Chapter 21

Harry didn't make eye contact with me again that evening, and I didn't try to do so with him either. It felt like all my energy had been drenched from my body after our conversation, and all I wanted was to go back to the hotel. Thankfully, Liam seemed to notice this, so we got up from our seats shortly after we had returned from the bathroom, leaving the four people behind.

After recording the show the next day, Liam and I packed our bags and headed to the airport. I had barely spoken a word to him about anything other than the show since last night, and judging by the crease that was edged into the skin between his eyebrows, I had a feeling he was aware of this.

He didn't say anything about it until we had boarded the plane and were sitting in our seats, though. He turned to me with a determined look on his face, his eyes staring into mine. "I know something happened last night," he stated, not even asking because he knew.

I bit my bottom lip, turning to look out the small window. "Why would you think that?" I asked, lacing my fingers together on my lap.

He let out a sigh. "You have barely spoken a word to me since we left the club, and after you came back from wherever you went, you seemed off. We all also noticed that Harry followed you, so I have a distinct feeling he is the reason you're so quiet. Tell me if I'm wrong."

Pursing my lips, I turned to him slowly, furrowing my eyebrows. "You're not," was the only thing I said.

A gentle smile formed on his lips. It was almost sympathetic. "So, what happened?" He asked tentatively, probably not wanting to seem pushy.

I hesitated at first, contemplating whether I should tell him or not, but then I figured it wouldn't matter since he already knew everything else that had happened between me and Harry lately. The only thing he didn't know was what went down when we broke up. "We uh... we brought up what happened that evening," I explained eventually.

Liam seemed surprised by this. "Really? Did you talk about it? Like, discuss why it happened?"

I shook my head. "No, we just kind of accused each other of it," I mumbled, the memory of Harry's face before leaving the bathroom replaying in my head.

I hadn't been able to stop thinking about it since it happened because he looked so hurt. The question was why he looked hurt when he had hurt me just as much, if not even worse. He cheated on me. He had no right to look at me like that. No right at all. But the fact that he did made me sick to my stomach, and the sickness hadn't gone down since then.

"Hmm," he hummed, running a hand through his hair. "Well, at least that's one step in the right direction. I mean, you at least brought it up. That's always something," he shrugged.

"Yeah," I mumbled, looking down at my lap.

"So, that's why you have barely spoken since then? Because you and Harry brought up the reason you broke up?" He asked, probably wanting it to be confirmed.

Harry's pained expression showed up in my head once again, and I almost winced. "I just... He made it seem like I'm the only one to blame, as if what he did to me is nothing compared to what I did to him. It just made me feel sick."

He let out a sigh, reaching out to pat me on the thigh reassuringly. "This is what I meant when I said you should talk about it. You have no idea what's going on inside his head, and he has no idea what's going on inside of yours. If you just talked it out, you'd get an explanation as to why he reacted the way he did."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "It's not that easy, though. We barely talk, Liam. We just get on each other's nerves, which is the only reason we utter a word to each other," I explained. "Besides, didn't I already tell you that I don't want to be reminded of it more than I already am?"

He tilted his head to the side, biting his lip. "You did, yes, but if you just tried, I'm sure you would feel as though a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. It won't bug you anymore, and there will be no more unanswered questions as to why it happened," he said. "And you do realize that you're going to be spending the next half of the year together, right? I'm pretty sure it's going to be hard to avoid him for that long without being reminded of it in some way."

Looking down at my hands, I shrugged my shoulders. "It's the easiest way out."

Liam shook his head. "No, it's not, Lou. The easiest way out would be to discuss what happened between you. You would both feel better if you did. Besides, you still love him. I know you don't want to be on bad terms with him. It doesn't matter how many times you try to convince me otherwise. I know you, Lou," he said, patting my knee gently.

I stared at him for a long time. He was right. I didn't want to be on bad terms with Harry. I wanted to be just like we had been before everything was ruined, before our relationship went down the drain, but could that still happen? We had been through a lot since then. And even if I were to forgive him for what he did to me and he for what I did to him, would we ever be able to be like we once were?

Without answering him, I turned back to look out the window, zoning out from the world.

-----

The next few days were pretty calm and quiet. I tried to write another song, but it didn't go very well because every time I thought about it, Harry's pained expression appeared in my head, and it made me put my guitar away every time. After the third try, I figured it wasn't going to happen.

Four days after we arrived back home from Ibiza, I received a text from Simon, saying that I should go out to grab a coffee with Eleanor. It had been a while since he made me do a stunt, so it confused me a bit. He usually only made me go out with her when something had happened. Therefore, I decided to ask him if something was going on, and then I received an angry message saying, 'Check your Twitter, smartass'.

With my eyebrows pulled together, I went on Twitter to do as told, but mostly because I was curious. As far as I knew, I hadn't been seen with someone I shouldn't.

But I did.

My feed was full of tweets and pictures of me, Liam, Niall and Harry at the beach in Ibiza. It had almost been a week now, but the photos hadn't been published until this morning.

As if this wasn't already bad enough, Harry and I were lying on two sunbeds next to each other, and I was wearing his sunglasses. It was apparent they were his too, because there were pictures of him wearing them as well. Fuck.

I didn't even know there had been paparazzi on the beach, and it was strange how they had managed to take these pictures without any of us noticing it. But maybe we had been too caught up in whatever we were doing, or these paparazzi had just been very good at hiding. The question was how they even knew we were there in the first place. Unless they knew of our X Factor schedule and that Harry and I were both going to Ibiza.

It seemed like everyone was freaking out over it, both because all four of us had been seen together and that Harry and I had used the same sunglasses after not even being in the same picture in over two years. It even seemed like us being in the same photo and lying next to each other on the sunbeds was enough for them to freak out. The sunglasses were just the icing on the cake.

Now I understood why Simon had texted me. Yet, I was surprised that he hadn't called me and yelled at me because this was probably the worst thing that had happened since I signed my second contract with Syco three years ago.

Louis: I'll grab a coffee with her.

A few minutes later, I got up from my chair at the kitchen table to put my bowl and spoon in the dishwasher. I then got ready for the day, gave Cliff some food and water before sending Eleanor a text message, telling her I would be at her place in a few minutes since she had most likely already been informed of the news that we were going out.

She didn't seem to mind as she only replied with a simple 'okay'. She was probably used to it by now, and even if I didn't like to think about it, she was getting paid to do this. No matter what, though, I couldn't see her as a bad person. If it weren't her, it would be another girl.

Half an hour later, I was standing outside her place. I figured we could walk to the cafe and bring our dogs with us since Cliff needed his daily walk, and I was sure Bruce did too. Besides, it was in the middle of the summer, so sitting outside would not be a problem as long as it was a pretty secluded place.

The walk to the coffee shop didn't last very long, so we were soon sitting at a table outside in the sun, sipping on our teas and coffees while our dogs were lying beneath us on the ground.

Despite the circumstances, it was pretty relaxing. It had been a while since Eleanor and I talked to each other like this, although I could have done without the paparazzi trying to sneak a few pictures of us from around the corner of the shop.

"So, how's the show going for you? It feels like we haven't properly talked about it since you first went away," Eleanor asked, taking another sip of her coffee. She was wearing black sunglasses, a black leather jacket and a pair of black, shiny jeans while smoking a cigarette.

"It's been a lot of fun so far. I'm looking forward to when the live shows start in September. I feel like that's when we're really going to start doing what we're there for, you know? With the coaching and stuff," I replied, placing my chin in my palm to support my head.

Her lips formed a smile as she nodded. "I can understand that," she replied. "So, you're finished with the auditions and the other stages before the live shows then?"

"Yeah, we recorded the Judges' Houses in Ibiza," I explained, looking away as memories of what happened there returned to my mind. It seemed like it didn't matter what I did or who I was with. I was reminded of the trip and a certain someone anyway.

Her mouth formed the shape of an 'o'. "Right. So, how's it to work with Harry again? Since, you know, you aren't on the best of terms these days," she asked gently, her face showing sympathy.

I let out a sigh, running a hand through my hair. "I don't know if I'm honest. It's like a part of me is happy that he's there while another part of me wants him to drop out. We've just been through a lot of stuff that I'm not ready to tackle yet, and I have a feeling he isn't either."

She nodded in understanding. "It's been almost three years, right? Since you broke up?"

"Yeah..." I trailed off, averting my gaze. "Liam says it would be best if we talked about what happened since it's apparently weighing us both down, but I'm not sure if I'm ready yet. I just... I'm afraid I'll fall back to how I felt after our breakup, that the wounds will reopen," I explained.

Eleanor hummed while sucking on her cigarette. "I understand you're afraid of that, but talking about it might also make things better," she reasoned. "But if you don't feel ready yet, you shouldn't do it. It's your decision to make, not anyone else's."

My lips twitched as I nodded. "Yeah, you're right," I said, thinking back to the incident where she had called me during the audition tour. "Harry still doesn't like you, you know?" I said, remembering the look he had sent me when he had heard us talking and also the way he had confronted me afterward.

She raised her eyebrows as a chuckle escaped her lips. "Are you really surprised about that, Lou? He never liked me, and he had a good reason not to. If I were in his shoes, I wouldn't like me either. Besides, you both succeeded in persuading Simon that you wouldn't have to continue dating me publically anymore, so it doesn't surprise me if he's mad we're back together," she said, adding quotation marks on the word 'back'.

I let out a sigh, knowing she was right. I had been pissed at him when he confronted me about it, but that was because he had told me many stupid things and not because he didn't have a right to be mad. I knew he did. The thing was, it wasn't my fault things were like this. I didn't have a say in what people I dated in public. "You're right."

"So," she said, pursing her lips. "How do you think he'll react to us being out today?"

Furrowing my eyebrows, I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know, but we're not together anymore, so there's no reason for him to react at all, is there? I mean, it's not really his business."

"No, I guess not," she mumbled, studying my face for a long time before dropping the subject.

-----

When I arrived back home, the first thing I did was flop down on my couch in the living room. Eleanor and I had been out for a couple of hours, so it would be a lie to say I wasn't exhausted. It wasn't every day I had to walk around just to have the paparazzi take pictures of me. Usually, they would just manage to sneak a few photos here and there if they were lucky, so this was something completely different.

I reached for the remote to turn on my flatscreen as Clifford jumped up on the couch to lie down at my feet. The first thing that came on was a show I hadn't watched in years, and there was a good reason why.

Gogglebox.

Harry and I would always watch it together back in the days, laugh at the people's reactions and end up staying in bed all day. I remembered it so clearly, the way he would wake me up in the mornings saying, 'Lou, Lou, let's watch an episode of Gogglebox' excitedly.

Just thinking about it made my heart ache. I missed those days. Everything had just been so easy. There was not a care in the world. It was just the two of us spending time together when we were home from touring. There was no one else around, no one that could ruin our little bubble, just Louis and Harry.

I swallowed at the memories and didn't hesitate to switch channels. I couldn't watch it even if I wanted to. It would only make me cry, and that was the last thing I needed. I had already cried enough over that man the last few years.

In an attempt to distract myself from my thoughts, I pulled my phone out of my jeans pocket to check my notifications. I had a missed call from Lottie and Liam, but neither of those really caught my attention because I had also received a text from Harry.

I could feel how my heart stopped beating in my chest the second I read his name on the screen, and my first thought was, why was he texting me? Apart from a few weeks ago, when I brought up that woman, he hadn't sent me a text out of nowhere, not since our breakup.

After hesitating for at least three minutes, I went to my messages to open it, my mouth going dry the second I had finished reading.

Harry: I see that the pictures of us put you off so much that you went out with Eleanor.

I could practically see the look on his face he had while typing this. Bitter, but also hurt. He had always been attractive when he was upset, the way he would furrow his eyebrows and pout his lips. But he shouldn't be upset about these pictures. He knew just as well as I that I didn't have any choice but to go out with her.

After the shock had subsided, I typed out a reply to him.

Louis: Funny how you still after all these years don't seem to realize that it's never my idea to go out with her.

I hit send before going onto Twitter to see what was going on after the pictures of me and Eleanor had apparently been published. The people who believed Harry and I had once been or still were in a relationship seemed to see right through the cover-up while other people gushed over the new pictures of me and Eleanor, saying that the other ones should shut up about me and Harry.

I had never been a fan of the result of publicly dating Eleanor. It only created chaos in the fandom, where they were either on one side or the other. I would rather have it that everyone got along like a family, but since Simon was so determined to push my narrative of being straight, I couldn't see it happening anytime soon.

My phone suddenly vibrated in my hands, snapping me out of my thoughts. Without hesitating this time, I opened the new text Harry had sent me.

Harry: I can't believe you signed another contract with that man. You must worship the ground he walks.

His words hit me right in the heart. I could still remember how mad he had been at me when he found out I had signed that contract. He had yelled right in my face how stupid I was, and sure, I couldn't blame him for saying that, but he didn't know what happened the day I signed it.

Louis: And you're saying your management treats you better?

If what I had come to learn was true, they didn't exactly treat him well. He had even told me himself that he had to publically date that woman for a year. Besides, both Anne and Simon had said to me that they wanted him to act a certain way, so I didn't see a big difference between our management. The entire music industry was fucked up, so it didn't really matter what label you were under.

When he didn't reply right away, I decided to get up to make some food. It was already five in the afternoon, and I had done so much walking today that my stomach was growling for food now.

Once I entered the kitchen, I grabbed a pan to place it on the stove and pulled out two eggs and some butter from the fridge. I then grabbed two slices of bread and put them in the toaster before cracking the eggs in the pan. Fried egg on toast was just delicious.

The second I sat down at the kitchen table with my toasts and a glass of orange juice, I fished my phone from my pocket to see if Harry had replied yet.

Harry: You know nothing about how my management treats me.

I almost laughed at the text because he apparently didn't know I did.

Louis: Except I'm pretty sure I do. You should be happy it's not worse than it is.

He ended up not replying to that, and I didn't exactly expect him to since I probably surprised him with what I said. He didn't know that I knew, that I was aware of how they had wanted him to become someone he wasn't. On the other hand, they were probably more open to other things than Simon since I was sure he would have never allowed Harry to paint his nails. But did that matter when his new management was trying to change him? He was a human being, not a piece of their game.

When I went to bed that night, many different thoughts circled my head, but they mainly consisted of Harry, which they always seemed to do these days. I also thought of where we stood. We had gone from not talking to each other to arguing, to him being quiet, and now back to disagreeing with each other again, and this was only in the span of two months.

I couldn't help but wonder what the next stage in our relationship would be or if there was even going to be a next one.

-----

I feel like this chapter is a bit all over the place, so excuse me for that. I'm sorry. Also, I'm sorry that I left you on a cliffhanger in the previous chapter and then didn't update in eight days. I didn't know when I was writing it that I was going to start my internship at the same time. Anyway, I hope you liked it!

My updates will probably take this long now that I'm on my internship because I barely have time to write at all anymore, so yeah, don't expect a chapter within the next five days anymore.

Other than that, thank you for reading, voting and commenting. I'm so happy that you seemed to like the previous chapter <3

Edited by: butterflies151

Pauline .xx