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"Eccedentesiast
(n.) Someone who
hides pain behind
a smile."

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Mangle's POV

The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down my face. I feel the muscles of my chin tremble like a small child and I look upward at the bathroom light, as if it's soft glow could soothe me. There is static in my head once more, the side effect of this constant pain, constant fear, constant stress I live with. I hear my own sounds, like a distressed child, raw from the inside. It takes something out of me I didn't know I had left to give. That's the way it is when you're forced to endure the constant agony I do. It's like a theft of the spirit, an injury no other person can see.

After being slumped over the cold bathroom toilet for what seemed as if hours, I could begin to feel my arms go numb along with the entirety of my body all together. With the smallest amount of remaining energy I had, I lifted myself up off the marble tiles on which my legs had been sprawled against for the amount of time I'd been inside the lonely four walls of the bathroom. After finally raising myself up off the floor, I wiped away any remaining tear stains that had previously decorated my pale cheeks and used my still trembling hand to unlock the door, stepping into the dimly lit hallway.

Oh god, I must've left Foxy and his friends so confused back there.
Gee Mangle! It's only your second day here and the one time you actually come close to making some friends, you run away from them!

What's wrong with me?!

I quickly attempt to recompose myself by taking in a sharp breath and dusting off my dark blue denim skinny jeans as I walk, after they'd been pressed against the floor for a long while, only to find my stomach still churning and gurgling which quickly brought back the feeling of sickness. My head began spinning and I instantly winced my eyes shut in discomfort and prepared myself for what usually followed by stretching my arm out to the wall in case I lost my balance because of the feeling of paralysis in my legs.

There was a faint echoing sound of footsteps filling the hallway, and whoever it belonged to was getting closer.
I complete froze. I couldn't run, my legs were still completely numb and I don't think my stomach could handle any sort of motion right now.
A moving shadow lay against the oakwood panels of wood on the walls and as it disappeared, it was replaced with a person walking around the corner.
It was a girl, though I couldn't quite make out any distinct features about her due to my blurry vision and pounding head.
The girl finally noticed my presence after it seemed like she had rejoined reality, lifting her head up from the ground and breaking her what seemed to be deep-thoughts. Our eyes locked, well my gaze just sort of crash landed onto hers since it was the only thing I somehow had the energy to gaze at, aside from the shag-red carpet beneath my feet.
I couldn't exactly read her emotions because of my current state, but I did notice her look around the hallway out of what I could only guess was worry, since it was quite late at night now, before she began walking towards me slightly and as she neared me, her facial expressions became clearer and I could just make out her slightly concerned tone,
"Hey..Are you-Alright?"
The stranger stared at me, eagerly awaiting my response while I somehow managed to completely zone out within the five seconds she had taken to approach me with her kind-hearted concern. With my arm still heavily depending on the wall for support, I attempted to force my lips into some sort of smile, nodding to her in hopeful reassurance,
"O-Oh yeah! I-I'm..Fine. Just n-not feeling too well.."
The tension in my grip to the wall grew even tighter, almost collapsing entirely against it and having to use both arms to keep myself upwards as the throbbing pain in the back of my throat returned which made it completely obvious I was not fine. My eyes immediately winced shut and I lifted my one shaking hand up to my mouth. The girl gasped and put a hand on my shoulder, though her intentions were good, the sensation of anyone laying their hands on me made me flinch inevitably, no matter who it was. Call it instinct..
"You don't look so good," She paused and took a second to look around the deserted hallway once more, "Come with me, everyone should be asleep by now, lets get you some medicine and water from the kitchen, okay?"
I strained both my head and vision to look up at her with a nod.
It only just dawned on me how..how kind she was being to me, my muscles became less tense and felt more relaxed when she put her arm around the tops of my shoulders, allowing me to lean on her as we made our way downstairs.

~

I sat on the hardwood kitchen counter and poured the refreshing glass of water down my throat, along with one of my per-scripted pils that I had placed at the very back of my aching throat and soon enough I felt my churning stomach begin to calm down with every sip of extra water I took.
"Feel better?" The girl asked me, plopping herself next to me on the kitchen counter. "Much, thank you..I never caught your name?" I asked her with a calmer tone than my earlier frantic one.
"Oh, its Toy Chica, but I prefer TC or Chi. What about you?" Toy Chica- I mean, TC's tumble of blonde curl fell as she tilted her head slightly with a small smile.

It wasn't that bland colour that's just a shade darker than the gold of an expensive diamond ring or necklace, it was streaked with warm reddish hues and butterscotch. It gave her some warmth, complementing her smooth olive skin rather than making her look washed-out. She beamed at me for a few moments but just as she re-opened her eyes, I found myself intrigued by her large brown-lash framed orbs, her eyes were not the watery blue I'd expected, they were the colour of rich caramel and so were the freckles that lay over her nose and upper cheeks. She was quite a petite girl; short with an innocent smile and temperament. TC seemed like the girl to have a lot of friends considering how caring and considerate she seemed, but something told me there was more to her than she seemed to be letting on.
"It's Mangle." I spoke with a soft voice and returned the smile."
"Well Mangle, it's nice to meet you! Are you new to the orphanage?"
"The same for you, and yes I am. I arrived two days ago, but I don't remember seeing you." I pondered the thought of her for a while, trying my best to recall if I'd seen her that day I arrived, but my mind was blank. Not one image of her chocolatey-taupe eyes or shining-short golden hair in my mind. Toy Chica's eyebrows lowered slightly as she turned her head so that her gaze only met her lap's, her eyes had suddenly lost their sparkle and I immediately felt guilty.
"I-I'm so sorry, d-did I say someth-" I stuttered but her head quickly jolted back up, causing me to stop mid-sentence,
"Oh no, of course not! Please don't apologise, it's just-" TC took a small breath in between her response and continued with her now saddened eyes staring into mine,
"I don't really spend much time downstairs because..People don't really tend to like me."
I couldn't help but gasp in disbelief, how could anyone not like this girl? TC was so sweet and kind and caring and cheerful, and I've only known her fifteen twenty minutes!
Are the people here blind?

"What? But you're so..-so nice! Why don't people like you?" I questioned her with a surprised yet still hushed tone, the thought of waking anyone upstairs up out of bed, especially Mrs Fazzerick, was scary enough.
"T-They think I'm too unpredictable and..I think they're scared of me. I-It's because I have bipolar, sometimes I'm fine and happy, but sometimes I'm angry and sad, and I think that worries them, so people tend to avoid me.." She sniffles slightly and rubbed the corner of her eye using her wrist.
The poor girl, it's not her fault..It's brave of her to be so open about it to me, I don't think I could ever tell anyone about- about myself..
I didn't know what else to do so I
ever-so-gently wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into a hug. I felt her eyebrows raise as she rested her head against my shoulder, since she was just a bit shorter than me, but she slowly sank into the hug and I felt her smile reappear as she did.
"I'm really sorry TC..B-But I think you're great, and they should be able to see that too, even if you do have different emotions sometimes. That doesn't matter, it doesn't change what kind of person you are inside."
Toy Chica wrapped her arms around my back and this time I didn't mind, I wasn't used to being treated so..Gently. And with such kindness, which had been shown to me by everyone in the orphanage, within the mere two days I'd been here.
So nicely that I wasn't worried about being lashed out at, being shouted at, being- Being..Being hurt.

"Thank you Mangle..N-No one's ever said that about me before." Toy Chica's voice quivered with a mix of emotions, lifting her head up from my shoulder to look at me with her now glossed over caramel orbs and speckled cheeks raising upwards as her cherry-blush lips curved into a shy smile.
I returned the gesture and nodded to her,
"You're welcome TC, I don't see how anyone could not realise how good of a person you are." I couldn't help but huff under my breath in annoyance.
Of course there would always be people to judge you, criticise you, belittle you, and hurt you..No matter who you are. I know that there will always be people like that in our lives, and there's not much we can do to change them.
Believe me, I've tried..
I always used to believe that there was good within everyone, that the coldness they show to the outside world is just a barrier they create, a facade to protect themselves from being hurt, or loved. Because deep down they are afraid of the consequences of love and happiness, so much that they have forgotten what it feels like to feel light that life can bring to the darkest of days, and to feel the warmth and kindness of love.

Love. A term with many meanings.

Love isn't a throwaway emotion, something to invoke on a whim. It isn't transitory like lust or something to regret like anger. When love is allowed to permeate every action, influence every thought, guide every deed, it leads to an inner peace not attainable any other way. It is the light in every dark night, shining brightly into each recess of the mind, healing, igniting passions that would otherwise have died. Love leads the way to being who we were born to be, people who prize peace, dignity and honour, people who find solutions that work for the many instead of the few. Love is what we must hold for one another, especially when tensions are high, for it is the trapdoor in the prison wall, the only one.
These are all things I desperately sought after in the midst of love that had blinded me those years ago, but I never felt such feelings.
Such happiness. Such joy.

No. In my prison, there is no way out. There are no trapdoors to be unlocked, I am bound to the agony of my suffering every day by unbreakable chains, which are just that; unbreakable.

I've never felt love. And I know that I never will, for I am broken on the inside and out, and just like a smashed mirror, it's far better to leave it broken rather than hurting yourself trying to fix it.
I'm a mirror that no one would dare look into, not a person on this earth would ever want to see beneath the cracks of a broken soul like mine.

No one..
No matter how much I long to feel..
Healed.
For someone to fix me, even though I know it's not possible to mend the damage that has been done, it would remain imprinted on me as long as I lived, but..

To be loved?
I could be whole again. Someone to pick up all my shattered pieces of glass one by one and fix me, then maybe one day I could be repaired.
One day.