The Cycle Girl (Review Three)

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The Cycle Girl by popsiclerhymer

Reviewer: The_Scarlet_Writer

Cover/Title: 6/10

. The title "The Cycle Girl" is interesting to be honest and quite original. I feel as if maybe there are a lot of things going on in the cover. I admit the aesthetic are nice, but the small paragraph in white is impossible to read, I think removing it would help.

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Blurb: 6/10

. It's not bad at all. I think having a part of the dialogue in the blurb attracts the readers more, but it does need to be worked on a little bit. Personally, I wouldn't choose it since I don't know who Jeon Jungkook is (sorry haha).

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First Chapter: 7/10

. First of all, I read the prologue and it was beautiful. The description was great and it intrigued me to keep on reading. Moving on now, I know first chapters are really hard to write and can often be messy, but you managed to keep everything composed and under control.
. Their encounter was nice and cute. I advise you not to use capital letters to indicate that the character is yelling, it kind of throws the reader off. One more thing. During a dialogue, it's better to start a new paragraph for each line said. For example, in the paragraph and I quote: "Oh god, I am truly sorry sir!" "Can't you see and ride, ..."

It would be better:

"Oh god, I am truly sorry, sir!"

"Can't you see and ride, ..."

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Grammar/Punctuation: 5/10

. You kind of drift between using the past tense and the present one in the storytelling. Stick to one. In some places, you're using "your" instead of "you're".

Example, the small start of chapter 3 (I love these starts so much by the way)

You should one some of the punctuations.

I sigh. Trying to stop thinking about.

I sigh, trying to stop thinking about her.

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Vocabulary: 9/10

. All good here. You're using the terms relative to the topic/story, and your descriptions are really simple but cute.

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Plot/Pacing: 8/10

. Honestly, I appreciate the fact that the didn't fall in love at first sight, and you took the time to build their relationship. Having both of their point of views to read was nice, but the other povs' kind of overwhelmed me.

Characters/Character development: 8/10

. You make it really easy to relate to the characters and to understand them on a deeper level. I love the fact that Jungkook has a gentler side to him.

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Originality: 8/10

. The idea of how they met is really cute and not cliché at all.

World Building: 9/10

. You did a good job at building a world that is easy to dive into it and be a part of the story. Even though it's a fan fiction and I said I don't know who the male lead is, if didn't affect the story or my understanding of the plot.

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Imagery: 7/10

. You have a nice writing style, and a smooth one at that, so I feel like yes, I was able to imagine the scenes in front of me. I mentioned before that the many povs' got too confusing and made me lose focus on the whole story, which got in the way of me imagining the scenes clearly in front of me.

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Overall: I feel this story does have potential and with the right type of editing, it will be great! Hope my review was helpful.

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Questions for the author:

- What do you think of the review? Did it help you improve?

- What kind of story are you going for? Tell us so we can understand you.

- What do you enjoy about writing? Tell us how it makes you feel.

- What is your writing process like?

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