Chapter 18

Boot Camp went great. We had really found some fantastic singers this year, just like Logan and I talked about. Frankie and Aaliyah were two of the people we agreed should go through to Judges' Houses, but the Harry fan, Louise, didn't, which I didn't really mind, but Nick was a little grumpy about it.

One thing we all noticed was that we didn't have many groups this year. It was a bit sad, seeing as three of us judges were in a band, but the six acts we sent through to Judges' Houses were far from bad. It would have just been more fun if more groups had applied for the show.

After we had walked off the stage that day, Patrick called us to the lounge room in the arena. We sat down on the two large grey couches in the room, and it wasn't until a man with a giant camera showed up that I realized he was going to mention something that would be included in the show. "Now that Boot Camp is over, it's time to announce what category you have been assigned with," Patrick announced, standing with his hands on his hips in front of us.

I hadn't even thought about it, but now that he mentioned it, it made sense that we would find out about that today. After all, the next stage was the Judges' Houses, where we would go to a place with our assigned group.

"Nick, you'll coach the overs. Perrie, you're assigned with the girls. Louis, you've got the groups, which means that you, Harry, will be coaching the boys. I hope this is alright with all of you."

If I were honest, I couldn't be happier. I had wanted to coach the groups since I decided to take the offer of participating in the show. Of course, I wouldn't have minded coaching any of the other categories, but having the groups had always been a dream of mine.

"Yeah, of course," Perrie smiled. "When do we get to inform the contestants?"

Patrick's lips twitched. "Right now, actually. They're waiting for you in separate rooms, so a crew member will guide you to your individual category."

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That working day was over in the snap of the fingers, and we all returned to our separate homes again. I was starting to realize that living alone in my big house was even worse nowadays. I missed everything that involved being around other people and not living alone. If I were completely honest, I missed having Harry around. I was never alone back in the days because from the moment we had to move to London after participating in the X Factor until the band went on hiatus, he had always lived with me.

I lived in ignorance for a long time after that, telling myself that I enjoyed being on my own and that I didn't miss having him around. What a stupid thing to try convincing myself. What person preferred living alone? I bet everyone wanted to have someone around, preferably a person they loved dearly. Harry had always been that person to me. I just hadn't wanted to admit it.

Being all by myself usually resulted in a lot of thinking, and in this case, a sudden interest started building up inside me. It was an interest concerning Harry and his past relationships after me. I knew it was probably not a good idea to look anything up, seeing as I was most likely going to be incredibly heartbroken by it. But the curiosity was increasing every day.

Deep down, I knew I didn't want to see all these people he had loved after me, but at the same time, I had to know. Therefore, I pulled out my laptop from under my bed and opened up Google Chrome after eating breakfast and taking care of Clifford one day. I sat down on the edge of my bed, typing in 'Harry Styles' relationships' in the search bar.

My heart pounded in my chest, my fingers shaking as I clicked enter. The page that came up showed many pictures of Harry with different girls, which wasn't exactly a big surprise. He always had to be seen with all these profiles back in the days, an order from our management. However, I also knew that most of them were just friends of his since some of them were my friends as well.

Seeing Taylor made me almost shudder. It had been five years now, but I still couldn't get over that situation. I knew she was a lovely and talented girl, but she was the first woman Harry'd had to be seen with publically apart from Caroline, so it never sat well with me.

A blonde-haired girl caught my eye then, probably because she was in many pictures and I didn't recognize her. I clicked on one of them, which led me to an article titled 'Harry Styles and Camille Rowe break up after a year of dating'. It made a lump form in my throat, and it felt like someone had just stabbed me in the heart. A whole year?

I then checked when the article was published, only to notice it was just a few months ago. A few months ago. How could I have missed this? And why was she never mentioned? I mean, sure, I didn't exactly enjoy going around talking about Harry, but she must have been brought up sometime if they were together so recently.

Unless she was another stunt.

She could be, but that would mean Harry's new record label knew about his sexuality, seeing as there was no other reason why he would need to date a model like her. Because from what I knew, she wasn't that well-known. Or, they had actually been together, and he just preferred not to talk about her. Maybe she was even the reason he was acting so weird these days.

My head was spinning with so many thoughts and scenarios that I almost got a headache from it. I knew this was a bad idea. I felt sick to my stomach, and I didn't want to look at these pictures a second longer, but I still needed answers. I couldn't go around wondering whether they had been a couple or not. I had to know.

I fished my phone from the pocket of my joggers to dial Liam's number. He picked up on the second ring, answering with a happy, "Hi, Lou."

"Liam," I breathed, running a hand over my face. "I have to ask you something, and if you know the answer, you have to tell me, alright?"

I could feel the hesitation from him on the other end. "What are you talking about?"

I bit my bottom lip, closing my eyes for a few seconds before opening them again. "Do you know anything about Harry dating a woman named Camille Rowe?" I asked, my voice laced with a bit of panic.

Liam let out a deep sigh on the other end. "Louis, what are you doing? Please don't tell me you're looking up things on the internet."

Glancing down at my lap guiltily, I pursed my lips. "I might be, but that's beside the point. Please just answer my question. I have to know," I pleaded.

Liam let out another sigh. "I don't know, Lou. I think they were only seen together a few times, but the media have it they were dating for an entire year. You know how secretive Harry is when it comes to these things, so I think you would get the best answers if you just asked him about it."

My eyes widened at his idea. "I can't ask him, are you crazy? Last time we talked to each other, he said that we shouldn't care whether we are dating other people or not. Fuck, Liam. I have to know. I feel sick to my stomach, not knowing if they were actually together," I huffed frustratingly.

"I understand that you want to know, Lou, but either way, they're not together anymore, so does it really matter that much?" He asked gently.

I furrowed my brows, pressing my lips together. "Yes, it does. I mean, he's allowed to date anyone he wants since we're not together, but it still matters. The way he acts these days might not have anything to do with me if he's hung up on another ex he dated after me," I explained.

He was quiet for a while until he replied, "So, it's not about the fact that you don't want him to have moved on from you?" He was hesitant, and I knew he was because he didn't want to upset me. He knew how easily I could blow up.

I bit the inside of my cheek, looking down at my lap. "I... No. I already know he doesn't love me anymore. I just... I just need to know. A lot of things could have a different meaning if he dated this woman or any other person."

"Alright," he said, giving up. "You should just text him then. It's easier to talk that way, and if he doesn't answer, then you at least tried, yeah?"

I knitted my brows. "Can't you just ask him for me?" I muttered, making Liam chuckle on the other end.

"No, Lou, I can't. Besides, he would probably understand that I'm asking for you anyway, seeing as I wouldn't be interested in knowing whether he dated a woman or not," Liam pointed out.

I let out a defeated sigh. "Yeah, I guess you're right," I mumbled, looking up towards my bedroom door that was ajar, my brows still knitted.

"I'm positive I am," he replied. "So, I guess I'll see you next week when we're going to Ibiza then, yeah?"

A faint smile formed on my lips. "Of course. See you then, mate. And uh, thanks for listening to me. I appreciate it."

"Of course, Lou. You can talk to me about anything whenever you want to, alright? I'll always be here to listen."

My lips twitched at his words as I nodded. "That means a lot. You're a great friend, Li."

"You too, Lou."

The second we had ended the call, I decided not to put my phone away. Instead, I hesitantly opened my contacts, hoping I still had Harry's number saved and that he hadn't changed it over the years. Luckily, I found it only seconds later, but I still let my finger hover over the screen, contemplating if I should do this. Was I really that desperate?

It was probably just very immature of me to think this way. I shouldn't even care, but how could I not when I still had feelings for him? Fuck it. I was doing this.

So without thinking twice, I clicked his name and typed out a message.

Louis: Okay, so this might sound weird, but were you and Camille dating?

The second I hit send, I flipped my phone over so that the screen was facing the bed because I didn't want to see whether it would light up or not. I was acting like a teenager texting their crush for the first time, but I couldn't help it. Harry was my first real crush, and it didn't matter if we had been in a five-year relationship more than two years ago and that I was now a twenty-six-year-old grown man. I felt just as nervous as I did when I asked him for that picture at Boot Camp when we both auditioned for the X Factor.

I decided to close Google Chrome and shut down my laptop entirely since I didn't want to see more pictures. I should have known it would lead to this, that things wouldn't get better if I decided to look it up, but the curiosity got the best of me, and look where that got me.

It wasn't until twenty minutes later I decided to check my phone, a bundle of nerves erupting in my stomach as I lit the screen up. They instantly vanished when I noticed I didn't have any new notifications, and I realized there were only three possible options; one, he had changed numbers. Two, he was busy doing God knows what, so he hadn't seen the text yet. Or three, he didn't want to answer me.

The most probable reason would be that he had changed numbers or just opened the text message and decided not to reply. And why would he reply? He had made it clear that he didn't want to talk about this topic with me, yet it was the first thing I decided to text him about after two years. I was so stupid.

-----

The day went by incredibly slowly after that, and I was positive part of that reason was because I started getting more and more regretful that I had sent the text to Harry in the first place. He hadn't replied, but he had read it, which meant that it was his number and he had seen it. He just didn't want to answer me.

The more time that passed, the more I realized it was pathetic of me to even care so much about this guy. I shouldn't care whether he had dated this woman. I shouldn't care whether he had found someone new after me. I shouldn't care about his life at all, seeing as he had made it so obvious that he didn't love me anymore. I was just pathetic for still feeling the way I did about him.

When I went to bed that night, I sent Liam a text to tell him that his idea was stupid and that I shouldn't have asked Harry about Camille. I then went onto Twitter to check my newsfeed and type out a tweet, asking everyone how they were doing. I replied to a few people before closing the app and getting ready for bed.

Clifford was lying next to me, his entire body stretched out against my side. I ran my hand through his black fur, rubbing behind his ear before reaching over to place my phone on the nightstand. I turned off the lamp while letting out a yawn, turning around to make myself comfortable.

I was just about to close my eyes when my phone screen lit up the room, indicating that I had just gotten a notification. I tried to tell myself that it was probably just Liam who had replied to me, but as I closed my eyes, I couldn't help but feel the urge to check it. So that was how I found myself reaching out to grab the phone in my hand and see what the screen said.

Harry: I thought I told you that we're not talking about this?

-----

I decided to spend the next few days in Doncaster before we were leaving for Ibiza. I stayed at my grandparents' house, where Fizzy, Daisy and Phoebe lived. It had been a long time since I was last there to visit, even if I'd had time these past few weeks. But it was such a long ride that I couldn't see them as much as I wanted, unfortunately.

They all seemed as happy to see me as I was to see them, grandma hugging me tightly to her chest, almost squeezing the life out of me. I had always been her baby, and I knew that our bond would never break no matter what. I was so glad to have her in my life still, that she wasn't gone too because that would break me completely.

I met up with some of my old friends as well, playing some footie with them. Stan and Oli barely let me leave when I said I had to go back to my grandparents'. I understood them, though. I had missed them, and I wanted to spend as much time with them now that I was here too, so I let them know I would show up at their guys' night the next day before I had to leave for London again.

Dan and the youngest set of twins came to visit on the last day of my stay. It had been even longer since I met Doris and Ernest, so I felt even more reluctant to leave Doncaster that day. But, unfortunately, I didn't have a choice.

During my entire stay in Doncaster, I forced myself not to think about Harry and his text message. It had been a great distraction from reality to go back to my hometown, and I wondered why I didn't think about doing it earlier. It would have saved me from having a lot of unnecessary thoughts.

I couldn't keep him out of my mind any longer when I drove back home to London that evening, though. I hadn't been able to sleep the night he replied to my text because a large lump had formed in my stomach. I didn't know if I even wanted him to answer when everything came around, seeing as it felt like I had only made things worse. It had been so stupid of me.

I made a few stops along the way to get some food and use the toilet, but they were so quick that I arrived back home at a reasonable time anyway. So after bringing my bags and Clifford inside, I decided to get to work instantly by rolling my suitcase up to my room and starting to unpack it, only to repack it with summer clothes.

At some point when I did this, my phone vibrated in the back pocket of my black jeans, but I didn't put too much thought into it. It wasn't until I was finished packing and had tossed all my dirty clothes in the laundry basket in the bathroom that I grabbed my phone to check it.

My entire body went rigid as I caught sight of the familiar name on the screen, indicating that I had received a new text message from him. I opened my phone quickly, feeling my heart thump in my chest as I clicked on his name to see the message.

Harry: Why do you even care?

My brows furrowed at his words. Was he still talking about the text I had sent him? It had almost been a week since then, so why was he bringing it back up now?

If I were honest, I didn't know if I should reply to him. It only felt like I would make things worse between us, and I didn't want that. If anything, I wanted us to be able to talk normally again. Yet, I knew I would feel bad if I didn't answer him.

Louis: I just feel like I have a right to know.

Was that harsh? Probably, but I couldn't tell him that I had to know for the sake of my own sanity. Even if spending time with my family had distracted me, it still bugged me that I didn't know whether he had dated that woman or not. It shouldn't matter, as Liam had told me. We weren't together at the time, but it did matter. It just did.

To my surprise, the screen lit up before I had even time to put my phone away again. I was more prepared for his reply this time, but it didn't stop my heart from racing anyway.

Harry: That's a bit weird, isn't it? But if so, you shouldn't mind if I asked you if something is going on between you and that man in the crew.

A laugh escaped my lips, and I muffled it with the back of my hand. Even if I could tell he was serious about it, I couldn't help but find it funny. It warmed my heart knowing he couldn't drop that matter. It made me wonder if it had been on his mind since the first time he asked me about it.

I walked back to my bedroom and sat down on the edge of my bed. Clifford was already lying at the end of it, his body turned so that he was lying on his side with his eyes closed. A smile formed on my lips at the sight, and it stayed there when I turned my attention back to my phone.

Louis: There isn't.

When he didn't reply right away, I decided to get ready for bed. Liam and I were leaving pretty early the next day, and I wanted to be well-rested then. So I stripped down to my boxers before getting under the covers, making sure not to disturb Cliff in his sleep as I did so. I then turned off the lamp on my nightstand, letting the darkness take over the room.

I stayed on my phone for at least ten minutes until I could feel my eyelids get heavy. Hanging out with the guys had taken a lot of energy from me last night, and then waking up to spending time with my four-year-old siblings had completely worn me out, so it wasn't really a surprise that I was tired.

Just when I thought sleep would take over my body, my phone vibrated in my hand, indicating that I had just received a new text. My eyes sprang open, and I didn't hesitate to leave the app I was currently on to open it.

Harry: No, we weren't.

-----

I woke up later than I wanted to the next day, so I had to stress a lot to get to the airport on time. On top of that, I had completely forgotten that I was supposed to drop Clifford off at Eleanor's place, so I had to drive so fast that I was sure the cops would have taken my driver's license from me if I had bumped into them.

Somehow, I still managed to get to the airport on time. I walked through the glass doors, trying to look for where I was supposed to check in my luggage. When I eventually found my flight on the board, I headed to the correct check-in.

There were many people here, but neither of them seemed to recognize me, and maybe that was because I was wearing a black hoodie, my black Adidas cap and a pair of sunglasses. I had also pulled the hood of my hoodie over my cap, doing all I could not to make a scene.

I caught sight of Liam almost immediately when I found the right place. He was leaning against a wall outside a coffee shop with his phone in his hand. He was also wearing a hoodie, but his was grey instead of black. He was also wearing a pair of black sunglasses, probably not to get recognized by anyone, just like my intention was. Sadly for him, I could see right through his disguise, though.

Without gaining anyone's attention, I walked over to the man with a smile on my face. "Oi oi."

Liam looked up, his lips instantly twitching. "Louis," he greeted, bringing me into a hug. "It's been way too long since we met in real life, Jesus."

Once we had departed, I shrugged. "Yeah, but we're here now, aren't we?" I smirked.

"That we are," he chuckled, nodding his head.

He then looked down at his phone for a few seconds before looking back up at me. "You're not going to believe what I just found out."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "What?"

A wide smile formed on his lips as he raised his eyebrows. "I just talked to Niall. Apparently, Harry has chosen him to be his guest for the Judges' Houses, and they're going to Ibiza as well, but instead of today, they're going tomorrow."

Of fucking course.

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So, I know this chapter was quite boring, but I hope the next one will make up for it.

Thank you all so much for the birthday wishes, and I hope you enjoyed the quiz I made on my ig account! It was fun to see your answers haha x

Also, thank you for the support. Your comments always make me smile, and seeing all the reads and votes this story has received so far is amazing!

Edited by: butterflies151

Pauline .xx