It happened the night of the big Willis meal. Everything had been going far too well for Addison's liking and whenever that happened it was only so long before the careful and delicate barrier she built up came shattering down and slicing her to ribbons.

Relapses were giant fucking assholes. There was no way around that. Relapses were never considerate. Relapses didn't care that you had finally found a grain of happiness and relapses didn't care that there were people who understood, who were caring towards you. Relapses wormed their way into your life and then left once they had succeeded is wreaking the carefully crafted life you'd tried so hard to cling to.

Relapses did nothing but fuck up your life without a single care.

Addison first noticed it while she was at the Willis' house. She sat at the dinner table while Eleanor talked about how proud she was of her children. Of how proud she was of Dylan and how he was going to be amazing in London. At first Addison sat and smiled, she held onto Dylan's hand a beamed with pride. Then she slowly felt that sinking feeling in her chest. The feeling that she really didn't belong at the table.

After dinner she sat in den with Dylan, Niamh and Leo watching season something or other of Grey's Anatomy; correction, Dylan was watching it while Addison, Niamh and Leo viciously mocked and belittled both the show and Dylan's love for it. Apart from some of the music which wasn't too bad, Addison could see nothing right with the show as they seemed to rely on the same pattern when it came to the dialogue and, as Niamh pointed out several times, the 'tragic disasters' were so farfetched it was amazing that the hospital was still open. Dylan had told them all to shut the hell up because Dr Something and Dr What's-Her-Face were trying to save a man's life by performing brain surgery on him while they were trapped in an elevator shaft that was dangling precariously from only a few wires while a Snow Patrol song played dramatically in the background.

Niamh pointed out that the scenario proved her point and Dylan promptly threw a sofa cushion at her because she'd made him miss the moment that Dr What's-Her-Face confessed her love of Dr Something. Addison really had to wonder how on earth the show had been running for nearly ten years.

It was then that Addison began to feel the slow creep of a shadow slinking underneath her skin. Even though Dylan's thigh was pressed up against her own, as well as his arm snaked around Addison's waist, she felt strangely disconnected from everyone in the room. It was almost as if she was watching from outside, being both with and without. She could no longer feel Dylan next to her, no longer feel the echo of the laugh she'd let out at Niamh's mocking of the show or the pull of embarrassment Leo had felt previously when it came to light that he was spending the next day with Poppy. Dylan had ribbed him over for quite some time.

It was like watching suspended animation and as Addison continued to watch, she realised that the feeling inking its way through her body was that of regret. Regret because in a few short months all this would be over. Come September there would be no more movie nights with Niamh, no more falling asleep on the Willis's sofa and waking up with Dylan curled up next to her.

Leo said goodnight at around eleven because he was meeting Poppy in the morning. Niamh soon followed leaving just Addison and Dylan alone. Without realising it Addison gravitated towards Dylan until Addison's head was resting on Dylan's shoulder and every now and then Dylan would plant a feather soft kiss into Addison hair. Dylan's fingers were making small figures of eight against Addison's skin which was incredibly therapeutic but Addison couldn't help but wonder if Dylan could feel the goose bumps she was sure had erupted over her body. Dr Something was separating conjoined twins in the back of a bus that has recently crashed when Addison realised Dylan was gently nudging her with his arm.

"Addi? Addi?"

"Huh?" Addison asked when she realised that Dylan had been talking to her and she hadn't heard a word.

"I asked you if you wanted me to take you home or did you want to stay the night?" Dylan said. "Weren't you listening?" he added.

"Sorry..." Addison said shaking her head slightly.

Dylan jostled slightly so Addison was facing him and gave her a reassuring smile "It's fine, are you ok? You've been spacing out all night."

"Yeah I'm fine." Addison swiftly lied, she could see from Dylan's face that he didn't believe her but he didn't say anything about it. Instead he switched the DVD player off, stood up and held out his hand for Addison to take. "Didn't you want to watch another episode?" Addison asked. Normally Addison had to drag Dylan, normally huffing and swearing, away from a Grey's marathon and even more so when it was season five which Dylan called 'a masterpiece of modern television'.

"Nah its fine come on, you look really tired." Dylan said pulling Addison up into standing position.

"You don't have to coddle me." Addison snapped slightly while scowling. Dylan just rolled his eyes and began pulling Addison in the direction of the hallway.

"I'm not coddling you so stop being an ass." Dylan said stopping for moment as he pressed Addison against the nearest wall and kissed her nonchalantly even nibbling on Addison's bottom lip lightly. "And stop frowning" Dylan added as Addison sighed but followed Dylan to his bedroom either way. "I just want to make sure that you're ok." Dylan added once they were in his room.

"Dylan I'm fi-" she tried to say but Dylan was suddenly kissing her again but with what almost felt like anger this time. It was clear that this kiss was to shut her up.

"Don't tell me you're fine if you're not, ok?" Dylan said as he pulled away leaving Addison momentarily breathless. Even though she could feel it seeping under her skin like an inky infection, Addison bit it all back and tried to seem as convincing as she could.

"I'm fine Dylan." She said. Dylan's fingers were toying with the bottom of her shirt even though he looked worried.

With a slightly worried frown Dylan asked "You would tell me if things weren't ok wouldn't you? You would tell me if you weren't fine?"

"Yes I would." Addison lied smoothly and that seemed to convince Dylan as he smiled brightly and kissed Addison just as hungrily as before. Addison hastily removed his shirt, sighing as Dylan ran his hands along the planes of her stomach and down until he was gripping Addison's hips.

Dylan's kisses slowly trailed along Addison's jaw and downwards until he was planting soft and light kisses on Addison's shoulders. Her heart was slamming against her chest and if Dylan couldn't hear it the Addison would have been amazed. Addison's breath hitched momentarily as one of Dylan's hands traced a small pattern on her hipbone and clearly Dylan had noticed that but he chuckled into Addison's shoulder before coming back to Addison's lips. Addison pushed Dylan backwards until he fell onto his bed, Addison placing a knee either side of his hips.

"Addi, can I say something?" Dylan asked, pulling away ever so slightly.

"Depends on what you're going to say." Addison said with a slightly chuckle.

"I... Addi... I really love you ok?" Dylan said and the force of being punched in the stomach hit Addison almost full on. No one had ever said that to her before, no one had ever been given the chance to say that to her before. Dylan loved her...Dylan wanted to be with her despite everything. It made no sense and Addison was just waiting to fuck everything up completely but until then, until the pitch black shadows consumed her completely, she would just live happy in the knowledge that Dylan Willis loved her. He loved her, of all people.

It wasn't until Dylan said those words that Addison began to think that she was allowed to love Dylan. She could have Dylan, steal him away to her little corner of forever that might not have been perfect but it was Addison's. She could let herself become completely open in every possible and Dylan would still love her.

Dylan loved her even though she thought she was broken.

That was the thought that stopped her short. A small gasp escaped her lips. Dylan's eyes grew wide and a look of frantic worry flew across his face as his eyes danced around, taking in every single inch of Addison's face.

"I...I meant that-"

"Don't say anything else." Addison said quietly pulling Dylan into a deep kiss to stop him from saying anything else. Dylan moaned into the kiss, opening his mouth for Addison's tongue without any hesitation. Addison pulled away and rested her forehead against Dylan's and sighed deeply, her chest rising heavily with the breath. "Just don't say anything else ok?" she stammered out. "No one has ever said that to me apart from my family and Brigid. I've never given anyone a chance to love me and I've certainly never given them a reason to love me. I just...I can't even explain what it is that I feel, because...because you just told me that you loved me...you love me even though-"

"Addi stop, just don't say anything else ok?" Dylan said mimicking Addison. Addison let out a small chuckle which caused Dylan's face to break out into a huge smile. "God you have no idea how much I love it when you laugh." He said before pulling Addison into a kiss. Addison let herself sink into this, her hands moving over Dylan's warm skin.

"I want to keep you forever" Addison whispered. "Dylan..." she said as she moved her body closer to Dylan. Their bare skin flushed together. Addison could feel Dylan's heart beating against his chest. She'd never felt this close to someone. It terrified her and thrilled her all at the same time.

"Yeah Addison?"

"I... I love you too." She said. The words tumbled out of her lips and Addison was scared as they did so. Dylan was the first person to ever hear those words, said in that way, from Addison. She didn't give her love out easily. She had originally thought she didn't have enough love in her to give but Dylan changed that. Dylan Willis had come along with that damn leather jacket of his and made Addison love him. Dylan smiled, a sleepy but beautiful smile and kissed Addison on the lips.