here - alessia cara

https://youtu.be/GrGX4KZ44WI

i'm sorry if i seem uninterested

or i'm not listenin' or i'm indifferent

truly, i ain't got no business here

it took longer than i would like, but here is our first chapter :) 

for those of you who are yet to read one of my books, i must warn you that i update relatively slowly. but, yknow, life do be like that. 

all the same, i hope you enjoy! 

Lloyd didn't hear a single word that was said. And quite simply, he didn't care. All he could manage to do was nod at the right times, though even then he was continuing to forget to do so and ended staring into the rippling surface of his water as the table jolted every so often, his laughing friends shaking it in their enthusiasm.

They had won the battle. They were celebrating and rightfully so. But Lloyd felt like no winner. He simply couldn't. So he sat, uninterested and unhappy. Every so often someone would mention his name in the midst of a conversation, and he would glance up ever so slightly, just enough to acknowledge. He would smile, he would shake his head, he would pretend to laugh, then he would rest his chin back onto his chest and stare at the table.

He must have been more obvious than he thought, because eventually Kai tapped him on the shoulder. Expecting another comment on how he fought the battle, or did well, or something from a crazy anecdote being retold from their latest adventures, Lloyd glanced up with an already prepared smile. But Kai wasn't smiling. Instead, he had his 'big brother' face on. It was concerned and in the midst of figuring out his every mood. Kai wasn't stupid, and though he lacked credit, he was extremely observant. Kai could read people easily, always a trait of his, and he could see that Lloyd's eyes were a little too wide, his smile a little too bright, his posture stiff and unnatural.

"Can I talk to you, Lloyd?" He muttered only loud enough for Lloyd and his significantly heightened senses to pick up on. Lloyd wanted to refuse, hating the way Kai always saw straight through him, but that in itself would be a tell. He sighed, nodding slightly. Kai patted his shoulder before getting up from the table and Lloyd followed. He was led behind one of the corners of the restaurant then Kai turned to face him.

"Yes?" Lloyd asked lightly, attempting to pull a semi-happy face.

"What's going on?" Kai's brow furrowed as he tried to read his brother.

The boy opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. Eventually, he settled with the simplest answer there was. "Nothing, I'm fine."

Kai watched him carefully. "You're lying."

"No-"

"Yes, you are. I can tell." Screw Kai's ability to read people.

And as much as it pained Lloyd to lie about being okay, he did it like he always did. "Well, you're wrong. I'm fine."

"Lloyd-"

"Seriously, Kai. I'm alright, I promise. I'm just tired, that's all." He brushed Kai off and tried to leave, knowing that he couldn't maintain the stance for much longer before it would become even more evident that he was very much not alright. His brother already knew his tells, there really was no point in lying. Even so, he did not have the energy to talk. Not today. Not after everything.

Kai reached out and held his shoulder across his body, preventing Lloyd from leaving. "Somehow, I find that hard to believe." Lloyd collapsed inwardly, sighing. "Is this about..." Kai trailed and the green ninja cringed. He didn't have to say her name for Lloyd to know who he was referring to. Eventually, Kai sighed, not wanting to make him feel any worse. "Fine," he conceded.

The Red Ninja's eyes continued to analyse his features, he could feel it. Lloyd couldn't help but be annoyed he would care. "Thank you," he said shortly, making another effort to leave. Kai didn't let go however.

"Just- Lloyd," he began, amber eyes connecting with his, "talk to me if you need it. Please."

Lloyd nodded his head, humming in fake agreement. Kai, though not satisfied with the reaction, knew better than to push it further. He released his grip on Lloyd's shoulder. The boy took a few paces forward but he stopped short and turned around. "Actually, Kai, I think I might just go home. I'm tired."

Kai's gaze remained on him for a split second longer than usual, obvious that he was still attempting to figure him out. But eventually he nodded his head in a jagged movement. "Yeah- yeah okay. Go rest up."

Lloyd dipped his head in acknowledgement then headed on his way. He went past the booth in which his friends and family currently sat and continued till he was out of the restaurant. A few people on the table inclined their heads in recognition of him, but didn't exactly register who was passing them until he was well out of the building. By the time Nya could properly look over her shoulder, the blonde was gone and Kai was there to cover for him.

The cool air hit Lloyd's face and bare arms, not that he noticed. There were greater things on his mind. A jacket was the least of his concerns.

And even though he was not okay, the boy said he was the same reason he always said he was. Because lying, no matter how much he wished someone would see through his lies, was always easier than explaining why his answer was a lie to begin with.

Lloyd sighed, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans and turning onto the street with misty eyes. He knew this city like the back of his hand, he knew exactly where he was going, he knew every twist and turn and alleyway of the place. Yet, this time he wished more than anything he didn't.

It would be nice to get lost. Just for once.

⛰🍃🌪🍃⛰

I glanced one final time out my window, watching below toward the ground, which seemed to stretch further and further away the longer I analysed it. The pavement looked particularly hard today, perfect for one to, oh I don't know, maybe fall and die on. I better not fuck this up.

I sighed, reconsidering if I really wanted to do this. Even if I was successful in my escape from what had now become my prison (though it was technically my bedroom), there was a good chance I could be caught later on. And then I would be in more trouble than I could bother to think about. However, the angry teenager in me dismissed this thought.

I was pissed at my mum and I needed to get out. A lot harder than I wish it was. Oh the price to pay when you're the princess of Ninjago City.

I stretched my leg out, beginning to pull my weight from the window and onto the small ledge on the outside. Willing myself not to look down now that I was almost halfway out and in a very vulnerable position, I continued to move my body awkwardly until I could hold my entire self on my foot and manoeuvre my other leg over the frame of the window. Every moment felt like my last until I was standing on two feet again.

I exhaled from both relief and exertion, a slight chuckle escaping my lips as I reflected upon the ridiculous movie my life had become. In doing so, I accidentally caught a glimpse of that, once again, scarily far away and painful-looking concrete waiting below. The responsible, logical part of my brown questioned my decisions yet again. But a dumber, more stubborn part of me fought it. I was angry and too pig-headed to turn back now. I was going out in an act of rebellion and that was final.

Slowly I shuffled across the side of the window until I reached the edge before sticking my head out, leaning over as far as I dared to find where my next steps would have to be to take me to the bottom. In doing so, I noticed that the tree close to my window actually reached out nearer than I thought.

I could probably make that.

After a mini, mental pep talk, I breathed my goodbyes to the world around (just in case) before beginning to pry my hands from the brick behind me and push myself forward. My body began to move, leaning closer and closer until I held my arms out and leaned further still. Soon I was falling forward, too far to go back, so I stuck my hands in their ready position and prayed to anyone who would listen.

Just as I thought I was done for, my hands met with a rough bark I recognised as that of the branch I was aiming for. The eyes I hadn't noticed were closed, opened enough for me to see the ground swaying below. I did my best to not pay too much attention to such and instead focus on how the hell I was going to work my way down this tree. Everytime I imagined myself as a superhero leading up to this, prepared me for this moment. Spider-Man would be proud of me, I was sure. And with that as my leading (and pretty much, only) confidence booster, I somehow found myself safely on the ground.

Only then did the feeling of freedom consume me wonderfully. I breathed in deeply, no corset, no mountain of homework to press upon my lungs and constrict me. No responsibility, no nothing. I wasn't the Princess of Ninjago, I was Y/n. And that was it. And that was enough. A truly beautiful thought it was, even though I knew it only lasted for tonight. I would take that and run with it the best I could.

Upon thinking of running, I remembered, that's probably what I should be doing. Technically, there were still guards on their patrols and though I had calculated their breaks and swap-over times, I couldn't stand here forever. "Shit," I breathed, hoping I hadn't ruined my chances of normality quite so soon and before I could so much as glance around, I ducked through the bushes and beat my way through. Branches scratched at my face and twigs flicked my legs. The cool night air numbed the pain somewhat, though I couldn't help but wince or curse every so often. Even so, it was all the more worth it when I reached the other side, jumped the final gate and landed outside the complex, this time, without needing to worry at all about guards or being caught. Nobody would realise I was missing, and if they did, they would never think me willing enough to actually leave the palace.

A laugh bubbled from my stomach, happiness broadening my lips into a wide smile. Pride, amusement, a mix of positive emotion (and a little bit of nerves) kept me laughing until I was full on bellowing, shouting into the night sky, positively delighted. This small moment made me truly recognise how restrictive, and quite frankly, how much I hated my new life. But there was no time to feel sad and rather, allowed myself to feel liberated.

With such freedom, however, came endless opportunity. I had one night of guaranteed freedom, what was I going to do?

Immediately an idea jumped to mind and within a few seconds I was off, making my way into the heart of the city with my hood pulled up and a wide smile. I missed this.

⛰🍃🌪🍃⛰

After putting significant distance between himself and the restaurant of his celebrating friends, Lloyd was met with a new sense of overwhelming thought. This time, questioning exactly what he would do now. He couldn't go back, Sensei Wu would question why he wasn't with the others. And, really, there was nowhere else to go. He couldn't wander around aimlessly forever. The 'Garmadon' name wasn't exactly well regarded, so no matter what he did, he would be judged. Walking with no purpose? That would seem even more suspicious.

Eventually, the boy settled on finding his favourite shop and burying himself in one of the corners, hiding himself from as many people as possible and, hopefully, being able to discover some form of peace for at least the next few hours. Lloyd sighed, brushing his fingers through his hair as a light breeze blew it into his eyes. He really should be happy after their last victory, but he wasn't and was struggling to force himself. He knew why, he just wasn't going to think about it. Instead, the green ninja tucked his head as low as it would go, regretting not grabbing a hoodie before leaving, and stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

He weaved through the streets that were slowly being drained of people as the hours of the night ticked later and later, certain that where he was going was going to be open, no matter the time. Eventually, he came to the front of a small, sullen looking tea shop, almost completely missable to someone who wasn't looking for it. Lloyd exhaled tiredly, though he couldn't help the warmth that filled him as he stepped inside, bringing a small smile to his lips. This was one of the few places that brought comfort now.

A little bell at the front tinkled merrily as he entered, and the few customers that were inside (despite the hour) looked up momentarily. Some sneered, others rolled their eyes, some just completely ignored him. The boy did nothing to show he noticed, and instead, made his way to the very back of the shop, the tightest corner in which a little booth was practically hidden. Lloyd glanced around, expecting to see the familiar face of Mistaké to greet him before remembering the past few week's events. Another sigh escaped him, and overcome with exhaustion, he collapsed into the seat and rubbed his fingers against his temples. It was all more emotion than he would like to comprehend.

Luckily, he didn't have time to, as a voice broke his thought.

"Excuse me?!"

⛰🍃🌪🍃⛰

I was looking forward to many things that night. My moment of peace being interrupted by some random boy stealing my hidden corner in the back of the tea shop? Not one of them.

"Excuse me?!" I exclaimed quite suddenly when a random guy sat down almost entirely on top of me, totally ignoring the fact that I was there.

Within a heartbeat he was up, clearly as surprised as I was. He said nothing, merely gaped his mouth open in shock. As a pint tinge worked its way up his neck and ears, embarrassment seemed to play a part also. I raised my eyebrows in somewhat confusion, somewhat irritation, waiting for an answer, an explanation, or something. After a while passed however, all I got was, "I'm Lloyd."

"Y/n," I responded shortly, not at all amused. I was in the middle of thinking, and he completely caught me off guard. I hated being caught off guard. "What are you doing?" I asked as lightly as I could, not wanting to be too rude when he seemed to be in a state of deep thought himself. I couldn't help but empathise with the boy. If he was heavily collapsing into this tiny, hidden corner of a tea shop at midnight, he must be going through something himself.

Lloyd took a moment to answer. "I- I was just going to sit. This spot isn't usually taken. I didn't think, I'm sorry," he apologised. I nodded in acceptance before gesturing to the free spot across from me, intending for him to take a seat. He seemed like he had a story, and there is nothing quite like a good person with an interesting story. I just didn't need him sitting on top of me to hear it.

He looked confused at my gesture, but upon my insistence with an additional nod of my head, Lloyd obliged. When he looked comfortably seated, I tilted my head in interest, properly taking him in.

Lloyd had golden blonde hair, long enough to fall into his brilliant green eyes. His build was slim, yet, from the t-shirt he wore, I could tell was toned. He still had a little bit of a boy-ish look, though it was one scarred by something far beyond innocence. I could tell by the way he held himself and his eyes. His eyes had seen a lot. Something unrecognisable within me let me know that he had seen more than I probably had. After a few moments of silence, Lloyd raised his eyebrows. "You're giving me the look my brother gives me... what?"

"Nothing," I answered with a shrug. "I'm just intrigued. You look like a man who could tell a mean story. That's all," I dismissed simply.

Blondie looked away immediately, though, if I wasn't mistaken, a hint of a smirk played on his lips. "Maybe," he muttered, before saying something else I wasn't quite able to catch.

"However, from the looks of things, you're not going to start telling right away," I eventually said before getting up.

"Leaving so soon?" He questioned with- was that a look of disappointment?

I smiled. "You wish. I'm going to go get some tea. Don't think I'll leave so soon without knowing at least something." Lloyd smiled in response before I went over to the counter and ordered my old favourite. I had no idea what Lloyd liked, but I had a feeling something calming, yet flavourful, would do us both some good.

When I returned with two steaming cups of delicate china, I placed one in front of him before taking my own. Lloyd examined the mix for a moment before looking up in approval. "You have good taste," he noted with a nod.

I tipped my head in thanks. Then, I asked, "So, what brings you here, to this little shop at such a time, Lloyd?"

Lloyd chuckled a little, exasperation and amusement in one. "Straight into the questions, are we?"

I shrugged with a shameless grin. "I don't got all night, I have places to be, things to see. But first," I leant forward, "I have a story to hear."

He held his hands up in a sort of shrug, lip pulled taunt to the side, though his eyes sparkled. "What if I don't have one to tell?"

"Everyone's got a story to tell. Even if they don't think it interesting, someone will," I said quickly. Leaving out the fact that he looked to have on that was especially interesting.

"So what about you?" Lloyd shot back quickly. He seemed to be gaining confidence, and was possibly even a bit happier. Maybe it was the tea.

I smiled again, though this time, it was a little less bright. "Yeah, I have a story." I paused, looking past him for a second before coming back to our moment. "Like I said, we all have a story," I finished, this time quieter.

"Do I get to hear yours?" He asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Depends, do I get to hear yours?" I countered with equal swiftness.

He considered this for a moment, maybe weighing up his interest in what I had to say against what he was willing, or not willing, for that matter, to say. Then, he steeled his gaze. "Why don't we play a game? You ask one question, I answer. I ask one question, you answer?"

"Sounds good to me," I nodded, looking forward to the game.

"Great, I'll start," he said before I could ask the first question. "How do you know about this place? It isn't exactly well-known."

I silently agreed, biting my lip. "My mum and I used to come here all the time. It was our thing. I couldn't sleep, she couldn't sleep, tea was the solution. I never asked how she knew this place, but when she first brought me, the owner greeted her as though she was her own daughter. And," I laughed at the memory, "Mistaké treated me like her granddaughter. She was a little wild, but I always adored her stories." I felt my eyes get wet as I remembered the old woman, but continued anyway. "This corner was always our favourite. It was like no one knew we were here, so we could stay as long as we liked."

When I looked up, Lloyd was smiling a smile that I imagined was similar to my own. His eyes were glittering with memories. "What about you, Blondie, how do you know about this place?"

Lloyd's smile wobbled but he held it steady. "Honestly, it's a very similar story to your own. My parents knew Mistaké for years, long before I was born. My mom was an archeologist, obsessed with Ninjago's history. Mistaké always had some new information for her. I ended up tagging along and somewhere among my many visits, I found this corner. The grownups would talk and I could read comic books, not disturbed at all. It was peaceful." He stopped momentarily before continuing, "I liked peaceful."

I was surprised to learn that Lloyd also knew Mistaké. Though, if he was to know this place, he must have. For a second I wondered how it was that we never came into contact if both of us had been coming for years, but then I remembered that most of my visits occurred during the early hours of the morning, while his, I assumed, did not.

"Next question," Lloyd said, interrupting my thoughts. "What brings you here, tonight?"

I considered my answer a little more carefully this time, not at all ready to give up my biggest secret. I wanted to keep this moment of him not knowing who I was. It was nice, anonymity. I wondered if he understood that. "I wanted an adventure," I said shortly, crossing my arms, a little more guarded than before. "What about you, why are you here tonight?"

"You're copying my questions, Y/n," he noted sternly with a raised eyebrow, but the smile he couldn't contain gave him away. 

"What can I say? You ask good ones," I defended with open palms.

He thanked me cockily before taking a sip of his tea, which had now cooled to a good temperature, I realised, as I drank some of my own. Then, he turned to examine the rest of the shop. "I wanted to get away." I waited for elaboration, but none followed.

"Get away from what?" I questioned quickly, intrigued, but Lloyd held up a hand and shook his head, clearly amused.

"Ah, it's my turn to ask a question. Not yours." I rolled my eyes but said no more dutifully, waiting for his next question. He thought carefully, clearly taking proper care in what he was going to ask next. "What makes tonight the night for adventure?" He eventually asked, folding his arms across his chest as he leaned back.

My response came naturally, springing to my lips easily. "Because there might not be another." Immediately, Lloyd's smile dropped into what I perceived to be concern. He opened his mouth, but I stopped him before a single syllable could exit. "Nope, my turn to ask a question." The boy seemed to want to argue, but restricted himself from doing so all the same. They were his rules after all, and I felt a little bit of triumph as I gave him the treatment he had just given me.

I sat up, the questioning getting good as more of a story unfolded. "What were you trying to get away from?" I inquired eagerly, but carefully. I knew the feeling of getting away all too well.

Blondie thought, demonstrating the complexity of the answer already. I was very interested. I knew he had a good story and this was exactly the kind of night I wanted. I liked the boy already, he was interesting. Interesting people were good people. But, just as he opened his mouth to answer, a text alert interrupted him. Lloyd stopped short, turning to his phone as he flipped it over and read whatever it was that was notifying him. Within a second, his energy changed. From relaxed and confident, his jaw clenched and posture was stiff again. His fist seemed to close around his phone tighter and eyes narrowed. I couldn't help but wonder what it was that he had read. But, I had no time to ask as Lloyd got up and without another word, started to leave.

I wanted to call after him, but deemed it useless. He paid me no attention as the bell chimed, signifying his exit. No goodbye, no wave, nothing. Worry growing quickly, I sped to put some cash on the table before following him out the store, praying I wouldn't have already lost him. To my luck, however, he was only a little bit down the street. I immediately caught sight of him, his blonde hair glowing like a halo under the artificial light that kept the streets bright, even though by now it was early morning. There were few people along the streets, and most looked exhausted. Jogging, I ran to find him standing completely still, watching something in the wall of TVs in the window of the local News Station. "Lloyd?" I breathed as I stood next to him, watching as my breath was carried by a cloud of mist in the cool air. He either didn't hear me, or was ignoring me. But it didn't matter either way as I read the breaking news displayed on the many screens myself.

NINJA ONCE HEROES, NOW VIGILANTES TO BE ARRESTED