Chapter 20

"Do you have anything you want to say?" tanong ko kay Pablo nang marinig ko siyang mag-snicker sa sinabi ni Paul. Ni hindi ko maalala iyong sinabi ni Paul kasi nakaka-distract iyong reaction ni Pablo sa usapan namin. Also, a little privacy would be nice! Bakit ba ang high-end na resto nito but for some reason feeling ko ay masyado kaming dikit dalawa!

"Are you talking to me?" bigla niyang sabi.

"Obviously," I replied sarcastically.

"No, I have nothing to say."

"Great," sabi ko tapos ay ibinalik ko iyong atensyon ko kay Paul. I looked at him. "I'm so sorry," I said.

"No, it's fine," he replied pero halata naman na naiinis na rin siya. I was actually pretty impressed na hindi pa siya tumatayo para suntukin si Pablo. Baka talagang mali lang ang pagkakakilala ko kay Paul dahil parang wala naman siyang impulse problem like I thought before.

The dinner continued and I really tried to focus my attention kay Paul dahil siya ang kasama ko.

"Do you want any dessert?" Paul asked.

"No," I said. "Maybe next time," dugtong ko dahil gusto ko nang umalis dito dahil konti na lang ay sisikuhin ko na 'tong lalaki sa likuran ko. He's on a date, too! Bakit hindi siya roon mag-focus at bakit niya ako ginugulo? He's so infuriating at times!

"So... there's a next time?"

I shrugged. "Yes, but not anytime soon. Busy with the anniv issue."

"Right... I heard about that."

"With your dad? What did he say?"

Natawa si Paul. "No, not from my dad, but I can ask him if you want."

Mabilis akong nailing. "No, don't ask him," nag-panic na sabi ko tapos natawa lang siya.

Paul paid the bill and then we went out na. Finally. Na-stress ako kay Pablo kahit technically, hindi naman kami magkasama. Paul dropped me off in front of the condo.

"Thanks," I said when he pulled over.

"Did you enjoy?"

"Surprisingly, I did."

"Thank you," sabi niya na para bang kinabahan talaga siya na hindi ako nag-enjoy.

I gave him a smile. I actually didn't know if I should kiss him. I mean, if he kisses me now, I'd be fine with it. Gwapo naman si Paul, no doubt about it. He was just super annoying to me before, but I was starting to see him in another light. So, if he kisses me tonight, I would be fine with it, but at the same time, I didn't like him enough to initiate the kiss.

"I'll see you again," he said, instead. "Good luck on the anniversary issue."

I smiled as I got out of the car. So, apparently, not only he was not annoying, he can be a gentleman, as well... I learned a lot of things tonight, that's for sure.

Pagdating ko sa condo, I removed my makeup and took a shower. Then I poured myself a glass of wine para lang makatulog ako nang mabilis. I got my phone and was browsing in Instagram for inspiration. I like looking at Instagram and Pinterest for inspiration sa mga layouts namin. People are so creative. But of course, we put our spin on it din naman kasi if not, that would be just us being a copycat. But then again, isn't every art just derived from something else? It's very derivative.

I was about to click on the top of my screen to click do not disturb sana dahil matutulog ako nang biglang may lumabas na in-app notice sa DM ng Pablo's. Fuck, napindot ko bigla! Ayan tuloy, nag-seen na ako!

'Did you enjoy the night?' he asked.

'Yes, I did despite your presence,' I replied.

'I was there first.'

'I know.'

'You could've left.'

'Why would I?'

'Exactly.'

I hated na kahit ganito iyong usapan namin ay nag-eenjoy ako. I hated how I liked our 'banter.' It's just so annoying how the same person can excite and infuriate you at the same time! Like he's both the best and the worst.

Hindi na ako nag-reply pa. I was trying to move on from him—move on kahit wala naman talagang nasimulan. But I was tired of his bullshit—of his push and pull. Busy ako sa trabaho. Marami akong ginagawa. Really, the last thing that I wanted was to second guess kung ano ba talaga ang gusto niyang mangyari.

'Are you busy?'

'Why are you suddenly like this?' I asked. 'You were silent the whole time and the moment you saw me with Paul, you're acting like a child whose toy was being played by someone else.'

'So his name's Paul.'

'Selective reading.'

'No,' he replied. 'It's just that the other things you said are completely false.'

'I don't think so.'

'I still would've talked to you even without that Paul,' he messaged. 'I was just waiting for you to finish your business.'

'I told you there is no business to finish.'

'If you say so.'

'You are infuriating.'

'Better than you not giving a shit about me.'

Oh, my god.

'It's so weird that you're messaging me like this using your business account. So unprofessional.'

Hindi agad siya nag-reply. Napakunot ang noo ko. Did I go overboard? Offensive ba iyong sinabi ko sa kanya? And why was I overthinking again? Bakit ba sa kanya na lang ako lagi nag-ooverthink?

Ibinaba ko na iyong phone ko at ayoko naman na titigan lang iyon. Nakakainis. Nakakainis na ayaw mo naman ma-attach since nag-dedetach ka nga kaso paano mo 'yon gagawin kung ganito na kausap mo? Ang hirap hindi ma-attach kapag lagi mong kausap.

Why was I in this situation yet again?

Why was it so hard to just ignore his message like how it was easy for him to go for weeks without talking me? Why was I longing for his presence when my absence didn't bother him?

Bakit ako nagkakaroon ng life crisis dahil sa kanya?

Para bang mata ng agila iyong mga mata ko nang biglang mag-ilaw iyong phone ko. I hated how I felt this freaking excitement nung makita ko iyong logo ng Instagram sa screen.

'I messaged you.'

'What?'

'Didn't you see it?'

'You're not making any sense.'

'I made an account.'

'What?'

'I made a personal account here, I guess?'

Napaawang ang labi ko. I immediately went to my message request at nakita ko na may message doon from 37 minutes ago. I clicked on it and it said 'Hi.'

'Seriously? User17381010?' I asked kasi iyong iyong username na nakalagay sa account na feeling ko ay sa kanya.

'Well, I tried my name but it said it's already unavailable.'

'So you thought to use that weirdass username?'

'It's fine. As long as I can communicate with you, who cares about the username.'

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I needed to remind myself that this was the same guy na mas pinili na 'wag akong pansinin kahit na nakita niya na umiiyak ako. I needed to remind myself na kahit gaano pa nakakabulag ang kagwapuhan niya, hindi ko kailangan ng inconsistent na lalaki.

I deserve better.

I like him, yes, but I deserve better and I will demand better—hindi kagaya before na tapunan niya lang ako ng tingin ay masaya na ako.

'Okay.'

'We'll talk there?'

'Sure but I'm gonna sleep.'

'Already?'

'It's already my bed time.'

'It's 10pm.'

'So?'

'It's early?'

'Not for me.'

Na-seen iyong message ko tapos hindi siya nag-reply. It took me a bit of will para i-turn off iyong wi-fi at pilitin iyong sarili na matulog. Gusto ko pa siyang kausap, yes, but I needed to set boundaries from now on. I didn't want to make myself readily available for him at all times. Hindi na ganon ngayon. Pakiramdam ko ay natanggal na iyong rose-colored shades ko and I was seeing some of the things that I didn't like about him.

He's not all that.

And if he wants me, he's gonna have to work a little harder because news flash for him: it's not gonna be as easy as before.

I went the whole day without checking my Instagram account. God, it was hard! I was very conscious about the fact that I was not checking my account. It reached the point na maaga kong natapos iyong mga kailangan kong gawin because that was how badly I needed to be distracted para lang hindi mag-check sa phone.

"Hey," sabi ni Paul.

"Hey," I replied back.

"I didn't come here to ask you on a date because you said that you're busy."

I smiled kahit na sa totoo lang, natapos ko na lahat ng trabaho ko—ganoon ako ka-desperate ma-distract.

"Just wanted to say hi. Hope it's not weird."

"Not at all," sabi ko sa kanya.

"Looking forward to our next date—no pressure, though."

"Yeah..." sabi ko tapos ay ngumiti na lang. Ayoko naman sabihin na naglu-look forward ako gayong alam ko sa sarili ko na kahit ma-bwisit ako kay Pablo, for some reason, that guy has me on chokehold.

Pagdating ko sa condo, around 9PM ako nagbukas ng Instagram.

'It was good,' reply ko sa message niya asking how my day was.

'Great,' he replied. 'Is the bed time still 10PM?'

'Yes.'

'So I only have 50 minutes.'

'More or less.'

'Okay,' he replied. 'I have to make it count.'

'Sure.'

'I'll call.'

'What?'

'I only have 50 minutes til bedtime. I have a lot of things I want to talk about. Typing is time consuming,' he messaged. 'I'll call.'

Hind ako naka-reply sa pagka-bigla sa sinabi niya.

'I prefer to actually go there and have a face to face conversation but I only have 50 minutes and the traffic won't be on my side.'

Why was he being like this all of a sudden?! Dahil lang ba talaga kay Paul? If wala ba si Paul, hindi pa rin niya ako papansinin? Ang gago talaga nito!

'Is it because of Paul?'

'I already said no.'

Hindi ako sumagot.

And then there was a voice message.

I clicked on it.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit kinakabahan ako.

'It's not about him—I do not give a flying fuck about the guy, Cerise. I have plans to talk to you. I already told you that I like you. I was giving you time and space because I don't want to be a replacement or a placeholder. I just did that before and it sucked. And with you, I know it would be worse than just sucking. I don't want to go through that again. I thought I made myself clear enough, but apparently I wasn't. I never told you that I didn't like you—in fact, I should tell you again that I do like you. I am a busy person—I have other things that I can do instead of doing this, yet here I am recording this message.'

Narinig ko iyong paghinga niya nang malalim.

And then there was another voice message.

'Again, if I wasn't clear—I like you with or without that Paul in the picture.'

And then another message.

'I like you—plain and simple.'

**
This story is already at Chapter 30 on beeyotch.ph. Subscription starts at 100php per month for all stories.

As of the moment, we only accept GCASH payment but soon, you can also pay via credit and debit cards :) Thank you!