I'm not crying 'cause you left me on my own

I'm not crying 'cause you left me with no warning

'm just crying 'cause I can't escape what could have been

Are you aware when you set me free?

All I can do is let my heart bleed.

❀

 I stab my fork deeper into the scrambled eggs I made myself for breakfast. Last night I stayed up trying to soften the sound of my cries, and it was all because of Mason.

He used me. And he did it just to prove his point.

I'm ashamed to admit that through the mess of last night, I found myself lying in bed waiting for him to come back to apologize and explain to me why he did it all. I felt even more stupid with each minute that passed, but I couldn't help myself.

I wanted it to hit him that he had made a mistake. I wanted him to come to his senses and crawl into my bed, holding me as the tears fell from my eyes.

But it was pointless.

That would never happen.

I know who Mason is and yet I still let myself be alone with him. I let every little thing about him overcome me in a matter of two days. I'm sure he's laughing now, finding the fact that he won yet again so amusing.

Even if it causes me pain.

I couldn't help but picture Mason's face as I jab the fork repeatedly into my food, taking my anger out on the plate in front of me.

"Woah, what'd those eggs ever do to you?" Jessica asks as she sits down on the stool beside me. I must have missed her coming in, I was too focused on stabbing Mason's head with a fork.

"You're back." I say, my voice as flat as ever as I turn towards her.

I'm envious that she probably had a great weekend with Shawn. And I could tell from the smile on her face that I was right. I, on the other hand, had the most confusing weekend of my life.

A part of me was afraid to tell Jessica everything that had happened while she was gone. I mean, where would I begin? I'm too ashamed of it all, that he got to me so easily.

"Don't sound too happy." Jessica says with a hint of sarcasm in her voice, and I feel a smile on my face already starting to appear.

It's good to have her back.

"You're not mad at me, are you?"

"Why would I be mad?" I question.

"You mean other than the fact that I left you alone with Mason for the weekend?" I break eye contact once she mentions his name. No matter how hard I try to forget about what happened, I can't.

Not only do I live with him, but I also live with his cousin. I'm too involved in his circle to stay away.

I am screwed.

"I know you guys don't have the best relationship. It must've been awkward as hell." She goes on and I just nod, trying to refrain myself from lying as much as possible.

I reach over to my water beside me and slowly bring it to my lips, taking a few sips.

"So," she continues, "which one of his whores did he bring over this time?" I swallow the water in my mouth too quickly and try to keep down a cough.

"Let me guess, Sofia? Or no, what's that other girl's name? The new girl? Emily?"

Normally this conversation between the two of us wouldn't make me feel so uncomfortable, but after what's happened between Mason and I, I can't help but feel that way. Hearing Jessica's words make me realize what a mistake I have made. What was I thinking? That things would change between us? I should know better.

I know the type of guy that Mason is, he's the guy who always does what he wants without concern for anyone else. He's the guy who brings home random girls for a good time, just to forget about them a few hours later and never talk to them again.

I told myself that after what happened in the garage that that would be it. But there I go, making the same mistake again. At first I thought I was so different from those other girls, but now I see that we're all the same.

"Uh," I begin, "I'm not sure, I was mainly with Aiden." I lie, hoping she wouldn't see right through me.

"Ah, seems like we both had a good weekend." Her smile widens at my words and I nod, taking another sip of my water before putting it down.

"So, how about we do something today? Just the two of us, I've missed you." She says, I can see the excitement in her eyes and I smile.

A part of me hates the way I feel like she has to take care of me. But I just have to remind myself that she's my best friend, and she's only doing her job.

I want more than anything to get out of this house and get my mind off of him. As always, he's not home and the last thing I want to do is sit in my room all day over analyzing everything that's happened.

"What'd you have in mind?"

❀

Thirty minutes later we found ourselves at the mall, and to be honest it's exactly what I needed. We go through almost every store, and Jessica being Jessica, is quick to buy everything she sets her eyes on.

A few hours after we arrive we're both carrying numerous shopping bags on each arm, trying to hold ourselves together. I could feel the plastic start to dig into my skin and I groan, trying to adjust the straps that rest along my arms.

"Where to next?" I find myself asking and Jessica looks around the busy mall, eyes scanning each one of the store labels to try and find the one she wants. I watch her eyes stop at the bright pink sign ahead of us.

"How about Victoria's Secret?" She asks me and I nod, I follow her into the store and am greeted by two employees dressed in all black.

"Welcome in, let me know if you need anything." One of them says and I flash a smile before thanking her.

I have to admit, I've always found this store a tad bit intimidating. I mean not only is everything in this store crazy expensive, but it's also crazy sexy. I do get my bras and underwear here but all of the matching lingerie sets and bodysuits is just too much.

I'm not saying I would never wear them, it's just I've never had a reason to.

I walk over to the stand filled with lingerie and my eyes look over every single one of them. I reach over and grab a black lingerie set embroidered in lace. Almost every inch of it was see-through besides the parts that really needed coverage.

My fingers trace along the fabric and for some reason I find myself thinking of Mason. How he would react to seeing me in this, what he would do, all of it. I blink back the thoughts and force him out of my head when I hear Jessica's voice beside me.

"You like it?" She asks, and I nod. "Get it." She encourages and I turn it around to see the tag.

My eyes widen at the price and I quickly set it down.

"I think I'll just look at the underwear, I was thinking of getting more anyways." I tell her, and walk over to the next table that was filled with rows of thongs.

There were thongs in pretty much every color, but the only color I found myself wanting was black.

❀

I take another bite of the pretzel in my hand and cherish the salty taste. After another hour of shopping Jessica and I decided to grab a snack. And of course, we went straight toward the salted pretzels.

Our bags lay scattered all around us as I watched Jessica take one last bite, finishing her pretzel before licking the salt off her fingers.

"I got you something." She beamed towards me, and I cock my brows up in surprise. Before I have time to ask what it is, she leans down to pick up a bag, and gently places it on the table in front of me. I look over at her and then at the small pink bag sitting right in front of me.

I didn't have to open it to already know what it was.

I slip her a stern look and she simply smiles. I always feel guilty when people buy me things, especially when they're so expensive. And this, I knew was just that. My eyes practically fell out of my head when I saw the price tag.

"Jess..." my voice trailed off as I reached over and grabbed the bag. I took out the pink tissue paper and there it was, the lingerie set I was looking at earlier.

To my surprise that wasn't the only thing in the bag, there were also a pair of stockings and a garter belt to match.

"You didn't have to do this." I say to her, placing the tissue paper back neatly into the bag.

"I wanted to. I mean you said it yourself that your having trouble getting Aiden to fuck you and if this doesn't do it, I don't know what will." She answers honestly and a small laugh escapes my lips, my first laugh of the day.

"I thought you didn't like picking out other peoples sex clothes." I say to her, thinking back to the time Natalie asked us to help pick hers out.

Natalie would always want us to pick out what looked best on her, and every time Jessica would refuse saying it makes her too uncomfortable. I never really believed it, but I didn't question it either.

"No, I just didn't like picking out those clothes knowing damn well they'd be used on Tristian. I couldn't have been the only one who got a bad feeling from that guy. He was a dick from the start."

I keep my mouth closed and just nod at her words. I feel a little weird talking about Tristian and Natalie knowing how they ended. It just wasn't my place to speak on their relationship, at least not anymore.

I plopped the last piece of my pretzel into my mouth and took a few more sips of the strawberry lemonade drink that I ordered. The pretzels aftertaste wasn't the best and I needed something to wash it down.

"But," Jessica continued, "Aiden is perfect for you. I see the way he looks at you Elle, it's like you're the only one in the room. He's actually good to you, and after everything you've been put through lately, you deserve it."

I know she's only trying to be supportive of us, but her words send a pang of guilt through my heart. She's right, Aiden is everything I need. With him everything has always been easy- simple to say the least, but for some reason I'm starting to think it may not be enough.

I look back at Jessica and give her a smile, "Thank you."

Even though I doubt Aiden would ever want to see me in something so revealing, it's the gesture that counts.

She returned the smile, and placed all her trash back into her bag before standing up from the table.

"Are you ready to head back? I have to pick something up from Corey's on the way."

"Coreys?" I question.

"Yeah, Shawn and I were there two nights ago and I left my bag." I stand up from my seat and we both throw our trash away, and head towards the mall exit.

She looked back at me and spoke once more.

"It'll be quick, I promise."

❀

Jessica parked her car right in front of Corey and Alec's house. Until today, I didn't even know they lived together. Sometimes I forget that they're a couple years older than us. I remember when they were in high school and we'd always see them at the parties we would go to.

I figure that's how Jess knows them so well. She's gone to more parties than me over the years, and I know they've gone to a few together. Jessica was always friends with the older crowd, she blended right in with them. With her parents away she practically had the same independence as an adult would. She could do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted.

And I, of course, always tagged along.

"You coming in? I'll just be a couple minutes." She asks me, and I turn my head away from the window to face her.

"Yeah, sure." She took the key out of the ignition and we both got out.

The outside breeze catches me by surprise and I hug my jacket tighter around me. Time must've slipped our minds as we shopped because it was nowhere near this dark when we started.

I follow Jessica up the trail to their house, and before I have time to knock, Jessica opens the front door. She steps inside and looks back over to me, waiting for me to do the same.

I follow, and she closes the door behind me. I can smell the cigarette smoke from the door and make a mental note to breathe out of my mouth.

Their place was everything I imagined it to be, there were liquor bottles everywhere, a hookah pipe resting on the dining room table, and this odd smell I couldn't quite make out.

And I thought I was living in a frat.

I walk behind Jessica, following her into their living room.

"Corey, what the fuck I've been texting you for the past twenty minutes." She says as she stands over him while he and Alec play some random video game.

They both tune her out, looking way more interested in their game than her. She scoffs and bends down, placing her hand over Corey's controller and he stops, finally looking away from the tv.

"My bad." He says, while Alec continues to play.

I smile at the both of them being so into their game, I've never understood how guys can be so obsessed with them when all they do is kill each other over and over.

"Where's my bag?" She repeats and he stands up from the couch after pausing the game. Alec sighs once he sees the game paused and sets his controller onto the coffee table in front of them.

The two of them go off to help find her bag, and after a minute of silence Alec speaks up.

"Want a drink? Help yourself." He says, giving me a smile. I hear a voice answer behind me before I get the chance too.

"She's good." I hear and my stomach tightens. I know that voice, the voice I've been trying to get out of my head all day.

I turn my body around and see Mason, the boy I've been trying to hide from, looking at nothing other than me.

I quickly turn back around and plop myself onto the couch right next to Alec. I hear Mason huff behind me as he takes a few steps closer to us.

"Isabelle, we need to talk." He says and for the first time today I look up, straight into his blazing green eyes.

"I don't think we do, actually." I say, and I watch as his jaw tenses from my words.

"Yes we do. Now we can either do it outside, or we can do it here." He responds. I try to find any emotion in his eyes that would tell me he's joking but I struggle to find one.

I bite my lip as I try to think of a way out of this. Here he is backing me into a corner like he always does. I look back at Alec who seems to be confused, watching everything happening in front of him.

"If you prefer to do it here..." He trails off and I stand up from the couch.

I don't want Alec getting any ideas, so it seems I have no choice. Besides, Jessica told me she'd only be a minute so I'm hoping she quickly pulls me out of this situation I'm about to get myself in.

I march right outside, not bothering to hold open the front door behind me.

Once I'm a couple feet away from the house, I turn back around and see him standing right behind me.

Everything he does draws me to him, even him standing here in front of me makes me feel things I shouldn't be feeling. I hate how he has this much power over me and my emotions, and I hate how much he uses it against me.

I need to focus on the anger I feel towards him, anger is good. It'll drive me further away which is what I need. I will no longer be his puppet.

"I'm here, I did what you wanted. So talk." I motion towards him and can already feel my voice getting louder.

"Why are you here? Is this because of what I said yesterday?" He asks me and I stand there completely dumbfounded.

"Do you really think everything I do is because of you?" I watch him think about the question I just asked and I roll my eyes at him, taking a step further away.

"So I take it you're still angry with me." He responds. His voice unsteady as if he's trying to understand me.

"Of course I'm angry with you Mason!" I shout, "You used me, because that's what you do. You use people to prove a point and fulfil your own selfish desires." He scoffs at my words and takes a step towards me.

"Last I checked you were the one who said I wasn't worth it first. I was simply showing you that you're wrong." I look into his eyes and see that they show no remorse.

Arguing with him was pointless, he never sees in his wrongdoings. We could be going at it for hours and it would be a waste of breath.

"You didn't have to use sex to try and manipulate me." I say, my voice raising even higher.

"We didn't have sex, but I admit, that could have been another way to prove my point. I'll remember that next time." He spat and my mouth flew open.

"There won't be a next time." I snap, and he cocks his head to the side as if he was about to call bullshit.

"Oh, really?" He questions and I can feel my face redden with anger while my hands start to shake in outrage.

Every perfect image I saw of him evaporated out of my mind. He isn't capable of anything good, it was a news flash I needed to happen.

"We're done here." I said, my voice softer than before as I turned around and walked towards Jessica's car.

"Yeah, fine, walk away! I'm sure you'll be back in my bed the moment I say the words." I stop in my tracks and turn back to him.

"What did you just say to me?" I ask him. Is that what he really thinks of me? Like I am every single girl he's been with?

I walk over to him and shove his chest as hard as I can with my hands. My forceful actions do nothing to him; his feet stay planted on the ground below us but that doesn't stop me from trying to knock him down.

"Fuck you, Mason!" I yell as I try and push him once more.

"Guys, guys! What the fuck, man." Jessica says as she walks over to us. I wipe the stray hair that rested above my forehead and put my hands off him.

"Fuck, I can't leave you two alone for two minutes without you putting your hands all over each other."

Oh, the irony.

I hear Mason mutter something under his breath that I can't make out.

"Come on Elle, let's go home." She says as she tugs on my jacket to lead the way towards her car.

My eyes linger on Masons for a moment, staring at the man in front of me I don't even recognize anymore, before I turn my back to him and walk away.

"You know, one of these days you and him are going to actually have to get along." She says as she turns her head towards me. I sigh at her words and continue to look straight ahead, tring to simmer down the anger inside of me.

"Yeah, well today isn't one of those days."

A.N

I've decided to add music in some of the chapters! There's a ton of songs that remind me of Mason and Isabelle, and if anyone has any just lmk so I can post it in my chapter and tag you :)

Thank you to everyone who has been reading, commenting and voting on my story! In 16 days I've gotten 19k more reads! I can't believe it.

Thank you, thank you,

yourunknownteen