henry knew all about the drugs in the black community. It came in like a wrecking ball and destroyed a lot of people and families. You went from living with your mother and father to living with just your mother or just or father and if you didn't have both you ended up with your grandparents.

"Do you ever feel like that five year old version of yourself" Dr. Henry finally spoke up and asked as she looked over Hazel.

"I used to but that's been a long, long time ago. I know what family is. I know what a broken family looks like and I know what a healthy family looks like. I really don't like dwelling on my past when I've come so far. My life has been great since them" she answered and shrugged.

"Your biological parents...have you ever looked for them or wondered how they were doing" Dr. Henry asked.

"I've never went and looked for them but I've thought about it. I'm scared to see them honestly and sure I wonder how they're doing but like I said I don't dwell on it. What kid well person in general wouldn't want to see their biological parents if they were in my shoes? I wonder have they gotten help, did they get any worse, and if they think about me. Sometimes when I'm back home in Jersey while I'm driving around I wonder if I passed them on the streets and if I did would they even notice me. Would I notice them" she replied a little saddened. Her parents were still a sore spot for her. Sure she pushed them and buried them in the back of her mind but she still thought about them. When holidays or birthdays popped up she wondered if they thought about her. When she accomplished anything she wondered would they be proud of her. Then when she really sat down and thought about it she thought about how her family thought about her after Ian and Ananda came up financially. They all thought that Hazel thought that she was better than them. She was living good, was no longer in the hood, and life was on the up and up but to them they just saw her as stuck up.

"You're right most people would want to do the same. How was it growing up with your adoptive family" she said and asked. She wanted to ask her a few key questions so on their next session they could focus on one topic at a time and tackle each one accordingly.

"First off my family doesn't do the whole adoptive or step thing. Family is family blood or not. Family is law and yes I messed that up but that's our moto. My family doesn't say oh that's our adoptive daughter or that's our adoptive sister. They're my parents and they're my sisters. When asked my parents say they have three kids. Anybody who knows my family knows that I'm their child and their sister" Hazel said making it clear for Dr. Henry. She never felt like she was adopted or didn't belong. She fit right in like she was meant to be there.

"My family didn't have much but from the day they stepped into my life, life has been better than I can ever imagine it to be. They showered me with love, showed me affection, and put me first. They made me a priority. Like I said we didn't have much but my parents made sure that we had food on the table, a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, and shoes on our feet. With them it's all good memories" she said and smiled. This was the first time Dr. Henry had saw Hazel smile since she had walked into the office so she knew that her family was definitely important to her.

"My parents took up time with me. Whenever I talked they listened. If I cried they wiped my tears. My sisters are my best friends. Never once did they make me feel unwelcomed or pitch a fit when our parents showed me attention. I can't think of any time where I felt like I didn't belong. Sure we argued once in a while like most siblings do but it was never anything serious and five minutes later it was like it never even happened. We may have wanted things but we never needed for anything because our parents made sure we were good even if they had to go without" Hazel replied with a smile.

"Eventually our parents made a name for themselves and it got to a point where we didn't need or want for anything and to this day we still don't want or need for anything. Life changed for the better for all of us but still we remained the same. Money didn't change us well my sisters anyway. I guess for me it didn't change me but I pocket watched my sister. My parents instilled the same rules they had from when we didn't have much. I honestly can't complain about my life growing up with them because life was so much better with them" Hazel said. Saying this all out loud was hitting her like a ton of bricks. She felt sick to her stomach and fuckin stupid. She had fucked up a good thing all because she was in her feelings.

"That's good to hear especially with going through all that you went through with your biological parents" Dr. Henry said jotting down a few more notes. There was a clear difference between Hazel's biological parents and her adoptive parents. She wanted to know what went wrong but she was going to save it for another session. She wanted to keep track of the questions she needed to ask her for their first session before she started diving deep into anything.

Hazel didn't say anything she just nodded.

"Ms. Daniels, have you ever thought about harming yourself or ending your life" Dr. Henry asked as her tone got a little more serious. She knew that if Hazel was in fact a self-harmer or had suicidal thoughts that it would bring up difficult emotions but this was a question that she couldn't pussy foot around. She needed to know so she would know if she was recommending the appropriate level of care. This was something that needed to be asked during everyone's first session.

Hazel turned her head and looked directly in her eyes. "Never" she honestly answered. Sure life was fucked up but not enough to make her want to harm herself in anyway shape or form and she damn sure didn't think about killing herself. If she had ever gotten the slightest of those thoughts she would've been let someone know.

"Good, good" Dr. Henry nodded. She was happy that Hazel didn't have any of those thoughts or had harmed herself. "How connected do you feel to the people around you" she asked. She knew that loneliness could have or lead to serious mental and physical health implications. She wanted to know if Hazel had a solid support system.

Hazel sighed. "I've burned bridges with my sisters so all I have is my parents at this point. I use to have a tight knit relationship with our friends but they don't talk to me either so my parents are there for me whenever I need them. They still check on me even though their disappointed in me. I know if I need them they wouldn't hesitate they would be there. They're the reason why I'm here today. They've been pushing me and been right by my side since the very start of this journey"

Dr. Henry nodded. She knew that whatever happened between her and her siblings had to be something serious because from what Hazel had told her about growing up with them they use to be close. "That's good that you have your parents by your side because you're going to need them during the length of this journey. This isn't a one man band. You're going to need the support"

Hazel agreed and luckily she hadn't fully ruined the relationship she had with her parents or else she would literally have no one.

"What do you hope to accomplish in therapy" Dr. Henry questioned. She wanted to hear Hazel's expectations so she would know how to help her manage her expectations about the process of change as she worked through therapy. "Before you answer I want you to really think about it. Be specific as you can be about these improvements"

Hazel folded her hands across her stomach and closed her eyes and really thought about what she wanted to accomplish. "First things first I want to get right with myself. I feel like I lost myself along the way and started worrying about things that I didn't need to worry about. I feel like if I can't change for myself then none of the relationships I've had would work. I know me and my sisters may not get back to what we once were but I'd love to be able to make amends and rebuild our relationship especially with my best friend. I betrayed her when all she ever did was look out for me. If it wasn't for her a lot of things that I accomplished or have wouldn't have even been possible" she said and paused taking in a deep breath.

"I'd also love to get a healthier relationship with my parents as well. I want things to go back to normal but realistically I know what it is but I still want a more healthy relationship with them all. I'd also like to be able to properly apologize to my ex for breaking his heart. He's a really great guy and deserved none of what I put him through. Also I would like to be able to work on my friendships with the rest of my friends" Hazel replied. She knew it wouldn't happen overnight and it might be a long shot but she was willing to put in the necessary work. "My sister just had a baby girl not too long ago and she has two other lil girls that I'd like to meet and be a part of their lives. The oldest one I already know and have a relationship with but I haven't been involved in her life for long while now" she said a little saddened. She really didn't want to miss out on her nieces lives.

Dr. Henry nodded. Hazel wasn't asking for much of anything outrageous and she had enough sense to know that none of what she wanted to accomplish would be an easy task. "I'm willing to help you but you're going to have to be willing to go through and complete the process. Remember you may feel worse before you feel better. This won't be a walk in the park and we will have to dig deeper but if you stick with it you will have a better outcome"

Hazel nodded. She was determined to finish what she started and she felt like Dr. Henry could help her get there. She felt comfortable around her, didn't feel like she was judging her, and she liked that she asked her legit questions. She didn't dig too deep for the first session, she didn't make assumptions, and she let her talk without interrupting her. Not to mention she didn't press her and she gave her time to actually think before replying to her questions. Hazel and Dr. Henry talked a little while longer pretty much wrapping up their session and letting Hazel know what to expect for her next session. By the time they were done Hazel had her next appointment scheduled and was back inside her car ready to go. For it to be her first session she felt somewhat good about it. She had made it one step closer to her goals. She knew it was going to take a lot more than one session but she was determined to make things right no matter the outcome. At least she'd know that in the end she tried. Hazel wanted her family back, her sisters back, and to make amends with her friends.

Hazel stopped and picked up something to eat then made her way home. She tried not to dwell too much on her first session while she was out. She wanted to be in the comfort of her own home and really sit back and think about everything she had said and all the questions she had been asked. Once she was in the house she locked up behind herself, took her shoes off at the door, and went to the living room. She put her food down on the coffee table and plopped her purse down on the couch. She made her way back towards the front door, took off her coat, and placed it in the coat closet before making her way back to the couch and sitting down.

She was still adjusting to living on her own. When things fell apart with Trey and he had kicked her out she really didn't think that he would actually do it. Yes she was pissed that he had because she thought that they were stronger than what they were but once she was on her own, got out of her feelings somewhat, and actually thought about it she couldn't blame him for asking her to leave. She had toyed with his emotions for far too long and although she loved him once upon a time she was no longer in love with him. It was more of the idea of him loving her because Trey loving her is what she yearned for. All she wanted was love. Hazel was hurt and like they say hurt people hurt people even the ones they love.

It took her some time to get use to coming home to an empty house well luxury apartment. There was no Trey at home waiting for her, no Trey walking around telling her that he loved her, and no Trey singing to her or just singing for the hell of it. There was no more Trey period. It was just her in her thoughts, feelings, and empty silence. Of course she did miss him but she knew that he was better off without her and deserved someone who could love him better than she had. At the moment she wasn't checking for Trey or anyone else for that matter. She couldn't deal with anyone but herself at the moment. She had to get her shit together before even thinking about a relationship and relationships in general. She needed to learn how to properly love herself before loving someone else.

Life had certainly changed for her though. From her family and friends all the way down to her business and sure she felt a way for how everything had played out but it is what it is. It was her fault and it was time to accept accountability instead of pointing the finger at someone else. Just like it was every time she closed her eyes for bed and saw the sadness written all over Trey's face when she told him about their child. When she had originally told him it didn't hurt as much but now that shit tore her up these days because she knew without a doubt that he would've been there for the both of them. He would've loved their child. He was a man of his word and he loved hard and now here they were broken up and alone. Well she was alone she didn't know who or even if Trey was entertaining anyone. If he was she hoped that the person was genuinely interested in him and didn't take him for granted.

Not trying to get lost in her thoughts Hazel opened up her container of food, picked up her phone, and called her mother. She didn't want to worry her any more than she already had. She knew that she low key worried that she'd harm herself but both Ananda and Ian had nothing to worry about. Let alone she wasn't out to harm anyone else. She had learned her lesson the hard way. She didn't care how bad shit got for her harming herself was a no go in her book. It seemed as if as soon as Hazel pressed Ananda's contact she answered. Hazel hadn't even heard the phone ring. She knew that she was waiting on her call.

"Hey baby girl how was it" Ananda said and asked jumping right in. Hazel couldn't do shit but chuckle. Their parents weren't ones to beat around the bush. She also missed being called Thing 3 but she'd accept being called baby girl because it was still something. It was as if once she and her sisters basically parted ways their nicknames parted ways just the same. Whenever she talked to Ananda and asked about April and Alaina she never heard Thing 1 or Thing 2 and she felt bad because those were names that the girls were given way before she had even stepped into the picture and now they were just April and Alaina.

"Hey mommy it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. She asked routine questions. You know like why was I there, my childhood with the donors and with you and daddy, and what I wanted to accomplish by seeking out therapy" she answered then took a bite of her food. She wasn't hungry but she knew she needed to eat.

"Oh ok so did you lay it all out on the table" Ananda questioned hoping that she did.

"I did I figured if I'm a go to therapy then I mind as well let it all out" Hazel replied.

"Good so how are you feeling" she kept at it but Hazel didn't mind. She was actually happy that she was interested in what she had going on and how she felt.

Hazel sighed. "I'm ok for the most part. I'm glad I went and I think she can actually help me. She didn't apply any pressure or make me feel uncomfortable so that was a plus. It felt different from how it did when I use to go when I was a kid but I guess that's because I have more issues to deal with. You know the same problems but more problems than I originally started out with"

"That's understandable but I'm happy you went. You need this time to get yourself together"

"I really do" she agreed.

"How are you feeling about her asking about your biological parents" Ananda asked. Ananda knew that her biological parents played a huge part in Hazel's downfall. Hazel didn't talk about them or even ask about them but she knew she felt a way about them. They had treated her horribly wrong and discarded her like she was a piece of trash and they came into her life and picked up the pieces trying to pick her up and put her back together again.

"I'd be lying if I didn't think bout them from time to time. I mean I know drugs played a major part on how they treated me but I would think that they'd try to fight their addiction because they have a child depending on them. I done seen some people's parents who are hooked but those parents still loved on their kids. Any, who I wonder if they're still alive, do they think bout me, shit or do they even know what they did" Hazel answered feeling some type of way about them as she normally did. That's why she never mentioned them. She hated what they did to her and what type of mental space they put her in. Even with having everything they still managed to make her feel insecure.

"Understood and you should wonder bout them. Who wouldn't think bout their parents whether they were good or bad. Maybe after you finish therapy daddy can try and locate them and you can go and speak your peace. I won't push you and I wouldn't advise you to do so until you feel like you're ready but I think it's something you need to do. They hurt you and you don't have to say it but I know you're still hurting. A mother knows"

Hazel sighed and put her fork down then wiped her eyes. "Yea one day but it won't be anytime soon" she said. She knew for a fact that she wasn't ready for a meet and greet with the way her life was setup at the moment. She couldn't see herself dealing with them properly. It would probably be a whole bunch of cursing, shouting, crying, and she didn't need that extra drama and added stress in her life at the moment. "Enough bout me how are you and daddy" Hazel said and asked not wanting to talk about her biological parents anymore so switching the subject was a must.

Ananda dropped it. She wasn't going to press her and create any more problems for her. She knew she was dealing with enough as it is. She just hoped that when Hazel was ready that her parents would still be alive and willing to talk to her and even if they didn't have anything to say she hoped that they at least listened to what Hazel had to say. "Daddy and I are good. We're on grandma and grandpa duty tonight well for a few days so we can't wait for that but other than that we can't complain. We're just enjoying LA while we're out here"

"Aww" Hazel said with a small smile. She knew that they loved being grandparents. It was like they were low key waiting for one of them to have children and now here April was with three little girls for them to spoil just like they did them. She knew that they were the type of grandparents to show off their grandkids any chance they got pictures and all. Sadly they couldn't share those moments with her because April wasn't comfortable with it. Hazel also knew that if she had any of her children they would've doted on them as well. But shit happened and now she was childless. She blamed it on being young and dumb but the one with Trey was her being selfish and stupid. "How's everyone doing" she asked already knowing she was going to get the generic answer as usual but she'd take it.

This time Ananda sighed. She hated that her girls weren't on speaking terms but she couldn't do anything about it. This wasn't the typical sibling argument so she couldn't even make them talk to each other even if she wanted to. "Everyone's good. April's enjoying motherhood and planning her wedding and Alaina is the same as usual. She's happy that she gets to see April and the girls whenever she wants to now" Ananda answered keeping it short and simple as always.

Hazel nodded as if she could see her. "That's good" she said as her eyes wondered to the clothing she had spread out across the living room. They were her new spring pieces. It was about that time of the year for photoshoots but she didn't know how this year would go. Sales were still booming, money was still coming in, and even with paying April rent and her cut as a silent partner she was still making a decent bag. Hazel sighed. "Mommy the new spring pieces have arrived"

"Good, good how are you liking the finished product? Did they come out like you pictured them" Ananda said and asked excitedly. She knew how hard she had been working on her spring collection. Since Hazel had drowned herself in work she had been working extra hard on getting her spring line just the way she wanted it especially since she didn't have the extra input she usually had with her sisters during these times. Normally she would come up with an idea and they'd sit around tweaking it until it was perfect in their eyes.

Hazel smiled. "I love them they turned out great" she answered and sighed again. She knew what time it was for her company but she didn't know how it would work out with the way things were at the moment.

"What's wrong" Ananda questioned as she picked up on her sudden mood change.

"You know when I put out new pieces April and Alaina come in for a photoshoot. You know we all do separate shots and we make sure we have a few together. They're still the faces of the company so I don't know how this will work with us not talking. Will they even want to take part in it" she said and expressed what was on her mind. She had honestly been thinking about this since she had started working on her latest collection. She still wanted the tradition to keep going. She really didn't want new faces for her company. It was always about her and her sisters.

Ananda really didn't have an answer for her. Hazel and April hadn't talked well-argued since Thanksgiving of last year so she didn't know how that would work. Then with the stunt Ananda had pulled herself on Thanksgiving she was really lost. Let alone she knew that April still wanted a piece of Hazel and with having Charlie there was nothing stopping her or in her way from attacking. Shit it was a close call on Thanksgiving so she didn't know if April would be up to it. She thought about it for a quick second though. "You know you're sisters are bout their bags but I honestly don't know if they'll want to partake in a photoshoot either. I can talk to them and see what they say but I can't make you any promises. Maybe y'all can work something out though" Ananda said keeping it real with her. She knew that it was a long shot but she also knew when it came to business April and Alaina didn't slack off so maybe they could make it happen. But with the way April was these days Hazel was going to need a damn miracle and have a major talk with God.

Hazel sighed. She couldn't expect them to show up after everything she had done but like their mother said they were about their bags so who knew what would happen. "Thanks mommy. I know I can't ask them for anything but I'd like to keep the business running the same. We've been the faces of the company since day one and I'd like to keep it that way but if I have to make some changes then I will. So please, please, please talk to them and let them know that I will arrange whatever I need to, to make it work even if I have to go sit in another room while they do their thing" Hazel said but she really didn't have high hopes especially not after all she had done.

"I'll see what I can do but please don't get your hopes up" Ananda said. She knew that whatever the girls chose to do that she and Ian would have to be the middle men and referee in the situation to make sure shit wouldn't pop off.

"Thank you mommy"

"You're welcome"

"So when are you and daddy heading back home and will I see y'all again before y'all leave" Hazel asked changing the subject not wanting things to get awkward. She hated that she had to go through her parents to get to her sisters but these days she had no choice. Just like she knew they didn't like the situation they were in and sometimes that made Hazel feel like a burden because it was all her fault that the family had turned out the way it did. They had all grew up as a big happy family and now it seemed like they all had to pick and choose sides even though they never said it.

"We'll be leaving the end of next week but I'll be back and forth to help April out with the wedding and daddy can't go to long without seeing his girls so he'll be around too. But yes we'll be seeing you before we leave" Ananda replied and laughed a little. Since they had been in LA they had saw Hazel a few times. They wanted to physically see how she was doing and to check up on her. With the fall out they just wanted to make sure that she wasn't going down the wrong path, harming herself, and still plotting against her sister, and at the end of the day they just wanted to spend some quality time with their daughter.

Hazel laughed. "Cool, I'm just asking" she said and they continued on with their conversation. Hazel was happy that after her session she had this morning that Ananda was there for her to make sure she was good as she could be at the moment. They spent the rest of their time just catching up and talking about whatever came to mind.

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-Hey guys happy reading I hope y'all enjoyed 😊.
-Yes this was a Hazel update 😂. I know most of y'all aren't feeling her but I needed to give her, her moment. As you can see she's already taking a big step by admitting that she has a problem and now she's getting the help she needs. I honestly want to see all my babies flourish and mature. But here you get to see a little of what happened to Hazel and her family.
-Hazel isn't stupid she knows what she did is wrong. Do you think therapy will help and if so do you see her being able to mend all of her relationships 🤔 She's not even checking for Trey she just hope he ends up with someone better than her who genuinely likes him for him.
-Some of you may not agree with Ananda and Ian still being in her life but realistically Hazel is still there child and they can't leave her hanging no matter how disappointed they are in her. They know what she did is wrong but as parents you can't just toss your child away. Her biological parents already did that. Yes Hazel is not their blood child but for almost 18 years they have been her parents. So don't be coming at my babies Ananda and Ian all extra hard for still loving their screwed up child 😂
-That photo shoot though! Do you think April and Alaina will want to be a part of it or it's a hard pass 🤔
-Real talk though the drug problem in the 80s messed up a lot of homes. A lot of black families use to live together and we're doing good for themselves until the drugs came along.
-Any, who sharing is caring so tell a friend to tell a friend. Don't forget to comment, vote, & add to your libraries 🥰
-If you are reading & not commenting no problem just make sure you color the ⭐️ please & thank you 🥰