Imagine getting off a two week break from school, and then going to 6 classes a day for the next week where you have a whole semester's worth of information crammed down your throat to prepare for finals the week after. 

YEAH. That's my life right now. If that's true for you too, then godspeed.

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Nova's POV

Analissa had a beautiful home. I would never have thought that such a rural pack could be so well developed.

But hey, what do I know?

She already had lunch started and insisted that I drink some tea that she made for me. It was supposed to make me heal quicker or something.

In our silence, she asks, "so, what's with you and Myers?" with a smirk.

"Myers? Oh, you mean Colt?" 

Before I can say anything else, she stops me, looking surprised, "he.. he lets you call him by his first name?"

"Yeah.. what's the big deal?" I sip my tea and nearly burn my tongue. I really miss tea.

"Oh.. he doesn't let anybody call him that. I didn't even know his first name." 

Interesting.

"He's been insisting on staying at your side since we found you." She says as she cuts up some vegetables.

"Yeah. He offered to let me live with him, but I just don't feel that it's right." My tone quiets and I look away.

"Hey," she stops cutting vegetables and looks at me, "if it isn't right for you, that's okay. You don't owe anybody anything. You just went through something life changing and it's okay to put yourself first for once."

The door opens and slams shut, putting me on edge. A guy comes into the kitchen calling out for Ana and greets her with a kiss, then diverting his attention to me. 

"You must be Nova, I'm Ryan." He offers a hand to shake which I take and nod.

"It's nice to meet you," I mumble and allow myself to fall by the wayside as they talk. 

Before I know it, he's heading upstairs and Analissa is back to chopping vegetables.

"Is that your boyfriend?" I ask as I hold the mug to warm my hands that have been getting cold for no reason lately.

She chuckles, "he's my mate."

"Oh.. sorry." I don't know why I felt the need to apologize.

"It's okay! You haven't lived in a pack long enough to know." 

That was true.

"I wanted to go get your things out of storage today, but if you'd rather wait.." she trails off awaiting an answer.

"That sounds good. Maybe after we eat?" I suggest and finish the tea off, putting the mug down.

"Awesome! Food will be out in just a second. Ryan comes by on his lunch break every day."

A plate of food is passed across the counter to me which I start eating immediately. Ryan comes down again and sits on the other stool beside me and is also passed a plate of food. Ana eats across from both of us.

I soon fade out of their conversation and try to summon my fur forward as I have not been able to find her since the accident. Even if I'm not trying to find her, I have been noticing myself zoning out or finding it difficult to maintain focus recently.

I zone back in when some plates crash in the sink. Ryan has gone, and Ana asks, "can I take your plate?" I nod and hand it to her.

~~~~~~~

As soon as we get there and open the storage unit, I notice only my things and ask where Blake's things went.

"His father came and got them when he got the news," she says softly.

Upon getting closer to the boxes, I am only hit by Blake's scent in overpowering wafts. It immediately makes me want to cry. I rub my eyes to remove any exterior sign of tears as I take a deep breath and pick up a box to take to the car. 

As good of a nurse as Ana was, she couldn't tell how choked up I felt. She couldn't feel the knot in my chest that forced quivering breaths out of me.

Three boxes later, the storage unit is locked up and we are on our way back to Ana's house. When his scent fills the car and the knot comes back with more power than before, I roll the window down and force myself to take deep breaths of the air that was coming in.

I take two boxes at a time to the room Ana told me I'd be staying in and set them on the floor, not wanting the smell to spread to the bed.

I immediately start unloading them, struggling against tears as my eyes well up over and over.

The boxes needed to go, but the clothes that absorbed his scent needed to be washed until the smell went away. 

I decide to change into some pajamas that had the weakest smell and spray myself down in some perfume until all I could smell was the perfume. Even though it gave me a headache, it was better than the memories that emerged before.

I quickly take the boxes and the clothes down to the laundry room and toss them in, breaking the boxes down and throwing them away.

I managed to find some Windex and citrus-y smelling antibacterial wipes under the kitchen sink that I quickly took back up to my room to start wiping down all my knick knacks.

~~

About three hours later, my head throbbed and I could not smell anything but the reek of cleaning supplies; that was fine with me. 

The only thing that was not fine with me was the fact that the clothes in the wash, even though they were washed with what I thought was a very strong smelling detergent now smelled like Blake and fresh linen. I had reset the cycle twice during the three hours but the smell hadn't changed. 

I look up and see baking soda, and then it dawns on me.. baking soda is a natural deodorizer.

All the clothes ended up going into the laundry room sink with cold water and baking soda. 

I don't realize that both Ana and Ryan are watching me until I turn around, satisfied with my work.

"Sorry. They smell funny," I look at them both and scurry back to my room. 

A few minutes later, Ana knocks on my door and comes in my room, "hey Nova- woah!" her face turns sour as she covers her nose. "Was it not clean enough for you?" She laughs.

"I cleaned off all my things," I explain as she looks around to find the room mostly bare with elements of me here and there.

"Don't you have a headache?" She comes in to open the window and curtains, letting some fresh air in.

"A bitchin' headache. But it'll wear off. I hope it doesn't bother you too much."

"Not at all! Make yourself at home." She smiles and closes the door, appearing noticeably woozy.

I lay down and look around the room, really noticing how nice it was for the first time. It was rather large, but not too large that it felt empty. A dark, dusky blue color stretches all the way to high, sloped wood ceilings, making the room appear bigger than it already was. 

This was all lovely, but my favorite thing was the windowsill that was wide enough to comfortably sit on and the window that opened like french doors. 

I will most certainly be using that.

And then one thing distracts me. One thing was still emanating the scent that I had just spend three hours destroying. 

It was coming from a beat up teddy bear that I had put on the back burner/dresser because it was too weak to wash, and I didn't know how to get the smell out.

I go to pick it up and immediately burst into tears that were long overdue, clutching it to my chest. It smelled so strongly of him after being wrapped in my clothes in one of the boxes.

I so badly want to put it down, but it finds its way into bed with me as I burrow under the protection of the blanket, sobbing into the bear. I can't even think. I don't know what to think.

The only thoughts that plague me are, "how could you get over him so fast? How could you allow yourself to be interested in that guy while Blake's body is still warm? How dare you allow Colt to get so close to you without a second thought?" Upon each one entering my head, I cry even harder, now almost hyperventilating, unable to regain control of myself. My body drips cold sweat and my heart pounds. More than that, my head feels as though it would burst into smithereens.

How could I?

How could I allow myself to do that?

How dare I?

What is wrong with me?

My body eventually decides that it has had enough and I notice my heart rate slow down.

Slower and slower, as my breath becomes quicker and quicker and my head gets lighter and lighter.

Any and all pain goes away as everything goes totally dark.

~~~~~

Am I dreaming?

Yes.

It's.. her. In front of me. My wolf. How can we be separate?

I just told you it's a dream.

"Do you know how long I've been trying to find you?" Steam may as well be coming from my ears.

Yes. Since when do we have to listen to each other? I had to take over so that Colt wouldn't think we were pathetic. You'd rather wallow.

"Wallow? What the hell are you saying?"

I am saying that Blake is gone. I've moved on. You should too.

"He was our best friend," I growl.

He would want us to move on. 

The more composed she gets, the more angry I get.

"Not less than a month after he was killed!" My words now drip with venom, I find the strength in myself that she usually gives me.

And then she scoffs. 

"Get out of my head."

What?

"You heard me. Get out of my head."

You can't just-

"I can, and I am."

Allow me to give you a preview of what's to come, then.

Pain explodes on my senses, overwhelming them.

Agonizing pain.

Though it was a dream, the pain felt real. While feeling like I was being forced between two beds of nails, the feeling of being torn apart by wild horses also surfaces.

I scream in the dream, unable to tell whether I was screaming in reality because of how real this pain feels.

After what feels like an eternity, the pain snaps away as does she. 

Poof.

She's gone, just like that.

Before I can understand what happened, the dream goes away and I am left in a dreamless state of sleep without choosing to succumb to it.

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Hmmmm. I sure do wonder what that means.

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