Chapter 13

Breakfast was very silent the next day. I sneaked a few glances at Harry, trying to notice any signs of tears on his face, but there were none. He looked sad, though, which I took as a sign that my imagination wasn't just playing a trick on me the other night. 

It probably shouldn't, but this fact bugged me because the Harry I had gotten to know the first few days of this journey had not shown any signs of being vulnerable or close to tears. He seemed like the most confident and cold-hearted (to me) man ever, the way he had worn those sunglasses like a diva, and the way he had flirted his way into that pub and got us free drinks from the bar.

What happened to him?

Not that I was particularly sad that persona wasn't there anymore, but I didn't like him being sad either. If he was crying, I wanted to know why. It had always been something my inner self needed so that I could make things better. The thing was, I couldn't ask him about it now, and I shouldn't want to either.

I couldn't keep my eyes off him during the entire breakfast. The only time I broke my stare was when I looked down to see what food I was putting into my mouth. He didn't turn to meet my gaze once. Not that I thought he would, and not that I wanted him to. I just wanted to keep an eye on him.

"We're leaving in half an hour, Louis, since we have to find you some swimming trunks before going to the spa," Perrie informed, nudging me in the side to snap me out of my trance.

I turned to her while letting out a sigh. "Alright. Let's meet in the lobby then, yeah?"

She nodded before getting up from her chair to get rid of her tray. I followed suit, but not before glancing at Harry one more time. He was talking to Nick now, but it still seemed like he wanted to be somewhere else. His eyebrows were pinched together, the crease edged into his features seeming permanent now. He was looking down too, but I could still see his lips moving. Averting my gaze to look ahead of me, I bit my bottom lip, trying my best not to think about the previous night. The truth would hopefully come out soon anyway.

Perrie and I separated once we reached our rooms, and the first thing I decided to do was clean. It seemed like I couldn't visit a single hotel without somehow managing to throw my clothes everywhere. If it weren't for the fact that we were leaving tonight, I probably wouldn't have cared about cleaning, though, but that was beside the point.

I finished five minutes before I had to be in the lobby, so I hurried into the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I emerged from it, I slid my feet into my Vans, then placed my hand on the door handle to exit the room. But before I had time to open it, I heard the sound of someone humming on the other side of the wall.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I let go of the handle and walked over to stand next to the flat screen so that I could hear better.

"What am I now? What am I now? What if I'm someone I don't want around...?"

A knot formed in my stomach at the sound of Harry's angelic voice. Apart from when he had been singing in the shower (more like screaming, to be honest) that night, this was the first time I had heard him sing in two years, and there was something about the way he sang those words that made them feel so emotional.

Could he be talking about the way he had acted the first few days? The persona I had spoken to Anne about, where she said his manager wanted him to be a certain way that he had now gotten used to? And the persona I had possibly added fuel to the fire to?

Swallowing, I retracted from the wall and hurried out of the room, almost running towards the elevator. I just wanted to get away, not even caring that I was rushing just to go shopping.

Perrie was sitting on one of the couches when I got to the lobby, one of her legs crossed over the other with her face turned towards the phone in her hands. "Ah, there you are," I smiled, probably too wide for seeming natural.

"Yeah, I've been here for five minutes, Lou. Are you ready to go?" She asked, seeming a little confused.

"More than ready," I replied, and judging from the way she furrowed her eyebrows, I was sure it made her even more confused.

"Alright then."

We exited the hotel side by side, walking over to the cab Perrie had called to pick us up. Unfortunately, the ride downtown didn't last longer than ten minutes, so we had to exit the car sooner than I wanted to. The feeling of not caring about going shopping had definitely subsided by now.

"Come on, I'm not buying these swimming trunks for you, and I'm sure you don't want to go to the spa naked," she said, waiting for me to get out.

She walked over to stand on the other side of my door, giving me a pointed look with her head tilted to the side through the window. I pursed my lips but reluctantly climbed out of the vehicle. Perrie shut the door behind me, pulling my arm under her own to start dragging me forward.

"This is going to be fun."

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Shopping for swimming trunks was as far from fun as you could possibly come, but I did end up buying a pair of dark blue ones anyway. Perrie dragged me through the shop, showing me different types and colors. I tried to seem interested, but it wasn't easy since I despised shopping in stores. What was wrong with online shopping?

Once we found the pair, we left the store and returned to the hotel to pick up Nick and Harry. It seemed like I was the only one who hadn't thought of bringing swimwear, which I found odd since we weren't engaging in anything that had to do with water, and it wasn't warm enough outside to sunbathe either, but the problem was solved now at least.

A few people stopped us on our way to where the cab had dropped us off, so we returned to the hotel a few minutes later than we had first intended. And of course it turned out the two were on time for once. They were standing outside the hotel when we arrived, with their bags at their feet.

"Where have you been?" Nick huffed, slamming the passenger door shut behind him when they entered the car.

Harry got into the seat on the other side of me, leaving Perrie with no other choice but to scoot over to the middle seat. "We've been shopping for swimming trunks as I told you we would," Perrie replied.

"You said you would be back at eleven. It's eleven-thirty right now," Nick pointed out, looking back at Perrie.

"As if you're ever on time," I muttered under my breath, looking out the window.

"What did you say, Tomlinson?" Nick asked, raising his voice.

I decided not to reply since I figured it would only make things worse. Patrick wanted us to get on better terms, not the opposite. "We were stopped by a few fans, alright? There was nothing we could do about it," Perrie replied, ignoring Nick's comment.

The man let out a huff, turning back in his seat to look out the windshield. We all stayed quiet for the rest of the ride, and I was pretty sure Harry didn't even move where he was sitting, looking out the window with an unreadable look on his face.

I couldn't help but think about the way I had heard him sing earlier this morning, how vulnerable and exposed he had sounded. It made me think of when he had sung 'If I Could Fly' to me for the first time. I had been so emotionally affected by it that I had let a few tears slip without even knowing it, and the fact that it was written about me... I didn't understand how I managed to hold it together.

Pulling myself out of my thoughts, I looked back out the window, trying to get rid of what I had just been thinking about.

Luckily, we arrived at the spa only a few minutes later, and we exited the cab together. With the plastic bag in one hand and my bag in the other, I entered the place with the other guys. The first thing I noticed when we stepped inside was that it was fancy. The floor was of creamy white tiles, and the walls were of the same creamy color. Long, brown curtains adorned the big windows while the furniture was of brown wood.

While I stayed behind with Nick and Harry, Perrie walked over to do the talking since she was the one who had spoken to Patrick about our booking. After a while, a woman guided us to the changing rooms, and it wasn't until we were standing outside the two doors that it dawned on me that I would have to be alone with Harry and Nick.

I inhaled a large breath while glancing at Perrie. She gave me a quick thumbs-up before entering the ladies' changing room, leaving me alone with the two guys. Without so much as acknowledging them, I walked past the two to find a locker as far away from them as possible. I quickly stripped down to my boxers before wrapping the white towel I had been given around my waist to shield my body while exchanging my boxers for the trunks.

I wasn't ashamed of my body. I just didn't want anyone to see me naked. Only one of the guys in the room had done so, and I would rather it stayed that way. Besides, I didn't want him to do it again, especially not when things were as they were between us.

Once I was finished and had shut my locker, I went to the showers. I was the only one there, so I could choose whichever I wanted. After deciding on one, I turned on the water, testing it out first so that it wouldn't be too cold. I then put my foot under the stream and got under the shower spray when I decided the water was warm enough.

Closing my eyes, I let the water pour down my body, soaking every inch of my skin. I ran my hands through my wet hair a couple of times until I heard the sound of someone entering the showers.

I opened my eyes, feeling my breath hitch in my throat when seeing Harry standing right in front of me with only a pair of navy blue trunks hugging his waist. That wasn't all, though. They were so short that they barely left anything to the imagination, and I just didn't understand why he always bought them when there were so many longer ones on the market.

I also couldn't help but notice how muscular he had become. He had always had abs, but they were more prominent now, and he looked more well-built in general than he did back in the days too.

It was his tattoos along with his exposed skin that made flashbacks appear in my head, and I suddenly felt a strong urge to touch him. I wanted to trace the swallows on his chest, I wanted to run my fingers along the outlines of his moth, and I wanted to place my hand on his heart to feel his heartb- No, absolutely not.

Snapping myself out of my thoughts, I looked away from his body and closed my eyes again. I didn't know if he had caught me staring, but I hoped he didn't because that would be humiliating.

I decided I was finished a few seconds later, and I quickly got out of the shower to head into the spa area. The place was huge, with three different pools and four jacuzzis. There were sunbeds on one side of every pool, and windows covered the entire wall towards the outside. It was good that it wasn't located towards the streets because that would have been a nightmare.

Perrie was already lying on one of the sunbeds when I got there, a white robe covering her body as she was staring at the phone in her hands. The second she noticed me, she sat up, a smile breaking out on her face. "It wasn't too bad to change in the same room as them, was it?" She asked, raising her eyebrows.

I just rolled my eyes, deciding not to reply to that. "What did you have in mind when you suggested we should go here out of all places?" I asked, not fitting the puzzle pieces together.

"I have a plan," she smiled, leaving me to just stare at her.

"What kind of plan?" I voiced, suddenly feeling nervous because this was Perrie we were talking about. She could be thinking of anything.

"You'll see."

Luckily, Harry and Nick joined us only a minute later, so I wouldn't have to wait long to find out about her plan. Harry stood with his arms crossed over his chest while Nick had his on his hips, looking at Perrie while I was standing next to her.

"Let's get into one of the jacuzzis," she suggested, pointing in the direction of them.

Harry and Nick followed her without making any protest. They also got into the jacuzzi first, claiming the two seats that viewed the garden on the other side of the windows. Perrie and I joined them, the warm water instantly relaxing my muscles. Yet, I couldn't help but feel a bit uncomfortable because even if Harry was sitting across from me, it felt like he was too close.

"So, since Patrick wanted us to spend time together for obvious reasons, I thought we might as well get to know each other better because that is one of the reasons things aren't working out. That being said, I think we should play twenty questions, but with a little twist. Instead of everyone answering the question, they get to guess what the person asking the question's answer is," she informed.

"Isn't that game for like three-year-olds?" Nick snorted, rolling his eyes.

Perrie shot him a glare. "It's not. But you might have a better idea for us all to talk and open up to each other?"

When Nick didn't reply, she pointedly tilted her head to the side. "That's what I thought."

I didn't want to play this game. It wasn't because it was lame, but because I didn't want to answer anything that had to do with Harry, and I didn't want him to answer things that had to do with me. Fuck, I knew I couldn't trust Perrie.

"I'll go first," Perrie announced, pursing her lips. "Who's my idol?"

Nick was the first one to speak up, "I'd say your mum. You feel like a mummy's girl," he smirked, to which she rolled her eyes.

"I'll say Beyoncé because she's incredibly talented," I said, and Perrie nodded in agreement.

Harry bit his bottom lip, the crease between his eyebrows still prominent. "Lady Gaga," he eventually guessed.

Perrie looked pleasantly surprised by our answers. "Louis' right. My idol is Queen B," she announced, sending me a smile.

Nick let out a snort. "He probably already knew."

"I didn't," I objected, looking at him with furrowed brows.

"No, he didn't," Perrie agreed, raising an eyebrow at the taller lad.

"I'll go next," Harry butted in, interrupting our argument, which was probably for the best. He looked at me for a few seconds before averting his gaze. "What's my favorite color?"

Thank God. His favorite color had always varied over the years, so I didn't know the answer to this question, which was a good thing. The fewer answers I knew about him, the easier it would be to play this game. "I'll go ahead and say yellow because the color suits you," Perrie said, sending him a genuine smile.

Harry's face brightened up, even if the sadness was still evident in his eyes. "Thank you, Pez."

"Of course."

"I'll say green," I shrugged. It was the first color I came up with.

Harry didn't move a muscle at my answer but turned to Nick instead. "Well, I'm going to say blue because you wear that color quite often," Nick said, turning to meet the curly-haired man's gaze.

Harry's features suddenly turned void of emotion, and he looked down at the surface of the water for a few seconds before looking up at me. "Yeah, blue's right."

I had to swallow due to how intense his gaze was. It was like he was trying to tell me something, and I had to look away not to feel sick.

"Alright, I'll go next," I announced, clearing my throat. "What's my biggest fear?"

It took a while until they spoke up, but eventually, Perrie was the one to break the silence. "Heights?" She guessed, making it sound more like a question than a statement.

I turned to Harry, and thankfully, he wasn't staring at me anymore. Instead, he was looking down at the water again.

"I'll say being judged," Nick said, making me snap my head to him and look at him in confusion. He shrugged his shoulders. "You're not out of the closet."

Harry instantly reacted to his words, his eyes boring into his friend's. "I'm not out either, but I'm still not scared of being judged... not anymore, at least. It has nothing to do with that," he frowned.

Nick raised his hands in surrender. "Alright, sorry. It was just a guess," he apologized, but it didn't really look like he was sorry. It pissed me off, but I kept myself from saying anything and just looked away from him.

"Um... I'll say fear of the unknown," Harry mumbled so quietly that I barely heard it, but I did, and his words surprised me to the point where I went speechless.

I didn't expect him to say that. If I were honest, I thought he wouldn't even answer the question, but he did, and I understood why he said what he did, which only added to why I found myself at a loss for words. "I uh... My biggest fear is losing control," I confessed, biting my bottom lip. The thing was, Harry's answer was part of my fear. It was just another way to see it.

"Now that I think about it, I can see that," Perrie said thoughtfully. "You always want to know what's going on around you, and you've been through a lot of things that you haven't had control over. That can easily create a fear of it."

I hummed, avoiding all of their gazes while looking down. It was the first time I had felt this exposed in front of them this journey, and I didn't enjoy it.

Thankfully, Nick broke the silence by asking a question about himself shortly after that, and the game went on without any more uncomfortable situations. That was if you didn't count the parts where Harry asked questions about himself that I knew the answers to. For example, when he asked what country he would have been born if he could be born in any country in the world, 'Italy' was what instantly crossed my mind. And when he asked what food he would never order at a restaurant was, the first thing I thought of was 'pizza' because he had always said that pizza was not for restaurants but takeaway, when you were too lazy to cook your own food.

I was right every time, but I never gave the correct answers because I couldn't. It would only create an awkward atmosphere, and I didn't want more of those. The game had already started badly enough.

We eventually split from each other, where Perrie and I went one way, and Nick and Harry another. We switched to one of the pools when this took place, and it was actually very relaxing. When it all came around, I was happy Perrie had suggested going here. The only thing that was still waiting for us was the massage, and that was what I had been looking forward to the most.

Two workers came into the spa to show us the way to the rooms about an hour and a half after we had arrived. We followed them, and it wasn't until we were standing outside the massage rooms that I realized we might not be in separate ones because there were only two doors.

"Harry and Louis, you're coming with me," one of the workers said while the other informed Nick and Perrie the same thing.

Of course. Was there any chance that Patrick was behind this? I wouldn't be surprised.

"My co-worker and I are going to be the ones doing your massages," the man informed while opening the door to the room.

It was so dark that you couldn't see anything but the two massage beds on each side of it. I was thankful that there was at least some space between them because it was already bad enough that I had to be in the same room as Harry.

Harry and I laid down on the two beds while the man walked out of the room, probably to fetch his co-worker. The tension that filled the air was horrible, but even if I wanted it to disappear, talking to him wasn't an option. We hadn't had a normal conversation with each other in two years, and I was not about to have it in a dark room where I couldn't see anything, let alone when I was almost naked.

Thankfully, the masseurs entered the room before things got too awkward. Judging by their voices, the other worker was female, and she would be the one massaging me.

They started no longer than two minutes after that, and the massage was truly amazing. However, it wasn't until she started working on my shoulderblades that I noticed just how tense I was because it really fucking hurt, yet it felt nice at the same time.

When she came across a large knot in my upper back, I couldn't help but let out a gasp followed by a groan. The worst part was that she kept kneading the same spot, so the sounds didn't stop escaping my mouth.

"Will you stop that?" Harry suddenly snapped, his voice as cold as ice.

It caught me by surprise, making every muscle tense in my body. But when the shock subsided, I couldn't help but find it a bit amusing. Was he bothered by the sounds I was making? "Stop what?" I asked, playing dumb.

"Louis, please," was the only thing he said, his voice sounding serious.

It wasn't the fact that he said it the way he did that made me shut up, but it was the fact that he said my name that made me do it. It was the first time I had heard it escape his lips in two years, and it made me speechless. I couldn't say anything even if I wanted to because my mind was suddenly somewhere else, somewhere far away from this room, back in the past, and it didn't return until the massage was over.

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You have no idea how hard it is to write a massage scene without typing something that could easily be misunderstood and would ruin the entire thing. I really hope I didn't, and I hope you liked the chapter because I had to make my mind work for this one haha.

Thank you for reading, voting and commenting, see you soon x

Edited by: butterflies151

Pauline .xx