Katherine's POV

To say i got much sleep last night would be a lie, i couldn't sleep , many thoughts were roaming inside my mind , about Caleb , about Ashton and mostly about TODAY,

I've been avoiding this day since ever, last year in this exact day i tried my best to not think, to escape, to free and distract myself. But i can't do this anymore, not this year,not today especially not when i am here , when i am so close.

A car horn voice knocked me out of my thoughts making me jump in my seat , that is when i noticed that the traffic lights had changed to green and i was still in my place , i directly drove away before someone would get out of the cars behind me and kick my ass for not moving.

I burrowed Cara's car and some clothes today because i wanted to head directly to the company without passing by the Hotel first. I don't know why but i don't want to be with Ashton alone , at least not today.

After 15 minutes i arrived, i went directly toward my desk trying my best to avoid talking to anyone , don't misunderstand me,  i am not rude it is just i am not in the mood today.

The whole day i tried my best to stay in my desk, i barely talked with Ashton, i just went to his office to hand him some files but then ended up giving him the wrong ones , after that i gave him some important documents to sign but then i noticed they are not important actually they are not the documents needed, not to mention also in the meenting i spilled coffee all over the papers , i seriously wasnt able to hold it anymore so i excused myself and went away.

My mind wasnt functioning normally today , i wasn't able to concentrate or even do my normal tasks without messing up , the weird thing is that Ashton didnt complain or even shout at me for doing everything wrongly , he would just give me that irritated expression then tell me to do it again .

I couldn't help but also notice that how he was different today too, he wasnt able to concentrate and work normally , i would call his name over and over until he notice my presence , he would zoon out a lot , and his face looked pale and pinched , his eyes looked tired like he hadn't sleeped in days.

'Why i am caring anyway ?' i whispered to myself then looked at my reflection in the mirror, i look like shît , my hair is messed up , i tried to fix it by my hands but failed misearbly , i looked closer at my face , the face that i don't even recognize anymore, it is pale,drained of color, getting skinnier because of the lack of food , i am barely eating a meal per day, and now not to mention my eyes, they lost their sparkle, they lost the innocense they once held , all what i want is just to close them and never open them again.

I am tired , the kind of tired that sleep cant fix..

I went back to my desk hoping that this day will just end with no other problems , but damn how wrong i was.

Suddenly i felt a presence beside me , i looked up to meet with Ashton's worried face

"Are you okay ?" he asked after a while.

I just nodded and mumbled a low 'yeah' , then tried to go back to the papers in front of me, trying to look busy.

"Are you sure ?" he asked again and i couldnt make myself utter a word , it is like i was afraid if i opened my mouth i would just break down.

When i didnt say anything and kept looking down , he held my chin and lifted up so i can face him, his touch sended shivers down my spine , it was cold but the moment his hand made contact with my skin , i felt a sudden warmth building inside me .

"Katherine, what is wrong ?" he asked oblivious to the effect his touch had on my skin.

"I-i am o-okay." I stuttered unable to talk normally due to his touch and closiness.

"No you are not , you werent able to concentrate on anything since the morning ,it is like you are here but your mind is somewhere else, shit you cant even say two words without your voice cracking." he said his eyes boring into mine, as if he can read what i am thinking now.

I was trying to keep my eyes opened, afraid that if i blinked, tears will escape exposing my weakness in front of him.

"You can leave and rest if you want, it is okay , i understand." he said looking at me as if he can read the pain in my eyes, as if he understand what i am passing through.

But hell he doesnt , he have no idea about the amount of pain i am feeling daily , about the amount of tears i shed just beacuse of him,and most importantly, he have no idea how much i am fighting every moment the urge to end my life, to kill myself to erase this pain forever, the pain that he had caused.

Thinking of all this made me feel disgusted by his touch , gone all the warmth it gave me moments ago , i flinched away and stood up trying to make a distance between us.

"Can i leave ?" i asked with a blank tone wearing a blank face hiding my weakness behind this façade.

He nodded noticing my sudden coldness.

"Just be careful" he said before walking aside giving me space to move.

"Thank you." I said before storming away.

Starting the engine , one though was roaming in my mind , one scene was replying in my head , one question was repeating itself over and over..

Should i go ?

Am I ready ?

Pictures of every thing happened two years ago flashed in my mind , i closed my eyes in anticipation , taking in every single detail of all these flashbacks, sudden warmness filled my body .

I opened my eyes determination filling them , and without any second thoughs i drove toward my destination.

I slowed down when i saw the sign i was waiting for , "The Central Cemetary Of Columbia" , each single letter written was like a needle piercing inside my heart, fear rushed inside me making my heart beat faster that i was just able to hear its accelerated beating echoing in the car.

But if i didnt face my fears, i will never be able to overcome them , i was hiding for two years already , i should stop escaping and for once have the courage and stop running away.

Parking the car , i gathered all the courage inside me and walked toward the entrance gate holding the flowers tightly, taking a deep breath i went inside directly toward the one place i was avoiding for the last two years , even though i was here just once before , i memorized it by heart.

It is weird how close to me he is now but yet so far away.

"In the memory of Chase Handerson;
Beloved Son,brother, friend and boyfriend.
Died on January,15,2013." The Big lettered sentence caught my attention, i knelt down infront of it, my legs unable to hold my wieght anymore, i ran my fingers around his name swallowing the lump forming in my throat.

"Though absent you are always near, still loved, still missed and very dear." the quote was written at the end of the gravestone , reading it i wasnt able to hold the sob that escaped my lips.

Still loved..

Still missed..

It was so true , i missed him so much , missed his smile ,laugh, his eyes , his touch ..

Everything , i missed everything about him.

I started crying again unable to hold it anymore , my vision blurred from from all the tears forming in my eyes, so i just closed them making all the tears escape maybe they will take the pain away with them.

"You know i cant stand seeing you crying, please dont cry , please pumpkin !"

Chase voice echoed in my head ,his pained face when he used to see me crying,  he would always tell me how he cant see me crying and he would directly wipe them away.

But he is not here now ,he is not here to wipe them away..

I opened my eyes and tried to wipe all the tears away , i held them back becasue i am not here to cry.

"Okay okay i will stop crying , i didnt came here to cry.." I said forcing a smile "..it is just , i-it is just" I shook my head unable
to form a sentance "It is just i am sick of pretending that i am okay , i am sick of forcing myself to smile in front of everyone , i am sick
of telling them that i moved on, becasue i am not , i am not Chase, i am not okay." I paused taking a deep breath " I am weak , i am so weak without
you beside me ; in this same day two years ago you left me, you left without saying goodbye and it hurt so much and it still hurts that same much.."

"I was fooling myself saying that one day i'll stop missing you , that i will stop thinking about you.." My voice cracked and i tried my best to hold my tears.

"But Do you know what i realized after all this time ?" i asked as if i was waiting for him to answer. "I realized that death Changes everything ,
but time changes nothing , beacause i still miss the sound of your voice, the warmth of your touch and just being in your presence. So No, time
changes nothing, I miss you as much today as I did the day you died.." I couldnt help it anymore so i let my tears free. "I just miss you." I said between tears my voice shaking.

"I though if i will destroy Ashton i will be able to move on ,i'll be able to be happy again, but no ,no, i-i am just adding salt to the wound , because Revenge will get me nothing , destroying Ashton wont bring you back,Even killing him wont bring you. You are gone , and i have to accept that , i have to stop looking back and for once look in front of me and move on , but how i'll do that when i am still holding the rope tightly, the rope that is pushing me backword , so i have.." I stopped gathering the courage to say the next sentence " I have to let you go."

" And to do that, i should quit the whole revenge plan , i will stop working for Ashton , i'll remove him from my life for good and i'll let Karma does its job , because i am sure he will pay , one day he wil pay for what he did , but it shouldnt be me the one who is gonna make him pay because  i am turning into a heartless cold person , i mean how i am going to destroy a monster without becoming a one , and i dont want to be a one , i want to stay the same innocent sweet katherine that you fell in love with."

A weak smile made its way to my lips " I remember telling Caleb that the girl you loved is gone, but no she is not gone , she is still here inside me foolishly waiting for you, waiting for you as if you gonna come back one day, waiting maybe this all is just a nightmare and i'll wake up to find you beside me wrapping me in your embrace." I let out a pained laugh.

"But the ugly truth is that you are not coming back , and this is not a dream that i will wake up from one day, this is the truth, this is the cruel world that we call LIFE."

"I wish i can see you just for a minute, so i would stare at your warm blue eyes and get lost in them, then i will tell you how much i love you and i would apologize for hurting you, apologize for not giving you a chance the moment i saw you , at least i would've stayed with you longer, i would've hugged you and kissed you more... I regret not doing all this , i regret pushing you away , but do you know what i regret the most , i regret not going with you in the car that day , at least we would've died together because i was never ready for you to go and i will never be ready.." 

Drops of water touched my skin , i looked up to see the sky getting more and more cloudy , it didnt take long until it started raining heavily , that i wasnt able to recognize if what is on my cheeks is rain or tears.

The rain was getting heavier and the wind was blowing hard that it made my scarf fly away , i tried to catch but it flied away that i wasnt able to see it anymore.

So i think i should leave now before the weather get worst.

I looked at the grave one more time ,then closed my eyes and imagined Chase's face , a smile made its way to my lips and i whispered the only thing in my mind "I love you Chase, always did, and always will."

I opened my eyes and went away toward the car before i catch a cold , but i cant deny how good it felt to come here, to say what is in my mind , to cry without being afraid that someone will see me , to show my weakness and not pretend to be strong, that i didnt hide this time , that i faced my fears..

I felt good , so good..

I was heading toward the car when suddenly i saw another black car parking away from here, then a tall man get down but i wasnt able to see his face clearly because of the heavy rain , he started walking closer toward the gate and then it hit me that i am here alone in the middle of nowhere , i get really scared so i went beside the near wall and hided, well don't blame me, what if he is a serial killer or a rapist.

Oh my god just the thought made me shiver !

It wasnt hard to hide beside the small wall beacuse of my slim figure , but i was still afraid ,that my body started shaking when i saw him getting closer but he was totally oblivious to my presence.

He passed just beside me ,my eyes widened ,and suddenly i forgot how to breath , i held my chest afraid that my heart will pop out any second.

This cant be happining right ? I am imagining right ?

Dont worry , he didnt see me , but it is the total opposite because i saw him , i saw his face clearly ,i know him , off course i do know him , it was..

It was Ashton..

I felt i may pass out any second , my legs started shaking , and if it wasnt for the wall i would've fell any moment now.

What is he doing here ?

I looked again to see him walk inside the cemetery, then he went toward that exact grave i was sitting beside moments ago, he knelt down in the same way i did.

No ,No this is not happening..

I am so confused , why Ashton would come to Chase's grave , why?

I dont know what or even how to think anymore, i stepped closer to have a better view of his face , but i wasnt able to see anything because of the rain , he was sitting beside the grave , but why ? why he came ?

My clothes were soaked with water , My lip was trembling from the coldness , My body shivering , I was still standing for 20 minutes watching Ashton, confussion and curiousity killing me, i couldnt take it anymore so i made my way toward him but then I realized that i don't know what would i say so i stopped midway and just went back inside my car , started the engine and went toward the hotel.

I went inside the suite, i didnt even bother to change my wet clothes or dry myself , i just sat on the couch waiting for Ashton to come , because i need an explanation , i dont care what is going to happen , i dont care if he would even hit me or even kill me , i am going to tell him, i am going to ask him , i need answers ; Heck i deserve answers !

Time was passing so slowly , and i am not able to contain my anger anymore , where the hell is he ? It is fuckîn passed midnight now.

I started pacing inside the room trying to calm myself , trying at least to think what i am going to ask him exactly.

How about ' Hey i am Chase's girlfriend ,you know the guy you killed , so yeah what were you doing at his grave today ? And by the way i am working for you so i can just take my revenge yeah.. '

I ran my hand in my hair frustrated , i checked the time again , it is 2:00 after midnight , where is he ? Should i call him ?

A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts making me ran toward the door , opening it , Ashton was leaning on the door's frame , he looked terrible ,his shirt unbuttoned ,his hair messy , his eyes red,and bruises covering his face.

He looked at me and then smiled "Katherine !" He exclaimed before start coughing.

What the hell happened to him ?

"Ashton ! What happened ? " I asked him in panic , he looked like someone had beaten him up.

He just smiled and then started coughing before he lost his balance and stumbled forward , i dont know how but i managed to caught him before falling on the ground, once his body collided with mine, liquor smell hit my nose.

"Are you drunk ?" I asked surprised.

"I d-don't know , am I ?" He said mockingly.

HE is definitly drunk...

Way to go with getting my answers , way to go...

He kept on coughing , i think it is because of the alcohol.

I tried to lead him toward the couch , but he was so heavy, so i stumbled on my way and almost fell.

Finally , i tried to push him toward the couch , he directly leaned backword placing his head on the armrest ,his eyes were closed but he was mummbling uncoherent words that i wasnt able to point out.

But then he said something , it rang in my ears with so much intensity that i wished i was deaf, it felt like freezing water was poured over my face,my breath hitched and my heart skipped a beat.

"I killed him.. I killed Chase..I killed him.."

__________________________________________

It was a sad chapter , right ?

It is just i was depressed while writing it so I reflected my feelings 🙄😕

So any way hope you liked it , and i hope you are not getting bored from the story yet and excuse my grammatical , spelling , and all types of other errors.

So why you think Ashton went to the cemetery?  *evil laugh* 😂

Btw the story is now #52 in Romance ❤️ That is so cool !

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My love❤️