You know, I really wish that my feelings were validated for once. It seems like people in my real life just love to tell me that they really don't care about my opinion or what I want to do and call it bullshit, and that they're sick of me acting like I'm so hard done by. I have a good life, I will admit, a quite average one, but depression and social anxiety don't exactly discriminate nor does it care if you have an awesome good or average life. It's something that unfortunately reoccurs, is a long term thing and is one hell of a thing to go through, especially when it stops you from doing and even saying what you really want to, or from not enjoying the things you used to as much.

Yes there are people who have it a hell of a lot worse than I do, but I'd fucking appreciate support when I truly need it or want it, i'd like for you to not fucking tell at me when I mention my self harm and I'd really, really fucking appreciate it if you stopped telling me to just get over it like it's that fuckin simple. The one thing I want help with I feel like I have none whatsoever because of the words that come spilling out of there mouths every time I bring it up because 'they've seen worse' or 'they've been through worse' or 'you have no reason to feel the way you do'

I already know I shouldn't be feeling like this, so why am I? Why have I lately felt like relapsing again huh? Why have I felt like the only way you'll acknowledge how I felt is if I fucking died? You want me to go through Uni, you want me to make something of myself, but I'm not entirely sure University is the right way to go right now. Maybe I should get a job and learn to drive. I actually want to get a job to be fucking honest, but then someone just scoffs in my fucking face and says 'nah I don't reckon you can' basically, so thanks for the vote of fucking confidence.

I can't tell anyone how I feel in my real life anymore, because I can't, I physically can't, because I'll just be shut down and it'll be forgotten or called 'bullshit', and they still wonder why I don't open up to them. I really should fucking tell them, but I know they'll just deny it all and I hate that. I need to get out. I need to leave. I can't do this anymore. If no one's going to try to help me here, I'm not going to want to help myself. I'm already getting worse, and it's getting to the point where updating stories is becoming rarer and I'm not quite enjoying it as much...