Kamalig 

Saina's

I chose not to know anything about what happened in the office earlier. I turned my phone off and I refuse to turn the tv on, baka kasi biglang ibalita sa mga news show ang nangyari kay Papa. Pakiramdam ko manhid na ako. Sobrang lungkot ko, mas pinili ko na lang walang maramdaman.

And then, I saw Gerry Birada, it turned out our new model is his ex – wife. The one Barang was telling me about, iyong sinasabi ni Avery na kinatatangahan daw ni Gerry. I felt awful right after seeing them. I hate it. Ang akala ko dating stage na kami, we fucked, we talked and then we fucked all morning, but then I guess, it's just the fucking that matters to him. Lalaki si Gerry, he has needs and that morning, I was the free pass, of course he'll take advantage of it. I sighed. I shouldn't feel things. Hindi ako dapat nag-iisa rito sa silid ko habang hinahayaan si Haniel na manood ng tv sa labas at tahimik na umiiyak.

I am getting a headache. I am starting to hate myself. I hate myself for feeling so vulnerable. I hate myself for being weak. I could feel that psychological itch in around my body. I am not okay. This shouldn't be happening to me. I sobbed a little harder and the next thing I knew, my tears was being wept away by my little boy.

"Mommy, are you crying because..." Hindi niya maituloy ang sinasabi niya. He bit his lower lip. Hindi ako dapat nakikita ni Haniel na ganito. "Just like in Italy. When you felt alone?" My heart melted. Haniel is too young for him to see me like this. "But, Mommy you're not alone, I'm here."

"Oh my little boy." I smiled through the tears/ His warm hand found my cheeks. I wrapped my arms around his skinny frame and inhaled. "Baby, I'm so sorry." I sighed. "It's just that, Mommy had a bad day at work today and, and..."

"I had a bad day at school too." He said with that little pout. It was cute but I was alarmed when he said that he had a bad day. I wiped my tears and made him sit beside me.

"Tell me what happened." I smiled at him.

"Well, Joshua was telling me how he was very excited for Saturday because we are going to play a new video game together, but then suddenly, Uncle Gerry came with a woman – Joshua's Mom and suddenly our plan changed. Hindi na kami maglalaro sa Saturday kasi may pupuntahan na raw sila."

I suddenly remembered our model's face. Bigla akong nakaramdam ng inis nang maalala ko siya. Nakakainis talaga, but then, wala naman akong karapatang makaramdam ng inis sa kanya. Malabo ang judgement ko sa ngayon, naiinis ako dahil kay Gerry. Tama, I admit that I am pissed because of that mother fucker, I shouldn't feel any grudge towards Joshua's mom, wala naman siyang ginagawa sa akin.

"That's okay. If you want we can spend our Saturday with Tita Avery and the twins. Niyaya niya akong magpunta sa farm ng asawa ng kapatid niya. Diba sabi mo gusto mong makakita ng horses? Sabi ni Tita Avery maraming horses sa hacienda na iyon or maybe we could go to Gramy's farm in Batangas, walang horses roon pero maraming baka." I try to sound as fun as I could be. Parang nag-iisip si Haniel.

"I miss Gramy..."

"Yes..."

"But I wanna play with Ern and Elle and see horses! Maybe we can go with Tita Avery! But Daddy won't be there! He said he has to go with Lolo and Tito Kambal sa Pangasinan!"

"Okay, then we'll go with Tita Avery." I ruffled his hair.

"Mom, wag ka nang ma-sad." He kissed my cheeks. "You always said that everything is enough kahit it's just the two of us."

"Of course, love. You are always mom's top priority."

"I love you!"

"I love you too."

Haniel hugged me. Things will be better and this thing with Birada will pass.

xxxx

Gerry's

"BABY, aren't you glad we're all here together as a family?"

It was refreshing to hear that coming from Alona. Sabado ngayong araw at siya na mismo ang humiling sa akin na magkaroon ng family time. I was glad when I heard it coming from her. Usually kasi sa akin nanggagaling ang hiling na iyon. Naiintindihan ko naman na hindi niya ako mapagbigyan noon, una abala siya sa trabaho, we separated, she needed to find herself, she needed to work and make a name for herself, tapos natanggap siya sa trabaho sa Amerika, she left, and now that she's back, I can finally see her reaching for our son and I couldn't get any happier.

"Can I play with my tab when we get to Lola Mamang?" Joshua asks me oh so suddenly. Napapansi kong kanina niya pa hindi kinakausap ang Mama niya. Naiitindihan ko rin naman si Joshua, alam kong talagang lumayo ang loob ng bata kay Alona. She was gone for a while, last straw na siguro ng anak ko iyong hindi pagtupad ni Alona sa pangako nitong pupunta ito sa family day just a week ago. I sighed and looked at my son through the mirror.

"You mother is here, Joshua, tapos naroon din ang mga pinsan mo. Birthday ni Nala ngayon, makipaglaro ka sa kanila." Tumango naman ang anak ko pero alam kong wala sa loob niya ang mga sinasabi ko. He stayed silent for a while and then suddenly he sighed.

"Hanhan and I should be building a new frontier in our land. But I have to go to this trip. Hindi naman ako mahal ni Mama, bakit nandito pa ako? Buti pa si Mommy Saina, love ako."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Alona, naglipat – lipat ang tingin niya sa akin at sa anak namin. Pinipigilan ko namang maglabas ng kahit na anong reaksyon. Hangga't maaari ay ayokong isipin si Saina. Alam kong may dapat kaming pag – usapang dalawa, pero hindi ko magawang tawagan o i-text siya dahil hindi mawala sa isipan ko ang hitsura niya nang huling beses ko siyang makita. She looked vulnerable and yet pissed.

I wonder what she's thinking now.

"Sino si Saina?" She looked at me. I wanted to answer that it is her boss but as much as possible, I don't want Saina to be involved here.

"She's the mother of Joshua's classmate, his best friend. Mabait siya kay Josh. Don't mind what she said, hindi naman kasi rin mawawala iyon, Nana, matagal kang nawala." Alona sighed and suddenly, she held my free hand and looked at me with that soft look on her beautiful face.

"Kaya nga nandito ako, gusto kong bumawi, Gers. Let me make it up to you and our son."

It sounded so beautiful, maybe this is happening now, maybe Saina and I need to talk and make sure that we both understand each other. I sighed again. I'd do that when we get back to the Metro, for now, I'll focus on my family.

We arrived at our father's ancestral home. Malaki ang lupain ni Tatay sa Bulacan, although ang nakamana nito ay ang panganay niyang kapatid, si Tiyo Juan, kaya ang namamahala nito ay ang asawa niyang si Tiya Luisa, kasama ang mga anak nitong tulad naming ay puro lalaki rin.

I already saw Andres, Jose Maria and Alberto running around the kids. Kahit paano ay parang natuwa naman si Joshua nang makita ang mga pinsan niya. I parked the car, and then we all got out. Nang naglalakad na kami papunta sa mga kapatid at pinsan ko, napansin kong nakatayo si Mama sa may gilid, may hawak na isang bandehadong shanghai, kasama si Tiya Luisa, pareho sila ng ekspresyon, nakataas ang kilay.

I smiled at my mother. Lumapit ako para humalik at magmano sa kanya – kinuha ko ang bandehado sa kanya - si Tiya Luisa ay nananatiling nakatingin sa akin, mula ulo hanggang paa, tapos ay lumipat kay Alon ana nagmano kay Mama at kasalukuyang hinihingi ang kamay ni Tiya para magmano roon.

"Ah, nandito ka pala, Alona."

"Opo, Tiya. Kumusta po kayo?"

"Maayos naman ako. Swerte sa lahat ng manugang ko kasi kahit may kanya – kanya silang topak, hindi nila iniwanan ang mga anak ko at inalagaan nilang lahat ang mga apo ko. Ikaw, kumusta ka?" Ngiting – ngiti si Tiya matapos sabihin ang mga katagang iyon. Napalunok ako.

"Juan Pedro!" Biglang sigaw ni Tiya Luisa. Hindi nagtagal ay humahangos nang dumating si Pedro – ang bunso sa magkakapatid. "Dalhin mo itong ispabok sa mahabang dulang, nag-iinit ang ulo ko."

"Bakit Mang, wala naman akong ginawa ah! Si Kuya Fonso nga pinisil na naman ang bayag ko! Buti nga nagkaka-anak pa kami ni Sara!"

"Sumbungero ka talaga!" May sumigaw sa gilid na sinundan pa ng tawanan. Umalis si Tiya. Si Mama naman ay titig na titig sa akin.

"Pasado ka ng abogasya, magaling kang abogado, mabait kang anak, gwapo ka..." She shook her head. "But then, sab inga nila, we can never have it all." Sabay tapik sa braso ko. Wala pa akong tatlumpung minuto rito sa lupain ni Tiyo Juan, ramdam ko nang hindi welcome si Alona sa lugar na ito.

But then, everybody deserves a second chance, don't they?

xxxx

Saina's

"NOT everyone deserves a second chance no! Grabe!"

Nanlalaki pa ang mga mata ko habang sinasabi iyon kay Avery. I told her everything about what happened with my father and the hidden accounts he has where he used my son's name. Alam na ni Uriel ang lahat. Nagkausap kami kagabi noong tulog na si Haniel at mahaba – haba ang phone call na iyon. Nagtatanong siya kung bakit mas nauna pang nalaman ni Uncle Gab at ni Avery ang tungkol rito, hindi ko naman sinabi kay Avery, but she knows because she's like that, she knows so many things.

"Sabagay..." Wika ni Avery habang umiinom ng fresh mango juice. Nasa loob kami ng isang gazebo na napapalubutan ng naggagandahang bulaklak. Ang sabi ni Aelise ay alaga raw iyon ng Biyenan niyang babae, si Donya Nadia. Nakaupo ang magkapatid na Apelyido sa harapan ko. Si Avery, suot ang isang – according to her – simpleng hoodie – pero may maliit na Gucci logo sa gilid noon, Louis Vitton sandals, Gucci pants and Maison Margella plain white shirt – the woman is a walking luxury. Pakiramdam ko tuwang – tuwa si Uriel na bilhan ang asawa niya ng mga damit.

Kung ano naman ang kina-glamorosa at kinamahal ng damit ni Avery ay ganoon naman kasimple ang suot ni Aelise, she's just wearing a white maternity dress paired with sliders, she looks so comfortable and very pregnant right now.

"Gusto mo ba sunugin natin iyang tatay mo? Buhay pa siya sinusunog na siya sa lupa!" Alam ko namang binubiro lang ako ni Aelise. Kilala ko na silang magkapatid, palabiro si Aelise, si Avery naman napakabait.

"Oo nga. Inapi niya si Baby Haniel." Wika pa ni Avery. I smiled.

"Naku! Hintayin mong makwento kay Popsi ito! Magagalit iyon kasi may umaway sa apo niyang si Haniel!" It warms my heart how these people treat my son like their own. Hindi na talaga iba sa kanila ang anak ko. Even their father – si Senyor Axel – na hindi ko naman kaano – ano ay ganoon na lang ang pagmamahal sa anak ko.

Speaking of Haniel, kasama niya ang asawa ni Aelise – si Sabello – ngayon si Haniel at ang kambal. They were looking at horses. Matagal nang hindi nakakakita ng kabayo si Haniel, he used to ride horses in Italy, he loves it a lot. Baka mamaya nga nakasakay na si Haniel at paikot – ikot na rito sa Hacienda Asuncion.

"Basta. Ayoko nang kahit anong may kinalaman kay Papa. I'd rather live my life like this – away from him and his influence. May sarili naman na akong negosyo at company. I'd focus on that." I sighed again. "Sometimes, I want to go back in Italy. Mas tahimik roon, but then I see Haniel and how much he loves it here. Mas gusto ko siyang isipin sa kahit na anupaman."

"Girl, we're here for you." Wika ni Barang.

"Yes, hindi kita gusto dati kasi minaldita mo si Avery—"

"Nilaglag niya ako sa poll remember?!" Pinanlakihan ko sila ng mata. Nagtawanan iyong magkapatid. I sighed.

"Mom!" Hindi nagtagal ay narinig ko si Haniel. Nang lumingon ako ay tumatakbo siya sa akin. My heart melted when I see him holding his brother's hand. Sabay silang tumatakbo ni Ern papunta sa akin. Si Elle naman ay karga ni Sabello, ang anak naman ni Aelise ay hawak nito sa kamay.

"Mom, Tito Sab said that there's a birthday party next door, it's a children's party and there's shanghai! Mom I love shanghai! Can I come with them! Please!"

Napatawa ako kay Haniel. He's such a cutie pie. I ruffled his hair. Ern walked towards his mom.

"Ma, gusto ko rin ng Shanghai, pwede maglaro kina Mela?"

"Sure! We can all go there! Tapos asarin ko lang si Pedro! Sige na Avery! Saina, pumayag na kayo!" Si Aelise naman ang nangungulit sa akin. Nagtawanan kaming lahat but moments later, we're all inside the van, driving to the next lupain. Nauna na raw doon ang mga magulang ni Sabello, si Donya Nadia at Don Paeng.

My son is too excited when we got there. He's kind of used to the people around here. Madalas siyang isama ni Uriel at Avery kapag nagpupunta silang pamilya rito. Minsan ay sumama ako sa kanila and people thought that it's weird because I am Uriel's ex, then Avery is my friend and we're all together.

Wala namang weird roon.

"Mom, ang daming lobo!" Sabi ni Haniel. Natutuwa ako at kahit paano ay magaling na siyang managalog.

"Are you that excited?" I giggled. Sabello parked the van, maya – maya ay bumaba na kami. Sumalubong si Ross – ang kakambal ni Sabello kasama ang anak niyang lalaki. They are all friendly here. I don't know all of them, but I know that they are friendly.

My son went straight to the buffet table. Ako naman ay sumunod agad sa kanya. I took a plate, and then helped my precious baby boy with the food. He's so excited. Pinatikhim siya ni Mama ko ng shanghai noong unang dating niya rito and he loved it. Ngayon ay paboritong – paborito niya ito.

"Just eat what you can, okay, Haniel?"

"Yes, Mom! This is the best party ever!" Napasigaw pa siya. Tawang – tawa naman ako.

"Hi!" Napalingon ako nang may magsalita sa tabi ko. "Are you that Saina girl who used to be the jowa of Uriel but then got engaged with Miguel and then got pregnant with Uriel's anak and now your friends with Barang and my cousin Uriel?"

"Yes. Are you Pan Vejar? Kapatid ni Alejandros, Kairos, Amal and Dione?"

"Like fuck with four no no no no! Dione is actually my pamangkin because she's the anak of my ate Amal! But yes! Finally we meet! I've been wanting a meeting with you and your company! I heard about your Morena make up line and I have this upcoming collection about my Morena line of clothes too!"

Okay, that's interesting...

"I was thinking of a collaboration, but of course we need papers for that, but I just want to know if you're interested or if not, who's gonna be interested with this?"

"I am interested." I smiled. Wala naman na akong ibang gagawin ngayon kundi ang mag – focus sa sarili kong negosyo.

"Let's meet on Monday, 11 am in our main office?"

"Oh my god! Sure! Can I show you some of the colors that I had in mind?" I nodded at Pan, I looked for Haniel, nakita kong kasama niya si Barang, sumignal akong aalis ako saglit and then she winked at me. Naglakad ako kasama si Pan Vejar. Actually, nagtataka ako dahil nandito siya ngayon, but then, business is business and I am interested in her proposals.

While walking, Pan is talking. She's really conyo, but I understand her. Ahead siya sa akin ng dalawang taon pero iisang school kami graduate and some of the girls in our school talk like her.

We got inside a small shop. Puro tela ang nasa loob noon, sa gitna ay may mahabang wooden table na may sewing machine. Sa mga pader ay nakadikit ang mga sketches ni Pan. It amazes me. These are beautiful sketches.

"These are the colors for my upcoming Morena line. I love pastel and bright colors! I read about your make up line in the internet and it's so nakakaloka, kasi it's so maganda and it's so swak to my collection! I wanna gamit the make up in your line kasi, it's bagay to my upcoming launch, I was thinking that we can launch it like sabay us, para bongga ang gimik natin!"

It's actually a good idea.

"Omg!" I said "I like your ideas, Pan Vejar. I'll take to my business—""

"Oh! Is this Pan Vejar's shop?" May boses kaming narinig na nagpatigil sa pag – uusap naming dalawa. We both looked at the entrance door. Mula roon ay pumasok ang dalawang anino. Napakunot ang noo ko dahil pamilyar ang boses na iyon.

"Nana, I don't think we should be here."

"Gers, ipakilala moa ko kay Pan, diba close naman tayo nila Toto."

Gers? Lalong kumunot ang noo ko.

"Excuse me, sinong nan-there?"

"Oh is she here?!" An excited voice came up again and to my surprise, I saw Alona – our newly hired model, who turned out to be Gerry Birada's ex – wife.

"Saina..." He seemed to be surprised upon seeing me. I looked at him.

"Chewing gum." Tinanguan ko siya. I looked at Pan.

"Let's meet on Monday. Here's my card," I gave here my calling card. "You call me and then we'll see what happens. Excuse me, hinahanap na siguro ako ni Haniel."

Hindi ko kayang makita si Gerry Nabubwisit ako sa kanya. Nakalabas ako ng shop ni Pan, but then a hand grabbed my arm and made me turn around.

"Saina, we need to talk."

Again, napataas ang kilay ko.

"Okay. Let's talk."

The last time we said it, we ended up fucking, but now, I'm just gonna make sure we talk.

Gerry took me, we walked, wala kaming makitang maayos na lugar na mapag-uusapan. Ang dami kasing tao, maingay pa. Ang layo nang nilakad namin, thankfully, we saw a barnyard in the middle of the vast land.

Pumasok kaming dalawa sa kamalig na iyon. Gerry closed the door and then he faced me and sighed.