Chapter 63 - Decisions

—Tris

"I want to shower," Rose says sitting up. Color is returning to her cheeks slowly, but she still is flushed from fear.

"I just feel... so..." she struggles for words and silently I nod as a way to tell her she doesn't have to go on.

I find a pair of shoes near her bed and give them to her.

"Do you have a broom?" I ask as she puts on some pants while wincing.

"In that closet," she points to the one I found earlier. "Please don't leave me alone, though." There's a strong plea in her voice as it wavers.

"I'm not going anywhere."

She slips into the bathroom and I hear water running within a few minutes.

I sigh, turning in a slow circle to get a good look at the disaster around me.

Was he drunk?
Has this been going on for a while?
Both?
Neither?

I shake my head, denying myself the opportunity to think about it longer.

I look to her bed and decide that I'll start there.

Gagging, I strip the sheets from her bed when I hear her enter the bathroom.
They smell awful.

I make the executive decision to throw them out

I sigh, digging through a drawer to find new sheets before making her bed.

I'm glad the blood didn't sink through to her mattress.

The comforter is thrown into a corner in the room. I pick it up and cautiously smell it, finding it doesn't have an odor even close to the severity of the tossed sheets.

I smile when I find an air freshener in the closet, and I spray it over the made bed before I turn to the living room.

I look down at my phone when it buzzes and notice Tobias calling.

I answer it, moving to sit on her now clean bed.

"Is everything alright? You've been gone over an hour."

"Not really, but don't worry. I'm going to be bringing her to our place in a little bit," I run my hand over my ponytail.

"What apartment is hers? I'm coming—"

"No, stay home with Tom. I've got everything under control but I'll explain later."

"You're safe?" He asks.

"Yes. I have to go, I love you." I hang up the phone to hear a loud thud in the bathroom.

"Tris?" Rose shouts and I move fast to see her on the floor of the shower, her leg bleeding badly turning the water pink.

"Oh gosh," I move and turn off the water. "Did you hit your head?"

"No, I just slipped and—" she starts sobbing.

"Hey, it's okay. Shhh," I give her a towel and kneel next to the tub, my hand rubbing through her wet dark hair.

"Can you stand?" I ask and she nods. I help her into the shoes before I help her over the ledge of the tub. I sit her down on the toilet and get to work blotting her leg with a towel.

"It all just happened so fast," she sighs as I bandage up her leg. She's shaking and is wrapped only in the towel as her leg props up on the tub ledge.

"It does," I find myself saying without thinking.
Sexual assault isn't something I have dealt with, but I've dealt with plenty of other kinds of assault.
It happens before you even recall it happening.
And you're bleeding out before you even realize you're cut.

"You never did answer my question." I help her stand and help her into a pair of baggy shorts.
I want her leg to be accessible, just in case something decides to act up.

'Where'd you learn to take down a person twice your size?' I hear her voice in my head.

"I'm not sure if I can," I say not making eye contact. "Dauntless initiation was one thing, but I lived a whole other life after that before coming back."

I could tell her the whole story of all that I remember, but there still is a timer ticking in my mind.

Her leg is still bleeding.

"The New York rumors are true?" I feel her eyes melting me away.
She was a Candor at one point.
She still is I guess.

This is the first time I've ever heard of it as a 'rumor'.

"I was forced to be part of a training program that was intensely training females. The city of New York was, is, I don't know, was filled with these strong dominant males, and I guess they had a slim population of females," I talk as I work to wrap up her now dry leg tightly in bandages. "There was a lot of us, I don't remember how many, being trained to withstand the brutality of these males. This really isn't a good time for this story—" I stop short, not needing to get into the disgust behind the purpose of us females being trained.

We were planned to be sent in to basically reproduce and survive.

If the program actually succeeded, I wouldn't be living with Tobias and our son, but either dead or miserable with who knows how many kids and fathers.

I wonder if it's the constant blood or my thoughts and memories that make me want to vomit.
Probably both.

"I'll assume you're scared of me now too?" I finally meet her burning gaze since she grew silent.

"You saved my life." She says almost in disgust. It's a weird wording, but I take it as a complement.

I nod, handing her a new bag of ice for her eye.

"I've swept up some of the glass, but be careful still." I hold her forearm tightly as I help her exit the bathroom.

"I don't think I can stay here alone..." she looks around in pure horror, and I feel like I can relate to her gaze.
She didn't see anything because of the trauma.
And now that it's gone, she's seeing the hell her apartment has become.

"And there's no way in hell I'm letting you. I hope you like babies and are alright with a big fluffy dog." For some reason the tone of my voice reminds me of Tobias. Except, at the end he would've flashed one of his classic grins, exclusively for people he likes.

She slowly moves across her bedroom to her sofa. Running her hand along the cushion, she sits down.

"Four is a leader." She states a fact as she sits, her eyes search mine with a sense of panic.

"And he will be mad at me for not alerting even the infirmary about you. Me though, not you." I sit next to her, our knees touching.

"Will he alert authorities?"

"Probably. If you really want it kept out of knowledge I can work on him, but Rose—"

"Can we come back to clean this up another day?" She changes the topic while motioning to her home and I nod.

"I threw some clothes in a bag for you, but you can borrow anything you might need from me."

She nods and I stand.

"Let's go." I hold my hands out and help her off the couch. She winces, sucking in air as she hobbles next to me.

There's nothing worse than feeling vulnerable.

"Do you want him doing something about it though? You've got to let me know because I know him and he won't waste a second to do so."

"Whatever he wants," she doesn't look up to meet my eyes and I nod. I look down and see her leg has slowed bleeding, loosening a knot in my stomach.

"You can stay with me as long as you need," I pull her into my arms one last time before we leave her apartment and trudge through the compound to mine.

I open the door for her and help her in, my hand on the small of her back.

"Jesus Christ," I hear Tobias before I see him holding onto Indy's collar to leave Rose alone.

"Who?" He looks at Rose first before his eyes shift to mine.
He has the look of concern and worry mixed with the 'I'm going to kill someone' stare that I haven't seen in a while.

I help her sit on the clean bed in the guest room across the hall from Thomas's room. When she does speak her voice is small.

"Phillip." She doesn't look up to meet Tobias's burning stare.

But I do.

Don't do something stupid. Please, Tobias. I hope he reads my eyes.

He does. Or at least, his eyes meet mine.

Indy sneaks into the room and sits on the floor watching us all interact. His ears are up and he sniffs Rose's shoe curiously.

She's shaking again.

I wrap my arms around her as her head falls onto my chest. My shirt is already soaked between her sobs before, blood, and her sobs now.

I eventually maneuver her under the covers and hold her until she cries herself to sleep. Indy refuses to leave her room and lays on the floor next to the bed. Knowing that he's a smart dog, I allow him to stay with her, knowing he knows better than to think she's here to play with him.

I go across the hall to check on Thomas. Looking at my watch, it's his naptime right about now. Sure enough, he is sound asleep, despite the commotion, in his crib.

"What the hell?" Tobias whispers, his face distraught when I enter the living room. I pull him into the bedroom and shut the door. I take off my disgusting shirt and change while Tobias asks questions.

"Did he...?" He makes a face and I nod.

"Her apartment is trashed, there's glass everywhere. I walked in on him, well, yeah. She had glass all in her leg and refused to go to the infirmary so I bandaged her up the best I could but I really think she needs actual medical help."

"What happened to him?"

"I had taken him down and sliced his throat. Told him to never touch her again and he ran."

I see shock followed by panic flash across his face.

It's easy to forget what I'm capable of.
Even I forget sometimes.

"Did you tell anyone about this?"

I shake my head no, ready for the anger he's going to give me.

Yeah, yeah, I'm bad at making decisions. Whatever man.

But he doesn't. He wraps me in his arms and holds me tight.

"I'm mad, but not as much as I am relieved that you two are okay."

I allow my head to sink onto his chest and relax into his embrace. His hands hold my bare back close to him and warm my cold figure. I managed to only change my pants before took me into his arms.

I sigh, inhaling the scent of my husband— the scent I've always associated with safety.
After everything that's happened over the past hour, he is all I need to mildly forget.

We stand for a few moments before I decide I really should put on a clean shirt and check on Rose.

I slip from his arms with a sudden urgency back in my mind.

"You think I couldn't take down a person the size of Phillip?" I make a face at him causing him to mildly smirk.

If anyone knows what I've been through, it's Tobias.
If anyone knows what I'm capable of, it's Tobias.

"I can have my doubts," he chuckles lightly. "But that's just because I care about you."

"Not the time, Tobias." My voice is hollow as I stop him from pressing his lips to mine and leave the bedroom.

By the look in his eyes I knew he would try to take things further. I'm glad he doesn't reject my sternness and adapts back to the seriousness of the scenario.

I automatically go down the hallway and breathe a sigh of relief to see Rose is still asleep. Indy's tail thumps on the floor lightly when he sees me before he turns his attention back to Rose.

Tobias exits the bedroom and follows me as I grab some pretzels from the kitchen and sit down.

"I've got to tell someone, you realize." He says leaning on the kitchen counter.

"She said that you could tell whoever you wanted. I warned her that you would have to because of your position, and she agreed."

He nods and picks up his phone.

"How long ago?" He asks.

"Three hours. And she's not getting interrogated." I say and he nods.

"Call me immediately if you need anything. I'll be back in a little bit." I allow him to peck my lips before leaving the apartment to talk on the phone outside.

I sit and look at my phone for a few moments before a picture pops up from Chris.

Her and Will are bundled up in the picture, both happy as can be in the snow with what must be skis on their feet.
I assume they are these so-called "skis" just from the description Chris gave me. They look like what she described.

How the hell are we going to tell Chris about what happened today?

I hear a soft sniffling coming from the other room and my heart breaks.

I stand and slowly move to the hallway.

"Rose?" I say her name in case she hears me coming.
Something I wished people had done when I was destroyed like this.
Instead, doctors just barged in and claimed that I was mentally unstable.
No shit.

I enter the room to find her on her knees sobbing. Her body wrenching with sobs and I grab a trash can just in time before she vomits.

"I've got you." I rub small circles on her back while she hurls. "It's alright."

I know I always hated people telling me these things when I was hurting.
But I don't know what else to say.
What else to do.

She continues for a few minutes as I rub her back. Her hair is still wet from her shower earlier and is pulled into a bun that leaves a wet spot on her back.

"You're not alone," I pull her into my arms once she's finished. She has her head on my shoulder weakly as I hold her.

I sigh, noticing a small amount of vomit and blood on the sheets of the bed. I look down and see blood seeping through one of her bandages.

As if on cue, Thomas starts crying across the hall.

And Tobias probably won't be back for a while.

Tris I feel an alarm going off in my head. You need help. You can't keep doing this alone. You need someone else here.

"Rose, pick one of your sister's friends or an ambassador who isn't named Jacob. I have to call someone. I can't make all these decisions on my own." I barely recognize my voice when it comes out in blind survival mode.

She has to go to the infirmary.
I have to feed my baby.
I need to comfort her.
I have to comfort my baby.
I have to change her bandages, throw out the vomit filled trash can, and change the sheets.

"No..." she sobs and I sigh.

"I'm sorry." I pick up my phone and for a moment just consider dialing the emergency line for the infirmary.
I groan, thinking about all the questions they'll have to ask.

My mind screams to call Chris, but she's not here to come and help right now.

I tap Tobias's contact on my screen and don't even give it time to ring before I hang up.
Hopefully his phone will show that I called, and he'll sense that something is wrong.

Either way, I have no time to wait.
He left over a half hour ago, and who knows where he could be by now.

"I'm fine!" She sobs and I notice the blood seeping more as she shakes. I grasp her hand tightly in mine, my decisions being clear in front of me.

The hell with it.

I dial the infirmary's emergency line.
And then I dial Shauna.

.

Hey all!

So this story is gonna become an emotional rollercoaster for a solid month or so (I've already prewritten up to the second week of March, updates Tuesday/Friday, and I've never prewritten this far ahead in my life.) so hang on for the ride!

Things aren't planned to get real sad, and I'm mixing happy in, but there will be some dark things within the next few chapters, so I'm just putting the warning out there.

26k reads!

Hang in there! You all who have been here for a while know that I can't keep happy forever, clearly, judging by the past 2 chapters now, but I've grown as an author and won't be depressing all the time like in LTT.

Thanks for reading!

All the love,
Kat