Addison needed to run; she needed to get out her room and away from what had just happened because otherwise Addison would drown completely in the words exchanged between her and Dylan. If she stayed in the room any longer, Addison wasn't sure what she would do and that terrified her. She couldn't slip up; she couldn't relapse after she'd been recovering, somewhat with difficulty, over the past months.

Changing quickly into her running clothes and her trainers, Addison grabbed her iPod and hurried to the kitchen to pull a bottle of water out of the fridge. She left a note on the kitchen table for whoever came home first, swiftly went out the back door and along the small path that led out her garden towards the twisting roads and woods by her house. A fine rain had started while she had been inside with Dylan but that didn't matter, Addison had run in thunderstorms before without any care so fine drizzle wouldn't harm her.

As she picked up her pace, the song playing on her iPod changed. Without even getting to the second line of the first verse Addison changed the song, she wasn't about to run to one of Dylan's favourite songs. Dylan. Dylan who had kissed her. Dylan who cared about her and worried about her. Dylan who Addison had thrown out of her room because she was too much of a coward to let Dylan know her feelings. Addison laughed bitterly at that thought; she would always be a coward in that aspect because she had been perfectly content with hiding what she for as long as possible because it actually scared her. Feelings were for people who weren't strung out on anti-depressants most days. That sounded harsh, cruel almost, but Addison knew it was true. Feelings were for people who actually planned their lives and cared about themselves. Feelings weren't for hopeless fuck ups like herself.

She cursed herself for getting close to Dylan but most of all she cursed herself for not seeing whatever it was that Dylan felt for her; then again Dylan hadn't made it known to her and maybe Addison had kept Dylan at a close enough distance for her not to see what Dylan had been feeling.

The deep woods around her were quiet, the only noise coming from Addison's feet crushing leaves beneath her as she ran. These woods ran behind Addison's house along with countless other properties including, Addison realised with a pang, the Willis's property. She tried not to but she couldn't help picturing Dylan driving home, classic rock pouring out the stereo until he came home probably still confused and angry by Addison's actions. No, she had to stop thinking about what had happened between her and Dylan otherwise she wouldn't be able to stop running until she was about to physically drop. Addison was good at locking things away and that was just what she would have to do now, it was better for everyone in the long run.

The thing was that it might have been better but it wasn't what Addison wanted at all. Those brief minutes with Dylan had been enough to make her feel completely alive, something that she hadn't felt in months no matter what she tried. She could pretend that she hadn't felt something, everything really, but she just couldn't and that was going to be the biggest problem of all.

Her muscles burnt as she ran but she knew if she stopped then everything would come crashing over her like a violent wave. Addison had to keep running but the pain in her side, the burn of her legs, made that almost impossible. She wasn't sure if the hurt in her chest was because of how fast she was running or if it was because if what had happened between her and Dylan. She'd ruined everything by telling Dylan to leave; she'd ruined that tiny friendship that might have been forming

---

By the time she made it back home, Addison wasn't too surprised to see Brigid's car parked outside. Once inside the house, she heard faint voices coming from the kitchen which soon turned out to be Brigid and Mark's. Brigid was sat at the kitchen table drinking a large mug of what smelt like coffee while Mark was chopping an assortment of vegetables. Brigid raised an eyebrow at Addison as she walked into the kitchen and even without looking at her, Mark pointed to her feet.

"Shoes." He said. There had always been a rule that there were to be no muddy shoes in the kitchen. They'd had that rule even when their mother still lived in the Harper household and she gradually got sick of Eric always traipsing in mud after his football games. Addison kicked off her muddy running shoes and quickly stored them in the closet before turning back towards Brigid and Mark. "So..." Mark said putting the chopping knife down, placing the vegetables into a large casserole dish and turning to look at Addison.

"So what?" Addison asked indifferently. Mark rolled his eyes heavily and even sighed.

"I talked to your head of sixth form and I somehow managed to get them to agree not to suspend you. They've agreed to you serving two weeks' worth of detentions, there are no exceptions so you can't start shooting your mouth off over it. They wanted you to apologise to Chloe but I made it clear you weren't going to go anywhere near that little shit or apologising seeing as it was the cow's fault in the first place." Mark explained.

"Um...thanks Mark." Addison said and she was rewarded with a very rare and sincere smile from her brother.

"Yeah well I've done all I can do and if dad gives me shit over this then I give up." Mark added before he turned to Brigid. "I'll leave her to you. Stir the casserole a few times though." he said smirking slightly as he walked out the kitchen. Brigid waited until Mark was out the room to narrow her eyes at Addison.

"Well?" she asked as Addison came to sit down in the chair opposite her.

"Well, what?"

"Well, what? Well, what!" Brigid snapped as her voice raised several octaves. "Well, how about you tell me what happened today that is what!" Brigid added whacking Addison on the arm for good measure. "Do you have any idea how stupid I felt when I had to find out from Poppy that you'd been sent home for slapping Chloe across the face? If Molly hadn't of told Poppy for her to tell me then I probably wouldn't have heard about it for hours! What the hell happened?"

"Brigid you really need to calm down." Addison said mainly because Addison was only just calming down from the clusterfuck of a car crash that had been her encounter with Dylan. Brigid now yelling at her wasn't helping. She could feel her skin beginning to itch but she couldn't go for another run or Brigid would see right through her.

"Addison, I'm sorry but I'm not going to calm down because you slapped that bitch across the face! What the hell happened? Please don't lie to me to me either or I might scream at you."

"Chloe and her pathetic band of moronic followers were picking on Niamh, ok? They wouldn't leave her alone so I tried to help. Chloe then thought it would be hilarious to bring my mother into the conversation so I ended up slapping her."

"She did what?" Brigid practically screamed.

"She made some wisecrack about my mother. Shouldn't have let it get to me, I mean I know she's gone and she's not coming back, but I just saw red." Addison said. Brigid's eyes softened as she reached out for Addison's hands. Addison never spoke about her mother, none of the Harpers did; it was the unspoken rule really.

"Wow...now I feel bad for getting mad at you. You should have slapped her harder." Brigid said.

"Thanks...I guess." Addison said shrugging.

"Is that why you were out running?"

"Yeah." Addison said knowing full well that his answer didn't sound half as convincing as he wanted it to sound. Brigid raised her eyebrows sceptically. "Don't start psychoanalysing anything please."

"What happened? Mark only got back recently and I'd been waiting here for you since school ended. How did you get home?" Brigid asked.

"I walked." Addison lied quickly.

"Addison-"

"Brigid just don't." Addison said warningly. Once again her throat began to feel tight and her eyes started to sting.

"Oh my god, what happened?" Brigid asked as her face lost all its fierceness. Addison could feel her eyes beginning to sting and she blinked away a few tears. "Oh babe." Brigid said. She was at Addison's side instantly, arms wrapping around Addison's body. Addison rested her head on Brigid's shoulder as she began to cry.

"Dylan drove me home. We had a fight." Addison said between sniffles. "Brigid...I can't keep fighting it."

"Oh Addison." Brigid said as she held onto Addison.

"I told him." Addison whispered. Brigid pulled away slightly and stared at Addison. "I told him everything."

"How did he react?" Brigid asked warily. The only people that knew the whole story were Addison's family, Brigid and now Dylan.

"Brigid...I think I've messed up. Messed up really bad."

"What happened?"

"He kissed me." Addison admitted. "I told him, I showed him and he kissed me. I freaked out and kicked him out the house. I've really messed up." Addison said as she began to cry harder.

"Oh Addison." Brigid said, pulling her back into a hug. "Why don't you try talking to him? I'm sure he'll listen to you." She added.

"I doubt it. I've really fucked things up." Addison said as she wiped away a few stray tears.

"Just try talking to him, you might find that he's more forgiving than you think." Brigid said. "Have you taken your meds today?" She then asked.

"I don't need to take them until nine but I'm going to take them, stop worrying."

"You're my best friend; it's my job to worry about you." Brigid said and for a moment Addison was taken back to her room with Dylan. We're friends Cas, I have a right to worry about my friends. They could never be friends now after what had happened and it was all Addison's fault because she felt like she just didn't deserve Dylan. She didn't deserve anything that Dylan could possibly give her. That was what her fucking brain had accepted as the truth. "Addison? Addison, what's wrong?" Brigid asked gripping Addison's hand again.

She knew that Brigid meant it as comfort but it just reminded her that not even an hour and a half ago, Dylan Willis was kissing the scars upon her wrists. Dylan had kissed every tiny flaw. Addison could feel her breathing become shallow as Brigid held onto her hand. As she felt another tear roll down her cheek, a surge of inconceivable rage coursed through her body. She was crying. She was crying over Dylan fucking Willis and she hated herself for it so much. Brigid didn't say anything, she just pulled Addison into a hug and held on until every tear Addison had inside of her was gone. Holding onto the sides of her face, Brigid looked at her, really looked at her and sighed.

"I know you hate it when I say this but this will get better. I promise you." she said wiping the last remains of Addison's tears. Without saying another word she stood up and moved over the stove where Mark's, probably inedible, casserole was cooking. "I'm going to call home and tell them that I'm staying here tonight ok? We can watch crappy films and point out all the continuity errors." Brigid said giving Addison a weak smile.

Sometimes Addison was convinced that she wouldn't be able to fully function if it weren't for Brigid and her presence.