The next few days are a meaningless blur. 

In order to distract myself from the outcome that I can't do anything about, I focus on the things I can change-my room for instance.

I've come to the realization that manic cleaning is just another one of my unusual qualities.

I've spent my time cleaning and scrubbing every inch of my bedroom, while also disposing of all of my small childlike artifacts. I wanted to discard all the memories that were haunting my never ending thoughts. And thankfully, as I organized every object that looked out of place I found that most of my feelings were kept at bay.

Until the point came where I had nothing left to do; the floor was swept and mopped, laundry was done, every inch of the room was dusted and every photograph on the wall of memories I didn't want to keep had found their place in the trash... and that's when reality checked in.

It had dawned on me that no matter my efforts to get my mind off of the obtrusive agony inside of me, it'll always find its way back.

So for the next couple of days I simply go through the motions, trying not to think about everything I have done to put this on myself.

For the most part I stay locked away in my room.

Amy has made numerous efforts to drag me out and socialize but after about the third of fourth try, she's given up. Sylvia on the other hand, has not. She can be very persistent when she wants to be.

In the back of my mind I think she's able to see right through me, the tone in her voice is different from everyone else's.

It's almost as if she knows.

And then there's my mother, Nora.

I've barely said three words to her since being here.

The only time I find myself going downstairs is to grab my dinner and immediately bring it back up to my room. Other than that, I've been completely bedridden. It feels as though there's a fifty pound weight on my chest, but as I predicted, it gets lighter with every day that passes.

Although being apart from him has been a difficult adjustment, it's exactly what I needed to pushstart the moving on process.

The more I think about it, the more I come to terms with it all.

But of course, it doesn't make any of it easy.

I hear a knock on my bedroom door and before I have any time to respond, the door opens.

"Can I come in?" Amy asks me and I nod, sitting up in my bed. She slowly walks over, and the mattress dips slightly when she sits down beside me.

"Now are you going to tell me what's wrong, or am I going to have to guess?"

The weight on my chest adds another pound and I find myself already starting to tense up.

"What do you mean?"

"Elle, when I visited you at Jessica's you seemed different... happier. And now you're back and I feel like I've barely seen you... Is this about Nora?"

I sigh, and run my fingers through my hair as she continues, "Look, I know you don't want to talk about it, and I won't force you. But at least let me help. Come join us downstairs for dinner, you shutting yourself out in this room is making me depressed." She jokes and I can't help but give her a short laugh in reply.

"What do you say? Does that sound like something you can do?"

As much as I hate to admit it, leaving this room doesn't sound like the worst idea. Being cooped up in here for days is nearly forcing me off the edge of insanity.

These four walls I've been enclosed in have given me the sense of comfort that my mind and body needed, but now the only thing that I need is a break.

"Alright."

Once we make it downstairs the smell of garlic bread immediately invades my nostrils and my stomach growls. Right when I enter the kitchen, Sylvia and Nora's conversation falls silent, the surprise evident on both their faces as all eyes go on me.

"Elle's going to join us for dinner tonight." Amy says, attempting to break the silence as she ushers me in.

"Wonderful." Sylvia speaks up and hands me a plate already filled with food.

I look down at the spaghetti and garlic bread on the plate, and back at her, reluctantly taking it from her grasp before walking over to the dinner table and sitting down.

The tension in the air is so thick you can cut it with a knife, and for a moment I find myself questioning if this was the right decision. Suddenly the thought of being trapped alone in my bedroom doesn't sound so bad.

A glass of water is placed right beside me and I look up to find Nora setting it on the table.

"Oh, uh, thanks." I mutter so quietly I doubt she even hears me.

By the time everyones seated they all start to dig in. I, on the other hand, take very few bites, mostly toying with my food with the fork in my hand.

"I'm happy to see you out of that cave of yours, Isabelle. I was starting to think it swallowed you whole." Sylvia speaks up before taking another bite of her spaghetti.

"Yeah, well you can thank Amy for that."

"So tell us," she continues, "How was your stay at Jessica's? Did you settle in alright?"

"Yeah, thankfully she let me stay."

"Well, if she hadn't you could have always just come back here."

I sense a bit of attitude in her voice and decide against snapping back at her. Her eyes linger on me for a few seconds before she opens her mouth.

"I know we all missed you."

This time there's no judgment in her voice, just pure sincerity and I can't deny that at first it doesn't surprise me. I always imagined that once I decided to return, Sylvia would be the first to pick a fight with me. I remember hearing stories about how Amy and Nora we're never allowed out past curfew when they were my age, and now here she is not giving me a single issue on the matter.

The next couple minutes we all eat in silence, and my mind wanders to all the things I could be doing alone in my room right now just as Amy finally decides to break the ice.

"Oh, Elle, I forgot to tell you." I lift my gaze off my plate and towards her, "You'll never guess who I saw driving around the other day."

"Who?" She leans back in her chair, her face looking deep in thought.

"Uh, what was that kids name? The boy from years ago? The one that moved away?"

My mouth slowly parts when I realize who she must be talking about.

"Mason? Mason West?" Nora speaks up and the weight on my chest adds ten pounds. I wince at the sound of his name and drop my fork on the glass plate.

"Oh, yes! Him."

"He's back in town?" Nora continues to keep the conversation going and I sink further into my seat.

"Who's Mason West?" Sylvia asks Nora and she glances over at me before answering.

"This boy who moved away a couple years ago. Him and Elle were once very close before he left. God, I haven't heard that name in years."

It seems as though no one is aware of how uncomfortable this poor conversation topic is making me. Of course the day I finally decide to leave my room my whole family has to indulge in the topic of Mason fucking West.

Every single mention of his name sends another dagger into my heart and I remind myself to take a breath.

I pick up my glass of water and take a sip as Amy goes on, "You guys should see him now, he's looking very good for himself if you ask me."

I swallow the water in my mouth too fast and can't help the cough that escapes from my mouth. I clear my throat, ignoring the concerned looks on everyone's faces as I set my glass of water back on the table in front of me.

"Mason does? How so?" Nora questions and I feel like ripping my hair out of my scalp.

This can not be happening to me.

"I don't know how to explain it, he just grew into himself, and he has all these tattoos now."

"Tattoos?" Sylvia asks, her nose scrunched up in disgust. "How many?"

"A lot."

"Really? Hm, Mason with tattoos? I can't imagine." Nora goes on and I mentally question how much longer this conversation is going to go on for.

"You know, when you were younger I always thought the two of you would end up getting married." She says to me, and the dagger in my heart deepens.

I remember how often everyone in my family would tease me about that. Jessica however, found the jokes revolting.

This discussion they're having right in front of me only makes me feel as though all memories I've tried to keep hidden about the two of us are crashing down on me.

I want to forget about everything that's ever happened between us. But he's not just some boy I met while we were trapped in the garage one night, we grew up together.

Shit, I may be in deeper than I thought.

"Tell that to the blonde." Amy speaks up, interrupting me from my thoughts.

"Blonde?" I find myself questioning.

Oh right, her.

Suddenly the nausea I've been trying to repress reamerges.

"Yeah, he was with this girl when I saw him."

"Oh well I'd love to meet this boy. Why don't we invite the two of them for dinner one ni-"

"No!" I interrupt Sylvia and all eyes go directed towards me. Everyone stills in their seats and I clear my throat, shrugging my shoulders and acting like I'm as cool as a cucumber.

"I mean... no, we really don't have to." I say in a more calm tone than before.

"Well don't you want to see him?" Sylvia asks me and I let out a defeated sigh.

"I have seen him... He's been staying at Jessica's."

Silence fills the air and I pick my fork back up, focusing my gaze back onto my plate in front of me.

"I see." Amy says after a few seconds.

"What?" I let out and she shrugs.

"Oh, nothing, I'm just slowly connecting the dots." She responds back to me and I scoff at her words.

"There are no dots to connect. Nothing happened."

Other than the fact that he took me in nearly every room in Jessica's house.

"Why don't we just change the subject?" Nora says and relief finally washes over me.

"Isabelle, you've barely touched your food." Sylvia points out as her focus shifts toward me.

"I'm aware."
"Take a few more bites, it's not good to go to bed hungry." Nora encourages and all the anger I've been trying to keep locked away quickly resurfaces.

"And since when do you care about that?" I snap and her body tenses as she looks up at me.

"I've always cared."

"I know you've suddenly just started to pretend to be a mother to me again, but let's not push our luck, alright?"

I see the hurt on her face flash in my eyes and before anyone decides to say another thing I stand up from the dinner table and walk back upstairs to the one place my troubles never seem to find me.

❀

I lie in bed, watching the end credits roll by to yet another romantic comedy that I felt the need to watch. I find that laughter helps lift my spirits, and the mint chocolate chip ice cream sitting in my lap is also a great benefactor as well.

I click out of the movie and start browsing Netflix for another one. Since being here I've stayed up most every single night watching movie after movie.

Now that I know what falling asleep in Mason's arms feels like, it's hard to sleep alone.

Just as I start to read the description of a sappy looking movie I found, there's a knock on my bedroom door.

I swallow the ice cream in my mouth and set the pint on my nightstand before walking over to open the door, and to my surprise, Nora is standing on the other side of it.

I'm speechless, this is the first night she's come to talk to me since I've been here. And to be honest, I liked it much better that way.

"I brought you your favorite." I look down at the Chunky Monkey ice cream in her hands, and back up at her.

"No offense, but I don't think ice cream is going to solve our problems."

"Which is exactly why I brought two." She jokes, bringing her arm out from behind her back to show me the second pint in her hands.

My heart wrenches at the thought of her using one of our old traditions. I can't count how many times I've dreamt of this exact moment to happen; her showing up outside my bedroom door with my favorite ice cream in hand. Months ago it would have been a dream come true.

And now all I want is for her to shove that ice cream up her a-

"What are you doing here?" I ask her, breaking myself out of my thoughts.

"Oh, are you not ready for this now or-"

"I mean, here here. Back home. Because you and I both know the reason isn't me." She pauses for a moment before opening her mouth but I interrupt, "Why, Nora? Why did you leave?"

I can already feel my voice getting a bit shaky and I hope to God that I'm strong enough to control my tears from falling.

"Isabelle-"

"Why did you leave me? You were the one person who was supposed to love me most in the world and you just left.... Was I not enough?"

Nora's face falls from my words. She takes a small step toward me, and I take one step back, trying to keep the gap between us.

"Of course you're enough, Isabelle-"

"Then why." I demand for an answer, but by the look on her face I can tell I'm not going to get one.

I wait for a few seconds, and all she does is stare into me.

"Right, no answer." I shake my head and give a short laugh, showing her how amusing this all is.

"Isabelle, I know that your forgiveness is one I'll have to work for, and I will. But please don't think that I left because I didn't love you, because it's the opposite."

I scoff at her words, no matter how hard I try to have a real conversation with her, lies are the only things she insists on giving me.

"You're telling me you actually left because you love me?"

"You may not understand now, but I hope you'll see differently in the future if you give me the chance-"

"Stop." I silence her. "You took everything from me when you left.. You ruined my future by stealing from me, your own child." She looks away from me, rolling her lips into her mouth as I go on, "I doubt I'll ever see that differently."

She nods her head, taking in my words.

"Oh and by the way, my favorite is mint chocolate chip now." I open my door a little wider so she's able to see it on my nightstand. "Amy got it for me a few days ago. Just thought you should know in case you decide to run off again."

I can see the hurt I'm causing her but I don't care.

She ruined me when she took everything- all my hopes and dreams and now she has the audacity to bring me ice cream to try and smooth things over.

"Isabelle, I-"

"Goodnight, Nora." I tell her, and close the door, stopping her from saying anything more to me.

I release the tears already at the brim of my eyes and turn around to lean my back against the door.

I tried to keep all of my feelings together, locked away and sealed shut but I can't do it anymore. Truth is, I can't escape the thought that no matter what I do it's just never good enough for the people around me.

If there's one thing I've learned throughout my eighteen years of life it's that people always leave.

So I slowly slide down to the floor, bring my legs up in front of my chest and bury my head in the gap between them, letting all my emotions run free.

A.N. 

Hello readers! So sorry I haven't been posting, I was on vacation with my family, but we just got back today! I might post another chapter later since I've been lagging.

But please let me know how you feel about it so far! 

There's still so much I have to write, I have a feeling this story is going to be a long one.

Don't forget to vote & comment,

       -yourunknownteen