All Shall Fade

Chapter 29

Doubt and Trust

I glanced up from where my head had been buried in my arms and realised that I must have fallen asleep. How else could I be sitting in the same dark chamber that I seemed to appear in every time I drifted into unconsciousness? I looked around and spotted the wizard, sitting in his throne-like chair.

“What do you want?” I rasped, my throat felt like sandpaper after crying so much. Saruman just stared silently at me. “I really don’t want to talk to anyone right now, so just leave me alone.” I muttered, curling my knees a little tighter into my chest.

“The end is coming.” The wizard said ominously, causing me to look up and frown. “By the second dawn, the world of men will have begun to fall.” I didn’t say anything; I was in no mood for his cryptic messages. “I can offer you a way out.” He spoke again, and this time I glanced up curiously. “Join with me, and your life will be spared.” He rose to his feet and slowly walked towards me as I uncurled from my tight ball.

“What?” I whispered, getting to my feet, “Join with you? How could you expect me to accept that? After what you did?” I spat angrily, clenching my fists at my sides. “It’s your fault that Aragorn’s gone! You sent out those Wargs! You killed him!” My voice rose to a yell as Saruman observed me coldly.

“You will not be given a second chance. Choose now or perish.”

I laughed sarcastically, “There is no choice, kill me now, see if I care!” I spread my arms out as if to challenge him, “Or can you even kill me in my own dream?” I scowled as I took a step forward, “You’re weak and a coward! You send others to do your killing for you, but it doesn’t change the fact that you killed him.” The wizard narrowed his eyes before turning away and stalking back to his chair.

“So you have chosen the path of death.” He growled, and again a sarcastic laugh escaped my lips.

“You know what? I’m not going to die. I’m going to live – just to spite you.” I scowled defiantly, “Now get out of my head and don’t come back.” The wizard just stared at me, “Leave me alone!” I shouted, my voice echoing off the black stone walls, “Leave me alone!” Saruman flinched at my loud scream, and the room started to waver, “Leave me alone!” My hands knotted in my hair as I concentrated on pushing him as far away from me as possible, and with one final scream of my repeated command, the room faded into nothingness.

I sat up with a quiet gasp, and then blinked in the darkness. Night had fallen. I looked around, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the gloom. The fortress was utterly silent, adding to the crushing feeling of loneliness that engulfed me. I didn’t want to go back to sleep. I didn’t want to face Saruman again, or any of my other nightmares. I didn’t even want to close my eyes, because when I did, all I saw was Aragorn. I didn’t want to start crying again, but I couldn’t help it. Why was I so unable to pull myself together?

I tilted my head back and looked up at the cloudless, midnight blue sky. The stars were shining particularly brightly tonight, but they were quickly blurred by the tears that filled my eyes as I was reminded of the night back in Rivendell when I’d sat and looked at the stars with Aragorn. I’d felt frightened and alone then too… But he’d made me feel better. That wasn’t going to happen now. I hugged my knees to my chest as I watched the tears that fell from my cheeks splash onto the stone ground I sat on.

I couldn’t sleep, and it seemed like dawn was still far away. It was going to be a long night.

*

It was at least four hours before the sun appeared over the wall of my sheltered hideout, but I hadn’t moved at all since I’d woken up. I’d just sat wrapped up in my own mournful thoughts. I knew I shouldn’t be allowing myself to wallow in my grief like this, but I couldn’t bring myself to get up and pull myself together. I didn’t even look up from where I’d buried my head in my knees until I heard footsteps on the stairs below me. I recognised the light steps as the ones belonging to Legolas, and a few seconds later he appeared before me.

“Morning.” I whispered hoarsely as he sat down at my side. I would have said ‘Good Morning’, but I wasn’t feeling particularly good today. We sat in silence for a few moments, and a few silent tears slid down my cheeks. I should have cried myself dry by now, but apparently that wasn’t the case. It was so stupid. I knew that no matter how many tears I shed over him, Aragorn wasn’t coming back.

“Are you alright?” Legolas asked, like he had done last night, only now his voice seemed more distant, as if he was only half there. I shook my head, and again we lapsed into silence.

“Why is it so hard?” I choked, looking up at him. “Why is it so hard to let him go? Why can’t I just move on?” He was silent for a moment before answering.

“Maybe you don’t realise how much you care for someone until you loose them.” He murmured softly, and I sniffed quietly.

“What do you mean?”

He glanced away from me, and then looked down at the ground. “I’ve seen it before,” He said in an almost whispering tone, “When you were captured by the Uruk-Hai, and we thought you had been killed. I could see that it was only then that Aragorn realised how much he cared for you and your safety.”

“W-what? How do you know?” I frowned, feeling more tears pooling in my eyes.

“I could see it in his eyes.” He mumbled and I looked away, furiously trying to wipe away my tears.

“That’s… That’s really not helping me here.” I sniffed, “I just need more time… That’s all.” I sighed and stared down at the ground. “I’ll be alright soon.”

“I’m sorry.” Legolas apologised, slowly getting to his feet. He glanced at me concernedly as I continued to stare at the cold stone ground, before he left me. I listened to his footfalls dying away, before I allowed myself to release my cramped position. I stretched my legs out and tilted my head back, leaning it against the stone wall as I looked up at the brilliantly blue sky above me.

How could the world keep turning like this when he was gone?

I closed my eyes as I thought about what Legolas had said. I’d had no idea that Aragorn had cared for me as much as he had said. Did I care for him? Of course I did. That was a stupid question, considering I was sitting here, completely in pieces over him. I would give anything to have him back. But did this mean I cared more than I should? Did I have feelings for Aragorn? I sighed and looked down. It didn’t matter. Even if I did have feelings for him, they were pointless. Nothing would bring him back.

As I felt a tear slip down my cheek, I brushed it away with my fingers, and then hesitated. Something didn’t feel quite right. I rubbed my fingertips together, frowning at the numb sensation spreading across them. It was like pins and needles, but without the pain. My hands themselves were much paler than usual; in fact it was almost like my skin was turning translucent. I flipped my hand over, examining it as I passed it off as just a trick of the light. I leant back against the wall as I let my thoughts wander, allowing myself to think back to the times I had shared with Aragorn, trying to dredge up something that would comfort me right now.

I must have sat like that for hours, as by the time I next looked up; the sun was almost at its midpoint in the sky, meaning it was early afternoon. I looked back down at my hands, and almost gasped. There was something definitely translucent about them – it was almost like I could see straight through the very ends of my fingertips, and the rest of my hands looked ghostly. I tried rubbing my hands together, and to my alarm I realised that I could barely feel it. It was like I simply wasn’t there.

It was like I was fading.

“Oh my God.” I breathed in realisation. It had started. The process Galadriel had warned me about.

“Your bond with this world weakens as time goes on; you are only held here by your deeds and connections. You are not secured here. If something should happen that disrupts this fragile bond, you may be pulled away from this world…”

Her words came rushing back to me and I nervously fingered my bracelet as I made the connections. Aragorn’s death had disrupted the delicate balance that I was relying on to stay here. It had shaken me so much that I was fading.

And then I realised something: I didn’t really care. I would either go back to my own world, or I would just fade away. If I went home, I could just forget about all of this. It was just a dream. There was never really a person called Aragorn in my life, or a Legolas, or a Boromir… So I couldn’t loose any of them. And if I faded… Well, then that would mean nothing mattered anymore. Either way, it was an escape. I sighed and bit down on my lower lip – but I barely felt it. I blinked, and I could faintly hear shouting in the fortress below me, but it was more like white noise. Whatever they were doing, it wouldn’t matter to me soon enough. I looked around as the edges of my vision blurred. It was like I was just ghosting away. The feeling of utter disconnection that washed over me enlightened me a little. I didn’t feel like I was being pulled in any one direction. I could feel now how safely I’d been attached to Middle Earth, but now I definitely knew I wasn’t going anywhere. Which meant I wasn’t going home… I was just going to fade away. Did this mean I was dying? Strangely enough, I wasn’t bothered by that thought. As I’d once told Aragorn, I wasn’t afraid of death, it was the dying that scared me. Right now dying didn’t seem like much of a big deal. Would I find out if there was an afterlife? Maybe I’d meet Aragorn and Boromir there. That wouldn’t be so bad.

Somehow, over the other muted sounds, my ears managed to pick up the sound of someone running up the flight of steps below me. I closed my eyes and sighed. This meant I would get a chance to say goodbye to Legolas. As the footsteps stopped before me, I lifted my head and opened my eyes.

“Oh… That was quick.” I murmured, feeling mildly amused. The transaction into what appeared to be my afterlife had been pleasantly swift.

“Alice?” A smile crossed my lips as a breathless voice reached my ears. I’d never thought I’d hear that voice again.

“Aragorn…” I breathed, sitting up and taking in his full appearance. He looked pretty rough, which was odd, considering that everything was supposed to be fine and dandy after you die.

“Are you alright?” He asked, a frown crossing his features as he crouched in front of me.

“I guess.” I shrugged, “I’m happy to see you again.”

“You don’t look well.” He murmured reaching up to feel my forehead. I frowned as I realised that I couldn’t feel his hand on my skin. Maybe the effects of the fading took a while to get over.

“Is Boromir here?” I asked suddenly, “I have a bone to pick with him concerning a tour of Gondor…” I trailed off as I saw his confused expression.

“Alice, what are you talking about? Boromir died…”

“I know, but you did too, and you’re here.” I smiled as he took my hands in his. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m not dead Alice; I’m alive, just like you.” He murmured softly, and I shook my head.

“No… I saw you fall. I…”

“I survived it.” He said, cutting me off and squeezing my hands, but I could only faintly feel the gesture.

I shook my head again. “N-no… You can’t have… This doesn’t make any sense!” He released my hands and placed his own hands on my cheeks.

“I’m really here Alice, you have to believe me.” I continued to shake my head in confusion, as he sighed. “Do you trust me, Alice?”

“Of course I do.” I breathed, feeling fresh tears well up in my eyes.

“Then I’m here.” He whispered, “I’m alive, here with you.”

I swallowed, trying to get past the lump in my throat before letting out a shaky breath. “Oh my God… You’re really alive?” The tears escaped my eyes as he nodded and gently wiped them away with his fingertips. My feeling of indescribable elation was quickly replaced by a feeling of dread. “No…” I groaned, looking down at my own hands and seeing their blatant translucency. How could I have been stupid enough to think that we were both dead?

“Alice?” Confusion was etched across Aragorn’s face as my breathing became laboured, “What’s wrong? Tell me.”

“It’s happening Aragorn, I’m fading.” I whispered as his pale grey eyes widened. I didn’t want to go now that he was here, alive. I didn’t want to leave him. “Aragorn…” I frantically reached for his hands that still rested on my face. I could barely feel them. I was only dimly aware that he was touching me, when I should have been able to feel his familiar calloused fingertips as he tried to calm me by gently stroking away my tears. “I don’t want to go…” I whimpered, suddenly feeling unbearably helpless.

“I won’t let you.” He said, dropping down onto his knees in front of me so he could look directly into my eyes. “I won’t let you go Alice.” He whispered firmly as he tilted my face towards him. My heartbeat hammered in my ears as I frantically tried to calm my choppy, irregular breathing – but my breathing was quickly silenced as Aragorn gently pressed his lips against mine.

It was like everything somehow slowed down as my eyelids drooped and I felt his hands slide from my face to rest on my shoulders. I could actually feel him, the light weight of his hands as he seemed to both hold me up and rest against me at the same time, and the gentle, almost shy pressure that his lips applied on mine.

And then the shock hit. Aragorn was kissing me. Aragorn. And what’s more, it felt amazingly right. As if the feeling of him holding me like this was the most natural thing in the world – which was totally different to the last kiss I had experienced, back in my world with Toby. Kissing him had felt wrong.

I felt Aragorn gently squeeze my shoulders before he pulled away, and I gasped a little as my eyes flickered open and I saw him looking at me, as if to gauge my reaction. I swallowed and managed to regulate my breathing as I stared into his eyes. They had been a pale, steely grey before, but now they were darker, like storm clouds – not threatening, just different. I managed to tear myself away from his eyes to look down at my hands. They looked… Normal. Like nothing had happened. I rubbed my fingertips together and I could feel them, and the faint warmth caused by the friction of the movement.

“Aragorn…” I whispered, “It’s stopped.” I heard him sigh as I glanced up and met his eyes. We both knew what this meant. He was my anchor. The thing that held me to this world. When he had been taken away, I’d nearly faded, but he’d come back and now it looked like he’d totally removed all possibilities of me fading. We stared at each other for another long moment, before his hands fell away from my shoulders and he stood up.

“Time is short; I have to speak with the King.” He murmured, holding out his hand for me. I took it and he carefully pulled me to my feet, steadying me as I wobbled a little – my balance had been distorted after sitting down for so long. Then he released my hand and turned, quickly making his way down the stone steps. I stumbled after him, feeling unbearably confused. He’d kissed me and now he was acting like it hadn’t happened? I sighed and lightly brushed my fingertips across my lips. It wasn’t just that he’d kissed me, it was the effect he’d had on me. A simple kiss had been enough to pull me back from the brink of fading away. Only it wasn’t just a simple kiss to me, it had definitely meant something. It didn’t look like it had meant anything to Aragorn. I hurried after his retreating figure as we reached the lower levels. I weaved through the crowds of villagers being ushered into the caves as we made our way to the Keep. Up ahead of me I saw Aragorn stop, and as I caught up with him I could see he was talking to Legolas – who said something in Elvish before smiling.

“You look terrible.” He observed, and I couldn’t help but smile a little as Aragorn laughed, placing his hand on the Elf’s shoulder as Legolas handed him something. I briefly caught sight of the small glimmering object he pressed into Aragorn’s palm, and I knew it was Arwen’s pendant and my necklace that he had recovered. Aragorn stared at them for a moment, before casting a quick glance at me which made my breath catch in my throat as he turned back to Legolas.

“Hannon le.” He murmured as Legolas stepped aside and he walked forward, pushing open the heavy wooden doors to the Keep. Legolas appeared at my side, firing me a small smile as I anxiously bit down on my lower lip, before hurrying after Aragorn. “We must prepare for battle,” I heard him say as I entered the hall with Legolas and saw it was filled with people, including Théoden, Gimli, Eówyn and Eowdrin, “A great host of Uruk-Hai march from Isengard as we speak.”

“What?” I breathed. Why hadn’t he told me this? Why had he wasted time with me when he could have been warning people? And then I remembered that if he hadn’t found me I wouldn’t be here. I owed him my life.

“A great host, you say?” Théoden said, keeping his voice level to hide his alarm at Aragorn’s news.

“All Isengard is emptied.” Aragorn confirmed.

“How many?” The King asked, him calm façade fading.

“Ten thousand strong at least.”

“Ten thousand?!” His alarm was clear now as I breathed in sharply. How could we stand a chance against ten thousand?

“It is an army bred for a single purpose: to destroy the world of Men.” Aragorn murmured solemnly, “They will be here by nightfall.”

‘By the second dawn, the world of men will have begun to fall.’ I suppressed a groan as the words Saruman had spoken to me suddenly made sense. One dawn had already passed… That meant we had until tomorrow morning.

“Let them come.” Théoden growled, stalking outside. We followed him, and I stuck close to Legolas’s side. As we walked the King shouted out commands to guards, “I want every man and strong lad able to bear arms to be ready for battle by nightfall.” We made our way through the crowds until we stood on the causeway outside the wall, “We will cover the causeway and the gate from above. No army has ever breached the deeping wall or set foot inside the Hornburg.”

“This is no rabble of mindless orcs. These are Uruk-hai. Their armour is thick and their shields broad.” Gimli warned him, and I shuddered at the memory of the creatures that had captured me.

“I have fought many wars, Master Dwarf. I know how to defend my own keep.” Théoden said, walking past him as we climbed a set of steps to the upper wall, “They will break upon this fortress like water on rock. Saruman’s hordes will pillage and burn. We’ve seen it before. Crops can be resown. Homes rebuilt. Within these walls, we will outlast them.” He confidently announced as Aragorn followed him.

“They do not come to destroy Rohan’s crops or villages. They come to destroy its people. Down to the last child!” He cried, and I remembered Saruman’s determination to destroy the people of Middle Earth.

“What would you have me do?” Théoden hissed, turning to him, “Look at my men. Their courage hangs by a thread. If this is to be our end, then I would have them make such an end as to be worthy of remembrance!” The wild determination in his eyes unnerved me as Aragorn calmly stood before him.

“Send out riders, my lord. You must call for aid.” He insisted.

“And who will come. Elves? Dwarves?” Théoden turned to look at Legolas and Gimli, and I resisted the urge to flinch as his angry gaze raked over me. “We are not so lucky in our friends as you. The old alliances are dead.”

“Gondor will answer.” Aragorn said determinedly, and I bit down on my lower lip. Boromir’s people? Would they help us?

“Gondor? Where was Gondor when the Westfold fell? Where was Gondor when our enemies closed in around us? Where was Gon...” The King angrily ranted before trailing off, “No, my lord Aragorn, we are alone.” I watched as Théoden span on his heel and walked away, still shouting out commands to guards. He was too proud to call for help, yet he was almost driven wild out of fear for his people. It made no sense.