"You're so golden."

❀

What the fuck am I doing here?

This entire week, since everything has happened I've tried to convince myself that I was okay. I forced myself to ignore the constant churning in the pit of my belly, the aching beneath my skin, the clashing emotions waiting for something that I couldn't even explain myself.

I can count the reasons why I shouldn't be here right now, and I'm sure I'd have more than enough to walk away.

But then my mind veers off to the feeling of his hand in mine earlier, how close his body was to me, the fluttering feeling inside my throbbing core every single time his lips quirked upwards.

Even though it reminded me of everything I couldn't have, it also intrigued me, fascinated me even more.

I can't tell if my feelings toward him are more physical or emotional, there's so much between each reasoning that it's hard to pinpoint exactly.

Maybe I miss him.

Or maybe this is a way of me punishing myself because there is a high possibility that this changed behavior of his won't last.

I'd like to think that him bringing me to Freddie's, introducing me to new people and hauling my ass to the County Fair is rather romantic, but then again, Romance and Mason isn't necessarily two words I'd ever put in a sentence together.

And when he pays for both our entries I try to not dwell on it.

Or the fact that he hasn't touched me since we left Freddies, or that the scent coming off his sweatshirt is filling my head and infiltrating my bloodstream, sending me to tighten my thighs, disregarding the heat in the center of my legs.

There are a lot of conflicting emotions I feel right now.

I imagined every possibility of the first time Mason and I would reconnect once again, but never did I ever imagine this.

The sea of bodies around us that accumulate out of nowhere only makes it harder for me to breathe. The bright lights, whizzing and whirling rides are heard through the faint music and occasional happy screams that suddenly pierce through the air.

The sky is pitch black, sparsely dotted with dim stars and the only thing illuminating the night are the rides, booths and bright toys seen for miles.

And then there's him.

Even in the darkness his eyes glint with desire and sin.

I stand less than a foot beside him, the urge to touch him, feel him, enclose myself onto him is stronger than ever, and of course, the cheeky grin on his face watching me stand here awkwardly next to him only adds to it.

It's cold and dark and I should just want to get the hell out of here already, but I'm drawn to his unpredictable, catastrophic presence and I can't help any of it.

I look around, taking in the scenery around me, feeling Mason's eyes taunting me as he stops in his tracks. I look over at him, and my feet seem to have a mind of their own when I find myself taking another daring step toward him, a fluttery ball of angst and anxiety coiling in my gut in the process.

"You like rollercoasters now, don't you? I remember you always being scared of them, but something tells me you now enjoy the thrill of it all. Doing something dangerous, reckless..." He takes another step toward me and I become aware of how close we are to each other, "That you like the arousal of... physical experiences."

Something tells me rollercoasters are the last thing on his mind.

"I enjoy the rides, yes." I say, tightening my arms around my chest tighter as the cool breeze blows.

He takes another step toward me, a wicked grin forming on his face and something deep between my legs clenches at the sight of it.

Oh God, something is very wrong with me.

Even from the darkness around us I can still see the shadowed sparkle in his beautiful green eyes and I bite into my bottom lip and let out a steadying breath of air to try and calm my overwhelming nerves.

This night with him has been dangerous.

Everything about it screams bad idea, but when brings his large hand up and grips my chin, tilting my head up to face his I let him.

His mouth is too close for comfort and I instinctively flick my gaze down at his plump and inviting lips before going back up to meet his eyes.

He hums in the back of his throat again just as he did earlier. His thumb smooths across my bottom lip, removing it from my teeth while his fingertips skim the side of my jaw.

He leans in a bit closer to me and says, softly, "I know something else you can ride."

My breath hitches, my heart skips a beat. It would be so easy to just lean in and close the distance between us, but I can't.

I clench my hands into fists at my sides to prevent myself from grabbing him, and thankfully he continues so I don't have to try and muster up some lame response.

"But since I don't think you're ready for that just yet, I thought we could play some games."

"Games?"

Oh, him and his stupid fucking games.

He looks at me, releasing the gentle grip he had on my chin and smiles a bit wider.

"Games."

❀

It only takes twenty minutes to realize that Mason is good at just about any game here. While my skills on the other hand, disappoint me to the fullest.

Being here with him gives me temptation like no other, but still I manage to keep myself in control.

Everytime his hand would brush against mine I would act like I didn't feel a thing. Like my insides weren't exploding just from the quick tease of his skin on my own.

"What about this one?" He asks me and I turn my gaze toward the shooting game ahead of us, looking back at him questionably.

"This one?" If you ask me, all these games are rigged. But partaking in something like a shooting game is just about the least clever thing he could do.

One of his dark eyebrows quirk upwards, "What's wrong with this one?"

He looks faintly interested in my response and I nonchalantly shrug my shoulders, "Don't you want to play a game you actually have a chance of winning?"

Something dark slides over his face before it's replaced by an amused expression.

A crooked little smirk toys faintly at the edge of his lips. His tongue flicks out for a moment as he wets his bottom lip and without further deliberation he turns to face the volunteer on the other side of the table.

"One round." Mason says, handing him some of our tickets and I sigh impatiently.

One thing I've learned about him is that he always loves to prove me wrong. Everything about this man displays a sense of confidence, whether it's for something as small as a rigged carnival game, or as big as sexual proficiency he knows he can always do better.

The volunteer hands him the fake handgun and I cross my arms over my chest and watch as he points the gun up, looking at the moving targets a couple feet away from him, his brows creased in concentration.

I look at the small targets ahead of us, each with one round circle in the center of them. They're moving back and forth, up and down to try and make the game a little bit harder to win.

Again, rigged.

"Mason, I-"

I'm interrupted by the sound of the handgun clicking off, he shoots five times, each at a different target, hitting every single one of them dead in the center until they've fallen off their clip.

His motions are swift, fast, and smooth, almost like it wasn't even a game to him at all.

It looked easy, too easy.

The thought is absolutely mortifying, and yet so undeniably sexy at the same time.

The blood speeds up in my veins and my heart thumps erratically against my ribcage when he sets the gun down and looks over at me, his green colored eyes darkening as they meet mine.

I don't even realize that I'm biting my lip until he trails his eyes down toward them, a pleased hum rumbling from the back of his throat, sending goosebumps across my skin.

I blink at him amazed, clearing my throat, "How...How did you..."

Concealing a chuckle, he extends his arm out to me, "I'll show you."

I hesitantly walk over before he leans in, snaking his arm around my waist and pulling me toward him.

He hands me the gun and I take it, then he circles back around me and pushes my backside close against his hard chest. I feel him tuck a few strands of my hair off my shoulder, giving himself room to insert his head in the crook of my neck behind me.

He reaches his hands up and they mold themselves on mine over the gun. Then he lifts his arms up, bringing my hands with it and aims the gun toward the target in front of us.

I can feel his breath in the nape of my neck, they're shallow and soft, and the hardened bulge poking against my lower back. Fuck, this is all too much.

I shouldn't want him to touch me, but I do.

But when he does it's like my body knows. Warmth fills the space in between my legs, the hairs on my body spike upward and the tips of my breasts firm into sensitive peaks.

My entire body throbs, the air between us has changed, it's now tense and electrifying and I'm now suddenly finding it hard to breathe again.

"Focus," He says to me, his voice raspy and low.

Fuck, how can I when he's touching me like this?

"Now square your hips." He continues, removing a hand on the gun to reposition me closer against his front and I chew distractedly on my bottom lip, trying to focus on my breathing. "Don't think too much, just aim, and pull the trigger."

I feel his index finger hover on the top of mine, and push down gently. The handgun goes off, hitting the center of the target, and it falls, hitting the ground.

My mouth widens as I spill out a couple astonishing laughs. I feel his grip on me loosen and when he lets go of me completely all the warmth and comfort inside me is drained, leaving me cold.

"You're a natural." He says to me, the darkness in his eyes still showing.

"Well maybe I just had a good coach. How'd you make it look so easy?" I press, and he shoves his hands into his front jean pockets.

"Beginners luck, I suppose."

The look on his face tells me that that isn't the entire truth, and it also shows that he doesn't feel like explaining any further so I just nod my head.

I want to know what he could be hiding from me that makes him so withdrawn. But I know that he still doesn't want to tell me, and even though I have tried many times to somehow make him trust me enough, he still isn't there yet.

And that's okay, I guess.

For now.

"Come on, let's go find another game to play." I say, changing the subject and he follows me through the dispersing crowd of people.

"Why's everyone leaving?" He asks me and I look around, acknowledging the people moving toward the exit.

I never really thought about the time, somehow time seems to cease around me whenever I'm with him.

I pull my phone out of his sweatshirt pocket and check to see what time it is. There's this sinking feeling I get when I realize that the Fair is now closed. It means that my night with him is coming to an end.

And I'll wake up tomorrow, not knowing what's next, or what to do, how to react around him. Same as it always is.

"They're closing." I answer and his eyes narrow into mine as if what I'm saying can't be true.

"But you haven't won anything."

"It's fine, I don't need anything-"

"Yes, you do." He says to me, his voice firm and I get the feeling he's not taking no for an answer on this one.

And it's not my fault that a fluttery, light feeling bursts its way through my chest when he wraps his hand around mine, trudging me to the nearest booth.

My feet barely catch up with him as the man on a mission ahead of me continues to dart toward the biggest booth closest to us, filled with toys of all different sizes hanging up against the back wall.

I take notice in how everyone around us seems to be packing up, readying themselves for the end of the night and I get this growing pit in my stomach when I think this won't be as easy as he thinks it is.

When we reach the booth, Mason lets go of my hand and pulls out his wallet. I stare at him, wide eyed and the pit in my stomach only grows.

"How much for a stuffed animal?" He asks the volunteer on the other side of us.

The volunteers' eyebrows quirk up, and for a moment he looks confused on why this man in front of him is pulling out a wad of cash for a stuffed animal that probably costs 50 cents.

"Uh, sorry sir, these aren't for sale."

Mason blows out a labored breath, "But you're now closed, so how else is she supposed to get one?"

The blood freezes in my body, I'm not sure if I should feel bad for the poor volunteer having to deal with this, or turned on by how Mason is acting.

This is another thing that feels a little bit too intimate to me. Even though I never won a stuffed animal tonight, Mason is here insisting that I get one.

Why do I always find myself in these situations with him? I try to be careful, to be smart about what I do around him but no matter what everything we do feels unquestionably intimate.

And now here I stand, finding myself in deeper shit than ever because of the feelings this whole night has given me.

"You could always come back tomorrow, we open at 1 p.m." The volunteer says, trying to be as soft as possible toward the seething man in front of him.

"Mason, it's okay. I don't need it." I say to him, trying to butt in but he only shakes his head at me.

"Bullshit, we're not leaving until you get one."

Before I have time to respond, Mason jumps over the table onto the other side of the booth. The volunteer gasps in shock as Mason walks over to the wall of stuffed animals and turns his body toward me.

"Which one do you want?" He asks me, motioning his head to the wall behind him.

"Excuse me, sir, you can't be back here."

"Don't you see I'm in a conversation?" Mason says impassively to the man beside him, and I swallow harshly because of how quick his demeanor has changed in front of me. He looks back at me, his face becoming soft, "Pick."

The man standing next to him looks slightly shocked, pressing his lips into a thin line before he glances over at me.

"Uh-" I begin, but am cut off.

"If you don't leave I'll have to call security." He says to us and Mason only shrugs.

"Do as you wish." Mason says back, and the volunteer storms out of the booth, trying to find the nearest security guard.

"Mason..."

"Pick, Isabelle. Any one you want." He says to me, his eyes raking up and down my body, sending a hoard of butterflies stirring inside my insides.

For a second we just stare at each other and every fiber in me is pulsating because of him.

And then I let out a defeated sigh and look ahead to the wall in front of me. There's so many choices, so many sizes to choose from.

But of course, my eyes immediately go to the biggest one there is.

"The bear." I finally answer, pointing to the big brown bear in the corner with the red tie round it's neck. It looks at least twice my size, which only makes me want it even more.

He looks up at it, a smirk appearing on his lips before he reaches up and takes it off the hook. I can feel a couple of eyes burning into me, and redirect my attention towards them. Zeroing in on the security guard and the volunteer pointing right at us.

And if I'm not mistaken, I see the volunteer saying, "That's them."

Oh, shit.

I turn back around, hoping they didn't see me even though I know they did. And the pit in my stomach grows even more. Who would have thought that instead of just winning me a bear, Mason would have to steal it.

Wait, actually that sounds about right.

Mason jumps back over to the other side where I'm at, "Let's go." He says to me, using his free hand to grab mine while the other arm is holding the bear in a tight grip.

I don't even have time to say anything before Mason makes a run for it while his hand is in mine, forcing me to run along with him.

"Hey, get back here!" I hear the security guard yell, as he tries his hardest to run after us.

The adrenaline is soaring through my body, pulsating through every single one of my veins. Whenever I'm with him I find myself floating on an indescribable high, and this is another one of these moments.

I can't escape the feeling I'm getting with his hand entangled in mine once again.

He always tries to seem tough, scary even. But I wonder how many people have seen this side of him. The side that pushes me into the shower just to get me back for accidentally spilling beer on him, the side that steals a cheap stuffed animal for me just because he insists that I need it.

The gentle side of him.

We run past the people making their way through the exit, and when he steps out of the County Fair grounds he turns around, pushing me against the hard black gate.

I feel the heat of his gaze lingering on every single part of me. My lips, neck, hips, tightening thighs, he gazes down at me with that intense burning, glinting eyes of his.

And then he brings his index finger up, positioning it in front of his lips, quieting me.

There's a bit of mischief curling up on the ends of his lips as he looks down at me, pressed up against him.

And all the sudden, my throat feels as dry as paper.

Our chests are inches apart from him towering over me, and the sparkle in his eyes tells me he knows exactly what he's doing.

"I think we lost them." I hear a voice say nearby and the wicked smile on Mason's lips only grows.

"Fuck this man, we don't get paid enough for this." I hear another male voice speak and then all the sudden it's quiet, and I know they've gone back inside.

But even though they've left, Mason's body still hasn't retreated from mine.

Breathe, breathe, focus on your breathing

"I-" I swallow, "I think the coast is clear."

"Hm, is it?" His lips hover just a centimeter above the top of my forehead, and I'm sure he can feel my rough breaths against his neck that I'm trying so hard to control.

And then when I think I just might break, he takes a step away from me.

"Come on, I'll walk you home."

❀

Most of the walk back to my house I spend my time thinking about how undeniably fucked I am now since I've yet again, decided to spend a night with Mason knowing just how capable he is of sucking me in.

He tells me over and over that he can carry the bear for me just because of how heavy it is, and each time he insists on it I have to ignore the heating feeling in my cheeks.

I put myself through it again.

The feeling of whenever we're together; the tingling throughout my entire body that always leaves me breathless.

I don't know why I'm just not capable of walking away from it.

But at the same time, I'm not so sure I even want to anymore.

"I'm surprised you decided to come out with me tonight." I hear Mason speak beside me, breaking me out of my pessimistic thoughts.

I turn my head over to him, not sure on what to say next, since I too am surprised.

"I thought Aiden would have told you so stay away from me by now." He goes on, and I turn my attention away from him. "He did, didn't he?"

"Not necessarily." My answer only seems to intrigue him even more.

"I can see how threatened he is by me." He moves his body a little closer to mine as I continue to walk, and not dare to look up at him. "I bet I'm your every conversation."

Again, I choose to ignore him.

And of course, it only makes him go on even further.

"But then again, he has every right to be threatened."

This time I return my gaze back to him, whipping my head around to face him. I don't stop walking, or shift my body closer like he's been doing this entire walk to my house.

I only look up at him, feeling the flush in my skin deepen.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" I ask him, my teeth gently piercing into the bottom of my lip.

"It means he's too nice for you."

"Well maybe nice is exactly what I need." He arches an eyebrow as we turn the corner of my street.

My house is only a few feet away, and then he'll be gone.

And who knows what tomorrow will hold for us.

"Why?" He asks me, "When we both know 'nice' could never satisfy you."

I look back up at him, finding him genuinely curious on what I'm going to say next. He studies my face, looking for any sign that he's right, and I look away from him, exhaling out a tired breath.

"We're here. This is my place." I say after a few moments of silence, walking toward the front door of my house.

"Yeah, I remember."

I turn back around to face him, finding his body only about an inch or two away from mine and my back hits the door behind me.

He looks around, taking everything and I can't help but think of how nostalgic his voice sounds. He hasn't been back to my house since before he left three years ago. Before that, he'd always walk me home, even then he'd insist on it.

Nice to know some things haven't changed.

He looks back down at me, watching me wordlessly for a second and we stare into each other. The silence stretching on between us is more comforting than the goodbye that I know we'll both have to share in a few seconds.

But then he opens his mouth to speak, "Go somewhere with me tomorrow."

I watch him close the distance between us, and swallow at his close proximity. I do, I do want to go with him. Fuck, at this point I feel like I'd go anywhere with him, but where will that get me?

Hurt again, most likely.

And I can't, I can't be hurt by him any more than I already have.

I gave myself an excuse this time, that it was for Freddie. Even though I let him touch me and look at me in ways he shouldn't have.

But what will be my excuse tomorrow? Or the day after that?

"Mason, I..." He reaches his hand up, gently brushing the side of my cheek and my body forgets how to pump the air in and out of my lungs, making it almost impossible to breathe.

"I can't."

But still he doesn't let me go, only continues to cage me, his fingers almost melting my skin just from his touch alone.

His strong jaw twitches and he leans in until his nose just barely touches the side of mine.

"Still punishing me?" He murmurs back to me, his thumb brushing over my parted lips, and the inside of my legs start throbbing.

"I meant what I said Mason... I- we- we should stay away from each other." I manage to get out as my skin prickles from the warmth of his face hovering over mine.

I gasp tears through my lips when his hand finds my throat. His palm rests against the base of my neck, fingers grazing the line of my jaw. His grip on me is commanding, dominating, yet so gentle at the same.

He arches down to me, leaning in closer so his lips are only about a centimeter or two away from mine. Fuck, they're so close, for a second they brush together and I let a whimper fall from my lips.

"What if I can't stay away from you?" His words turn the blood rushing through my veins on fire. "What If I don't want to?"

The tip of his nose nudges my own and I find myself humming to the sensation it brings me.

"Then I guess you're shit out of luck." I whisper back to him, and I can feel the smile on his lips. "You can't do this."

He leans into me some more, his nose brushing against my cheek. "Mmm, do what?"

His other hand grips onto my hips, trying to hold me in place while the other remains on my neck, and I find myself wanting every bit of him again.

"You don't want me to stop, Isabelle. I know you don't." He says to me, his voice low as our breaths mesh together.

No, no, don't let him get to you.

"You can't have it both ways."

The sounds of our jagged breathing fills the air around us, and he leans his forehead against mine.

I clench my thighs tighter together, and he grumbles softly, "So then tell me what you want." He leans back into me, his nose brushing against my cheek, all the way to the shell of my ear, "And maybe I'll give it to you."

I breathless whimper falls from my lips again.

This was a bad idea, bad, bad, bad, bad

I want to give him everything, I want him to take me every way and everywhere but it's not going to be as easy as he thinks it will be. I don't want to continue this vicious cycle, the push and pull, cat and mouse, all of it. It's toxic, and even though it's igniting every part of me, it's also burning, hurting it too.

"No."

His hand leaves my throat and slides back towards the ends of my hair, tugging them firmly and forcing my head to face up to his. I gasp escapes my mouth in the process, and I bite down on my lips once again just to keep them off of him.

"Disobeying me already?" He asks me, and I look into the darkness of his eyes.

If he wants to play this game, fine, let's play.

"I appreciate everything you've done for me today." I whisper, my hands finding themselves onto his hard chest as he lets go of my hair, "How sweet you were to me, how gentle. But I need more, I need you to work for it. And trust me..." I lick my bottom lip, pulling his shirt to bring him closer to me.

"You'll work for it. And when you've exhausted every last effort, and are wallowing on your knees begging for it..." I push myself up so his lips are so close to me I can feel every single one of his breaths. "Maybe, just maybe..." I say, leaning in closer so this time my lips brush up against his ear.

And then when I'm close enough, I whisper, "I'll let you have it."

A grunt vibrates from the base of his throat, and when I force myself off of him I can see just how much he wants me. The way he's looking at me shows me all the sexual, erotic things he's thinking.

And it takes everything in me to not enact on them, but instead I pick up the large stuffed bear beside us, taking it into my own hands and looking back at him once more.

"Goodnight, Mason."

And before I find myself kissing him, or taking him right here right now, I turn around, unlock the front door and slip inside.

I use my back to close the door behind me, leaning against it so I can finally catch my breath. I close my eyes, steadying myself against the wood and thinking about everything that just took place right on the other side of it.

"Aiden drop you off?" I hear someone else in the room and snap my eyes open to find Sylvia standing in the kitchen with a glass of water in hand.

"Uh..." I clear my throat, "Mason."

She nods her head at me, her eyes darting down toward the large bear wrapped around my arm and I hurriedly walk past her and into my room, not looking for any conversation after what just happened.

Fuck, I am so fucked.

❀

I roll over onto my side in my bed once more. I forgot how difficult it is to sleep without him. My eyes travel over to the alarm clock on my nightstand, 2:05 a.m.

I've tried wrapping my head around everything that occurred today. But it's so difficult to even grasp. The way he was, the way he talked to me, touched me...

It was too much to handle.

I sit up, my bare feet hitting against the cold hardwood floors below me as I walk over to the teddy bear in the corner of my room and bring it over into my bed. My phone chimes, and the screen illuminates through the darkness of the room.

I reach over and grab it, checking the new message displayed right in front of me.

It's from a new number. One I don't already have in my phone.

You're absolutely maddening. Goodnight, Isabelle.

A smile breaks free from my lips once I realize that earlier this morning when Mason took my phone, he must have placed my number in his.

And with that, I set my phone down, curl up against my new bear, and sleep.

A.N.

PHEW! Loooong chapter, tell me what you think :)

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