Chapter 19

"Parang gago naman," Jana said nung magkita kami.

"Agreed," I replied. "Sobrang gago."

"Did he even ask kung okay ka lang? Kasi 'di ba nung nakita ka niya, yakap mo si Leo? Siguro naman nakita niya how upset you were?"

I just shrugged and focused on my wine. It had been a week simula nung mangyari iyong kay Pablo. I was so upset with everything na gusto ko nang umalis sa lugar na iyon. Para kasi talagang may sumpa na every time babalik ako roon, mayroong kagaguhan na nangyayari sa akin. It's like the universe was already giving me clear signs na 'go far and never return' pero itong si gaga, bumabalik pa rin.

I really was my worst enemy.

"I don't even know for sure if nakita niya ako," sabi ko sa kanya.

"Pretty sure nakita niya because out of nowhere lang na bigla niyang binanggit si Leo."

"I don't know," sagot ko. "And at this point, I honestly don't give a shit anymore."

Jana patted my head like I was some child. Hinampas ko iyong kamay niya at saka inirapan siya.

"So, done na talaga kay Mr. Pablo Narvaez?"

"Yup. Done and dumped."

Natawa siya. "Grabe naman sa dumped. Basura 'yan?"

I shrugged. "Any guy who plays with your feelings is trash," I said and then poured myself another glass of wine. Nandito lang kami sa condo ko ngayon. Hindi na ako lumalabas masyado sa gabi. Ewan ko. For sure naman hindi kami magkikita ni Pablo dahil nasa bar niya lang naman 'yon kapag gabi, but still. Also, hindi na ako pumupunta sa grocery. I just order my grocery and pick it up kapag nasa labas na ng building iyong delivery guy.

Tss. I was doing a lot para lang hindi siya makita.

"Amen to that, sister," sabi ni Jana.

"Tigilan mo nga ako."

"Bakit ba? Supportive nga ako!"

"Never ka naman naka-encounter non kasi swerte ka sa lovelife."

"Gusto mo ba i-break ko muna para sabay tayong broken?"

"Gaga," sabi ko tapos nagusap na lang kami tungkol sa ibang bagay. After a while, umalis na rin siya dahil nasa baba na iyong sundo niya. I wanted to sleep already, but I couldn't. I felt like I had all this energy. In the end, I decided to go for a run. Safe naman sa neighborhood ko. Ayoko rin kasi na sa treadmill sa gym. I wanted fresh air—I mean, as fresh as the Manila air could offer, I guess.

I just threw on my running shorts, some dri-fit shirt, and my running shoes. Paglabas ko, dumiretso na akong tumakbo. I liked running because it allows me to free my mind. I was only focus on running—sometimes nga, parang hindi ko na rin napapansin kung ano iyong mga nasa paligid ko. It's a nice way to recalibrate.

After a while, I stopped by a convenience store to buy some water. Nang makakuha ako ng tubig doon sa may ref, pagtalikod ko ay nakita ko si Paul. Just my fucking luck, really.

"Hey," he said with that usual smile of his.

"Hi," I replied, smiling back just to be polite. Why couldn't I just be rude, really? Kahit sa pamilya ko, it took a long time bago ako nagsimulang sumagot-sagot sa kanila. For the longest time, I was just quietly taking the hits.

"Just finished running?" he asked.

"Yup," I replied. "Nice to see you."

Sinubukan kong umalis pero agad akong napatigil nang tawagin niya iyong pangalan ko. I stopped on my tracks, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath.

"What?" I asked nicely kahit na at this point, napaisip na naman ako na sana nag-stay na lang ako sa condo ko para at least nakatapos man lang ako ng isang araw na walang lalaking bu-bwisit sa akin.

"I know you don't like me," sabi niya.

My eyes widened for a bit. "What?"

"Come on, it's fine," he said. "I promise I'm not usually this... annoying," he continued.

Oh, great. Now, he's starting to make me feel bad kasi tuwing naiisip ko siya, ang naiisip ko lang ay kung gaano siya ka-annoying. Why was he suddenly trying to be nice now?

"You're just very... intimidating. And I try to compensate on other things like being... arrogant—I guess I went overboard," sabi niya habang nakatingin sa akin.

"I'm intimidating?" natatawa na sabi ko.

"You are," sabi niya. "My dad speaks highly of you."

My lips parted.

"Oh, wow."

"Yeah. But don't tell him I said that—you know how he is with praising people for their good work. Quite stingy," Paul said with that boyish smile of his that usually doesn't work with me, but for some odd reasons, it's working quite well at the moment. And to be honest, he still looks good kahit pawis din siya sa pagtakbo gaya ko.

"It'll be our secret," I replied.

"Our secret? Sounds nice," sabi niya habang nakatingin sa akin.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Seems redundant since you're already asking," I said at natawa siya nang bahagya.

"Touche," he replied. "But... are you still with that guy?"

"What guy?"

"Your boyfriend," he said at napaawang ang labi ko. Right... Nagkita nga pala sila ni Pablo sa grocery. God. That felt like a lifetime ago pa. Parang ang dami ng nangyari kahit hindi pa naman talaga ganoon katagal ang panahon na lumipas.

"Oh... him," sabi ko na lang.

"From the tone of your voice, I'm guessing that it didn't go well?" tanong niya sa akin tapos hindi na lang ako sumagot, and instead just gave a small smile.

"Sorry to hear that... but not really sorry," sabi niya.

"Wow, thanks," I replied and he gave me his boyish grin.

"I'm just gonna go for it," he continued. "One dinner. Just one. If you don't like it, I promise I will not bother you anymore," he added and he said these while looking straight into my eyes at for some reason, ewan ko pero ramdam na ramdam ko iyong kaba niya. Seryoso ba na gusto niya talaga ako? Because for the longest time, I thought he was just doing it for the challenge—na he could literally get anyone but for some reason, he wants me more kasi ayoko sa kanya. But... I guess this boy really did like me. Weird but whatever.

"Fine," I said.

Natawa siya. "Thank you, even if it sounds forced."

"Well, at least you're not oblivious pala."

"No, not at all—that's why I know you're not my biggest fan."

"I most definitely am not," sabi ko. "Just tell me the details about the dinner. I promise I'll show up."

He nodded. "Will do," he replied with a smile. "Have a nice run."

"You, too," sabi ko bago ako nagbayad dun sa binili kong tubig at saka lumabas na.

I went on with my life and my work. I already made plans with my dad na susunduin ko siya somewhere near the house and we'll do a roadtrip o kung anuman. Kinabahan kasi talaga ako nung sinabi niya sa akin na 'wag na akong babalik sa Bataan lalo na kapag wala na siya. It felt like a premonition of some kind. Kung pwede nga lang na sa condo ko na rin siya, e, because suddenly, it felt like time was ticking.

I hated it.

I hated the thought of losing him.

"Thank you," I said when Paul opened the door for me. I told him na I'd meet him sa resto na lang, but he insisted to pick me up from my condo saying, this is a formal date and all that. I said yes na lang since after naman nito, he promised na titigilan niya na ako.

We went to some resto na alam ko ay months ang waiting period. Must be nice to be this rich and influential—you have access to the kinds of things ordinary people have to wait for.

Paul was saying something nang bigla akong matigilan nang makita ko si Pablo na nakaupo. He was there with someone—someone who looks much younger than him. So, ganito ba ang type niya? Bata?

"Why?" Paul asked when I halted. Hindi niya alam na nakita ko si Pablo. For sure makikilala niya kapag nakita niya na nakaupo roon.

"Nothing," I said, but too late na kasi nakita niya na si Pablo.

"Do you want to go to another restaurant?" he asked.

Para bang naramdaman niya na pinaguusapan namin siya kaya napatingin sa gawi namin si Pablo. His eyes were on me tapos ay napunta iyon kay Paul.

And boy, he did not like what he saw.

"No," I said.

Bakit kami lilipat? Ano ko ba si Pablo? He's the one who told me na he couldn't do this anymore with me kahit na sa totoo lang, wala pa naman kaming nasisimulan talaga para itigil iyon. Besides, ni hindi nga ako makapag-grocery dahil sa kanya. Pati ba naman sa mga restaurants, siya pa rin ang magmamay-ari nun? Para kaming naghatian ng mga lugar sa Maynila na pwedeng puntahan tapos so far, puro siya ang pwede.

"Are you sure?"

"Affirmative," I told Paul.

Paul looked like he'd rather that we go someplace else, pero wala siyang magawa dahil sinabi ko na dito kami. We were ushered to our seat—and as if the universe was playing a joke on us dahil doon kami sa tabi ng table nila Pablo nakaupo... at magkatalikod kami.

Great.

Just fucking great.

"Are you fine?" Paul asked.

"Yes," I said. "How will I enjoy this date if all you'll ask is if I am fine?"

Natawa si Paul. "Right... I'm sorry," sabi niya.

The menu was given to us and medyo hindi ko alam kung ano ang pipiliin ko kasi puro French words iyong nakalagay and walang picture—actually, wala ring price so medyo nakakakaba, but like, I can pay din naman.

"What do you recommend?" I asked Paul.

"I really like the chateubriand," he said and then proceeded to recommending some other food that he thought I would like. I was just listening to him as he spoke some French word. It was actually sexy—him speaking French.

We ordered food and then proceeded to talking. Paul's actually nice to talk to when he's not full of himself. I mean, he's still a bit arrogant, but I guess it comes from the territory when you're born with the privilege that he has. Actually, may kilala naman ako na mas mayabang sa kanya. Mas iwas lang ako kay Paul dahil siya iyong lagi kong nakikita.

"Excuse me," sabi ko after a while at tumayo ako papunta sa CR. I just washed my hand and sent a quick text to Jana. Sabi niya kasi mag-text ako sa kanya if okay iyong date kasi kapag hindi, she'll call and make up some emergency para makaalis ako. Good friend, that one.

After sending a text na so far nag-eenjoy ako (I didn't tel her na nandito si Pablo because I refuse to give him a main role in my story), lumabas na ako, pero natigilan ako nang makita ko si Pablo.

"Were you waiting for me like some stalker?" tanong ko agad sa kanya.

"No," he replied.

"Alright," I said, shrugging, dahil malay ko ba na nagpunta rin siya sa CR? Baka sabay kaming tinawag ng kalikasan?

"So, you're on a date," sabi niya bago pa man ako maka-isang hakbang paalis.

"Yes," I replied. I bit my tongue and stopped myself from pointing out the fact na mayroon din naman siyang kasama. Ayoko lang isipin niya na may pakielam ako kahit sa totoo lang, meron pa rin naman.

"I thought you hated the guy," he said.

"Thought so, too. Turned out, he's actually okay."

Nakatingin lang siya sa akin. Nakatingin lang din ako sa kanya. I knew I should be leaving, yet here I was, just giving back the same energy that he was giving me.

"Do you still have anything to say?" I asked.

He still wasn't saying anything yet even his stare alone was unnerving.

"Have you talked to Leo?" he asked. It was the first time he'd said his name.

"No, because there's nothing to talk about," sagot ko.

He was looking at me like he's disappointed.

"Also, thanks for asking me how I was when you saw me crying in Bataan. I really appreciated it," I said while staring into his eyes so that he'd know how disappointed I was in him na mas inuna niya pa iyong feelings niya kaysa sa akin na nakita niya na namang umiiyak.

Maybe... maybe Pablo's not all that.

**
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