Chapter 69 - Not All Bad

— Tris

I help myself to a chocolate muffin on the counter, my gaze barely loosing Chris's when I return to my spot leaning on the doorframe.

"Can I have one?" She asks and I move again, tossing her one from across the room. She thanks me and peels off the wrapper.

We stand, eating the muffins for about ten minutes before I've had enough. I leave the apartment, not saying a word when I excuse myself.

And I keep things like that for a long time.

In the weeks following, cards are shown.

One of the Jacobs discovered it was Kaylee who sabotaged visiting week. I don't know how he figured it out, but she apparently wanted to destroy my life some more by tossing some titles around about me.
And it wasn't hard for people to believe her with the whole "scandal" over Phillip and the article that was posted about me during that week.
My life was a hell for those two weeks following visiting week.

Since returning to the city, I've chosen to pick my battles instead of charging at every person that challenges me.
Kaylee was a test of this choice of mine.

A week after visiting week she swung her fist at my face, which I blocked and twisted in self defense. Because of her crippling to the ground, more rumors spread that I was in fact dangerous.

Upon a meeting after her violence with Josh, Kaylee revealed her motives for terrorizing my name: she had a sister who was killed in the war, possibly placed in the same prison as me and many of my friends, and yet never returned.
Kaylee is, and has been convinced for a while that her sister would have been in a part of the New York program that I was.
Therefore, she believes somehow that I, out of all of the people in that program, cost her sister her life.
But the chances of that are minimal.
Chances are she was actually killed in the war and was never even an option to be placed in the building.

And that was my life for three weeks.
And I had to do it all while shunning my best friend.

It took her forever to learn I didn't want to talk to her.
She would text me at late hours of the night, show up at random places, even sometimes she would stand in my office door begging for me to forgive her.

And I did, once.
And that next day another article was posted about the staff training I have been doing with Chris and Zeke, and how it will be integrated into the next Dauntless initiation.
Also that next day she showed up calling me a selfish bitch, saying how all I want is attention, positive or negative from each and every situation.
And she was right.
The positivity about me in that article made everyone forget about the weeks prior where I was apparently "lashing out on people and ruthlessly saving lives and harming others".

People began to see me as a person after that article— seeing me be able to use my negative past for good in this city, even though I will not be part of the initiation process for my own choosing.

Her screaming at me in my living room— this was a battle I chose not to fight.
Call me weak.
Call me shy.
Call me a goddamn coward if you desire.

I'm not spinning in circles for irrelevance.
I'm not spinning in circles to scream at Christina for no good.

Tobias raised his voice at her, saying something along the lines of getting away from his wife and his home.
She's always been more scared of him than me.
I think she forgot that fact though, for she never showed up at our apartment again.

Of course, we would run into each other at other places. I wasn't about to forgo my friendship with Rose because of her, or change my life to avoid her.

She absolutely cannot stand me having the upper hand in giving her the cold shoulder.

And honestly, I can't either.

But it's been getting easier as the weeks roll on. We ignore each other and it works out.
I can't help but always keep an eye on her though.
My PTSD has always given me trust issues.
I always thought I could trust her. She wasn't a hard person for me to learn how to trust.

But that's just how things are now.

She knows better than to speak to me by the time Thomas's first birthday rolls around. I greet Will and engage in conversation with him, but act as if she is not there other than from her stares.

I know she feels bad, maybe.
But maybe I don't care.

I wasn't about to not invite Will to Tom's birthday.
And I wasn't about to be that person who would tell him to not let her come.

"Happy birthday!" Everyone cheers as Tobias and I help him blow out the single candle in his cake. He pokes at the chocolate with his curious little fingers and giggles.

"I give it until he's two and he'll be angry and mean all the time like his parents," Zeke comments gaining laughter from everyone in the room.

Thomas absolutely loves ripping the paper on gifts. He doesn't even seem to care about what is under the paper, but seems thrilled by the idea of pulling apart the paper.

I love him so much.

I continually have my eyes following Christina when she's in my apartment.
It's a habit.
I don't trust people naturally, and I don't want her near my son.

I notice her for a few short moments when she pets Indy, kneeling on the ground and petting his ears as he licks her neck.

I forgot that Indy always has liked her.
And I forgot that our dog can't catch on to giving her the cold shoulder.

"I can't believe my One is one!" Amar tosses Thomas in the air and he laughs and starts babbling when Amar stands and bounces him.

He's got that boy wrapped around his finger.

I notice Christina watching Thomas and I look at her.
She doesn't seem like a threat to me or my family.

Maybe one day I will stop being paranoid about her and her sudden will to attack.

.

Months continue to speed by as I help Rose in any way I can during her pregnancy.
I don't know how she's doing it alone.
I barely could do it with Tobias by my side the whole time.

"It's a girl!" She cries as I walk her apartment and see her smiling face. Her and Chris were going for her ultrasound today, and I told her I wanted her to tell me in person and not in a text.

I can't help but remember the months early on in her pregnancy where she couldn't accept that there was a child inside her that she didn't want there.
I remember holding her as she cried, reliving what Phillip did to her over and over again.
And now, here she is, hugging me so overjoyed about her soon to be baby girl.
And I'm as happy as can be for her.

I sit and ignore Christina while telling Rose all about when I found out Thomas was a boy. The memory makes me slightly misty, learning the day I was having a son with Tobias.

Christina makes a scoff from where she is sitting and I move my gaze to her abruptly.

"You're a hypocrite." She spits at me and Rose gasps.
"You're here for her now because she's pregnant, but what happens if she slips up once like I do? You going to shut her out too? What about your precious boy? He's going to say some things you don't like in the future too. What are you going to do about it?" She's standing now and I keep my eyes locked to hers.

"Say something!" She says louder and I stiffen slightly but not enough for her to notice.

I would say something if I knew what to say.
I would say something if I knew I wouldn't start yelling at her the second I open my mouth: yelling at her like she is yelling at me.

"I'm sorry Tris! I don't know what else I can do other than say sorry! It's been months now!" She screams.

"Christina, stop it!" Rose yells over her sister.

I worry that if I leave she will take her anger out on her sister.

"Leave." I say dryly.

"Excuse you?" She mocks.

"I worry that if I remove myself from the situation, you will yell at Rose instead of me, so leave, Christina." I am direct and dry in my order.

"It's not like you haven't done it before." I say after standing to meet her gaze.

My stare is strong.
I'm better trained in everything than she'll ever be.

Call me arrogant.

Call me overconfident.

I know I'm a trained soldier, trained female warrior. I know more than she could ever imagine about people in general.

"If you lay a finger on her, or say one thing out of line," I stand and head towards the door. "I will kill you, Christina."

To the lack of my own desire I leave her apartment.
She will be fine, Tris. Chris knows better than to hurt her pregnant sister.
I hope.

I enter my apartment and beam when I see my son walking while holding Tobias's hands.

"There's Mommy!" Tobias says in a voice that makes me laugh. "Go get her, Thomas!" He walks with my son over to me and I laugh. I put my arms under his armpits and lift him up to me, kissing his little gushing cheek.

"Oh my sweet boy," I spin with him and he claps his hands, a new trick taught to him from Marlene. "I love you!" I kiss his cheek again and he continues to giggle.

"What's Rose having?!" Tobias asks eagerly.

"Hmm," I make an exaggerated confused face. "I forgot." I kick off my shoes and bounce Thomas in my arms.

"Oh come on..." he whines pouting. I pinch his lower lip that sticks out with my free hand and he makes a face.

"She's having a girl." I smile at him and he whoops in joy.

"I know it wasn't a big bet, but I knew it!" He laughs and I pout.

I thought she was having a boy, so Tobias and I bet a piece of cake on it. And... I lost.

"I was too busy dealing with Christina though, so I didn't get a chance to stop at the cafeteria, sorry babe, tomorrow though." I sit Thomas down in his high chair and go to the fridge to get a jar of baby food.

"What was her problem now?"

"Oh, you know," I spoon some of the food into Thomas's mouth, wiping his bottom lip. "Apologizing, then yelling at me, then apologizing. I actually spoke to her today though. I told her to leave because I was worried about her being with Rose, but I ended up leaving."

"Is Rose okay?" He says in a rushed tone.

"Chris doesn't seem mad at her anymore, which that is good. I don't think she'll go after her, but I'll call her later. Plus I threatened Chris if she did hurt her, so I think she's fine."

"That's my girl," he says winking at me and I roll my eyes. He punches me playfully in the arm and I groan.

"How's things with the Bureau?" I ask when he sits across from me.

"They've cut us off from communication, but I think it's better that way. Things are laying low, and I think everyone is cooling off."

"Did they find out who sent that threat?" I eye him and he sighs leaning back in the chair.

"They have three suspects, but the Bureau said they want one specific person."

"Who?" I set the spoon down and turn to face him.

"Peter."

"Hayes? The Peter?"

"Said he was the one who said it, but everyone in Candor is denying it so they won't release him."

"You're kidding." I sigh and he shakes his head.

"Peter is trying to start a Cold War." He says matter of fact like.

His phone buzzes and Thomas turns his head at the noise.

"Speak of the devil, be right back," he greets Josh in the phone and goes into the other room.

I continue to feed Thomas until he grows fussy. There's a knock on the door when I pick him up out of the chair. I turn and see Shauna and Zeke let themselves in, and for a moment I wonder if Tobias invited them over and didn't tell me.

"Hey!" I greet them and Zeke immediately takes Thomas from me and runs away with him giggling.

"Zeke, he just ate! Be careful!" I yell and worry that I may be too late.

"It's his own fault," Shauna laughs and I nod wiping down the spilt food on the chair. "Where's Four? We brought dinner." She motions to bags I didn't even notice her holding on the counter and as if on cue I hear Tobias join Zeke and Thomas, Indy barking playfully in the background.

"Oh my boys," I shake my head when I see Indy running in circles. Shauna laughs and piles the containers onto the kitchen table.

"Oh, Chinese!" I notice the boxes and smile. It's a new type of food to me still, but it's becoming popular since different cultures are entering the fence since the Faction War.

Shauna laughs at my acknowledgment of the food when Zeke and Tobias come running through the kitchen, Thomas in the air like an airplane.

"Calm down!" Shauna yells and I laugh. "And come eat while it's hot."

Eventually Shauna and I start eating and the guys join us at the table.

"I cannot believe he didn't puke." I look at Zeke and then Thomas and he shrugs.

"I know! He always pukes on me!"

"That's because you always shake him around!" Shauna laughs and he shakes his head with his mouth full.

"I think he just likes me best."


We eat in silence for a little while, Tom babbling to us as he plays with the few bits of cereal I put down for him to munch on.

"There was another threat sent to the Bureau today," Tobias comments and I sigh. "There's a few Bureau soldiers in Amity so I hear, but I guess they're peacefully there for the moment."

"That can't be good though," Shauna says and I agree.

"Why don't they just turn the asshole in?" Zeke remarks and Tobias makes a motion of agreement.

"Guess this one came from a different source, not the same place as last time. The Bureau says they don't want a war, and we can't handle another war. They just want us to behave, I guess," Tobias motions with his hand in exaggeration when he says behave.

"So what happens now?" I ask, our eyes locking from across the table.

"They're sending a message tonight, another apology."

I'm in a Cold War with my best friend.
And my city is in a Cold War with its creator.

"Well, we're getting married, if your wondering about what's next," Zeke says and I nearly choke on my food from his abruptness, causing Shauna to laugh.

"No way!" Tobias is thrilled, standing and hugging Zeke. After coughing for a minute, I also show my joy to them.

Not all things are bad after all.