Chapter 11 - If Only

—Third Person

"Look at you go!" Doctor Scott exclaims, Tris fluidly making her way down the hallway with her crutches.

She moved at a solid pace by herself. Enough nurses are around that they don't worry about someone being with her on her travels at every second.

Tris smiles gently, only the outer corners of her mouth moving upwards slightly.

Dr. Scott follows her on her journey back to her room. Over her shoulder lies her bag of doctorly supplies and it makes noise with each step she takes.

They reach the room and Dr. Scott holds the door for Tris as she makes her way over and sits on her bed. The sun shines through the window as the new day is just beginning.

"How are you doing?" The doctor sits at the foot of the bed near Tris's calf that is still covered in a thick, pale skin colored cast.

She shrugs, "Alright."

"You know, I think so too.

The couple is silent for a few seconds, Dr. Scott contemplating what to say next.

"The only thing left is to change this cast, and if everything is alright under there, you can go home that week."

Tris's eyes dull at the idea of a home.

She doesn't have one.

She would have to go through Dauntless initiation again with the new set of rules put in place since she left.

"Is everything alright?" Dr. Scott sees her saddening eyes.

"Yes," Tris pushes it aside, knowing that if she ever does want to make it back in Dauntless, she can't act like that.

Dr. Scott nods, stands up, and digs through her bag. She begins a series of normal tests such as blood pressure, heart rate, and temperature on Tris.

"One thing that hasn't changed since you showed up was your high blood pressure. I've tried looking back in your files, but considering you were Abnegation, the last time you had been to a doctor was to get a mandatory vaccination at age thirteen, and no kind of tests other than temperature were done on you beforehand. I want to say that this is new since you've come home, and probably from stress and PTSD. It's not a huge deal, but it is enough where it would be safer to prescribe you something to keep you calmer."

"I don't want anything put in my body."
Tris says strongly and without breaking the sentence.

"And I don't want you dying because of such an inconsistent heart beat. You could pass out and get hurt even more, Tris. All it takes is one minor blow your leg, such as falling on it, and you're right back in the hospital where you started."

Tris holds her ground, her eyes staring into Dr. Scott's. She has no reply because she knows the doctor is right, but she still doesn't want more drugs in her body.

"I see your concern Tris, and I can't even begin to imagine what has happened to you that I don't know. Not all pills are bad, Tris. I, for one, will never do something or give you something with the intent to hurt you. You know that, right?" She looks into Tris's eyes.

'She's lying. The whole world, this whole city is out to get me. No one wants me here. I'm only a nuisance. She will be the one to give me the drugs that will kill me.' The girl's mind panics.

"Oh, Tris." Dr. Scott says when the girl doesn't reply, she rests her hand on her right, uninjured calf, causing Tris to squeal in fear.

"All I want to do is help. That's all I've ever tried, and will ever try to do for you. Tris, you don't realize how much I care about you. Most patients I have last up to two weeks in the hospital. Tris, you're going on ten months soon. I spend so much more time with you than my other patients, and you don't even need that much more of my time anymore. I can't allow you to leave the hospital if you're still convinced everyone and everything is out to kill you."

"That's how they trained me." The words leave Tris's lips before she even knows what she means.

+    +    +

She doesn't leave her bed up until that afternoon when there is a different sounding knock on her door.

She jumps lightly, her heart pounding as anxiety and fear kicks in, her chest being unable to receive air.

The door opens and Tris is overwhelmed.

"Uriah!" She says in a normal toned voice, which feels like yelling for her now a days.

They embrace, and Tris didn't even notice who walked in the door behind him.

Tobias and his dog.

Tobias chooses to not share with Uriah that he wanted someone else there in case things went bad with Indy and Tris again. He also didn't share with him that he was the one keeping his nervousness down. He blamed it on how Uriah suggested to bring the dog to see her again, and Tobias brought up that he hadn't seen Tris since she had come back.

Indy is on a short leash, Tobias's hand only a foot above his collar.

"Are you okay with Indy saying hello to you, Tris?" Tobias asks cautiously.

She nods eagerly, as if the past confrontation had never even crossed her mind.

Tobias walks closer and gives the dog some slack on his leash. His paws go up onto the bed and he is right there at Tris's face.

She smiles from ear to ear, petting the top of the dog's brown and black head gently.

"He wasn't going to bring Indy to see you," Uriah chimes. "And I was like 'well either you bring him or I'll go visit and bring Indy with me'. He brought us both, so I consider it a compromise."

Indy eventually takes his paws off the bed and Tobias lets his leash go, it dragging on the floor as Indy smells all around, checking out the new territory.

Tobias takes the time to now greet Tris, pressing a light kiss to her forehead and moving hair away from her face as she sits upright in the bed.

"Girl, it's almost August and it's 90 degrees outside today. How the hell are you wrapped in blankets?

"It's cold in here." She states.

"It's nice in here compared to outside." Uriah just doesn't understand.

Tobias sits next to Tris as Uriah never keeps still. He is up, touching things at the windowsill, playing with the curtains, messing with the dog.

Just watching him exhausts Tris.

He finds the ball on the windowsill, now a medium sized, yellow rubber ball that's small enough to fit on the windowsill, but large enough to not be small.

"Wanna play?" Uriah asks Tris, holding up the ball.

She nods, hoping maybe he will stay still for a few minutes if she agrees.

He tosses the ball normally and gently at first. Tris is proud of herself for catching it when he is across the room.

He decides to start and be funny, attempting to toss it from under his leg, while spinning, or "like brides do in weddings" while throwing it backwards like a bouquet.

Tobias is always there to protect her when the ball goes flying quickly near her or when she gets nervous. However, when the ball hits the ground, it's fair game to Indy.

A nurse brings dinner in for Tris, and Uriah stands in awe the second the nurse leaves.

"That's the kind of shit they're feeding you? Girl, next time I come see you, you're getting Dauntless cake. That shit looks nasty." He gapes at the piece of chicken and broth soup with a piece of bread and mixed frozen vegetables.

She chuckles, saddened that they decide to leave and go back to the compound, for Uriah was uninterested in the hospital cafeteria "if all the food looks like that!"

She says good bye to all three of them, smiling truly for the first time in a long time.

Once they leave, she becomes saddened again.

She remembers Dauntless isn't her home.

She's in no state to fight for a position to get in.

She also tries to remember what training she had, because she knows she wasn't talking about just Dauntless training.

If only she could remember.