Over the course of the next several weeks, Addison found that she was slipping into an easy routine. One she never attended to slip into. She tried so hard to deny it of it but in the end, it crept up on her. Routines used to be something she shied away from because they reminded her too much of being in the hospital and the few faltering weeks after when she'd come home. It reminded her of being woken up every single morning by Aaron, she had refused point blank when it came to having Eric or Mark wake her up, and being given the medication she'd been on back then.

This routine, however, was different...it was almost happy even if that was unnerving. Happy things didn't happen to Addison. Happiness wasn't something she felt that she deserved.

She would wake up after a few hours' sleep and take her morning dose of medication. She'd meet up with Brigid, always with coffee from Bowen's, and they would drive to college just like always. That was apart from the mornings she saw her therapist. That part of her routine would not change. It was once she got to college when things would start to change. Once there, she'd socialise with Niamh, who she didn't actually mind the company of unlike most people she knew.

Niamh was bright and funny, she always had something interesting to say and she got on with both Brigid and Lisa with ease, which had initially surprised Addison. Brigid had her moments of seriousness, that was probably why she and Addison could be such good friends, and that had worried Addison because Niamh wasn't the most serious of people unless you said something awful about Star Trek or Wonder Woman. Lisa was so different from Niamh that it was amazing the pair could even have a conversation but apparently living with Dylan had given Niamh enough knowledge about Led Zeppelin for her to have Robert Plant related conversations with Lisa easily. Apparently, they both had the same views on RAO Speedwagon much to Dylan's obvious distaste.

At lunchtime they would eat in the art rooms as it was always less crowded than the cafeteria and didn't smell like week-old pizza; Dylan would sometimes join them and seemed to form a friendship with Lisa that was mainly based around friendly insults and eye rolling. After the night she'd spent sleeping on the Willis's sofa Addison started to see them as people she could possibly get close to if she ever allowed that to happen. Maybe that was part of the problem.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, she would attend her cross country meetings like clockwork. Occasionally, she would see Niamh or Dylan sitting in the stands with Brigid drinking from steaming paper cups during the evenings she'd started running again. She'd stopped during the harsh winter as the snowfall was too great but now that they were slowly entering spring, it was warmer and there was less chance of having Aaron sneak up behind her and shove snow down Addison's hood. Occasionally, Brigid would join Addison on her runs so she could time her, though more often than not, she would end up trying to engage her in a conversation either about Dylan. Addison avoided talking about Dylan because it seemed like the easier thing to do. Brigid however, was persistent and pointed out that the fact that Addison would rather hear her talk about Brett than have Brigid ask her questions about Dylan said an awful lot.

The last thing Addison wanted was to talk to Brigid about Dylan because then that would she would have to define whatever was going on between Dylan and her.

Once he'd discovered that caffeine was pretty much Addison's life force, Dylan had taken to leaving the campus at lunch to go to Bowen's to pick up coffee for him and Addison to drink in art. Dylan must have asked Brett about how Addison took her coffee because the damn sugar to cinnamon ratio was actually perfect. It was that small gesture that first started to show Addison how the Willis', especially Dylan, saw her as a friend. The thought really was fucking terrifying.

Addison had never been good with opening up to people. When she was eleven his first therapist, the one her father made her go and see because of her mother, had suggested it was because she suffered from abandonment issues. Addison had suggested that said therapist go back to whatever school he'd gone to because it was painfully clear that she would have some issues with being abandoned. Her mother had just left. It was after that when Addison tried to point out that she really didn't need to go to therapy. Her father had agreed back then much to Addison's, and the therapist's to some extent, relief.

It wasn't that she had abandonment issues per say, Addison just didn't like getting close to people for fear of them finding out that she was a pretty shitty person who would no doubt end up letting them down and fucking things up beyond measure. That didn't mean she had abandonment issues, certainly not anymore at least, it just meant that she really didn't get on well with most people and didn't really like them getting close to her. Niamh, Leo and especially Dylan did not seem to care about this. Addison was convinced that it was the damn coffee in art class that sent her over the edge in the end.

After Dylan's gestures with the coffee Addison could feel herself slipping back into her old routine of ignoring people for several days. At first, it was clear that this confused Dylan beyond anything else about Addison and during several art lessons Dylan had tried to ask Addison what was wrong. Addison had replied with a shrug, a shake of her head or simple 'Nothing, I'm fine.' until Dylan stopped asking.

Niamh apparently had been pestering Brigid about it; Brigid told Addison as much one afternoon when they were sat in Bowen's drinking coffee. Well, Addison was drinking coffee while Brigid filled out various university applications on her laptop.

"She's worried about you; we're all worried about you." Brigid had said with her brow furrowed. Addison had told her the same lines she'd given Dylan, the 'Nothing is wrong' and 'I'm fine' lines, until Brigid stopped asking her what was wrong. Even then she looked worried. Addison knew deep down that it wasn't right to treat them like this; they were after all her friends even if she felt that friends made everything more complicated but she couldn't stop from doing so.

"This is about Dylan isn't it?" Brigid asked before breaking off a piece of her nearby muffin and nibbling on gently. Addison nearly choked on her coffee, tears springing in her eyes as the hot liquid burnt at her throat. "Niamh, Lisa and I all think it is."

"It's...it's not about Dylan." She choked out. "And can you three stop talking about me?" she added shooting Lisa, who was 'busy' having a coffee stirrer sword fight with Brett behind the counter, a glare.

"Well you've been acting strange for weeks and that was when Dylan started turning up." Brigid said defensively as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Addison refrained from groaning loudly because Brigid really wouldn't have appreciated it in the slightest.

"I have not been acting strange." Addison said. That was a lie but oh well.

"I've known you for too long to ignore when something is going on. What's the matter?" Brigid asked. "Is it Dylan? Niamh told me that Dylan's been moping about the house ever since you started ignoring us all again. Something is going between you two, right? Did he say something to you?"

Addison sighed heavily at Brigid's question for what felt like the millionth time. "Fuck sake Brigid, no matter what I say you're going to twist it to make it Dylan's fault at the end of the day, aren't you?" she asked resignedly as she looked down at the coffee mug in her hands.

"No, I'm not...well, not much anyway." Brigid said with a nonchalant shrug as she sipped her coffee and went back to tapping away on her laptop.

"And here was me thinking that you were a fan of Dylan's" Addison muttered with a roll of her eyes.

"I was...I am, but if he's the reason you're acting like this then I'm not." Brigid shot back. "I mean he is the reason, isn't he? You were ok up until you started hanging out with Dylan and Niamh."

"How do you know Niamh isn't the problem?" Addison asked trying to defuse Brigid's rant before it started.

"Because I know you more than anyone else, more than you know yourself probably because you're too pig-headed for your own damn good." Brigid shot back. "Niamh isn't your type but Dylan is and I know he is."

"I don't like Dylan in that way at all Brigid." Addison quickly shot back looking up from her coffee mug to give Brigid a determined and steely look. She just looked back coolly and shrugged her shoulders yet again.

"Fine maybe you don't but he's still part of the problem; you've been acting distant for weeks, just like you were acting before last time." Brigid pressed because that's just who Brigid was really. She was a determined person who wouldn't let things go if she was passionate about them.

"Brigid please...it...it was different last time." Addison said trying to defuse the rant she knew was coming his way.

"You promise me? You promise me that you're not pushing everyone away like last time?" Brigid questioned narrowing her eyes in annoyance. Addison started to defend herself until the main door opened and Niamh came flying into the shop and down into the seat next to Brigid.

"Whoa...what's going on?" she asked looking between Brigid and Addison.

"I might have mentioned to Addison what we were talking about the other day." Brigid said going down at her coffee mug like it held a portal through which she could escape.

"The thing about Wonder Woman or the other thing?" Niamh asked.

"The other thing."

"Oh..." Niamh said as Addison turned to glare at her. Most people would have shrunk away from Addison's glare but not Niamh. She lifted her chin defiantly to look Addison straight in the eyes and she had to admire her for that. "You might be pissed off but Brigid, Lisa and I do have some points. You're ignoring most of us and it's just not fair. We're your friends Addison, not just random people you can treat like crap. There's something going on but I just don't know what."

"You're pushing us all away and it's obvious." Brigid interjected.

"I'm..." Addison said before faltering because she knew she'd been pushing everyone away because that's what she knew what to do, that was what she was good at. It didn't stop her from knowing full well how much it hurt the people around her as well as herself. "I'm not...it's has nothing...it's not about..."

"See? You can't even say it." Brigid said shaking her head.

"Brigid, please just leave it." Addison begged because she didn't want to get into a conversation with anyone about what was going on between her and Dylan. If she was honest, she didn't know herself. All she knew was that when she was around Dylan things felt different, they almost felt easy but that was such a dangerous way of thinking. Dylan wouldn't always be around and once he was gone, Addison would go back to struggling with everything because that was what always happened. Addison would find a small thing, a good thing, in her life that she could find happiness in then it would be wrenched out of her grasp without her even realising it. She didn't want that to happen with Dylan so it was just easier not having Dylan at all, at least then she couldn't miss what she never had.

"Addi..." Niamh said warily. Addison stilled because so far Dylan was the only one to call her 'Addi'. "We're not just saying all this because we think there's something between you and Dylan we're saying because we're your friends. You let me in and introduced me to everyone; I don't want to lose you." Niamh said pleadingly. The look of hurt in Niamh's eyes sent shivers down Addison's spine. She didn't want to hurt her, she really didn't.

"I'm sorry Niamh...I really am."

"You don't have anything to be sorry about, just make sure that you talk to us before you get upset the next time." Niamh said giving Addison a shy smile. "Now, who do I have to flirt with to get a coffee in this place?" she asked shooting a broader smile in Lisa's direction.