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Lupine Lake
By Sanch250

Reviewer: MiniMoxx

Cover/Title: 6/10

. The title is good, it's intriguing!
. The cover I think could be better. It's a little bland with bland font and it wouldn't pull me in. I think the picture would be fine if the font was better? Maybe play around with that, or there are tons of good graphic shops around Wattpad if you prefer. <3

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Blurb: 9/10

. It's short, concise and to the point. Just what is necessary. Well done.
. My only "comment" really, is other than the two lines of blurb, the rest is like an author's note. Seeing as you have the fact it's part of the series in the title, I would cut it down a little. Maybe in the blurb, keep "this is the 4th book" and then move the rest of the info into an author's note chapter?
. Ah, I then see the foreward has all this info in. So my further suggestion is to move that blurb bit of the foreward as the blurb, the extended version here is more engaging I think, and then keep "this is the 4th book" part to the blurb, then leave all the surrounding info in the foreward.
. I'm sort of confusing myself here cause I keep saying foreward, so if you need clarification just ask me when this is posted and I'll be fresher in mind about it LMAO

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First Chapter: 9/10

. So the first paragraph, I like. The scene setting is lovely. My only critique really is there is A LOT of repetitiveness of the word 'lake'. I would maybe say "Within a valley to the north of the Lands of Ralosia, Lupine Lake dwelled. It was a place where wolves..." or something like that.
. The first chapter was actually really engaging. I didnt feel too alienated because I've jumped into the fourth book. I can clearly see it's a series, but it didn't alienate me at all, so well done on the flow of it. Well done.
. I like the last line of the chapter as well. Usually as a reader I like my cliff hangers to keep me engaged (just a random personal preference lol) but I felt this worked really really well.

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Grammar/Punctuation: 8/10

. In some areas there are sentences that could be combined: "A group of wolf riders" - I felt this was a little awkward on its own and could be combined with the last sentence, maybe with a semi colon or something?
. In some areas with the dialogue, you've used commas and then used an action tag (I've commented on this when reading in chapter two - 'the two looked at each other') the dialogue before this tag should finish and be complete with a full stop or a exclamation point. Only use a comma when using a proper dialogue tag ," she says. < for example. Trust me, it's taken me YEARS to get this right and i still muck it up XD
. A tiny tiny few places where you use present tense instead of staying in past tense. Easily fixed though with just a quick edit. I usually find speaking aloud helps this.
. On the whole the grammar seems well done though! Only tiny things that can easily be worked on with an edit.

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Vocab:  7/10

. The vocab seems really simple, which is NOT a bad thing. I liked it for the story, especially as you mentioned they were kids, so it seems natural. You keep the story interesting with different types of simple vocab and it's easy to read.
. My only "critique" really is the description, i felt there could be more. Maybe scenics or emotions, just a little more depth. But it didnt hinder the story in any way, if you know what i mean!

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Plot/Pacing: 9/10

. The plot flowed nicely. Like I said before, I didnt feel alienated at all by jumping into the fourth of the series and that's a credit to the author because it's well handled.
. The flow was well done, for it didnt move too quickly or slowly, it felt just right. As before, I did think there could be a little work the descriptions which would slow it down a little, but that's neither a good thing or a bad thing if you know what i mean, I think if you balanced descriptives just right it wouldn't damage the flow or pace.

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Characters/Character Development: 9.5/10

. The characters were handled well. This is the only point where I could really tell I jumped into a fourth book, BUT they all equally felt like they were developed well in the story. I felt it worked, and I think it would've hindered the work to introduce characters all over again if you know what I mean so that's not a bad thing.
. I really liked Oopa and I liked Aero and Oopa's developing relationship, you handled it well.

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Originality: 10/10

. I felt this was really original, the world though not described in this book, felt original and so did the characters. I don't really have much to comment on for this one XD But it felt totally original to me.

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World Building: 6/10

. This one is where I'm struggling to review, mainly because while I didn't get a lot of world building in this story, I feel like you have probably handled it in another book, so I feel bad marking you down for it.
. Saying that, I did get a lot of world building thats not the lake or scenic, so I got a lot of the characters and I felt this story was so focused on the characters rather than the world, so that was really good.
. Again with the description suggestion, this could maybe stretch to the opening where you could describe the lake a little more and then it would be more world building? You don't have to, I'm just looking at it as an objective standalone story XD

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Imagery: 5/10

. I think this point ties into my description thing. I didnt get a lot of rich imagery, but equally I dont think the story REALLY calls for it. I think it could be a good addition because the imagery would really come out and work it's magic on your world and characters, but it's equally good without it I think.
. The imagery that WAS there was well handled and I liked it.

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Overall: A really good short story. You said your main point of weakness was focusing on the details at the right point of a story? I think you've done it well. To me, as a standalone book this came across as a character rich story, and to me that came across really well. I keep saying it (mainly because I think it ties into a lot of things on this rubric LOL ) but I think with a little more description it could elevate the story really well. But I can equally see it working as it is now without it. So that's up to you if you want to play around with some descriptives.
But this is a really interesting story and it really did engage me. Well done! :D

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