Dating 

Saina's

ODDLY there was a room inside that spacious barnyard, with a comfy bed. It's a wonder to me why such a place existed. Sa labas, parang luma ang interior ng lugar na ito, pero pagpasok sa loob ay maaliwalas. There's a mini living room area, a mini kitchen and then there's this room. Hindi naman kasi nagsalita kaaagad si Gerry kaya naglibot – libot muna ako sa loob ng kamalig na iyon. Hindi naman pala sya kamalig, it's a mini house. Siguro pahingahan ito. Simple lang naman ang loob, may pagka-minimalist ang design niya. I see some unique and expensive pieces kaya sigurado akong alaga ang lugar na ito.

I felt kind of bored that is why I decided to face the culprit who brought me here. Humalukipkip ako tapos ay tiningnan siya. I have decided to sit on that beautiful pink couch and wait for him until he finally realizes that he needs to talk to me. Dinala niya ako rito kaya kailangan niyang panindigan. I even crossed my legs para mataray na mataray akong tingnan.

"What is it that you want to talk about?"

Naupo na rin siya sa tapat na upuan. I smiled at him. Naiirita akong makita siya. Hindi ko ala kung may dapat pa ba kaming pag – usapan. I clearly told him what I want – and that is for us to be exclusive pero nasaan siya ngayon? I guess, matimbang pa rin talaga ang ex-wife. First love never dies ika nga. May anak sila, sino ba naman ako para mamagitan sa kanilang dalawa. Isa pa, kung iisipin, hindi ko rin naman talaga ise-set aside ang happiness ni Haniel. Right now, I designed my life the way may son's needs will be met. Hindi kasama roon si Gerry pero nakakaramdam ako ng napakalaking disappointment dahil hind inga natupad ang napag-usapan namin noong nakaraang araw lang.

"I'm so sorry." He said. Tumaas ang kilay ko. Para saan siya nanghihingi ng sorry? Kung nakakamatay siguro iyong titig, baka kanina pa nakabulagta itong si Gerry sa akin. "What happened that night—"

"Ang bullshit mo no?" Alam ko na kung saan tutungo ang usapang ito. "Sasabihin mo na hindi mo sinadya? Na hindi dapat nangyari, na mali? Alam mo naman palang mali so bakit inulit – ulit mo hanggang kinabukasan?" Inis na inis na wika ko. Napatayo pa nga ako kasi nanggigigil talaga ako sa kanya. Gusto kong sampalin si Gerry ngayon. "Matatanda na tayo, Gerardo, hindi na lusot iyang excuse mong hindi mo sinadya iyon. Kasi kung ako ang tatanungin mo, ginusto ko iyon, nasarapan nga ako kaya inulit- ulit ko and I even asked you to be exclusive, and I thought that we had a fucking agreement, pero anong nangyari? I was just gone half a day and the next thing I knew you're kissing your ex -wife. If this is the road that you want to walk on, go ahead, make my day but never tell me lame excuses such as that."

Hindi siya nagsalita. He just sighed there. I rolled my eyes. "Matanda na tayong dalawa, mamamatay ka ba kung magkakaroon ka ng accountability sa isang bagay na ginawa mo?"

"We had sex..." He said in such a voice that made think that he's remembering that hot night we had together.

"We did, darling." I smiled at him. "It's good, it was a hot night, one of the many best sex that I'd had – not because it has been a long time for me, but you're good. Pero paninidigan mo iyong nangyari sa atin, hindi iyong sasabihin mong hindi mo sinadya. Ano? Aksidente ang lahat ng ito? Nadapa ka sa kama ko sakto pumasok ang titi mo sa akin? No, Gerry, it's not like that." Natahimik na naman siya. I feel like his holding back something. Naupo akong muli sa tabi niya. "What is it? Tell me. Hindi ako galit sa'yo, nabubuwisit, oo. Sa dami ng napagdaanan ko sa buhay, hindi na ako nagagalit basta unless it has something to do with my son."

"Did you mean it when you said that we should be exclusive?"

"Yes. I know what I want that's why I told you that. Akala ko nga maayos ang usap naming dalawa, suddenly you are kissing your ex-wife."

"She kissed me." He told me.

"Right... as if I don't know that you still have a thing for her."

"I don't know." Sumandal siya sa couch at saka nagbuntong – hininga na naman. Napakalalim niyon kaya naintriga rin ako. I am now talking to him, better listen to him. Baka sakaling mas maintindihan ko ang pinanggagalingan niya. Baka maka-relate ako sa kanya. Once upon a time, umasa rin naman akong babalik si Uriel sa akin, not until he met his wife now. Inaanim ko naman noong inggit na inggit ako kay Avery, specially when I found out she's pregnant with Uriel's kid. Naalarma ako noon. Baka mawalan ng papel ang anak ko sa buhay niya. In my mind, si Haniel lang ang nag-uugnay sa aming dalawa, if Avery is pregnant, then ano pa ang kaya kong panghawakan kay Uriel.

But at the same time, nagising rin ako sa katotohanan na wala na talaga Na kahit anong gawin ko, we will never happen and that our ship is sinking. It was painful, kaya nga kung ano – anong ginawa ko para subukang ibalik sa amin noon ang dati pero wala, last straw na iyong tinulak ako ni Avery sa pool.

"What do you mean you don't know? You should know. It's your feelings we're talking about."

"Well for starters, I know that she's only here because right now, she has no one." Tumaas ang kilay ko. I am listening. "It's a cycle. Hindi naman ako ganoon Katanga katulad ng sinasabi ng mga tao sa paligid ko. Alam ko ring wala nang pag-asang babalik siya sa akin. The only reason I keep thinking that way is because of my son. I want him to have it all. Hindi ako lumaking buo ang pamilya naming. Gusto kong ibigay iyon sa anak ko. Iyong kahit na wala na kaming pagmamahal sa isa't isa, makita niya lang kaming magkasama sa bahay habang lumalaki siya. I mean, didn't you want that for Haniel?"

"Alam ko naman kung ano lang ako para lay Alona." Pagapapatuloy niya. "When she finds someone else, aalis uulit siya, masasaktan na naman ang anak ko. Kaya hindi ko masisisi si Joshua kung hindi niya magawang makipaglapit na kay Nana. She's always doing this, my son got tired and I know he's only doing this because of me. But truthfully, when it comes to Alona, hindi na ako umaasa."

I understood him. I was once there. Iyong umasa, but then it's too later. I took his hand and squeezed it.

"It's just that, sometimes, I feel guilty. Hindi na kami kasal, I know that. Pero pakiramdam ko, kailangan pa rin ng approval ni Alona sa susunod na babaeng papasok sa buhay ko. Alam kong hindi naman na iyon ang usapan, it's just this nagging feeling."

I felt that too. I used to think that Uriel should approve the people that I am dating, pero para saan pa? Hindi kailangan idepende ko ang kasiyahan ko kay Uriel.

"When we were having sex, did you think about Alona?" I asked slowly. Nanlaki naman ang mga mat ani Gerry.

"Hindi! Why would I do that?! What do you think of me?!"

"Oh that's great! That means that you don't love her anymore. Plus, you don't need anyone else's approval for having sex with me – maliban na lang siyempre sa akin. Diba nga you said, consent is a must." I giggled. Hindi ko alam pero biglang natunaw lahat ng inis ko sa kanya, siguro dahil nakaka-relate ako sa kanya. I found it adorable that he has this thinking, na kahit na isa siyang lalaki na oozing with testosterone ay may insecurities siya and that he's not afraid to say it.

"Well do you still love her?" I asked again noong mapansin kong parang hindi sigurado iyong expression ng mukha niya.

"There's a part of me that will always do."

"Same with Uriel. He's the father of my child and he will always have that special spot in my heart. But that doesn't mean I am still in love with him."

"Maybe that's like that for me. I still need to sort things out but..." Gerry looked at me again.

"But?"

"But I like you, Saina. I really do."

"Good for you because I like you too and I will say it one last time, Gerardo, if you like me, and I like you, then we are exclusive. No one gets to kiss these lips but me, do you understand that?" Pinisil ko ang magkabilang pisngi niya para maintindihan niya ang pinagsasabi ko. He chuckled a bit and then I saw him nodding his head.

"Great! Now we kiss." I spoke again. Akon a mismo ang naglapit ng labi ko sa kanya. I gave him a light peck, kind of I was teasing him, he picked up the pace and pulled me closer to him. He kissed me properly. I wrapped my arms around his neck because I want him to have a better access in this position. It's only been days but I feel like I miss his lips for more than my life. Which is odd, but I didn't put too much thought on it.

"I think we should go back now." Wika niya habang magkalapit ang mukha naming dalawa. "It's getting dangerous." I kind of get that, I kissed him one more time and then we decided to leave the place.

Magka-holding hands kaming bumalik sa party. Natuwa ako nang makitang naglalaro na si Haniel at si Joshua. They finally found each other. Nakaupo silamg dalawa kasama ang anak ni Aelise at ang kambal.

"They're playing. I could imagine my son's expression upon seeing Haniel today." Pagkukuwento niya sa akin. "He really wanted to build a new frontier with him. He couldn't stop thinking about it."

"My son keeps talking about how his weekend is ruined because Joshua had to go, buti na lang nagkita na silang dalawa."

"Yes." Napatingin ako kay Gerry noong maramdaman kong parang titig na titig siya sa akin.

"What?" Bigla tuloy akong na-consious.

"Thank you, Saina for listening and for giving me a chance." I felt my cheeks reddened. Bakit naman ganito?

xxxx

"SO you're dating?"

"It's a mutal understanding." Wala sa loob na sagot ko kay Rai habang nagta-type ako sa laptop sa aking harapan. It's my first day back in my real company. Ang huling balita ko sa kompanya ay nag-usap na raw si Uncle Gabriel at ang Mommy ko. My mom will be taking over.

Of course, sino ba naman ang mas nakakaalam ng pasikot – sikot ng kompanyang silang dalawa ni Papa ang nagsimula. It's a good thing napapayag ni Uncle Gabriel si Mommy, ang sabi naman niya sa akin ay wala naman raw balak si Uncle na kunin ang kompanya, he just wants my father out – and he wanted it in a legal way. Sa ngayon, may kaso na si Papa at naghihintay na silang sila ng schedule para sa paglilitis nito. Wala akong ideya sa mga kasong iniatang kay Papa, basta alam ko lang sisiguruhin ni Uncle Gabriel na hinding – hindi na siya makakakawala.

"We are each other's special someone." I grinned at Rai. She rolled her eyes.

"Bitch, ano ka high school?" Natatawang wika niya sa akin.

"Hindi. I mean, it feels good. We're taking out time kasi... how to put it in words ba?" I sighed and faced Rai as I try to explain our situation. "We both have excess emotional baggage. May Haniel ako, may Joshua siya. Hindi lang kami ang magiging involved sa relasyon na ito if ever that's why we're taking our time. Hindi nga namin alam kung paano sasabihin sa mga bata."

"Okay, I get it, pero paano si Alona?"

"Anong paano si Alona? Wala naman silang relasyon ni Gerry, bakit ko siya iisipin?" Nakakunot ang noong wika ko.

"Okay, ikaw bahala, but I just want you to be careful, girl. Iba ang sitwasyon mo ngayon, ikaw na ang nagsabi. I just hope you two will hit it off."

That's why we're taking it step by step. Masaya naman ako nitong nakalipas na linggo. Pagkatapos naming mag-usap sa Bulacan ay naging mas maayos kaming dalawa. I guess, Uriel kind of knows about it too kahit hindi siya direktang nagtatanong sa akin. Sabagay, nahuli niya nga kami ni Birada sa kama, and of course alam ni Barang, wala namang tinatago si Uriel sa asawa niya.

I thanked Rai but I went back to work. Isa – isa kong ina-approve ang mga pictures na ilalagay sa magazine, sa billboards at poster ng Morena line ng Bella. Nakausap ko na rin si Pan noong isang araw at tuloy ang meeting namin para sa partnership. Nasabi ko na rin iyon kay Rai and she thinks that's it's a good idea.

After half a day of working hard – hindi ko na nga napansin ang oras, iba talagfa kapag gusto ko ang ginagawa ko – I am starving. I was about to order for lunch when Rai's EA called me.

"Miss Saina, a certain Gerry is here looking for you." I felt my cheeks reddened. Hindi ako nakasagot kaagad kasi tiningnan ko ang phone ko, baka nag-message siyang papunta siya pero hindi ko agad nakita, but then wala namang message. I bit my lower lip and I had to clear my throat before I found myself answering.

"Please let him in, thank you, Miss Lemon." Hindi naman nagtagal ay pumasok si Gerry sa office namin. He smiled upon seeing me. Napatayo ako. Hindi ko alam kung maaayos ang hitsura ko. I feel giddy. Hindi naman ako dapat ganito.

"Hi!" I greeted him. He bent down to kiss my cheek.

"I was just around the corner, so I decided to drop by. I hope your hungry." Itinaas niya ang paper bag na dala niya na sa tingin ko ay may lamang pagkain. Napatango ako. Hindi ako makapagsalita. This is such a nice surprise.

"What's that?" Tanong ko. Hinatak ko siya sa maliit na dining area sa loob ng office namin ni Rai. Spacious naman kasi ang office, dalawa kami roon, may mini living room, may personal rest room, tapos sa may bandang gilid ay may secret door na ang nasa loob ay isang munting silid. Minsan kasi hindi umuuwi si Rai sa bahay nila, so she stays here.

Gerry put the paper bags on the table. Nakahawak pa rin ako sa braso niya. He looked extra good today. He's wearing a simple white shirt paired with his tight dress pants, pinatungan ng blazer ang shirt niya, he also smells so good, he brushed up his hair today. He looked at me.

"Where have you been?" Jusko, iyong tibok ng puso ko.

"I went to PAO office today. Matagal ko naman nang balak mag-apply roon. A friend of mine recommended me, I'll start on Wednesday."

"Ohhh! I thought you like being a corporate lawyer?" Hindi ko pa rin talaga tinatanggal iyong kamay ko sa braso niya. I like our closeness, parang hindi naman siya magrereklamo sa closeness namin ngayon.

"I can still do that and serve publicly, right?" Natagpuan ko ang sarili kong tumatango. He chuckled. He put his arm around my shoulder and kissed my temple. "Do you want to eat or will you be okay just looking at me?" Nakangising tanong niya. I rolled my eyes.

"Gutom lang ako kaya ako ganito. Hmp." I sat on the chair, sumunod naman siya. Gerry started preparing the lunch boxes. Noong buksan niya ang isa ay napasinghap ako. He made another bento for me!

The rice is shaped like Pikachu, napapalibutan iyon ng mga hotdogs na hugis flower petals. Iyong pork cutlets hugis heart. Nakakatuwa.

"This is so cute!" Sabi ko sa kanya.

"Naalala ko kasi gustong – gusto mo iyong naunang gawa ko, I made another for you." Binigyan niya ako ng cutlery and then I started eating. Ang sarap ng luto niya. Hindi lang siya magaling mag-bento, napakasarap din.

"Ang galing mo naman, wala akong tyaga sa ganito."

"Mahirap pakainin si Joshua, so I had to think of a way for him to be excited about eating. Madalas kasi hindi siya kumakain lalo na at wala ako, so I had to make sure that even if he's at school, he'll eat and he loves the bento I make for him."

Napangiti ako. I brushed the hair on his forehead, he winked at me. Hinampas ko naman siya sa braso. Kumain na kaming dalawa, panaka – naka lang ang pag – uusap naming dalawa, mas focused kaming dalawa sa pagkain.

Minsan ay hahaplusin niya ang braso ko, I'll smile and then I'd reply with another touch, it's just like that. It feels good, it feels light, natutuwa ako sa dynamics naming dalawa, although hindi ko naman itatanggi na minsan naaalala kong para siyang chewing gum pa rin.

"Ay, kaya pala hindi ako nagugutom pati pala sa pagla-lunch by partner, hindi naman ako na-inform!" Napahagikgik ako nang marinig ko si Rai, I looked at I saw her holding a cup of coffee in her head, ibinaba niya ang wayfarers niya at nakipagtitigan sa amin.

"Ano, hindi ninyo man lang baa ko aaluking kumain? Nasaan ang manners ninyong dalawa? Naglalandian na nga kayo nagsasarili pa kayo riyan!" Pumilantik ang daliri ni Rai. Tawang – tawa naman ako lalo nang makita kong parang kabado si Gerry.

"Lika na, arte nito." I rolled my eyes at her. She sat with us and we started eating. Nauna kaming matapos ni Gerry pero hinintay na namin siya para makapagligpit na rin. After cleaning, Gerry got ready to leave, as a special someone, hinatid ko siya sa labas ng office ko. We stopped in front of the glass door.

Automatically, my hands found his clothed chest, inayos ko pa ang blazer niya.

"I'll call you later, can I?" He asked me.

"Sure... maybe uhm, I'll get Haniel at school, maybe the four us can have dinner... somewhere the kids would enjoy..."

"That's nice..." He grinned. "How about I pick you up then we can go to school together?"

Ang lapad ng ngiti ko. "Okay! Text me ha."

"Sure. I'll leave now. Nag-text si Mama kanina. Dadaan ako sa clinic niya." He gave me a peck but I lingered a bit longer and then he's out of my sight. Ngiting – ngiti ako pero na-freeze iyon nang makita ko si Alona, she was standing at the side, near the Ea's table. Nanlalaki ang mga mata niya.

I composed myself and smiled politely at her. Wala akong dapat ika-guilty ikahiya sa kanya.

She's the ex-wife. Annulled sila. So, hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ganoon siya makatingin sa akin.

"Good day, Miss Alona." I said before going inside my office again.