Chapter 1: Build A Man?
{April}
2 Years Later

Why didn't mother tell me (Tell me)/they would take the best of me/Leave the rest of me in pieces/Why didn't daddy tell me (Tell me)/That they're only selling dreams/What they do is what they mean

Oh (Oh) If I Could give him a heart that/Only beats me (beats me)/Always follow me/Oh (Oh) give me him a set of eyes that/Only look at me (Only look at me)
[K. Michelle: Build A Man]

They say what doesn't break you makes you. Yes I made it. I love myself more than I ever have and yes life is good. I stopped asking god why Chris and I didn't work out. I guess we weren't meant to be. At the end of the day I'm good though. Do I still think about him? Of course I do. Do I still love him? Duh, you just can't throw years of love away that easily. Am I still in love with him? Nope. I sold my mansion, packed up my belongings, and moved out of state. This right here, what you see is the NEW me.

"Bitch if you don't get ya ass up there" My best friend Hazel said as I sipped on my drink and bopped my head to the music. She had come to visit me like she did every month since I moved from LA back to my hometown Jersey. This particular Friday we were at a lounge that had karaoke and she was trying her best to get me on stage. This was something I hadn't done since college and that's how I was trying to keep it.

"Nope, no way we came to get a good laugh and that's it" I shook my head I wasn't getting on that stage.

"Appie please" her and my lil sister Alaina said in unison while giving me the puppy dog eyes. Oh how they get on my nerves.

"Why can't we just sit back and enjoy ourselves" I whined.

"If I hear one more chick thinking that they're the new NO-oncye' I'm a shoot myself. You don't want me to do that do you" Hazel pleaded.

"Just one song and that's it" I tossed my hands in the air. These bitches got me again.

"I'm a go sign you up before you change your mind" Alaina jumped out of her seat and went straight to the sign in sheet with a big goofy ass smile. "Ok chick you're up next" she cheesed sitting back down.

"Excuse me can I get a double shot of Henny no ice" I asked the waitress walking by.

"Sure I'll be right back with your drink" she replied. She was a cutie. Light skinned, pretty face, small waist, a cute lil ass that fit right in her black dickie work pants, with her nice sized titties. If I was on one tonight I'd definitely bring her ass back to my spot.

"Bitch I see you" Hazel grinned. Hazel knew what it was. We use to hook up in college but stopped when we both got in serious relationships. Just like Alaina knew about my sexuality. We never hid anything from one another. Besides pussy was good and all but my love for dick was way stronger and at the moment I highly needed a good dosage or 2 of vitamin D.

"Keep looking with ya looking ass. Pussy ain't gonna cut it tonight. I need the D" I shook my head as the waitress came back and sat my drink down.

"Thank you" I let my eyes linger a lil longer before picking up my drink and tossing it back like it was nothing but water.

"Oh trust me we know. Pussy probably got cobwebs" Alaina joked and slapped five with Hazel. These bitches had jokes tonight. Sure my shit was out of service at the moment but my shit still got juicy.

"Shit, been outta service for 2 years now" Hazel said shaking her head. "How are you surviving? I know you gotta be fuckstrated right now"

"Shut up" I whined. I was not trying to hear this shit tonight. I just wanted to have fun and enjoy my night. It was bad enough that I was trying to drink him off my brain and the only dick I wanted was his but I wouldn't dare tell them that or run back to his ass no matter how good he pleased me. Tonight would have to be a job for my handy dandy 10in black Mandingo dildo. It would have to suffice. Although it couldn't hit my shit the way I needed it to but I'd still be able to get a nut and that's all I needed.

"Whateva" they rolled their eyes still snickering.

"Elegance your up" the karaoke host called me by my middle name.

"Really" I shook my head at my sister and stood up pulling up my blue high waist destroyed jeans that fit oh so right.

"Do ya thang boo" Hazel cheesed and took out her phone while I walked to the stage and picked out a song to sing. Scrolling through the songs my eyes landed on Build a Man by K. Michelle. That was my shit and K definitely knew what to do when she made and sang her shit. With the few drinks that I had and the double shot of Henny being nervous never crossed my mind. I was feeling myself, my girls were here with me, and although I was enjoying myself I still felt some kind of way.

"The names Elegance and I'll be singing Build a Man by K. Michelle" I took a deep breath as the beat dropped and sat down on the stool that was on the center of the stage. I could sing my ass off but it was just something to do. I wasn't about that life. I closed my eyes and let loose. "There was Lance he wasn't ready. Oh so young baggage heavy and there was Chris" as soon as his name left my lips I rose from the stool and poured my heart out. Straight performing as if I was K. Michelle herself hitting every note perfectly as tears trickled out of my eyes and down my cheeks. I sang the song like I was performing for the BET awards. "Cause all the ones I know. They all disappoint. Build me a man. I'll make him perfect for me" I sang the last verse and finally opened my eyes to see everyone in the lounge standing and clapping for me. "Thank you" I smiled and headed back to my table. My girls hugged me tight. They knew I was in my feelings. I had never performed at karaoke like that in my life.

"Sis I put that shit on the Gram and Snapchat" Hazel said and wiped her eyes.

"Can we please leave? We can continue our drinks at my place" I asked ready to be in the comfort of my own home. I knew by tomorrow I would be plastered all over the internet. Since I left Chris at the aisle I had managed to stay under the radar and this right here would put me right back in the headlines and I wasn't ready for that.

"Let's go" Alaina said. I called up my driver letting him know that we were ready to go.

"Tonight's karaoke winner is Elegance blessing us with her beautiful voice singing Build a Man by K. Michelle. Elegance come and get your prize" the karaoke host spoke.

"Bitch you won" Alaina danced in her seat.

"Girl you better go get ya shmoney" Hazel said in her best Cardi B voice causing all of us to laugh. I went back to the stage and the hostess passed me an envelope.

"Girl you did good tonight. You need to be on someone's record label" the hostess said with a smile.

"Thank you" I returned the smile.

"Hopefully you come back and bless us with your voice again"

"Maybe" I shrugged and made my way back to the table and opened up the envelope to see a thousand dollars inside.

"Ballin" Alaina shouted while twerking in her seat. A thousand dollars wasn't shit to me. Not even a dent in my pocket. I made money in my sleep. Literally! I'm a software programmer and I also invest in other companies as well as help startup companies for other people who I believe in. I knew what I was gonna do with the money though. I asked the waitress for the bill, paid it with the money that I won, gave the waitress the rest of the money, and before she could refuse my girls and I were already out of the establishment and hopping into my matte black and chrome range rover that I had my driver driving tonight. The whole ride back to my place all of our phones were ringing and chiming nonstop with people commenting and liking the video that they had uploaded of me. I wasn't about to check and see that havoc that they caused.

By the time we made it back to my place we were DONE. We all showered, put on our matching Hello Kitty pajamas, and met up in my bedroom. This is something we've been doing forever and a day now. We hopped in my California king size bed with me in the middle as usual. I turned on some music and we gossiped until we fell asleep.