Today, we'll talk about hair.
Yes bitches, HAIR! Something that we all have, unless you're bald, and something that we have damaged more than our face. Most of our worst experiments have been on our hair. Yes, your hair, bitch! It's looks like a FUCKING BROOMSTICK! Like, look at my hair, I've been straightening it for two fucking years! It's no longer hair anymore, it's a MOP!

And then, suddenly one day I thought, how could I damage my damaged hair and fuck myself up? I discovered bleach. I bleached my blonde hair blonde. Because my stupid thirteen year old ass believed that they would turn golden from yellow if I did that.

Today, I have become THE Kate Roberts. Hair is just an assessory. I remove it before going to bed. Yes, I'm actually bald.
Yeah, your life is a lie.
Go home, losers!
Alright, I'm just kidding.
Not about the damaged part though. 

I mean, my hair will always be a broomstick just how Brandon Johnson will always be horny.

"Are you okay?" I asked him out of concern.
"I'm horny," Brandon looked at me.
"Oh, hi horny, I'm Kate,"

"I really want to kiss you inside out right now,"
"...Why so suddenly?" I asked.
"Because, seeing you naked like is a real turn on for me,"
"Let's turn off,"

Brandon grabbed my hand and pulled me back. He threw me inside the bathtub.
"WHAT THE FUCK—" He took my towel but I held on. He started stretching my towel, trying to pull it away from me.

"Kate, I wanna see everything" He said.
"BUT I DON'T WANNA SHOW IT! FUCK AWAY!" I was holding on to my towel which was covering my honor and respect as a man! See, this is the reason you should always keep a knife with you—To cut people's balls.

Finally, the towel tore and we both went in two different directions. Brandon fell on the ground while I lay inside the bathtub in a half torn towel. Brandon walked towards me and grabbed my hands. He pushed me into the water and got on top of me.
"BRANDON—I'M DROWNING!"
"Kate," It was time to to kick his balls but as soon as I reached my feet to his crotch, I felt the explicit feels of a man's erect genitalia.

"Brandon—" I grabbed Brandon's hair and pulled myself out of the water. I coughed for a few seconds, "Kate?" Brandon looked into my eyes. 
"You have a fucking boner!?"

It's messed up, guys. No matter how you look at it! I seriously think that GAY RIGHTS should be banned in California!

Our government is ready to ban the stuff you love but not actually protect its citizens by banning people like Brandon from the entire universe! It's just like they'll wake up in the morning, have breakfast, take a bath, sit on their table, keep their finger on their chin and then say, "Okay, what to ban today?"

"Oh, you like your underwear—Oh good, it's BANNED! No more American apparel!"

Like, seriously? People are killing each other in the WWE matches, and dangerous sports like dodgeball. Gay people are ruining the lives of straight people, people are getting murdered and shit, that all they'll not see, they'll only see your underwear!

Yeah! Take away our only source of dignity—What will we wear then? Should we wrap your bodies around us?

You know guys, I just realised I'm talking about a pointless topic—Something that might never happen.

But,

What if it does? Then, you'll be FORCED to compromise and wrap people around you like toilet papers for covering your ass. Good thing is—You can fit into tight jeans since you'll be going commando. Because we live in America! YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE! YEEHAW MOTHERFUCKERS!

People here are forced to even stay with other people—I really hate it when you have to be around many people just because of social reasons. I don't know if you have someone like that but in my case, it's Brandon Johnson!

I quickly moved aside and Brandon fell inside the bathtub. I got up and rushed outside the door, managing my half torn towel when Brandon held my feet and pulled me back. I grabbed the door. Brandon continued pulling me from the other side.

"LEAVE ME! SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU TODAY!" I shouted as I continued to hold on to the door, which was the last piece of hope for me. Now my ass was at the door's mercy!

I heard someone slurping and turned around. It was Harry's brother, Louise, standing beside the door drinking a Canada dry cranberry ginger ale and just watching this sad situation.

Everything just froze for a moment. Brandon started at Louise and Louise started at him. He was still holding my legs and I was holding onto the door

"We're having a moment," Brandon signaled why brother Louise should leave. 
"I'm having a cranberry juice.."
At this moment I was confused who was the worst—Brandon or Louise?

I sucked my saliva and gathered all my courage, "Brother Louise...for how long have you been standing here?"
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe since the time you started shouting and woke up the entire neighborhood? Do you both have any idea what time is it?" You aren't—You know—Calling the cops for rape or anything?

Then, brother Louise turned towards Brandon and said, "And you,"
"Me?" Brandon tilted his head. He looked like the most innocent person in the entire world. Don't believe that face, no one's innocent anymore.

"What are you doing?" Brother Louise asked.
"I'm trying to do something to make you proud!"
You're trying to fuck me to make brother Louise proud? Don't tell me you were a paid actor all this time, Brandon?

"Okay? Just get off of the door, you've already broken that glass. I just saw it," Louise said.
"Yes, Kate." Brandon smiled "We need to go to sleep too,"

"Holy crap! NO! I WILL SLEEP IN THE BATHROOM TODAY!" I hugged the door tighter. When no one's there to hug you—You hug the door.

Louise upturned his cranberry juice on me and my hands became slippery.
"WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS, BROTHER LOUISE?" I looked at him.

Brother Louise grabbed me by my arms and started pulling me off of the door. "GET OFF NOW!"
"NO!" I hugged the door tighter.

"BRANDON, PULL HIS LEGS!" Louise shouted.
"A THREESOME?" Brandon began pulling my hands.

"GET OFF THIS DOOR!" Louise pulled harder.
NO NO NO NO!

-To be continued

Brandon Johnson
All I Want is you baby