I struggled to remember the period of my life when I would go on for days, or even weeks, without the dark cloud looming over me. Those memories felt rather distant - derealised.

Maybe I was turning into one of those juvenoiac persons, reminiscing about the 'good old days' even though I was only 21. How ironic that my mother used to tell me I was an optimistic girl, and still did now.

My nails dug into the soft fabric of the sofa as my body writhed uncontrollably. The indescribable pain in my heart stemmed like an old tree, furiously digging its roots into the rest of my body. My mouth gaped but no sound came out, save for the occasional, inhuman noises resulting from my palpitating breathing. I hadn't realised my fake nails had torn into the skin and flesh on my palm until trickles of red ran down my wrist. But it didn't hurt; not when it felt like someone had plunged a knife straight through my heart and was stirring it around.

I was a terrible person. I deserved nothing. I was worthless. Yes, I should just hide away from the world, and maybe starve myself to death. No one would care anyway.

Those thoughts swirled in my head faster and faster until they became a raging maelstrom. Their dark claws sunk further into my already fractured mind as if they really wanted me to just die.

Then slowly, the pain disappeared. Instead, it was replaced by a feeling of emptiness. I continued lying face down on the sofa, my sane voice telling myself not to return to life yet for the fear of hurting myself. I listened and let myself be empty just for a few more moments before picking myself up, as I always had done.

I walked across my living room into my bedroom, stopping in front of the full-length mirror in there. There stood a woman looking lost, not just in directions, but in life. She used to have a goal, but it all came crumbling down when she let her demons get the better of her. Now she had a meaningless existence, drifting through life without a purpose.

She was so young, I thought. Why would she not just set another goal in life? That could easily be done. But the woman in the mirror just could not do it. No matter how hard she tried, her demons held her back from achieving anything in life. She knew it was stupid. She knew everyone was right when they told her she needed to just get over it. But she couldn't - and she blamed herself for being weak. That mentality was the perfect food for her demons, and it only gave them more power, which in turn lessened hers even further. She was trapped in a vicious cycle. I was trapped in the vicious cycle.

There was no way out. My eyes drifted towards the window and walked to it, pushing it wide open. I leaned forward so I could glance at the ground that was fourteen storeys below me.

Maybe there was a way out.

I took off my shoes and with one hand holding onto the upper part of the window frame for support, I climbed onto the sill. My bare legs dangled above the towering height and I could feel the autumn breeze on my bare skin. It was nice. I closed my eyes and began contemplating.

"Don't do it," a voice behind me said.

I didn't even bother turning around. I was definitely going insane. There was no one else in my house.

"(Y/N), don't do it," the voice repeated.

Perplexmxent rose and I was curious enough to turn around, only to see a man dressed in an elegant black suit with silver embroidery in the jacket. He had ash blond hair. My eyes met his and I froze, a strange emotion striking me.

"Who are you?" I questioned.

"I will tell you if you get back down from there," he said, his melodic voice emanating a strange air of magnetism.

Confused, I asked, "Why are you trying to save me. You don't even know me."

A small smile appeared on the man's face. "I do know you, (Y/N). In fact, I've known you since your teenage years."

"That's creepy," I muttered. "Who are you?"

"I told you, get off the window if you want to know."

"Ok," I said and I motioned to jump. Suddenly he was right behind me, holding me up with one arm. He forcefully pulled me back inside and we both fell to the floor with a thump. He simply cradled me as I sat there stilly, not even questioning how he managed to move meters in just milliseconds.

This was nice, I thought while snuggling this strange man that just broke into my house. I ignored the burn on the bottom of my thighs from scratching against the window sill as I sunk further into him. The more I touched him, the more I wanted to touch him. I ended up fully wrapping my arms around him and my face buried in the crook of his neck.

"I will tell you who I am now." He leaned down and whispered, his lips grazing my ear ever so slightly, sending shivers down my body, "I am Lust."

"Strange name," I muttered.

"No, I am lust, as in the physical manifestation of it," he said. "You can call me Jimin."

"Jimin." His name rolled off my tongue with such familiarity as if I had said it thousands of times before. I pulled back and stared into his eyes. They were of the colour of a pot of molten gold. I held his gaze easily whence I normally don't. "Who really are you?"

"A better question would be what I am."

"Ok... What are you?"

His golden eyes started glowing like the midnight sun. He enunciated his sentences like a spell, "I am every sexual craving you've ever had, every unspeakable thought that has run through your mind, every wild fantasy you dream of - personified. Oh, how you've held back from your desire your whole life. Wanting, but never doing. Why not give yourself permission? Why not just act on your heart's yearns? Why not just... let go?"

Every single word out of the alluring stranger's mouth, my mind took in like a wilting flower taking in a golden dew. They entranced me like the Pied Piper entranced the children, leading me down a rabbit hole with the incentive of unimaginable pleasure at the other end. All I had to do was let go. All I had to do was fall.

My left hand that laid on his waist slowly travelled upward, brushing against his chest and finally stopping when it came into contact with the skin of his beautiful face. My thumb stroked lightly against the smooth skin of Jimin's cheek. His skin was pale, glowing, even. A small smile appeared on his face - mesmerising. His hand raised up to his cheek and held mine, not even caring about the blood on my palm from my nail wound.

"(Y/N), I know what you want, and I can give it to you."

I got on my knees and pushed myself up to face level with him.

"(Y/N), do it."

I leaned forward until only an inch remained between us.

"(Y/N), let go."

And I listened. I closed the gap and the moment his lips came into contact with mine, colours exploded in my world. I could I feel myself trembling, whether out of nervousness or excitement... or crave.

His arms snaked around my back and pressed my body against his. The pain in my heart began once more. But this time, it wasn't the same. This time, it was like the pain when cold water just hit your parched throat. It hurts in the beginning due to the sudden nourishment after a prolonged period of the lack thereof, but it will pass, it will become better. It will become pleasurable.

I was just beginning to deepen this kiss, wanting more of him when suddenly, he pulled away, leaving me disappointed.

"Why?" I asked, not just about this, but about the reason he was here, the reason he stopped me from jumping, the reason he continuously encouraged me to let go.

Jimin smiled, but did not answer. Instead, he said, "You are learning, (Y/N). You've finally taken a step towards becoming your true self."

And he vanished right before my eyes. Black smoke sinuated between my fingers. My hands fell to the floor and my elbows gave out. I laid there on the cold floor of my apartment, feeling the cool touch of wood against my heated body as my mind tried its best to disentangle itself from the state of daze.

When my breathing has regulated I slowly pushed myself off the floor, still slightly lightheaded. My gaze once again landed on the gap on the wall that was about to be my death door. I walked to it. Again, I leaned out and reached.

And I closed the window.