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Chapter 16 - Swelling

—Tobias

Today's a happy day. It's proof that things are moving in the right direction.

Her and I both have to go to work this morning, but her appointment over at Erudite to get her cast removed is at two this afternoon so we will leave after lunch.

It's stressful- constantly going between Erudite and Dauntless. A few times Caleb and Cara offered us a room in their apartment, and Josh had even offered, at the time Tris wasn't working, me to work from there.

Tris had actually really desired doing that, and I originally had felt guilty for so heavily suggesting we make the commute back and forth, but Marie had told me how despite it being easier, getting Tris use to Dauntless would be better earlier.

Her mental state still does jump around, but anyone who expects anything more than perfect from her after all of this is extremely irrational.

When I say that, my mind only pictures West.

After her cast is removed, we come back here for the night, then over to candor tomorrow for her yearly trial.

This year, they're making it public. I worry only because of how she's always in pain after getting a cast changed, and this time she's getting it off completely. I worry about where she will be mentally; her anxiety always worsening largely when she's in pain.

I love her so much, but I cannot save her from herself.

It kills me.

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"I will still be going around on crutches for a while. I wish my leg was that well, but I have to do therapy for basically forever until I can actually put a large amount of weight on it." I hear Tris from the other room.

"Just keep your patience, please." I hear Ian, our head ambassador reply. "I don't think I can survive you being gone for so long with another surgery. These animals literally almost killed me."

"Ha," she chuckles. "You're gonna have to get use to it."

"Hey," I walk into their conversation, kissing Tris lightly on the lips when she turns to me.

"Well, I won't hold you. See you both later, and good luck, Tris." Ian says, genuinely smiling.

"Thanks," She replies. "I'll text you later, we still have to plan the month's meeting."

"Will do."

"Hopefully soon we'll be able to take the train," I comment as we walk towards the car I rent out for a few hours each time Tris has an appointment.

"Yeah," she comments monotonously.

My father taught me to drive before I chose to leave. Since he was a leader, it was not considered selfish for him to have a car. Since barely anyone in the city has a car, there also is no laws as to how old you have to be to drive. I started when I was fourteen.

I open the passenger car door for Tris and take her crutches and put them in the backseat. Turning the ignition, I turn down the road towards Erudite.

"What'd you do this morning?" I make small talk.

She shrugs her shoulders and doesn't reply.

I take my eyes off the road quick and look at her. She's facing away from me, looking out the window. I can't tell her emotion.

"Hey, is everything alright?"

"I'm just already in a lot of pain today, and it's never painless to get the cast removed, and what if they decide I can't get a walkable cast and that something tore again and I'll need a sixth surgery and—"

"Tris," I interrupt her.

"No, Tobias. I just can't talk right now. Anything I say isn't me, it's just not my day."

"That's alright." I say as we drive in silence the rest of the way to Erudite Med.

I help her out of the car after we park. I even offer to get her a wheelchair, noticing how she's wincing.

When she stands up alongside of the car, her eyes meet mine.

She's exhausted.

"I'm sorry," she says weakly.

"You have absolutely nothing to apologize for," I wrap her into an embrace as she leans onto me for support.

We make our way from the parking lot to the door, then to the elevator and up to the fifth floor. Dr. Scott's office is way in the back of the building, of course.

I help Tris sit and situate her crutches before checking her in. I know she hates it when I "baby" her like this, but I just want to help her in any way I can.

She holds my hand tightly while we sit and wait. I feel like it's more than pain on her mind, but I don't ask.

It's not my business to ask. All I ask is what I can do to help.

I don't want to hurt her more.

The door opens and Tris jumps from my shoulder from the sound in the quiet room.

"Tris," I notice Julie, Tris's old nurse standing there smiling.

"You want me to come?" I ask.

"Yes," she says immediately.

She holds on my arms as I pull her up out of the chair. Usually she can just get up on her own with the crutches themselves.

God, I hope everything goes okay today.

"We're going to the usual room, I'm sure you know the way," Julie chuckles as we follow her.

Tris doesn't sit up on the patients table. There is two chairs for people other than patients and she sits in the one closest to her.

I feel myself really begin to worry.

It's just not her day, Tobias. She was alright this morning, she just doesn't feel good.

"I just," she breathes heavily, "I have to sit for a second." She says breathlessly.

"That's perfectly okay, Tris. Take your time," Julie encourages.

I sit next to her, and she clutches my hand tightly. She's breathing heavily, but not sweating.

"Tris, are you alright?" Julie asks.

She shakes her head no.

"Do I need to get assistance in here to help you?" She asks seriously.

"No, I'm just in a lot of pain."

"Your leg? Or more than your leg?"

"Just my leg."

"Will you let Four loft you up to the table so I can take a look? I won't take the cast off yet, I just want to look for swelling."

She nods.

I hate lifting her when she's in pain like this.

It reminds me of when she was in my arms when I carried her from that building.

I can't tolerate the amount of pain it causes her.

She winces greatly as I set her down on the table. Her head is angled upwards slightly so she's not laying flat.

I don't leave her side as she grips my hand, I press my lips to her forehead and stroke her hair.

"Yeah, you've got some swelling. Tris, have you been in pain like this a lot lately?"

She shakes her head no.

"Have you been walking around a lot, with your crutches even, a lot lately?"

She nods her head.

"About how much?"

"It— it's a habit. I— I pace when I can't sleep."

"And you can't sleep often." Julie states, knowing Tris and having her as a patient for a long time.

Tris nods.

I'm going to have Dr. Scott come in and take a look. Either way, this has to come off today, because your swelling is only going to get worse the more it's trapped in this cast.

"I'll be back in a few minutes," Julie says, leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

Tris and I sit in silence, she grasps my one hand tightly while my other hand strokes her hair.

"Tobias, no matter what they say today I'm going to have to be coming back more often for therapy."

"Yeah, therapy will be great. It's going to get you back on your feet and—"

"Tobias, we have to talk—"

There's a knock on the door.

"Don't worry about it right now. Whatever it is," I say quick before Dr. Scott comes in the door.

"Hello again," Dr. Scott walks in, going right to Tris's leg.

"Tris, on a scale—"

"Four and a half," she replies before Marie finishes, knowing the question.

"That's pretty high for you," she comments to herself.

"Yeah, I know ice is extremely painful for you, but you've got to keep your leg up more. I know, it's hard sometimes."

"I'm going to press around before I cut the cast. I want to see what injuries this swelling may have caused before I cut and wonder if it was the vibration of the saw that caused anything."

Marie touches just below Tris's knee where the cast starts. Looking now, I see how her calf is bulged at the top and squeezing into the cast.

Holy shit that must hurt.

Suddenly, Tris yelps in pain, both her hands grabbing mine.

"Shh, shh," I try to calm her.

"We've got to get this off. Now Tris, this isn't going to feel great. I know you always tell me to tell you it straight, and I will. You're usually uncomfortable when getting a cast off because of the vibration, but this is going to hurt a lot more than that usual uncomfortable just because of your swelling and the sensitivity it has created. I need you to stay really still, because your tissue is literally pushing out of the cast, so the second I make a cut your swelling will most likely try to fill the new area. You're going to be fine, but I just have to get this cast off to see what's going on under here. I think it's nothing other than normal swelling and we will not have to recast you, but I can't be confident until it's off."

Tris nods and I see panic strike her.

I lay my head down next to her and whisper in her ear.

"You're so strong. Be brave, Tris."